Wonkette
Sarah Palin made it very clear that when the campaign was over and she had lost, she would go back to Alaska, which, in her words, is “the state that I am the executive of,” and use her role in this capacity to make the state better. Since returning, she has helped Alaska by holding interviews with every wingnut and cable news anchor willing to talk to her about how nothing was her fault during the campaign. Although these gubernatorial leadership efforts have already made Alaska the most respectable place on Earth, Palin is not one to rest, and now she will help her state even more by devoting all of her time towards shopping a multi-million-dollar book deal.
The book will chronicle her important state reform record, including the chapters “Nicolle Wallace Was Full of Shit,” “Steve Schmidt Tried to Sabotage My Image,” and “Katie Couric, I Will Literally Kill You Tomorrow.” The rest will be about how mean Andrew Sullivan is. It will be dedicated to Kathryn Jean Lopez and written in nail polish.
[LA Times]
And who is she paying to write it?
My favorite chapter however, is the one which acts a cautionary tale to rednecks who have won the lottery like she did: take as much free shit as possible. (at least 150K of free shit)
Doglessliberal: Trig.
Maybe the book will include some good turkey recipes
*starbursts*
So her only problem is that none of her supporters can read…?
If only her fans were literate, this would be a really good idea.
I’m looking forward to the chapter on education, especially her thoughts on elitist high school and college educations.
Additional chapters:
“Satin Boxers Make the Man”
“Hey, Can I Borrow Your Towel”
“Obstinate Abstinence”
“The Rearing of the Head of the Liberal Media”
and, the Epilogue - “Also”
And of course Appendix B, detailing the efficient level of meth production in rural municipalities. Also.
She only wants $11 million for her book? But that’s only, like, 60 shopping sprees! What’s she going to do after the money runs out early in 2010?
Your majesty/Sarah Palin is like a dose of clap. Before you/she arrive(s) is pleasure, and after is a pain in the dong.
All executives have household help. Who picks up after the snowchildren while she’s field dressing a moose? Who empties Sarah’s garbage (or do they just let it freeze until spring)? THAT’s who I want a book (Governor Dearest) from.
Jamie Sommers: that would be an improvement, I bet. And I also bet she bills the State of AK for his fee somehow.
Toomush Infermashun: ah, picture book! Maybe even with pop-ups!
springfield_meltdown: If she devotes a chapter to each of the nothing colleges she went to, that’s half the book right there.
i will only buy it if oprah tells me to buy it; which will mean that the book and it’s author must be fraudulent. also, it must be available for sale at starbucks, also.
While I was watching ‘Milk’, the Anita Bryant clips brought to mind Palin, and I can see what gave Limbaugh & Kristol erections for Palin - she’s their second cumming.
Now we’ve gotten to the attention whore’s ghost written autobiography stage. What’s next? A perfume? Climbing out of a Dogsled without any panties? Or will it be the Playboy pictorial?
How does she have time to write a book? I imagine reading every single newspaper is time consuming.
ManchuCandidate: a redneck duets album with gretchen wilson.
I’m sure she will ask for a $4000,00,00,0 advance.
And a cock ring for Todd.
Don’t forget “I’m Hotter Than Tina Fey”
I hope the book has lots and lots of pictures of her kids.
ManchuCandidate: also. a casino comedy tour. also.
Doglessliberal: And who is she blowing to write it?
There. Fixed.
She has such pretty hair. Too bad it fills the space where her brain should be.
SHE HAS FINISHED HER MASTERPIECE. I have it quoted in its entirety, below:
Naive line following requirement me no like.
BRILLIANCE.
sevenrepeat:
Geico Commercial?
I hope that whomever ghost writes it, just basically transcribes what she says in her taped recordings and leaves her tale telling as is just for the lulz.
ManchuCandidate: the surreal life on vh1 where she will share a room with tammy faye’s christian yet haunting spirit.
ManchuCandidate: somehow I see her more in one of those “life comes at you fast” commercials. Is that Nationwide? Or Allstate? She could be deep frying moose parts a la the one with Kevin Federline…with babies crawling around all over the place…crumpled Neiman Marcus bags in the corner. Or she could be burning her Palin 2012 signs to fire the meth lab. Whatever.
