BUT CAN YOU HAVE SEX WITH IT?  2:57 pm January 22, 2009

Sexy New Obama Doll Will Fight Anything

by Sara K. Smith

Dick Cheney got out of his wheelchair!Ha ha dorks you will surely cream your Dolphin shorts over this glorious new creation! It is a Barack Obama with “interchangeable hands,” which sounds scary but awesome. It will do literally anything you want it to do, including fisting. [Gizmodo]

 
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{ 60 comments }

Sarjo January 22, 2009 at 3:00 pm

Oh my god…his father never died, after all!

Sassette January 22, 2009 at 3:00 pm

If Obama manages to create lightsaber technology then I think we can officially call his Presidency a success. But if he starts wearing Jedi robes all bets are off!

Texan Bulldoggette January 22, 2009 at 3:02 pm

He will be caught up in a sex scandal when pics of him fisting Malibu Barbie hit the Internet. BTW: have you seen the Sasha & Malia Beanie Babies? No Ghetto Barbie for Michelle–where’s the love, toy manufacturers?

bhosp January 22, 2009 at 3:02 pm

You can’t win, Dick; if you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.

Toomush Infermashun January 22, 2009 at 3:03 pm

HOW BIG are those hands, anyway…?

freakishlystrong January 22, 2009 at 3:03 pm

I shudder to think where poor Barry doll will end up in the hands of male Republicans, good thing his shoes are nice….

Serolf Divad January 22, 2009 at 3:03 pm

Sarah, I know you’re a ladykind and all, but they’re called “action figures” not “dolls.”

ja January 22, 2009 at 3:04 pm

he look like he’s about to Whup Darth Vader’s ASS right there.

Noocular Jane January 22, 2009 at 3:04 pm

No one ever told me Barry had a wide stance… this changes everything?

Doglessliberal January 22, 2009 at 3:04 pm

Dammit! The site that sells it (maybe) is all in Japanese. It might be saying Barry is a Muslin Terrorist who uses kung fu, or it might be asking me to send my $29.95 via Visa. I want one!

WhatTheHeck January 22, 2009 at 3:06 pm

The earlier editions came with a prayer rug and a map of Mecca.

Min January 22, 2009 at 3:07 pm

“Impressive. Most impressive. Obi-Wan has taught you well.”
“Bite me, Cheney.”

actor212 January 22, 2009 at 3:07 pm

Interchangeable hands?

Enter, The Dragon!

shanemacgowan January 22, 2009 at 3:08 pm

The doll comes with “katanas, 9mm gun, assault rifle, and a lightsaber.” Our country would be a better place if the real Barry had pulled out these accessories during his interview with Bill O’Reilly.

Oh and [re=225886]Sarjo[/re]: very nice. I just hope that we don’t learn that Hillary Clinton is his sister five years into his presidency.

actor212 January 22, 2009 at 3:09 pm

[re=225892]Toomush Infermashun[/re]: Those were leftovers from the Ann…oops. Forgot we can’t say Coultergeist’s name here.

magic titty January 22, 2009 at 3:09 pm

Why are his pants jacked up to his nipples? Is it Urkel?
Fail.

AxmxZ January 22, 2009 at 3:11 pm

Love the dorky high waist on the pants. Very in-character.

Merry Christen January 22, 2009 at 3:11 pm

Oh, christ, the nerds (and Republicans!) will have a field day with this one. it’s gonna be right up there with the Baby Jesus Butt Plug ™…. I can’t get that thing out of my mind!!

WhatTheHeck January 22, 2009 at 3:12 pm

American Girl dolls are now singing “Big Hands, you’re the one.”

queeraselvis v 2.0 January 22, 2009 at 3:12 pm

Bah. Barry has nothing, I say, NOTHING against the true power of Anthony Giddens and Michel Foucault. Muahahahahahaha!

chascates January 22, 2009 at 3:13 pm

Vadar looks more like Scalia than Cheney, albeit a very skinny Scalia.

Servo January 22, 2009 at 3:14 pm

When does he fight the Sand Ni-…uh, People?

hockeymom January 22, 2009 at 3:14 pm

Darth looks like he’s sporting leggings from the Lindsay Lohan collection.

WadISay January 22, 2009 at 3:16 pm

If you have a Barbie Doll at home, this will make its nipples hard.

snideinplainsight January 22, 2009 at 3:16 pm

Can somebody please start a thread where I can make a joke about Hillary arriving at “Foggy Bottom”?

Aurelio January 22, 2009 at 3:18 pm

Darth should get back in his wheelchair. Or Barack should get into one. Let’s have a level playing field.

Servo January 22, 2009 at 3:19 pm

A Sith Lord lashing out about gay stormtroopers.

Sussemilch January 22, 2009 at 3:22 pm

Help me, Obama-wan Kenobi, you’re my only hope!

