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Of course it’s fixed now, because Arianna Huffington hates funny things. Also how about that President Obama, hmm? He has been a very busy fellow these past two days, all signing (singing?) important orders and actually doing stuff he said he would do in his campaign. [Huffington Post]
12:02 PM
on Thu January 22 2009
By
Sara K. Smith
1376 Views
Wonkette
Admittedly, the detainees are good at reaching those high notes, what with all the cattle prods to the balls…
Gitmo prison!
My heart’s devotion.
Let it sink back in the ocean.
Always the hurricanes blowing,
Always the population growing.
And the water boarding,
And the inmates screaming
And Dick Cheney scheming.
I like Barry’s planned closure.
Smoke your crack pipe
And put that in!
He’s going to need a bigger eraser.
What rhymes with taser to my balls?
Yesterday there was fisting, today there is singing. What new talents will our President reveal tomorrow?
Guantanamo: The Musical
(sung to the tune of Python’s Knights Of The Round Table)
We’re the Prisoners Of Guantana
For hangin’ with Osama
Tie us to a board
Pour water on our gourd
We’ll tell ya anyhting ya wanna
I’m thinking the Preznit would sing like Lou Rawls, heavy duty smooth cool, with a hint of cleansing nicotine and bourbon:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L2Sqts6YrPs
Theodorick Of York:
Der!
Anything
For life is quite absurd
And death’s the final word
You must always face the curtain with a bow.
Forget about your sin - give the audience a grin
Enjoy it - it’s your last chance anyhow.
So always look on the bright side of death
Just before you draw your terminal breath
Life’s a piece of shit
When you look at it
Life’s a laugh and death’s a joke, it’s true.
You’ll see it’s all a show
Keep ‘em laughing as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you.
And always look on the bright side of life…
Always look on the right side of life…
(Come on guys, cheer up!)
Always look on the bright side of life…
Always look on the bright side of life…
(Worse things happen at sea, you know.)
Always look on the bright side of life…
(I mean - what have you got to lose?)
(You know, you come from nothing - you’re going back to nothing.
What have you lost? Nothing!)
Always look on the right side of life…
He can sing, he can dance, he can legislate. He’s a triple threat!
OReillysVibrator: Tear down these walls! Take a taser to my balls! All for one and for all! Guantanamo shall fall!
Yes, President Obama is doing great so far.
Singing* Bush had Foriegn Policies?
I’m waiting for the big greenhouse gas kickline number with Al Gore.
NoWireHangers: Did you ever know that you’re my hero?
There’s a hole in the world like a great black pit
And the vermin of the world inhabit it
And it’s morals aren’t worth what a pig could spit
And it goes by the name of Gitmo
At the top of the hole sit a privileged few
Making mock of the vermin in the lower zoo
Turning beauty into filth and greed I too
Have sailed the world and seen its wonders
For the cruelty of men is as wondrous as Peru
But there’s no place like Gitmo
I should be snarking, but I’m so frickin happy. Hopey banned torture in that second executive order. We can rejoin the ranks of civilized countries. Yay, us!
Let the eeeeagle soooaaaarrrr… fuck. wait…
Godot: “What rhymes with taser to my balls?”
Phaser to my walls?
Set on vaporize of course. . .
OBAMA IS OUR SAVIOR!!! One illegal prison down, now there’s only ????infinityhundred left to go!! GOD BLESS AMERICA
An old Supremes Number??
Stop! in the name of love
Before you zap his balls
Gitmo, Gitmo
I’m aware of what you do
Each time you open the door
I watch you waterboard that guy
Knowing he’s a nobody they caught
But this time before you drown his ass
I’ll close down your ass
(think it over) after I’ve said I do ?
(think it over) after I’ve said so long to you ?
Stop! in the name of love
Before you break his mind
Stop! in the name of love
Before you zap his balls
Shut it down
Shut it down
‘President Obama sings order to fight illiteracy.’
But where are we going to send Cheney now?
o/~ There’s evidence (there’s evidence)
There’s evidence (there’s evidence)
Evidence of torturements with one long endless beat,
Muslims, Germans, little men - the framework was complete
By the tiiiiime … (OF THE 2008 ELECTION!) The torture framework was complete
Tor-ture
frame-work
wa-as
com-plete. o/~
(With apologies to Terry Jones and Monty Python)
Next order: all WH press-conferences shall henceforth be held in recitative.
