• May 27, 2012
FTW

Blago: Patrick Fitzgerald Is A Jap

by Jim Newell  11:16 am January 23, 2009

How AP writer Michael Tarm resisted the urge to end this headline in ” — no, but seriously, we’re not even joking,” we’ll never know. [AP]

{ 41 comments }

actor212 January 23, 2009 at 11:17 am

I’m afraid that Blago talking about his bowel movements is really just too much information. Let’s move on.

norbizness January 23, 2009 at 11:21 am

Ironically, the USS California was sunk by a single toupee.

Donkey Sauce January 23, 2009 at 11:24 am

supplies!

SayItWithWookies January 23, 2009 at 11:25 am

I know where he’s coming from. My computer locked up the other day, and I couldn’t decide if that was more like the Defenestration of Prague or Custer’s last stand.

Cape Clod January 23, 2009 at 11:26 am

It must have been hell when all those Feds were screaming “Tora! Tora! Tora!” when they slapped the cuffs on him.

shanemacgowan January 23, 2009 at 11:26 am

Wow, Wonkette gets racist and sexist in consecutive posts. What’s left?

Totowa January 23, 2009 at 11:28 am

…but was it as bad as what the windy city can do to hairstyles?

Canmon (the Inadequate) January 23, 2009 at 11:33 am

This kind of makes me feel sorry for him. Watching that movie was excruciating.

Monsieur Grumpe January 23, 2009 at 11:34 am

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mzI_11lAKk8

The Strain by the Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band
I think. My work filter is blocking youtube.

WadISay January 23, 2009 at 11:35 am

He meant to say, the taint is like Pearl Harbor.

Lascauxcaveman January 23, 2009 at 11:35 am

When my wife’s really on a tear, its like Kristallnacht. And I’m the Jews. Or something like that.

Min January 23, 2009 at 11:36 am

The man never met a piece of hyperbole he didn’t like.

norbizness January 23, 2009 at 11:37 am

[re=226729]shanemacgowan[/re]: But aren’t you an anti-Dentite?

sevenrepeat January 23, 2009 at 11:38 am

epic! that’s awesome. or is it epileptic?

actor212 January 23, 2009 at 11:39 am

[re=226723]norbizness[/re]: Would you please get busy with something? You make the rest of us look unfunny.

Min January 23, 2009 at 11:40 am

[re=226729]shanemacgowan[/re]: I’m counting on the next post heading being agist, so we can hit the Discrimination Trifecta.

Sassette January 23, 2009 at 11:41 am

He gets points for not saying 9/11, though!

ManchuCandidate January 23, 2009 at 11:42 am

So, the film about Blaggy will be called, “Taint! Taint! Taint!”?

JohnnyMeatworth January 23, 2009 at 11:44 am

[re=226723]norbizness[/re]: not to mention the USS Arizona. That must be one monster rug.

Norbert January 23, 2009 at 11:45 am

this is an impeachment that will live in infamy!

Red Zeppelin January 23, 2009 at 11:47 am

I think I’m turning Japanese, I think I’m turning Japanese, I really think so!

masterdebater January 23, 2009 at 11:51 am

Well, it was…you know, but without all of the dead sailors and stuff. I know MY day was totally ruined.

Advocatus_Diaboli January 23, 2009 at 11:55 am

I don’t wanna close my eyes go to jail
I don’t wanna fall asleep mess up my hair
‘Cause I’d miss you I’m not guilty, baby
And I don’t wanna miss a thing lose my bling
‘Cause even when I dream of you extort you
The sweetest dream All the money would never do
I’d still miss you I’m not guilty, baby
And I don’t wanna miss a thing lose my bling

Noodle Salad January 23, 2009 at 11:57 am

Does this make Roland Burris Little Man or Fat Boy?

contentsunderpressure January 23, 2009 at 11:57 am

Awesome! I am masturbating furiously and not2bdenied!

lenorecutie January 23, 2009 at 12:06 pm

Ah man. That guy is a gold mine of crazy.

Holden Caulfield January 23, 2009 at 12:09 pm

And just like the United States prevailed in that, we’ll prevail in this.

Wait, didn’t we prevail by dropping two atomic bombs that completely destroyed two cities?

Cape Clod January 23, 2009 at 12:11 pm

[re=226751]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Nah. With hair like that they’ll call it ‘Remember the Mane!’

Terry January 23, 2009 at 12:11 pm

My fantasies about Patrick Fitzgerald will now involve him in uniform. Thank you, Wonkette, for spicing things up!

Miller January 23, 2009 at 12:13 pm

I did think it was tasteless when Fitzgerald had the Zeros destroy Blaggy’s house, left dead sailors strewn across the lawn, and had the German consulate declare war on him, but then again, what do I know about big time corruption prosecutions?

http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/

shanemacgowan January 23, 2009 at 12:20 pm

[re=226749]Min[/re]: Wonkette is trying for another Pig of the Day Award.

shortsshortsshorts January 23, 2009 at 12:24 pm

As bad as Pearl Harbor sucked (the movie that is), this is much worse than that.
Blago is dealing with the holocaust, the spanish inquisition, the crusades, the invasions of the vandals and goths, the plight of Socrates (read: So-Krates), the fall of man, the big bang and the coming apocalypse.

masterdebater January 23, 2009 at 12:29 pm

[re=226817]shortsshortsshorts[/re]:
Sure, all of those are bad. But what about the worst thing to happen, ever?…Scooter Libby wasn’t pardoned. Bummer.

LittlePig January 23, 2009 at 12:45 pm

[re=226814]shanemacgowan[/re]: Hey! You anti-Porcine or sumthin’?

gurukalehuru January 23, 2009 at 12:47 pm

I believe that was a violation of the spirit, if not the letter, of Godwin’s law. Looks like Governor Goodhair is headed for the Iron Bar Hotel.

whore4hope January 23, 2009 at 12:52 pm

Thanks, AP, for the whacky headline as well as the useless details about Blago’s leather jacket and blue file folder. Is AP a fashion blog now?

bago January 23, 2009 at 12:56 pm

[re=226817]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: It is good to know that there is something strange afoot at the Circle K.

Lionel Hutz Esq. January 23, 2009 at 1:01 pm

Dear God, does this mean we have to listen to his story about how he survived the USS Indianapolis’ sinking again?

Terry January 23, 2009 at 2:27 pm

[re=226875]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]:

When Don Evans because Sec of Commerce in GWB’s first term, he went around giving a speech to the various folks who would now be working for him. The highlight of this speech was his moving description of his father’s heroism landing at Normandy at D-Day plus 14. Yes, his father’s heroism at storming the beach TWO WEEKS after D-Day.

Mr Blifil January 23, 2009 at 2:35 pm

Presumably his wig-maker applies the double sided adhesive tape to his temples with the cries of “TORAH! TORAH! TORAH!” Which is some Serbo- Jewish saying I guess.

Jukesgrrl January 23, 2009 at 5:33 pm

He thinks this stuff up while he is jogging in his velour exercise outfit. That’s when the creative metaphors really flow.

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