Wait… if Palin is writing it, who is she going to blame for taking her quotes out of context when “the media” reveals how stupid she sounds again?
Toomush Infermashun: It’s going to have lots and lots of pictures.
I wonder if it will be written in retarded “folksy” speech.
“It Takes a Village Idiot”
Doglessliberal: Oh, those pop-ups have me drooling, already….BEST SELLER EVER, also…
Typesetters are already looking for a font where all the “i”s are dotted with hearts. Also.
tinybubbles:
Keep Federline away from her. Put those two in a room and they’ll breed like, uh, Tribbles. The nation will be overrun with stupid babies that have an extremely large sense of entitlement inversely proportional to their talent.
“It was the best of times, it was the times where we’re being impacting with the consumers and those who were predatory lenders, but there’s got to be a long-term, comprehensive solution, you know, it’s going to be a multifaceted solution, and of course with the health care. And the position of the bailout that the taxpayers have been. And job creation. Also.”
Anne Coulter is probably sticking pins in her Palin voodoo doll as we speak.
Once upon a time, I used to think Paris Hilton “writing” a book was the low point of modern American culture. I stand corrected.
You all can scoff: scoff, you scoffers! But when word gets out that there are locker room shots from her high school basketball days, you’ll be rushing down to Borders to put down a deposit.
If they make the audio book, we’ll have an epidemic of deafness from people sticking pencils in their ears all the way up to the eraser
V572625694: Plus there will be a “Free Ounce of Meth w/ Purchase” introductory offer so it could just fly off the shelves.
BadKitty: Hell, I’ll take one then.
norbizness: A stream of bat urine. One of Levi’s.
“I merely meant … your majesty is a ray of gold where all about is darkness.”
Tra: I have had to read many actual language books with real live words in them also since the election just to get the Palinspeak out of my brain, totally. And your post has brought it all back, also, just like the naughty dirty penny that it is with it’s non-Real-American liberal tendencies and beliefs, dontcha know, like the mainstream “gotcha” media where they wonder where I got my underwear while not investigating their, you know, real information about Barack Obama who may or may not even be a citizen of these United States of America! Why didn’t anyone not ask him that? I mean, Hillary brought it up, even! Now I have to read more about the black plague and the Nazis just to, you know, clear out the clutter and lack of clarity which were bad times when real live people were experiencing such a bad time that they had death and major problems also. For the children! And crocheting, also.
Hart88: or she’s blowing up her palin doll every thursday night to share their forbidden conservative christian lesbian love affair.
Is it true that Palin’s co-writing her book with Ted Stevens and Eliot Spitzer?
The title will be ‘My Struggle.’ Already taken?
You Betcha’ It Will Be A Hit!
http://democralypsenow.blogspot.com/
Vanity Smurf: There is such a font in Windows Office 2007 and it is called “Chick”. So she’s set in that regard. Also.
I understand that this memoir will actually be a comic book.
Since she’s such a known name, the cover should be just two words…enormous white print on a black background “PALIN”…..”ALSO”.
It’s this way: Publishers want to make money. A Palin book, even if only contained empty pages, would be snapped up by the millions of morons who voted for her and Walnuts. It’s how Coulter, Hannity, Beck and those other rightwing peabrains make money. Joe the Plumber and Alberto Gonzales must be screwed up to fail landing a wingnutbook deal. The nekkid picture of Sarah would only help sales. And it would find its rightful place beside My Pet Goat in the bush presidential library.
Doglessliberal: Rich Lowry. The book’s title will be “STARBURSTS!”
Actually, TeddyS, rightwing fucktards don’t buy books or read them. Rightwing fucktard “think”tanks buy them in bulk to put their authors on the best-seller list and create the myth that anyone cares what they “think.” Right now, if you subscribe to Townhall, Human Events, or join the Conservative Book Club, you will get a “free” copy of A. Hussein Coulter’s latest deuce.
ManchuCandidate: Hef has standards.
It´s book of moosemeat and SPAM recipes!
Sarah Palin-Tonya Harding 2012!!!!
Sorry, that would have to READ….
PALIN—-ALSO, TOO.