When you got hope
From West Wing Story
You got hope all the way.
You still need cigarettes
To get through the day.
When you got hope
You close Guantanamo,
You pull out of Iraq,
You just pick up and go!
You’re runnin’ the show,
Just like you expected!
The Jonas boys know:
They’ll always be selected,
‘Cause you’re elected!
actor212: I’m hearing either Monty Python or Mell Brooks. That “Inquisition” number was a show stopper.
Time was, rejecting torture as official public policy, ending show trials of 15 year old “war criminals”, and closing secret prisons in Romania was not seen as a left-wing agenda. This is what sane, loosely centrist policies look like, if just a taste. Actual real life progressive politics will require some real elbows to Vitter’s face and the rest of the GOP dead-enders on the Hill.
Hooray for Anything: I’m sure there are plenty of people who have ideas and opinions who are VERY creative about that.
Perhaps he could be forced to watch and unending reel of Harvey Fierstein movies.
Terry: Are you sure he banned torture? I see only two executive orders so far on the WhiteHouse.gov web site. One is a set of rules for how to accept dirty money and whores from lobbyists, and the other one is about access to Presidential records:
http://www.whitehouse.gov/briefing_room/executive_orders/
In theory “Ethics Commitments” should include a commitment not to torture, but I don’t see it anywhere in there.
You know, all of this “change” is great and all, but can we please keep the Easter Egg thing? Wonkette reviews of the 50 states Easter Eggs are a gift.
okay, never mind, it looks like the White House web site may be pretty out of date, because apparently staffers aren’t allowed to use any technology more recent than Windows Me and Microsoft Frontpage:
http://tinyurl.com/csqxac
Hooray For Anything: China still does a mean ball-zapping. Check out the menu!
http://www.francesfarmersrevenge.com/stuff/archive/torture/chinese.htm
For Cheney, I vote number three!
Deepthroat: Really? I like you too!
jagorev: You’re looking in the wrong place.
Obama issued an Executive Rainbow Fart.
Just search “fart” on the web site.
jagorev: Correct. I suspect it will take some time to upload the plethora of change and that it isn’t in sync yet. Huffpo has video.
This is an American tragedy. No more Cockmeat Sandwiches?? For shame President Obama. FOR SHAME!!1!1
Shit I go over to Big Hollywood for a few minutes and I missed the Variety Hour.
Ah, look at all the mirthless people
Ah, look at all the mirthless people
Arianne-a-a writing the words of a blog post that no one will read
No one has need
Look at her working, darning her socks in the night now that everyone’s poor
Lefe’s so unsure.
All the mirthless people
Where do they all come from ?
All the mirthless people
Where do they all belong ?
OReillysVibrator: phasers in the mall
They don’t call ‘em the Gitmo Blues for nothin’.
damn, it’s a regular tin pan alley up in here today!
Guantanamo will become part of the Citi Group, which has requested another $13 billion to convert the jail into a General Motors dealership. As it’s in Cuba, they will be selling 1962 Chevys.
New footage of the terrorist detainees sharing a meal:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SP-gN1zoI28
Godot: It’s terr’ist, have a little terr’ist. Is it any good? Sir, it’s too good, at least.
All due respect to andrew lloyd webber, but this HAS to be a sondheim musical. I’m thinking something between Assassins and A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum.
NoWireHangers: Get a room, you two.
Well, with all the hope and change going on, it seems the GOP is in favor of global warming in addition to torture. I think these are winning themes and cannot wait until they come down on the pro-kitten-crushing side as well.
It’s all fun-and-games until someone puts up a post that encourages the commenters’ inner Judy Garland to come out.
pondscum: It was the Python boys. It was the first song that popped into my head.
Have we been attacked and overrun yet by heathen Muslin tourists because President Obama refuses to stand up for freedom and spends all his time singing?
“singing” (σινγινγ) is actually Greek for “signing,” as Arianna Stassinopoulos “Huffington” well knows. Not to be confused with “σιγνινγ,” which is the Greek word for anal sex-their favorite ethnic leisure passtime.
Careful Wonkette… You don’t want to meet the Gawker fate and get deleted from the HuffPost blog list now do you?
I KNEW THE DAY WOULD COME WHEN WE’D HAVE A MUSICAL ADMINISTRATION.
I want Obama to break out into song while Rahm Emanuel dances ala Gene Kelly in tight pants and loafers.
D.C., D.C.! A helluva town!