PEGGY'S WORLD  12:48 pm January 23, 2009

Peggy Noonan Flew On An Aer-Plane With Africkans!

by Jim Newell

A fortnight or deux hath passed since our last installment of “Fridays with Peggy,” for one must endure days of insomnia and procure a boat-ship‘s worth of les stimulati — what they in the Scientific Trade know as Amphet-a-Mines — to pen an adequate Noonington critique, and it hath taken many a seven-day to locate a sufficiently inventoried Medick. Let us not waste Reagan’s dear time today, then, to reach the so-called “heart” of the matter. In today’s Opinion-Editorial for the plutocratic Wall Street Journal banking pamphlet, Mme. Noonanshirehobbit discusses the Africkan who now controls the military, and other less important levers of power, of l’Empire Amerique. Mme. herself flew on a mechanical falcon, or Aer-Plane, to attend the Africkan’s coup. And once she veritably boarded the Aer-Plane, it was as if she had in fact veritably been transmitted by Iehovah to the Ebon Heart of Rhodesia — for she found herself surrounded by even more Africkans! How didst our Princess escape this JUNGLE?

I. High In The Sky, Toward Heaven, Among The Africkans — What They Wear — Their Language — Are They Monied? — Fear Of God — &c.

OK now, just so you people know what you’re in for, the subhed of this column is, “And what 4-foot-tall Americans learned.”

And Peggy’s first sentence: “It was like ‘The Canterbury Tales.’” Necessary extrapolation: “… but with Africkans.”

Usually Africkans run from Peggy Noonan, as she always tries to touch them to see if God is in their skin. But on an Aer-Plane, there was no escape from Madame:

That’s what it was like last Saturday, in LaGuardia Airport, on the shuttle to Washington packed full of people going to the inauguration of President Obama. A handsome, affluent black woman in first class—fur hat, chic silver jewelry—laughed on a cell phone as a businessman—tall, black, middle aged—hurried down the aisle in black overcoat and Burberry scarf. A young man in slouchy jeans and dark watchman’s cap, iPod buds in place, nodded, in coach, to the tune in his head. Two young white men in beige cowboy hats and grey fleece jackets came on board. Where you from? “Montana!” they said in unison. A boy, 10 or so, learning-impaired, sat with his grandmother. Where you from? I asked him. Shyly: “Detroit. Kentucky.”* Middle-aged and older black women in their proud, broad-brimmed hats sat primly, purses clutched on laps. A young black family all in jumpsuits posed for pictures. An air of great sweetness. The tender way people laugh too loud when they’re a little nervous, and excited, and know they’re part of something and it’s big.

Surely, Madame, the “people” chortled and conversed rather audibly during the in-flight film viewing as well? Madame, there is so much to learn about the Africkans.

II. Entre Capitol City, The Plains, The Tribe, The Leader of Spells — How The Africkans Weathered The Non-Native Elements — The Tools & Instruments of Mob Control — Warring With The Kingdom Of Animals — &c.

Some of the Africkans were quite monied, ironically; many were able to afford the finest of furs, perchance acquired from a Trade with the French trappers along the St. Lawrence.

This is what you saw. Knit caps, parkas, plaid scarves, face warmers, hoods up, braced against the wet cold, flags on light posts, security tents, motorcades, police vans, checkpoints, flashing lights, people hopping from foot to foot when crowds slowed and they had to stand still. Stately African-American women in sweeping mink coats. A friend, a canny social observer, said, “The antifur people aren’t going to take them on!” I laughed and realized yes, PETA just took one on the chin. Mink wearing will be safe in the new era.

It is important that every Patriot of America memorize, by rote, this entire paragraph.

III. Sprinting Through The Waste In Mankind’s Finest Transport — A Due Recompense — The Blanket Of St. Augustine — The Triumph Of Capitalism — The Paragraph Of Unnecessity — &c.

Four days ago, your Wonkette’s interest was piqued with this helpful e-mail from operative “David:”

You’ve got to see Chris Matthews tonight…..Peggy Noonan is one of his guests, and is just as jam packed with insanity as her columns. She just called this a “street inauguration” and went on to say that traffic was so bad, she had to get to the MSNBC tent/platform/whatever by RICKSHAW.

