DINGUSES  5:56 pm January 22, 2009

Mark Penn Poll: Mark Penn’s Ad Is Best Ad Of Politics

by Jim Newell

Politics magazine will release the results of their “2008 campaign poll of political insiders” this Thursday, but we already know the winner of one category: best ad of the presidential race. It is Hillary Clinton’s “3 a.m.” ad, the one about how Hillary Clinton was the only person who could answer a telephone at night without getting us all killed, or raped. Mark Penn was the “thrust” behind this successful ad, which you may have read about in any column Mark Penn has written since then. Hell, Mark Penn’s company even conducted this Politics poll, ha ha! No, seriously, that’s actually true. We can’t wait to see the winners of other categories, such as Best Thing Written (Microtrends), Worst Thorn In One’s Side (Harold Ickes/Patti Solis Doyle tie) and Best Floating Film Script In Hollywood (Microtrends Part I: Pages 1-74). [WP/The Fix]

 
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{ 54 comments }

cal January 22, 2009 at 5:58 pm

What about “Most Hated Man in America”?

tunamelt January 22, 2009 at 6:01 pm

I hope Barry calls Hillz at 3:00 am one night with some random question he could have figured out in 5 seconds on the State Department website.

tunamelt January 22, 2009 at 6:01 pm

Most Awesome Sweater!!1!!

chascates January 22, 2009 at 6:05 pm

Is that Liz? Jesus, she’s everywhere! And Penn must be seven feet tall!

shortsshortsshorts January 22, 2009 at 6:05 pm

[re=226232]tunamelt[/re]: Barry would call Palin at 3:00 a.m. for updates on Siberia.

sevenrepeat January 22, 2009 at 6:10 pm

will there be a pant suite catagory for us folks up at 3 a.m. watching the praise the lord network?

I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO January 22, 2009 at 6:13 pm

Fuck that man is ugly! Christ, can you imagine the genetic cocktail that must have occurred to bring that thing into this world? Who’s that at his side? Why is she not running in abject fear?

When Carville said politics is hollywood for the ugly, he was talking about Mark Penn (Okay, and maybe a little bit about himself, too).

Oh yeah, and Penn’s polling skillz blow. Tool.

tunamelt January 22, 2009 at 6:17 pm

[re=226253]I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO[/re]: Carville makes me think of those ads for sea monkeys where they kind of “anthropomorphize” the monkeys.

HedonismBot January 22, 2009 at 6:17 pm

Run Liz run!! That… thing… means to eat you!

WadISay January 22, 2009 at 6:18 pm

[re=226253]I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO[/re]: Isn’t this picture from the palace of Jabba the Hutt? The woman is Carrie Fisher.

sevenrepeat January 22, 2009 at 6:23 pm

[re=226253]I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO[/re]: imagine him naked!! imagine his kibbles ‘n bits danglin’ all around! sorry for emotional scars. just sayin’.

ManchuCandidate January 22, 2009 at 6:31 pm

[re=226263]WadISay[/re]:
Hmmmm… Liz in Metal Bikini hmmmmm…

Sorry, what was this topic about? Penn? That killed the, um, mood.

If the PUMAs had any fucking sense Penn should be the most hated man in PUMA-dumb. Thanks to his “brillienze”, he killed the Hilsbot’s chance to be 44.

IceCreamEmpress January 22, 2009 at 6:33 pm

I hope Barry calls Hillz at 3:00 am one night with some random question he could have figured out in 5 seconds on the State Department website.

Or just to ask if her refrigerator is running.

And conferences Mark “THE HUMAN MAGGOT” Penn in.

I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO January 22, 2009 at 6:34 pm

tunamelt: Funny, I always get the feeling that some stupid kid didn’t realize it was after midnight when they fed their cool new pet from China Town when I see Carville.

WadISay:Uga. Spasteelia a bunkadunka ha ha ha ha…

sevenrepeat: I always wanted to know what it felt like when your soul throws up in its mouth. Thank you.

I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO January 22, 2009 at 6:36 pm

MancuCandidate:Yeah, but Penn’s indistinguishable from 80% of the PUMAs out there, so things get confusing. (The other 20% are actually not allowed to be seen in the light of day according to most state and federal laws)

Vanity Smurf January 22, 2009 at 6:36 pm

Mark Penn: NOM NOM NOM!

That should be a tag for all posts where he is mentioned.

