Wonkette
It’s the 36th anniversary of the famous abortion decision, “Roe v. Wade.” Happy, uh, birthday, to, uhm, the legal ruling! Yes, happy birthday to this thing, which has been the dominant American political issue since we lost the Vietnam War. Honestly, this fucking country ….
Way back in 1970, a woman using the utterly predictable alias of “Jane Roe” (actually teevee’s Laura Dern) was the mysterious human behind a class-action lawsuit against the anti-abortion laws of Evil Texas. Somehow, this ended up in the Supreme Court, here in Washington, and next thing you know, three years later, the liberal Nixon Court made free & easy abortions the Law of the Land.
While conservatives hoped this would lead to the abortion of black children, in reality it was rich white people who stopped having twenty kids. (This may or may not have anything to do with Roe v. Wade.) Next thing you know, the public schools had become Mexican Madrassas. People are still having protests, though admittedly much less often and to absolutely no media attention, unlike in, say, the mid 1980s, when this stuff was insane.
Ha, for journalistic reasons, your editor once met up with wingnuts in a parking lot somewhere, before dawn, and then we cold invaded some office-park stucco medical office somewhere, and packed the upstairs hallway for several hours, just singing hymns and generally going nuts, and maybe prevented some girl from getting to the office and KILLING A FETUS, or maybe she just had an ob-gyn appointment but couldn’t see the doctor and later tragically died of cervical cancer, who knows, and then the sheriff’s deputies showed up and started dragging these christian idiots down the stairs, and they got to your editor, who was all, “Press, ha ha!”, and the wingnuts started SCREAMING at your editor and actually doing that “Satan, get behind me” line, which was ridiculous.
Today, the controversy over abortions continues. Pro-life supporters at Calvary Chapel in Santa Maria marked the anniversary with a display of tiny crosses.
“They represent 1.2 million abortions that took place last year in the United States,” Jon Lindgren of Calvary Chapel explained.
Jesus fucking christ. First off, if there aren’t 1.2 million toothpick crosses at this church, then these people are slackers and not very serious about honoring the feti. Secondly, do they want these little ghost babies to be crucified? Have they not suffered enough, these tiny, possibly malformed ghostlings?
Both sides of abortion debate mark anniversary of Roe v. Wade [KSBY TV]
I approve of this picture/alt-text.
I never understood that “Satan get behind me” thing. If it were me I’d want Satan somewhere in front of me so I can keep an eye on him. Besides, do you really want to be ahead of Satan for anything he’s waiting in line for? This is a guy who decorates with fire and entrails, I think you might be better off leaving Satan out of it and heading over to Ikea.
Oh man, that thing made me regret watching that movie. I get it, Lynch, you are scared about fatherhood… geesh.
Also, I’d still like to know how the anti-abortion protesters plan to care and provide for all of those unwanted children. Oh, what’s that, silence? Yeah.
i can’t believe people are still going on about this. just wait until gay aborted babies will want the right to marry. that will be the true revolution!
What is that thing in the picture, and what’s it from?
vintageways: Thanks for making me look at the alt-text. Made me smile.
Sussemilch:
How’s Satan going to give you anal sex from in front? Sheesh, think about it, Sussemilch.
You silly liberals will regret not imposing mandatory abortions in cases of rape or retardation when you had the chance under the noted socialist Bill J. Clinton, when Trig Palin is appointed as US Senator from Alaska in 30 years.
Well if the filthy sinful liberals would just stop having sex when they don’t want to have babies, we wouldn’t have this problem. They should just learn to control themselves like the people who live in the Jesus-y parts of the country, like Alask…wait, like the priests in the Catholic Chur…oh hell. Abortions for everyone!
Apropos the image, I support legislation mandating that all abortions be fully dressed in appropriate funereal garments; suit, tie, dress, the works, before being disposed of. That would add an touch of class to the whole thing, dontcha think?
Godot:
Eraserhead it’s the baby.
it looks like the eraserhead baby, but photoshopped onto a suit? unless that’s some dream scene from the movie I can’t rememeber. i haven’t seen it in ages.
Great, Ken. I had just gotten over ‘Eraserhead’ and you had to remind me.
In celebration of this event, I will have unprotected sex with 36 women tonight.
What should we do for Roe v. Wade’s birthday?
Get it laid?
I-tunes gift card?
Barry Obama action figure??
Is this why there are thousands of annoying white high school kids crowding the metro yesterday and today?
Sussemilch: I was at a restaurant in the South with my grandfather once and when the waitress came around with the dessert cart, he said “Get thee behind me, Satan!”
She didn’t laugh.
The national bird of Heaven is the Ostrich? I would have never suspected that. My bet would have been the Cardinal, on account of… well, it’s obvious enough.
Godot: it’s the love child of calista flockhart and harrison ford.
Hey! Where are the “get one free abortion” birthday party favors?
Feti are a fantastic source of protein–low in calories, too.
anyone just see the rods conference? he is batshit insane
Min: Abortions for everyone!