It made much sense to your Wonkette that Peggy Noonan would, within a densely packed horde of dark people, suppose that she was actually in British Calcutta around 1890. But the image of Madame being raced around Washington in a rickshaw was simply too comical for us to think about such things as, say, finding this clip on YouTube.

In today’s column, however, Peggy confirms this story, one that she has likely told her imaginary friends several times:

The traffic was so bad, and so chaotically handled, that everyone had a story. Mine: Stuck for more than an hour near the Mall one night and late for an appointment, I jumped out of a car and hailed an open-air bicycle with a backseat. The driver threw a blanket on me and began to pump the peddles. “What is this called?” I shouted as we raced around limos and town cars. I expected some politically correct name like Energy Saving Mobile Apparatus. He looked back at me quizzically. “A rickshaw!” We got there on time, 15 blocks in four minutes, and like a happy capitalist, the driver, gauging the moment, the need and the competition, opened bidding at $25. I was grateful to pay.

Ah, what a delightful weekend in the Colonies! And the Africkans — how pleasant they were. So wonderful. The Best People! Are they, by any chance, available for purchase?

What I Saw at the Inaugural [WSJ]

* — One would struggle to find even an esteemed professor of English who could explain these sentences three.

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 130 comments }

loquaciousmusic January 23, 2009 at 12:52 pm

This is the best post I’ve ever read on Wonkette. And I’ve read Wonkette since the 1890s.

Texan Bulldoggette January 23, 2009 at 12:53 pm

“Detroit. Kentucky.” Is that a real place? If so, it boggles the mind; it must be the worst place to live. Ever.

N8Ma January 23, 2009 at 12:55 pm

Time for tea at the Peninsula Hotel!

Aurelio January 23, 2009 at 12:55 pm

Who needs colonic aquatheraphy when we have Noonington to read? Thanks, Wonkette. I’m all purged now.

chascates January 23, 2009 at 12:56 pm

“A handsome, affluent black woman in first class”–she had to be affluent to fly first class I would think but did Peggy ask the conductor to check her ticket?

“Two young white men in beige cowboy hats and grey fleece jackets came on board. Where you from? “Montana!” they said in unison”–white men from Montanan? Going to see Obama inaugurated? But of course! They talk in unison. So Brokeback.

Perhaps cultural explorer Bill O’Reilly will take Herself to a real ‘Black’ eating establishment for her next adventure.

DoctorCulturae January 23, 2009 at 12:57 pm

Peggy Day make me so happy-happy-happy! And Le Negro in the WH! Ah the primitives! Ah the twitter-twat of my beating breasticles! My experience is so singularly mine! A thousand points of light and they are all on ME!

btw, MSNBC only allowed Dame Peggeth to speak as Dub was helicoptering away. Their little joke on her Highnethst.

gurukalehuru January 23, 2009 at 12:59 pm

Don’t be dissing the rickshaws. Rickshaws are cool. Also possible to attach Trucknutz. Also.

Aurelio January 23, 2009 at 12:59 pm

[re=226863]DoctorCulturae[/re]: And don’t forget the handsome Negresses in furs!

BillyClubb January 23, 2009 at 12:59 pm

Stately African-American women in sweeping mink coats. A friend, a canny social observer, said, “The antifur people aren’t going to take them on!”

Yes, the result would have been antifur people with l’cap busted in le derriere.

masterdebater January 23, 2009 at 1:00 pm

This post seems to infer that Peg is an elitist bitch or…oh, wait. Never mind.

Servo January 23, 2009 at 1:01 pm

Oh no, Peggington! Spades on a Plane!

DoctorCulturae January 23, 2009 at 1:01 pm

[re=226870]Aurelio[/re]: Why yes, I hear they play their “jazz” music up at the Pickin’ Cotton Club!

blinky_twinkie January 23, 2009 at 1:02 pm

I wish she would decide what her voice is. She rocks back and forth between colloquialisms like “We so rock” to fwah-fwah condescensions like “Mr. Obama would be well advised…” so fast that I want to throw up.

Texan Bulldoggette January 23, 2009 at 1:02 pm

Damn, Peggy just realized there are non-white people out there & they have money & can buy things just like the whiteys. Yay, national enlightenment day for Peg-a-leg.

shanemacgowan January 23, 2009 at 1:04 pm

I still diagram sentences when I write. Perhaps Peggy forgot how.