NunnaTheSOBs January 22, 2009 at 6:41 pm

According to the NPR web site for March 14, 2008:

The Pennsylvania vote, he said, will be a “very significant test of who could really win the general election.”

“We believe this will show Hillary is ready to win, and that Senator Obama really can’t win the general election,” Penn said.

I love the way these pricks celebrate the IRRELEVANT.
It is like complementing a terminal cancer patient
on the wonderful set of fucking teeth that he has.

Not to worry — this sack of shit, who wasn’t right
about ANTYTHING in that election, will continue to
collect huge consulting fees from gullible pols.

NunnaTheSOBs January 22, 2009 at 6:45 pm

… make that

“complimenting”

… i noticed some damn “grammar police”
were out the other day

LittlePig January 22, 2009 at 6:47 pm

Best Floating Film Script In Hollywood

Oh, it’s a floater all right.

obfuscator January 22, 2009 at 6:57 pm

If Lon Chaney, Jr. & John Candy had a kid, it would look like Mr. Penn.

sati demise January 22, 2009 at 7:01 pm

Award for scariest commercial: ‘who is Barack Obama?’ by Trig Palin.

Giant Robot January 22, 2009 at 7:05 pm

[re=226232]tunamelt[/re]: Win! Whoever does that skit first owes you royalties…

Scandalabra January 22, 2009 at 7:17 pm

Seeing terminally cute Liz in the company of these monsters is terrifying. I want to see her looking relaxed with those cute dorks from the Conchords. It would calm my estrogen levels.

Jukesgrrl January 22, 2009 at 7:17 pm

[re=226284]NunnaTheSOBs[/re]: After the storm, and the people of Pennsylvania had a few minutes to think about Mark Penn, they came to their senses. Let’s give them a Politico award for Most Improved Electorate.

Lascauxcaveman January 22, 2009 at 7:19 pm

I voted twice for Penn in the Doughiest Pantsload category. I hope that’s not cheating.

tunamelt January 22, 2009 at 7:21 pm

[re=226299]Giant Robot[/re]: What is the capital of Australia? Are there any kangaroos in Austria?

Heywood Floyd January 22, 2009 at 7:26 pm

I cannot wait for The Mark Penn Sex Scandal to break.

The dude’s a closet furry if ever there was one.

queeraselvis v 2.0 January 22, 2009 at 7:35 pm

Award for Person Most Likely to Make Jabba the Hut Look Attractive By Comparison. In a landslide.

queeraselvis v 2.0 January 22, 2009 at 7:36 pm

Also, no alt-text? Or did you eds not want to sully Liz’s good name?

Wonks Adventure January 22, 2009 at 7:39 pm

this picture of mark penn is strange. it’s almost like he’s not smiling *at* something, but *through* something … as if, an hour prior to this picture being taken, he came home early only to find his wife banging his (probably much more attractive) neighbor on the couch, but he still had to go and put on this tux and smile for sexy picture-time with liz.

also, if you cross your eyes, a 3D pony appears! yay!

Scandalabra January 22, 2009 at 7:58 pm

I hope Mark Penn has to go on Judge Judy to get his last bit of cash out of Hillz. It would give the PUMAs a forum for democracy they could still understand in our new post-torture muslimocracy.

TedTheLightBulbSalesman January 22, 2009 at 7:59 pm

Am I the only person who thinks Liz looks like a young Corin Tucker from Sleater-Kinney?

1ofUS January 22, 2009 at 8:05 pm

What do you get when you cross Powellate your Colin? No, not a serated Palin, but a Mark Penn Pol Doll. That’s your free Pol Doll, take it and urinate with it.

chascates January 22, 2009 at 8:11 pm

From some site via HuffPo:
Confirmed: Kirsten Gillibrand Chosen to Fill Clinton’s Senate Seat

Congresswoman Kirsten Gillibrand serves as U.S. Representative to New York’s Twentieth Congressional District, which stretches across the upstate counties of Saratoga, Dutchess, Columbia, Rensselaer, Washington, Warren, Delaware, Greene, Essex and Otsego.

Mighty Rex January 22, 2009 at 8:16 pm

Am I the only one who thinks Liz Glover is teh dreamiest dreamboat? I am afraid to look at the other commentz and find out it is not so.

chascates January 22, 2009 at 8:21 pm

[re=226329]Mighty Rex[/re]: She’s started her new job at the Washington Times and I can bear the thought of her being pawed by the likes of that crowd.