“I’m Mr. TruckNutz, and I approve this ad.”
First off, if there aren’t 1.2 million toothpick crosses at this church, then these people are slackers and not very serious about honoring the feti.
I agree. And then they ought to have one billion more for every time a guy wanks.
It is surely uncouth to question the veracity of Mr. Layne’s anecdote, but as goes the economy, so doth goeth couth.
Did you really get embedded with the christian soldiers in that story? Fur Realz? Or are you just trying to pick up chicks?
Every time I get into the abortion fight with some nutty X-tian, I always wait for the adoption argument. They eventually get there.
Then I ask them to compare adoption rates with abortion rates (hint: 10-1 ratio) and ask them what will happen to all those precious babies, for realz.
They never, ever have an answer.
Pwned.
I hate when they leave those little crosses out, cuz then I end up stepping on the goddamned things in my bare feet in the middle of the night when I just want to get a soda out of the goddamned fridge and not bleed from the foot in the middle of the GODDAMNED NIGHT! PICK UP YOUR CROSSES!
I remember when Operation Rescue came to Minneapolis and stated protesting in front of a clinic in my old neighborhood. As I was pedaling by the dumb shits I summed my thoughts and broadcast them with a mighty single fingered salute. Mom would be proud. A very young cop flagged me over and threatened to throw me jail for trying to incite a riot or something. The riot or jail didn’t happen.
I think that the right thing for Kerri Richey to do is to turn herself in pronto to her local jail for murdering her own child.
The little crosses are for crucifying those horrid plastic fetuses they sent out last year.
The worm-baby’s name was Garmonbozia. Really.
i’m just waiting for the “freshly aborted baby cookies” from the now infamous nyc baker. um, i’ll take a baker’s dozen. how many little lives will that cost? oh, two for one? make that two dozen!! score!
Whenever the protestors show-up at a clinic or march, I believe the state should round-up all the kids in foster care and make the protestors take the unwanted kids home and care for them. It will shut the protestors up and give them something productive to do.
shortsshortsshorts: Warning: too much sexytime has been known to cause blindness, redness, scabies, babies, rabies, death, and fatigue. They told me so at church. And they NEVER lie.
on Politico Boner..err Boehner wants to know:
“How can you spend hundreds of millions of dollars on contraceptives?” Boehner asked. “How does that stimulate the economy?”
Besides the obvious hilarity ensuing from name play here the question I have on my mind is HOW exactly does a man this stupid remember how to breathe?
Let’s see if I can explain very simply for you John..
Long term economic bonus: Fewer teens getting pregnant = More teens and their partners staying in school. Better educated workforce = more money flowing into the economy in the long run.
Fewer hospitals having to spend federal funding on pregnant teens or the poor. Fewer women in poverty and able to enter the general workforce = more dollars spent in the economy and fewer families needing federal assistance.
And these are just the ones my 8 year old came up with off the top of his head.
I am sure by now even your peanut brain can come up with a few more, John. Have at it.
Rainman counted those toothpicks. There are definitely not 1.2 million. Definitely.
I’m still the head of my local chapter of Adoptees for Abortion Rights. I often wish I were not here to take on that cause.
Haha, last year about this time, the wingnuttier of the Catholics in my town convinced the pastor to let them build a little fetus graveyard on the lawn of the church (hundreds of little white crosses), which I got to drive by and enjoy each time I picked my kids up or dropped them off at school.
This year the pastor said, “Eh, no thanks. I’m not crazy about inviting all that vandalism again,” so the head wingnut of the group puts the lil’ graveyard on his front lawn, which I get to drive by to and from work each day instead, offering me more affirmation I made the right decision many years ago when I decided to no longer profess the faith.
I thought it would b Happy UN-Birthday!
So I can get a free donut from Krispy Kreme today too, right?
“How can you spend hundreds of millions of dollars on contraceptives?” Boehner asked. “How does that stimulate the economy?”
Dude, safer sex means more sex which means more safer sex, which means more condom sales.
In fact, if we gave awaty condoms in high school we could solve the energy crisis by hooking up electromagnets to the bed coils at the local Super 8 Motel.
Mmm, raspberry jelly donuts….
Snarkfest: Great. Republican opposition to all legislation is now based on the rhetorical question “how will that stimulate the economy” and/or support for torture. Their exit from the wilderness will be long delayed, how sad.
Adoption, hell. I wouldn’t turn a baby over to these religious fiends. In fact, I don’t think they should even be allowed to raise their own spawn. It’s well known that a religious upbringing warps your sex life forever, turning out another generation of Republican bathroom-shuffling perverts. Send
‘em all to socialist kibbutzim and bring ‘em all up to love their Mother Earth, and in 20 years, eco-freaks will take over the world and foie gras will join Gilgamesh in the mythological dustbin.
Utilizing the “get behind me satan” position during sex is how to prevent unwanted pregnancy. They’re not protesting abortion- they just want more buttsecks.
actor212: Harnessing sex to generate energy is a genius idea. It could even be used as leverage for those poor bastards who their wives see as sickening: “Look, you want your hot showers this month?”
assistant/atlas: Secks was so much better before the “AIDS” thing. Goddamnit. I miss the 60’s, even though I’m 25.