PopeyesPipe January 23, 2009 at 1:05 pm

I bet she masturbates with a scrimshawed ivory double dong.

Min January 23, 2009 at 1:05 pm

Every time I think Fruity Peggles has topped out, she surprises me yet again. I believe God, Himself, must have created that rickshaw out of dust and empty water bottles, just so that she would have this amusingly condescending story to tell.

Anonymous Office Zombie January 23, 2009 at 1:07 pm

She hired a fucking rickshaw to make her way through the common rabble? That’s almost too in caricature. I think Peggy is just baiting Wonkette now.

SayItWithWookies January 23, 2009 at 1:09 pm

Blacks are allowed to wear Burberry now? This will not end well.

ManchuCandidate January 23, 2009 at 1:11 pm

Pegginton, a small scoop of pure uptight vanilla ice cream in a sea of mocha and chocolate.

Noodle Salad January 23, 2009 at 1:11 pm

There was another great gathering in Washington this week, of those who themselves are not always invited or included, because of their unflinching views. The Right to Life march was marked, according to participants, by an air of peacefulness, and unusual sweetness.

Fortunately, all the rabblerousing libtard abortionists were either buried under mounds of litter or had flown back to the ghettos from whence they came.

L Urchin January 23, 2009 at 1:12 pm

Awe-inspiring missive, Newellhampshirington.

johnnypantalones January 23, 2009 at 1:13 pm

Peggy is like what would happen if your eccentric aunt that lives in, say, Connecticut and is very cultured and sophisticated but suffers from bouts of dementia was put in a supercollider with your other aunt, the one who works in admin at a trucking company and has hunky fireman calendars and eats nothing but TV dinners, and then you gave the resulting mutant a newspaper column.

A Geek Tragedy January 23, 2009 at 1:14 pm

That should be “aeroplane”, from the ancient Greek for “airplane”.

howell January 23, 2009 at 1:14 pm

Peggy is starring in the ongoing autobiography running in her head. Her columns are just the part we see.

Servo January 23, 2009 at 1:16 pm

They should’ve covered her with graffiti.

4tehlulz January 23, 2009 at 1:18 pm

Why do I envision Peggy putting out her own version of “The Lover” right before she dies?

JadedDIssonance January 23, 2009 at 1:18 pm

Ah Jim, how Quietly, Quaintly, Quintessentially Peggy! Good Sir, I happily applaud your amazing transmogrification of Low Hanging Fruit into the most Dazzling Compote I have ever tasted. This must have taken you all day.

DoctorCulturae January 23, 2009 at 1:19 pm

[re=226894]howell[/re]: I think it’s “The African Queen.”

Here she is with her costar Ronnie Whatz-hiz-name:

http://www.katethegreat.net/gallery/african-2.jpg

blinky_twinkie January 23, 2009 at 1:19 pm

[re=226892]johnnypantalones[/re]: Exactly what I was trying to say, only yours is so much better.

jodyleek January 23, 2009 at 1:19 pm

Did this broad script write for Gilligan’s Island? It’s like she ate Mr. and Mrs. Howell,
then shat them out of her uptight ass.

AnnieGetYourFun January 23, 2009 at 1:21 pm

[re=226888]Noodle Salad[/re]: Unusual sweetness, eh? Did they draw smiley faces on the huge posters of aborted fetuses, I wonder?

Bypartizoa January 23, 2009 at 1:21 pm

I’m sure good Lady Peggeth of Nooningtontinshire waved to the savage crowd like the Queen herself.

Monsieur Grumpe January 23, 2009 at 1:22 pm

Opium is cruel drug Miss Noonanington. Get help.

MARCdMan January 23, 2009 at 1:23 pm

[re=226893]A Geek Tragedy[/re]: Care to elaborate on the accompanying principle of pleasure spiked with pain?

jodyleek January 23, 2009 at 1:24 pm

[re=226905]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: No, they held up huge Blingee’d posters of aborted fetuses.

heroinmule January 23, 2009 at 1:25 pm

I think Peggy’s flirting with the idea of a black friend. Dear God, so condescending!

Chris Matthews and Nooners…together? I would like to get high and watch that. Oh the hyperbole! The metaphors! The random, self-aggrandizing anecdotes!