Servo January 22, 2009 at 3:28 pm

Where’s Boba Plumber?

magic titty January 22, 2009 at 3:29 pm

[re=225935]Servo[/re]: You’re fucking epic at this.

Also, I totally want like six Barry action figures. I’m not even kidding.

MisterGotRox January 22, 2009 at 3:29 pm

Barry vs. Cheney. Barry in 6.

Lascauxcaveman January 22, 2009 at 3:29 pm

[re=225924]WadISay[/re]: Haha, Barbie dolls don’t have nipples. (I checked)

Rush January 22, 2009 at 3:30 pm

[re=225924]WadISay[/re]:

or a Richard Simmons doll

AngryBlakGuy January 22, 2009 at 3:31 pm

…oh gawd, now Im fantasizing of Michelle in the princess Leia slave girl outfit and hair do!

AxmxZ January 22, 2009 at 3:34 pm

[re=225941]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: First fisting, now incest…

Merry Christen January 22, 2009 at 3:34 pm

[re=225941]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: I’m SURE you’re not the only one…

Servo January 22, 2009 at 3:36 pm

[re=225941]AngryBlakGuy[/re]:
Thanks for the image. *reaches for Jergen’s*

Rush January 22, 2009 at 3:36 pm

Has anyone else noticed that the amount of posts on a given Wonkette article is proportional to the sillyness of the photo? Pictures good – words bad.

sevenrepeat January 22, 2009 at 3:38 pm

i see his schwartz is as big as mine!

AngryBlakGuy January 22, 2009 at 3:38 pm

…and is the placement of Barry’s “light-saber” purely coincidental? I think not!

Violenza January 22, 2009 at 3:48 pm

Why does the doll’s teeth look more like John McCain’s? Li’l rotten Chiclets. If it weren’t for the teeth, I would have ordered 20 by now.

Violenza January 22, 2009 at 3:50 pm

[re=225957]Violenza[/re]: Does, do, whatever it is.

ManchuCandidate January 22, 2009 at 3:55 pm

Let’s hope he’s not hung like Ken.

DeLand DeLakes January 22, 2009 at 3:56 pm

[re=225894]Serolf Divad[/re]: Nope, sorry. The term “action figures” was invented simply to convince young boys and grown nerds that miniature humanoid toys are not “dolls,” and that they are not therefore “gay” for playing with them.

NoWireHangers January 22, 2009 at 3:59 pm

I can’t wait until my new Kung-Fu grip Barack Obama action figure meets Michelle Obama Barbie! It’ll be the porn I always wanted but they never released!

sevenrepeat January 22, 2009 at 4:00 pm

i noticed his barackberry is missing from the accessories

queeraselvis v 2.0 January 22, 2009 at 4:03 pm

[re=225968]DeLand DeLakes[/re]: And I’m here to tell you that this little linguistic experiment FAILED. (::Still remembers having fantasies on seeing the original, circa 1978 Luke Skywalker action figure from Mattel::)

actor212 January 22, 2009 at 4:11 pm

If you pull the string on his back, does he raise a microphone to his mouth and yell, “If you smelllllllllllllllllllll-el! What! Barack! Is! Cooking!”

actor212 January 22, 2009 at 4:12 pm

[re=225941]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Thanks for sharing, man. I had just gotten over the…well, nevermind.

Giant Robot January 22, 2009 at 4:29 pm

Can I program it to attack anyone who thinks Benjamin Button was a good movie?

Mahousu January 22, 2009 at 4:30 pm

You can actually order this from jokeshop.co.jp:
http://shop.yumetenpo.jp/goods/d/jokeshop.co.jp/g/USPE08BO/index.shtml

The price (Y8,980) is unbeatable. Oh, and there’s a McCain figure, too!

Hooray For Anything January 22, 2009 at 4:41 pm

[re=226045]Giant Robot[/re]: If you can, I am SO buying that doll

Mahousu January 22, 2009 at 4:43 pm

[re=226049]Mahousu[/re]: Oh, rats, I tried ordering it, and got a message that they weren’t taking any more orders over the web, but that it might be available in the store itself. Well, that’s a little far for a shopping trip.

ja January 22, 2009 at 4:52 pm

B. Button gets a little better about three days after you’ve left the theatre.

actor212 January 22, 2009 at 5:02 pm

[re=226114]ja[/re]: So does gonorrhea.

ja January 22, 2009 at 5:32 pm

it was that god-damn little hummingbird man

DeLand DeLakes January 22, 2009 at 6:06 pm

[re=225982]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: There’s a reason why my Dad wouldn’t let me have the Michael Jackson “action figure,” after all!

Vipper of Vipp January 23, 2009 at 1:05 am

The shoes are nicely detailed, but that is the biggest shirt pocket I have ever seen.

SwanSwanH January 23, 2009 at 7:23 am

“Dolfin” shorts. They were sweet.

JohnnyMeatworth January 23, 2009 at 11:55 am

If only it came with an Indiana Jones whip too….

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