Pat Pending January 22, 2009 at 8:22 pm

um. If the Hilz had WON the primaries and the presidency, then maybe this little 3am ad would merit some attention. yawn…

chascates January 22, 2009 at 8:23 pm

[re=226330]chascates[/re]:

Lionel Hutz Esq. January 22, 2009 at 8:23 pm

Wait, we had the choice of being raped? I voted for Hillary for no good reason!

randomsausage January 22, 2009 at 8:23 pm

[re=226329]Mighty Rex[/re]: No worries Mighty, we Wonkette pervs have been ogling at her for ages. She’s got that sexy hipster thing down to a t.

chascates January 22, 2009 at 8:23 pm

I mean I CAN’T bear the thought, etc. This is what happens when I go a day or two without drinking.

Neilist January 22, 2009 at 8:31 pm

I had no idea Ken Dorfman (AKA “Flounder”) went into political consulting after leaving Faber College.

And Liz: If you’re going to be stalking the wily D.C. Land Whale, be sure to take along a harpoon.

NunnaTheSOBs January 22, 2009 at 8:41 pm

[re=226304]Jukesgrrl[/re]:
hear! hear!

when is some “Hunter S. Thompson” of
the new millinium going to “savage”
the whole “political consultant” racket ?

a mixed-race back bencher that nobody
outside of Illinois knew about before
2004, OUT-FOXED the whole fucking
Clintonista Cabal —-

she and this animated bucket of lard
just ASSUMED that whites really were
racist at heart, and that she could
boldly, openly appeal to that presumed
racism.

what they completely misjudged is the
basic COMMON SENSE of the electorate —
George W. Bush completely demolished
the last brick in the edifice of
“inate white superiority”, and she,
taking her cue from Bucket Butt, thought
she could appeal to what now lay in rubble.

this prick, James Carville, and Begala
shouldn’t be allowed near another
campaign.

P.T.T. January 22, 2009 at 8:51 pm

My iTunes played this the instant I opened Wonkette and saw the picture. Honest.

I went into a restaurant
Lookin’ for the cook
I told them I was the editor
Of a famous etiquette book
The waitress he was handsome
He wore a powder blue cape
I ordered some suzette, I said
“Could you please make that crepe”
Just then the whole kitchen exploded
From boilin’ fat
Food was flying everywhere
And I left without my hat

chascates January 22, 2009 at 8:55 pm

Now the NY Times is saying the Yo-Yo Ma, Itzhak Perlman, et al. musicale on the inauguration platform was previously recorded, due to the weather conditions.
Is nothing sacred?

Scandalabra January 22, 2009 at 8:57 pm

Dinguses is a pretty powerful word if you know how to use it.

Pop Socket January 22, 2009 at 9:05 pm

Penn is leading in the “Blowing Biggest Lead” prize as well as “Biggest Blowhard” and “Least Likely to be Offered a Blowjob”.

Giant Robot January 22, 2009 at 9:25 pm

[re=226308]tunamelt[/re]: I want a full report from Ambassador Vacant on my desk by 6:00 am!

Bamos January 22, 2009 at 9:47 pm

No reason to pile on Penn. Everyone knows what he did and what he didn’t. The real question is if he ever works again let us pray it is for Jeb Bush. So let it be written so let him be written off.

schvitzatura January 22, 2009 at 10:35 pm
Wonks Adventure January 22, 2009 at 11:40 pm

[re=226344]chascates[/re]: yeah … between that and the article about the former guantanamo detainee now serving as a chief al-qaida operative in yemen, it wasn’t the best nytimes homepage i’ve ever seen.

saggyboobedhag January 23, 2009 at 2:49 am

I once tried to talk to this dweeb about an actual microtrend in NC, a state that could have proved pivotal in this election. He looked at me as if I was speaking a foreign language. Do you think he actually wrote that book?

villageatrois January 23, 2009 at 4:26 am

Everybody knows, baby’s got new clothes.

Only Sarah Palin should answer the 3 a.m. phone call, because in Alaska, the ten o’clock news hasn’t even been shown yet. She’s still got her make-up on at that hour. OTOH, Hils would have to avoid the video call.

gurukalehuru January 23, 2009 at 7:42 am

Welcome to the Senate, Kristen! You wanna know how you can be a presidential contender in 2016? Push for investigations and prosecutions of Bush administration officials.
If you do that, I will overlook the gun nonsense and write complimentary things about you on all the blogs.

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