JadedDIssonance January 23, 2009 at 1:26 pm

Peggy seems to be smitten with Le Sauvage Noble, &c.

Vanity Smurf January 23, 2009 at 1:26 pm

Shorter Peggington: So, fur is back. Yippee!

AngryBlakGuy January 23, 2009 at 1:26 pm

“…and like a happy capitalist, the driver, gauging the moment, the need and the competition, opened bidding at $25. I was grateful to pay.”

TRANSLATION:
A black guy asked me for money and I was too afraid to say no!

freakishlystrong January 23, 2009 at 1:27 pm

Well played Jim Von Newellinton III. You had me at “Inflight Movies”.

TGY January 23, 2009 at 1:28 pm

I tried, really tried, to read her entire editorial. It’s just too…too…gibberish-y.

AngryBlakGuy January 23, 2009 at 1:29 pm

…and why do I keep getting flashbacks of the scene in “Coming to America” where everyone in the hood steals his clothes/luggage?

lawrenceofthedesert January 23, 2009 at 1:29 pm

Okay, here’s what this is all about. Rupert is really tightening the screws now that the Ultimate Asswipe owns the WSJ, and Peg just got in big trouble for a lavish trip. She’s thinking she may have to jump to a more mainstream MSM, a tiny bit more liberal, so P Noon is suddenly tryin’ to get down with it. I expect her to be writin’ about the cultural sig of P. Diddy any day now, until she can jump to a better expense account.

elfranko January 23, 2009 at 1:29 pm

It is with an utmost sad that we received this Noonington back in the Shire that is brooklyn.

FidelCatro January 23, 2009 at 1:31 pm

God, I love you people so much…
Madame anthropologiste among the indigenous population.
I must invite her to my country for the musik & the dansing & the hot Latin sex.

shortsshortsshorts January 23, 2009 at 1:33 pm

HARK, as sayeth Peggy, the complicated squire of all things sire, it is an anomaly of proportional insult to the brown species.

magic titty January 23, 2009 at 1:34 pm

Blacks Eat Fried Chicken Because It Tastes Good, Not Because They’re Black
-Peggy Noonan

Styrofoam Boots January 23, 2009 at 1:35 pm

It took me almost an hour to read this entire post.

“A rickshaw!” (?)…(!)

DoctorCulturae January 23, 2009 at 1:35 pm

lawrenceofthedesert: Sounds right. Her Ladyeth High Noonington may be gettin’ the jiggieth with it while still winkin’, blinkin’, and noddin’ to her WSJ cogs-but-no-scenti.

Vanity Smurf January 23, 2009 at 1:37 pm

I don’t believe for a minute that Her Ladyship didn’t know she was hiring a rickshaw to spirit her through traffic. She just didn’t want to get slammed for not knowing if it had a non-colonial name. When out among the riff raff and not under the protection of Sir Tweety, noble knight of the order of MSNBC, she has to be careful, lest her honour be stained by the savages.

sati demise January 23, 2009 at 1:37 pm

[re=226883]Anonymous Office Zombie[/re]: Well, she is baiting someone, because on Matthews she quoted the cost of the rickshaw at $20…. twenty bucks! she shouted.

Now, in writing, she is inflating the price to 25 smackeroos? Did she tip? Or is she stretchin’ the truth here.

Awesome post.

Servo January 23, 2009 at 1:38 pm

[re=226934]lawrenceofthedesert[/re]:
The thought of Peggington talking Ebonics hurts…a lot.

sike101 January 23, 2009 at 1:41 pm

Sounds like a positively splendid affair!

Vanity Smurf January 23, 2009 at 1:41 pm

Having found the rickshaw so stimulating, on her next adventure outside the palace walls, her ladyship will travel via sedan chair. Applications for bearers available to the unemployed serfs of Noonanshire at the Royal Mews.

Sarjo January 23, 2009 at 1:41 pm

[re=226853]loquaciousmusic[/re]: I second that emotion. Fabulous work. You have found the perfect voice for Noonanizing.

CollegeStudent January 23, 2009 at 1:42 pm

Look Noonanington, you keep your damn “Energy Saving Mobile Apparatus” the hell away from me,and my mink coat. You hear? Also

Gayer Than Thou January 23, 2009 at 1:43 pm

I like to ride a rickshaw whenever I am out among the coloreds. It lets them know that, though I am above them, I am not so far above them that I wouldn’t hire the ligher-skinned amonog them to clean my bed linens. I’m egalitarian that way.