I got an abortion just to get the free Krispy Kream donut of choice. It was delicious.
You know, just to play devil’s advocate here, I must confess to being just a little glad that I’m over 36. I just squeaked in under the wire…so to speak…I know. I’m done.
shortsshortsshorts: If you’re only 25 you have the chance to make your own sixties. 25? Just fuck you.
I’m celebrating today by aborting every single sperm in the load I shot while looking at that picture. Mwrar!
BITTER OLDS: If its any consolation, I have no money.
Ah, my kind of day. I only wish I was pregnant so I could have a celebratory abortion.
Regarding all this talk about the great Satan, I read recently that he had a 23-inch weiner, which featured spikes and stuff. So I wouldn’t be surprised if he could somehow finagle sexytime from the front.
I’m celebrating this Bless’d holiday the ol’ fashioned way: masturbating to a picture of Karl Marx before going and getting an abortion, for the hell of it, and throwing the vagina goop on the filthy Christians that have assembled outside to protest. Later, I will force 10 teenage girls to have abortions, regardless of if they are pregnant or not, and then we will dance nude, in the woods, while chanting to our new Lord, Goddess Earth.
Jellybabies all around.
shortsshortsshorts: Oh don’t worry, I’m pretty sure AIDS only affects teh gheys and black people. Just make sure you cover your wang with a mixture of vinegar and sawdust (no condom, of course, also) as that will prevent the AIDS from getting inside your pee-pee hole.
Mr Blifil: Also, leave shorts alone. It’s not our fault we’re young and pretty and charming and have lots of sex and are very rich and–oh…shorts is poor. Nevermind, carry on with the mockery.
It’s nice if Obama to schedule his inauguration so all his supporters can stick around and picket the Supreme Court.
Why do they bother writing stories about the two sides? Everyone knows the two sides–The wingnuts and the babykillers.
I was going into a debate at OSU (Coburn–or Dr. Strangelove and Brad Carson) and a college kid in an OSU baseball cap yelled “baby killer ” at me. I stomped over to him and got up in his face and began yelling, “Have you ever seen a woman dying from . . .” and then went on with real life examples from the pre-Roe days. When I left, a friend of mine who does a liberal blog for Ok went over to him and said, “Kid, you’re just lucky she didn’t kick your ass.”
At least I wasn’t trapped in a stairwell with a whole coven of wingnuts.
And toothpaste!
Epic win for the _Citizen Ruth_ reference. “Ruth honey, don’t do it! What if I had aborted you?!?”
“WELL AT LEAST THEN I WOULDN’T HAVE HAD TO SUCK YOUR BOYFRIEND’S COCK!!!!”
My roommate and I have decided we’re going to get one of those baby robots that look real and cry, and put fake blood on it, and smack it around at the next pro-life rally we see. For fun.
The republicans have a valid point that in order to maintain our current social system, we need the population to keep expanding exponentially. Unfortunately, at our current energy usage rates that would kill off our ability to continue living on this planet. So, it’s basically a moot point. Plus, our population is still growing with immigration, and babies. I’m assuming it’s just not the babies they want. Which is sad.
Sussemilch: Satan is a really considerate lover. You should really let him get behind you next time it comes up.
actor212: “…they ought to have one billion more for every time a guy wanks.” You are so RIGHT. The spilling of seed (Jesus’ term for wank) IS the same thing as an abortion, it says so in the Bible and the Conservapedia. But maybe making tiny crosses can be a stimulus program, so carry on guys.
Best picture choice ever, Wonkette. Well done.
if you put a gobbler on that thing in the picture, it pretty much looks like a thanksgiving turkey.
Origami: uh,…. DAAAAAAAAAAMMMNN!
shortsshortsshorts: In the Gen X era, I heard a radio essayist complain: “Baby Boomer, Baby Boomers. I don’t kow any Baby Boomers. They’re just the people who had all the sex, took all the drugs, spent all the money and now they’re home on their sofas watching cooking shows and worrying about the direction the country is going in.”
I was going over an endorsements list with a couple of Democratic female friends back in the 70s and one of the women said, “This is so funny. I’ve slept with almost every man on this endorsement list.”
The worst thing about all those abortions are all these god-damned illegal aliens we’ve had to sneak in to do the work all those aborted fetuses would’ve grown up to do…
Oh god, I can’t tell you how much I love Eraserhead and the little turtle baby spewing egg yolks everywhere. Can we get a blingee of the Radiator Girl squashing feti?
Can be post it on some wingnut sites? It would be avant-garde.
I second ExecutorElassus’ motion. And I heartily commend you for using a still from such an utterly batshit film.
I like guano films.
Snarkfest: Well, it is only fair that Boehner is confused about reproductive issues. After all, he covered for Mark Foley, and everyone knows you can not knock up underage males.
shortsshortsshorts: The 2060’s are going to RAWK.