Wonkette
Man French people have some bad luck with their dogs. Just a few years ago that lady got half her face eaten off by her Labrador, so they had to slap some cadaver’s face on her and that worked out OK, but still. And now former French President Jacques Chirac, who nobody much liked when he was in office, is a national hero because he got mauled by his crappy little Maltese, which was “clinically depressed.”
The animal, named Sumo, had become increasingly violent over the past years and was prone to making ‘vicious, unprovoked attacks’, Chirac’s wife Bernadette said.
[...] Mrs Chirac said: ‘The dog went for him for no apparent reason.
‘We were already aware the animal was unpredictable and is actually being treated with pills for depression.
‘My husband was bitten quite badly, but he is certain to make a full recovery over the coming weeks.’
Mrs. Chirac wouldn’t say where the former president was bitten, so we assume that means “in the balls.”
Former French President Chirac hospitalised after mauling by his clinically depressed poodle [Daily Mail]
Barney?
The Daily Mail’s headline is right up there with “Headless Body in Topless Bar” and this one:
http://digg.com/odd_stuff/I_Kicked_Burning_Terrorist_So_Hard_in_Balls_I_Tore_a_Tendon_PIC
Hillary’s first big test… hope she doesn’t fuck up the get well card. I hear they’re still pissed about the whole “freedom fries” thing.
Those pansy Frenchmen. A real American president would only be mauled by a manly dog like a pitbull or a rottweiler. Then he’d strangle the dog with his bare hands and wipe the blood on his face before wrapping himself in the American flag and cradling the dog in his rippling biceps.
“‘We were already aware the animal was unpredictable and is actually being treated with pills for depression.”
That dog needs to “go live on a farm”.
The little fella probably snapped the french tickler right off his nob.
That man has some seriously long fingers.
The cardinal rule has always been “Do not own a dog that you could not overpower if it suddenly went crazy”. See: Cujo.
Most people can overpower a Maltese. Unless they’re…French?? Um…
That’s not a poodle or Maltese! It’s a “Malti-Poo.” So-called designer-dog. Ugh!
Chirac immediately surrendered.
Poor Jacques.
He shouldn’t have fed the dog uppers.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uVSVIaYLe4M
I fully expect a French Legion of Honor for Ben Stiller in the future.
Prosthetics, from when Sumo gnawed the stubby ones off earlier. No one has real fingers that long.
Every time I hear his name, I think of Black Jacques Chirac from the Bugs Bunny cartoons.
Everyone knows you NEVER use chunky peanut-butter on the balls. You just don’t do it.
The French they are a funny race…
“The pet, named after the Japanese form of wrestling, was a gift to the Chiracs from their grandson Martin.
“Recent polls have shown that since leaving office Chirac is now regarded as one of the most popular politicians in France, liked by 70 per cent of people.”
I think that 70% does NOT include the grandson, Martin. Anyone check out Granpa’s will lately….?
When it comes to those little yip dogs, I advocate preëmptive strikes.
This is weird, though. When I lived in France, I couldn’t help but notice how well-behaved all the dogs were. I didn’t really notice the dogs there until one characteristically aggressive dog started barking at me, which made me realize that none of the other dogs there do that. Ol’ Jacques must have done something to set him off. Maybe he was carrying liver paste in his pants pockets again.
NoWireHangers:
‘A real American president would only be mauled by a manly dog like a pitbull or a rottweiler.’
Or a Cock Jackal.
Min: the better to poke you with my dear.
L Urchin: i think they photoshopped his fingers to bring out his eyes.
That dog looks a lot like Condi, or vice-versa.
Sure, the dog was depressed. He’s French. He probably sits in cafes all day long, chain-smoking Gauloises and writing long journal entries complaining about his existential ennui and the absurdity of fetching.
And let’s not forget that savage attack on Inspector Clouseau in 1976. Tragic.
Clouseau: Does your dog bite?
Hotel Clerk: No.
Clouseau: [bowing down to pet the dog] Nice doggie.
[Dog barks and bites Clouseau in the hand]
Clouseau: I thought you said your dog did not bite!
Hotel Clerk: That is not my dog.
Wait… I thought the French had no balls.
Madame Chirac vehemently denied rumours that traces of a liver stock and bordeaux reduction were found on the … ah, wound.
While Sumo and Bernadette take the waters at Baden, Chirac will spend six weeks at Cesar Millan’s Dog Psychology Center.
This means Mélissa Theuriau will have sex with me now, right? Somehow?
Dogs know things
My mother-in-law (foolishly) attempted to wrestle a chocolate bar from the mouth of a Beagle, only to be severely bitten on the hand. She is French.
No merde.
NoWireHangers: Mr Blifil: Chad San Marino: Serolf Divad:
Hey!
True story: Last month I got a call that my mom had had a heart attack and was in the hospital. On the way there, distracted as I was, I went off the road, was thrown from the car, and burnt up my face on the car’s muffler. Attracted by the smell of cooking flesh, a stray dog ate off my face! As it turns out, by the time the ambulance got me to the hospital, my mother had died; and given the close genetic match, the doctors transplanted her face onto mine (it sounded like a good idea at the time, I guess). I just woke up yesterday, and, man, I’m freakin’ out!!! This may sound like a funny story, but it’s not — I may never look in a mirror again.
I hate those tiny little white dogs. Like 90% of the people in my apartment complex who have dogs have those, and they’re all the worst-behaved dogs I’ve ever seen. Nobody bothers to train or discipline them, because they think since they’re so small they can’t actually hurt anybody. Then, because they are poorly behaved, they cause trouble with the other dogs and the owners freak out about your dog “trying to kill” their shitty little maltipoo.
In other words, Chirac got what he deserved for having one of those shitty dogs and not disciplining it.
Monsieur Grumpe: C’est pas si grave. Laisse-les bouffer ses frîtes de liberté et laisse tomber. N’occupe-toi pas avec cette haine. Ras le bol!
Put him down. The dog doesn’t deserve to be with such swine.
Oh Tish. I love it when you speak French. *kisses Larry*
DemmeFatale: Being called a ‘malti-poo’ is probably what set it over the edge…
Colander:
That’s what Nutella is for.
Larry McAwful:
Qu’il est tout dans le bon amusement.
Non?
I thought the French prefered pussys? A pussy would never bite like a dog. Unless…
http://www.entertainmentwise.com/photos/Image/britbrittwitter430.jpg
Mizzus Shirac apparentlee found out about zat leetle hottie on Rue de Madeleine!
I’m still unsure how one diagnoses canine depression.
Godot: Always bringin’ the hate for whitey…
Hart88: The dog shrink says “fetch,” and the dog gets all sad-eyed and says, “What’s the use?”
ManchuCandidate: YouTube is blocked by the Borg, but let me guess: Puppy Uppers?
Where’s Cesar the Dog Whisperer when you need him?
Uh oh. This does not bode well for Malia and Sasha.
Finally, a “dog” post!!! … er, .. I got nothing.