Neon Trotsky January 23, 2009 at 1:44 pm

“Where you from?”

That’s not proper Victorian English, Miss Peggington! Next time you might be able to get more out of a “learning-disabled child” if you do not deign to sound as such yourself. With proper grammatical construction, everyone wins! I suggest “From whence do you originate, my good lad?”

Sarjo January 23, 2009 at 1:46 pm

[re=226877]blinky_twinkie[/re]: Might that, perchance, be a cat of the Sphynx variety displayed upon l’avatar de vous? If so, kindly cast your eyes upon the image humbly displayed upon l’avatar de moi.

JadedDIssonance January 23, 2009 at 1:48 pm

[re=226949]sati demise[/re]: Mistress Peggy-of-Avon was most excited to participate in the exotic custom of Bartre. She merely stated that the initial estimate for transport was an Exorbitant Sum of Twenty-Five Green-Colored Wampum-Papers, and she could not but boast to her fellow Journeymen that she had succeeded in reducing the cost, no matter how insignificant it was to her or to the tradesman.

Lascauxcaveman January 23, 2009 at 1:48 pm

I have, as has Miss Noonington, noticed a certain flair among the duskier denizens of our fair city, and yes, the nation as a whole. Exudes a certain sense of ebullience, a celebratory joie de vivre as it were, carrying themselves about their busy days freshly bathed, coiffed and anointed with the aromatic oils and perfumes of their forebears’ exotic native lands, proudly draped in the finest furs and adorned with baubles of silver and gold, outshining even the brightwork on their Cadillac motorcars.

mocowbell January 23, 2009 at 1:48 pm

What Dame Peg of the House of Noonington neglects to mention, of course, is that while she journeyed to the banks of the Potomoc for the festivities via flying machine her dusky Mandingo “personal assistant” was following behind on a Greyhound bus, lugging her many heavy jewel encrusted traveling cases full of finery and frippery.

sezme January 23, 2009 at 1:49 pm

Pegs has learned her lesson and for the next 4 (8!?) years will be applying blackface whenever circumstance requires that she don her fur coat.

DoctorCulturae January 23, 2009 at 1:51 pm

[re=226963]Neon Trotsky[/re]: Yes, oh yes oh yes, but Her Majestith has the common touch, able to slip in and out of the with-it speak. Methinks the sentences three construction merely bespeaks of her seeing her life lived as a movie. She breaketh the rules as evidence of her commonnessneth.

totoro January 23, 2009 at 1:52 pm

She saw a family of black people wearing “jumpsuits”? How many vespers did she have before she got that plane?

Servo January 23, 2009 at 1:52 pm

Sounds like she needs an Alabama Ramma Jamma to tickle her cervix and loosen her vice-tight ass.

One Yield Regular January 23, 2009 at 1:53 pm

Gagh. Is “stately” now the new “sassy”?

Oh, and speaking of PETA, this new campaign of theirs is priceless:

http://www.peta.org/sea_kittens/index.asp

I’m just waiting for them to come out with a statement criticizing Captain-Pilot Sully Sullenberger for heinous crimes against air-kittens.

CollegeStudent January 23, 2009 at 1:54 pm

…and Pegs, “Canterbury Tales”? Really? I feel like you really wanted to go with some other literary reference, one that truly represented what was in your heart, something like “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…”

rexmantooth January 23, 2009 at 1:56 pm

‘Stately African-American women in sweeping mink coats. A friend, a canny social observer, said, “The antifur people aren’t going to take them on!”’
Ha ha ha, black people are SCARY. HARRUMPH.
Peggy Noonan ought to be locked up and studied. Her thoughts are a window into the psychopathology that is American conservatism. Also, she clearly needs to be medicated.

FMA January 23, 2009 at 1:58 pm

[re=226986]CollegeStudent[/re]: No, not Dickens. She was getting all Conrad on us. “The horror…the horror.”

Violenza January 23, 2009 at 1:58 pm

Ok, this picture is all that came to mind while reading this Peggz insanity.

N8Ma January 23, 2009 at 2:00 pm

[re=226883]Anonymous Office Zombie[/re]: Absolutely. At this point she must be aware of Wonkette’s parsing. There is no way any human being actually thinks this way in 2009, unless she’s named Astor? More blog entries with witty romantic-era novel plot summaries &c. Also.

CollegeStudent January 23, 2009 at 2:03 pm

[re=226995]FMA[/re]: Thank you, thank you so much. I just had the most delightfull mental image of a mash-up of Noonan and Marlon Brando from Apocalypse Now.
Awesome.

johnnypantalones January 23, 2009 at 2:03 pm

Ok y’all, the rickshaw is great, but my favorite part? That she agreed with her invisible racist friend that PETA daren’t reprimand the darkies for their wearing of furs, for the dusk-people are prone to violence and would no doubt throttle them, Latrell Spreewell stylee. What a delightful old racist Nooners is!

WadISay January 23, 2009 at 2:08 pm

This is what else happened: a man in a wide-brimmed white hat, wearing sunglasses, with Superbowl rings on every finger of his hands, sat benext me in first class. He addressed me as “girl”. I liked that.

peachgirl January 23, 2009 at 2:14 pm

[re=226886]ManchuCandidate[/re]:

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Anonymous Office Zombie January 23, 2009 at 2:15 pm

[re=226949]sati demise[/re]:
I can’t wait to watch the clip. They should reformat Hardballz and make Peggy co-host and then move the whole operation over to Comedy Central.

[re=227003]N8Ma[/re]:
Peggy actually grew up in Narnia. She accidentally wandered throught the wardrobe once upon a time, and we’ve been stuck with her ever since.

MathewBrooks January 23, 2009 at 2:18 pm

BANKING PAMPHLET?!?!? LOLOLOLZZZ

greg January 23, 2009 at 2:23 pm

$25?? She’s gonna ruin it for the rest of us. Doesn’t she know she was supposed to haggle?

FMA January 23, 2009 at 2:25 pm

Then, perchance, I attended a lavish ball populated with many colorful native characters and shared a libation referred to in the native nomenclature as an “eight-ball” with a young resident of this lovely city.
F’shizzle, my good man, f’shizzle, indeed.

AfghanVet January 23, 2009 at 2:28 pm

[re=226880]PopeyesPipe[/re]: Made me laugh.

xaviero January 23, 2009 at 2:28 pm

began to pump the peddles

Oh my.

Bronkers January 23, 2009 at 2:32 pm

“Pedals,” Madam Noonanhamshirewold, not “peddles,” unless yon rickshavian had an enterprise on the side, in which case you’ve confessed you can’t negotiate worth a tinker’s damn.

S.Luggo January 23, 2009 at 2:40 pm

Missing from Marchioness de Nooniebury’s column were a few choice passages from Vachel Lindsey’s “The Congo”. I Sadz.

randomsausage January 23, 2009 at 2:40 pm

What a great post. I remember I can’t write for shit after something like that.

A bit off topic I know but further to my theory that all political discourse can be explained (or at least snarked at) via references to Blazing Saddles……I think Noonan is Lily von Schtupp.

snideinplainsight January 23, 2009 at 2:50 pm

Mayhaps m’lady deNooninghattamsire has simply concoctified a novel speech impediment;

A handsome, affluent black woman in a first class black—fur hat, black, chic silver jewelry black —laughed on a black cell phone as a businessman—tall, black, black—hurried down the black first-class aisle in black overcoat and Blackberry scarf. A young white man, black in slouchy black jeans and dark watchman’s cap, sipping coffee black, iPod buds stark against black skin, nodded, in coach, to the dark tune in his head.

Sassette January 23, 2009 at 2:58 pm

Did she really just say that PETA would leave fur-wearers alone just for being black?

Juice Newton's Bastard Child January 23, 2009 at 3:00 pm

You know,I’ll just bet Peggy’s an absolute freak in bed,but wearing black face for her would be just a little too freaky.

Just sayin’…

snideinplainsight January 23, 2009 at 3:07 pm

Let me must also say that these Noonington posts are what is finally going to get me fired, they’re the only thing that make me laugh so hard that coffee fountains out of my nose.

chascates January 23, 2009 at 3:10 pm

[re=226996]Violenza[/re]: Truly, the times they are a changin’.

themightysea January 23, 2009 at 3:16 pm

I want to second the first commenter’s commentation of commendation… this is the best thing that has ever happened, anywhere, on the internet.

SwanSwanH January 23, 2009 at 3:22 pm

Clearly, Peggy is an Evelyn Waugh character.

ResIpsaLoquitur January 23, 2009 at 3:44 pm

I registered just to give kudos for this piece of work. Brilliant.

Aurelio January 23, 2009 at 3:49 pm

No one can quite say it. I mean, no one can quite say what’s so awful about Peggington’s typical screed. Self-conscious, contrived, solipsistic, pseudo-intellectual, overripe…. You could keep on adding adjectives and never capture it. It’s ineffable. Or unspeakable. Or something. Only ridicule hits the mark. This whole thread should be added to each of her columns as a kind of disclaimer.

AWOcoholic January 23, 2009 at 3:51 pm

She is mad, I say! Simply mad!

rag January 23, 2009 at 4:07 pm

Those Roman-numeraled section titles are the best obscure literary reference used in a joke, ever.

Neon Trotsky January 23, 2009 at 4:08 pm

[re=226978]DoctorCulturae[/re]: She truly is the People’s Princess!

MarSF January 23, 2009 at 4:15 pm

Alas, I tried to post the link to this brilliant piece in the WSJ Opinions Forum but it seems they only publish comments submitted by diaper-wearing wingnuts.

MarSF January 23, 2009 at 4:18 pm

[re=227076]Sassette[/re]: Yes. She is freaking nuts.

imissopus January 23, 2009 at 4:18 pm

I love how at the end, after several grafs her third-grader’s-report-on-what-I-saw-at-the-Inauguration-level prose, she throws in a bit warning Obama about staying moderate, lest he awaken the “sleeping giant of American conservatism.” Like all those Republicans like Noonbeam are just sitting there waiting for the darkie to fuck it up so they can jump up and down and throw tantrums about how we’re still a center-right country.

But maybe I should cut her some slack. She’s probably still shocked that Obama knew to use utensils during dinner at George Will’s house.

S.Luggo January 23, 2009 at 5:00 pm

The Dowager Duchess of Noone does have at least one toad-licker:
Noonan on America: ‘We so rock’
http://www.swamppolitics.com/news/politics/blog/2009/01/noonan_on_america_we_so_rock.html

gournay45@gmail.com January 23, 2009 at 5:27 pm

[re=226880]PopeyesPipe[/re]: Why does that turn me on?

Troy Polamalu January 23, 2009 at 5:30 pm

Breathtaking

gournay45@gmail.com January 23, 2009 at 5:33 pm

[re=226928]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Also: anyone who works for a living is by definition not a capitalist, Miss Nooners

Madeline January 23, 2009 at 5:34 pm

I for one, applaud Mistress Nooninghamshire for this scathing expose of the shame that is our aviation system. A system where it is, clearly, impossible to get a goddamned direct flight to Washington DC.

The Cold Sea January 23, 2009 at 5:50 pm

Bravo, Jim Newell. The Amphet-a-Mines will keep you up little, now.

populucious January 23, 2009 at 6:33 pm

Helpful things I have now learned from Dame Noonington:

The blacks, they are just like whites, but even more so!

Loony Noony had to read the Cantebury Tales in high school…just like the rest of us! And for a thousand years since that day, she’s been trying to figure out how to drop it in an article, regardless of relevance. I wish she had waited even longer.

Hello!! You never bargain with the rickshaw driver AFTER you’ve arrived. Kee-rike lady, have never, ever, ever gone anywhere not in a limosine?

Edywin January 23, 2009 at 6:56 pm

Lascauxcaveman: I concur. Lets retire to the club for late tea and continued discussion. I understand from my personal textual mobile device that there is to be an excellent round of cribbage proceeding at this time, if you too are in a sporting mood. Jolly good.

Hagar77 January 23, 2009 at 8:02 pm

I simultaneously threw up on myself and pissed my pants while reading this post, so I’m expecting the WSJ (responsible for vomit component) and Wonkette (responsible for urine component) to split the reimbursement for my dry cleaning. I’ll just PDF the receipt to tips@wonkette.com; plz handle thx.

myheadsexploding January 23, 2009 at 8:09 pm

Audrey Hepburn will play her in the movie version. Oh, wait… never mind.

chascates January 23, 2009 at 8:11 pm

[re=227386]S.Luggo[/re]: “Peggy Noonan has a way of capturing the zeitgeist.”

But before she can examine it she opens her hands and it flies away.

stopmebeforeitypeagain January 23, 2009 at 8:32 pm

[re=226884]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Win

stopmebeforeitypeagain January 23, 2009 at 8:37 pm

[re=226911]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Opium, hell. We’re talking about a sad dependency on Percodan and nitrous oxide.
And helium. Also. That’s howcome the squealing sound in her prose.

102415 January 23, 2009 at 8:54 pm

I wonder. I wonder if Peggy was ever told that Condi was black? I wonder if Peggy ever had any children or got knocked up? I wonder if she is barren? I wonder how she could be a middle class Catholic person from Long Island and talk the way she does? I wonder if she will ever be laid to rest in my lifetime. Which reminds me where is R. Novak in all this? Did he attend?

lampadadog January 23, 2009 at 11:07 pm

Peglet writes: “A friend said, Was it Jacksonian? Yes, but nothing got trashed.”

Does this imply that she was present for the inauguration in 1829? It would explain her confused reactions to life in 2009.

Check Out My Rack January 24, 2009 at 12:00 am

Poor girl. She smoked one bag too many and now she thinks she’s Joseph Conrad. The affluent African-American in its newly adapted habitat of 400 years: it…wears knit caps and listens to muziks not made by beating the hides of animals. The most convincing assimilation ever witnessed. Hopefully when we all lose our homes to foreclosure, we can establish residence in Peggy’s head because it’s obviously spacious and RIDICULOUSLY FUN.

Though…ever since she formally decapitated Sarah Palin on national television that day she forgot to remove her body mic, she’s had carte blanche with me.

jagorev January 24, 2009 at 1:47 am

This is the best Noonan Friday yet. Thank you Jim.

jedibix783 January 24, 2009 at 6:53 am

I concur with loqaciousmusic. This post was so good that I, having been a reader since summer 2004, have just now created a profile so that I might leave a comment expressing this.

Shit, I’m slipping into a Victorian writing style. Must go watch the “drunken negro cookies” again.

ducandy January 25, 2009 at 1:44 pm

Therefore.

Also.

Who,Moi? January 25, 2009 at 4:57 pm

“The whole experience the next few days was marked for me by a new or refreshed knowledge that those who had not felt included or invited in the past were now for the first time truly here, and part of it all, in great numbers. And I suppose the fact that this would never have come about without the support, the votes, of the traditionally invited and included gave a special air of inclusiveness to the event.”

Does this mean Dame Peg voted for the Afrikan?

STepper January 25, 2009 at 6:47 pm

So, when Peg was on the plane was she surprised that the people weren’t saying “M-effer” this and “M-effer” that? Or was Bill O’Reilly on the flight, too, ‘splaining it all to her?

blinky_twinkie January 25, 2009 at 7:41 pm

[re=226966]Sarjo[/re]: Why, yes! ‘Tis indeed a Felixus Sphinxus Whateverus. It’s not mine, though. When I whined about being old upon turning 43, saying “I’m still perky, dammit!”, my intrepid sister-in-law composed said avatar in my honor.

blinky_twinkie January 25, 2009 at 7:43 pm

[re=226966]Sarjo[/re]: Je t’aime l’avatar de vous. Aussi.

Thumbcuff January 25, 2009 at 11:35 pm

It’s hard not to write all old fashioned after reading this. Even harder not to drink an Old Fashioned. But, by the way, doesn’t ‘Op-Ed’ mean ‘opposite editorial’..?

MMS January 26, 2009 at 10:16 am

Servo: The image of “tagging” Pegs leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Desper8STLfrau January 26, 2009 at 5:51 pm

Ye Old Peggy (or shall we call her Margaret) grapples each week to write something nasty about Obama. I read the WSJ daily for the news but LOL at Miss Peg but she is really struggling these days. And come on—-did she really fly coach????

orbit222 January 26, 2009 at 8:20 pm

At least she held fast her description of the young capitalist’s gams, a result, no doubt, of careful breeding. Quite.

NebraskashireGentry January 26, 2009 at 9:25 pm
NebraskashireGentry January 26, 2009 at 9:28 pm

[re=229097]NebraskashireGentry[/re]: a pox to html

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