this is all eliot spitzer's fault

Caroline, You Know, Dropped Out Because Paterson Wasn’t Going To Appoint Her, Anyway

Caroline, NoWhen this BREAKING NEWS broke 40 minutes ago, Caroline Kennedy was dropping out of the whole “You know, I am famous, politically, so anoint me senator” deal for “personal reasons.” Ha, and now it turns out (according to the New York Post, which is apparently correct) the “reason” was she wasn’t the “person” Paterson will choose to run out Hillary Clinton’s term in the Senate.

Paterson, the blind lieutenant governor who only rose to this kingmaking perch because of the filthy cock jackal antics of Eliot Spitzer, sort of mentioned yesterday that young Andrew Cuomo might be a better pick, what with his actual experience representing the citizens of New York.

And now, it is finished, probably, even though she wrote that nice endorsement column for the NYT that sort of helped Obama finally claim the nomination he had already pretty much won. Caroline Kennedy is surely a nice lady who knows many things, and now she’ll have some time to actually prepare to run for public office, if she decides to continue this weird pursuit.

CAROLINE KENNEDY ENDS SENATE SEAT BID [NEW YORK POST]

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About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

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94 comments

  1. ifthethunderdontgetya"

    (according to the New York Post)

    HEADLESS BODY IN TOPLESS BAR
    (New York Post, 1982)
    ~

  2. Texan Bulldoggette

    [re=225230]Rodney Badger[/re]: Yes, an ‘inadequate black male’ will get the mouth-foaming going deliciously.

  3. SayItWithWookies

    I wouldn’t discourage that “weird pursuit.” The rich need hobbies — it keeps them from managing hedge funds. That’s also why we let them think they’re smart and beautiful — the more time they spend putting their wise life lessons to paper or starting a line of cosmetics, the safer the world is for the rest of us.

  4. Rush

    Theres a black man with a black cat
    Living in a black neighbourhood
    Hes got an interstate runnin through his front yard
    You know, he think, that hes got it so good

  5. TIlden '76

    I notice that you accept uncritically the New York Post’s reporting on the reasons why. Is this deliberate bias on your part? The New York Times and the Washington Post cite very different motivations in their reporting.

    While the Post version certainly leaps to the mind, I would remind you that it comes from the same reporters who told us not 24 hours ago that Kennedy was a lock – and a week before that Steve Israel has it sewn up.

    My point is that the Post has shown the reporting in the Senate seat to be heavily padded out with imagination, supposition and conjecture. We know she is out, but I think we’ll need to wait to know why and whose idea it really was.

  6. Joehoya

    I’m going to go ahead and withdraw my name from consideration, as well. You know, for my family’s sake.

  7. lynchzilla

    Sadly, our blind governor did not notice that Caroline had stylish rich-girl hair.
    The governor does have this in common with now top-seeder Andrew Cuomo, both have boinked hussies not listed on their marriage licenses. At least Cuomo will give better parties since the Food Network’s Sandra Lee has had semi-homemade carnal knowledge of Andrew Cuomo’s turkey baster.

  8. Advocatus_Diaboli

    Well, that lays to rest once and for all the possibility that US America might have a political dynasty/nepotism problem.

  9. tsunami

    [re=225230]Rodney Badger[/re]: puma outrage…

    you know, if she’d bob her nose, do her eybrows, tone up a bit,
    and for god’s sake do something about those wrinkles and wear some
    makeup, it’d be easier to take her seriously…you know…as a woman person type.

    [i hope that doesn't piss off the pumas, but facts is facts.]

  10. Neilist

    [This was funnier with the picture, but it's still pretty good]

    Senora Kennedy Is Make Very Good Senator

    Guest Opinion
    by Rosa Ortiz
    Chief of Housekeeping Staff
    Estate of Caroline Kennedy

    Buenos dias! I am Rosa. I twelve years work for Senora Caroline Kennedy and her family so I am write for you today to tell you why Senora Kennedy is make very very good senator for Nueva York. Senora Kennedy is very busy now with party menus so she tell me to write this when I am finish with floors and make the bed for guest wing. I am now finish so I write this.

    Senora Kennedy is very very sad that television man say he no think she is make a good senator in Washington. This is not right for you to think this too because Senora Kennedy is make very good senator! Here is the reasons:

    Senora Kennedy she is from famous senator family. Senora Kennedy father was El Presidente. She have tio who is senator. She have many cousin who also is senator, even all the ones with the drug problems. Why she is only one who no is senator? This is no fair to her. In my old country was the law that all family of el Presidente is also Senator or Minister until the revolucion.

    Senora Kennedy is many plaques. She have a diploma from the Senator school and many trophies. She have many famous photografias and autografias. I know this because I have to clean her office every Tuesday and is very hard for to dust all this many things.

    Senora Kennedy have very many busy jobs. She is edit the book for the children and the poetry. She also choose the winners for the many awards she is boss for. It is make her very tired, but every day Senora is go to work for the volunteer to raise the money for the awards and the charity. She have many parties at the home and the museum. She work very hard to shop for the new gowns and invitacions. She is also make the seating arrange and hide the tequila from Tio Teddy so he not get borracho. This she do for the poor.

    Senora Kennedy she is the good mother. She is raise her two girls by herself, with the nannies, and every night read the girls the poetry book she edit. The nannies are go now because the girls they also are go off now to Senator school.

    Senora Kennedy she is always know the issues. Every morning she always tell me, “Rosa, where is my New York Time paper?” Then she read it before she go to Fifth Avenue for the shopping. When she get back she tell me to put it in the recycle because to save the planet.

    Senora Kennedy is the good boss for the people. She treat everybody on the staff very nice and no yell. We all get one day off in the week and she give the $200 bonus this Christmas. Except Maria because she broke the crystal bowl in the office when she dusting.

    Senora Kennedy knows how to call the taxi. Senora Kennedy say to tell you she sometime call taxi by herself.

    This is why you should no listen to the people who say she no be a good senator. Senora Kennedy is make the best senator because she is the pure full blood of the Kennedy, and no one drop of mestizo. When she is senator maybe she give you $200 bonus if you no break anything or be disloyal. Extra $100 if you write a good blog about her.

    I have to fold laundry now. Also Tio Teddy is come to the party tonight so I have to lock the liquor cabinets.

  11. Scandalabra

    And it seems to me you lived your life
    Like a candle in the wind
    Never knowing who to cling to
    When the rain set in
    And I would have liked to have known you
    But I was just a kid
    Your candle burned out long before
    Your legend ever did

  12. InsidiousTuna

    [re=225286]Neilist[/re]: I didn’t want to read the whole thing, but I did anyway. And it was worth it, dammit.

  13. WadISay

    PUMAs my ass (= PUMAMAs, wtf?). I bet our new Secretary of State or Bill is at the bottom of this. They’ve still got a mad-on for Carolyn endorsing Barry. Either (A) they’ve got dirty pictures of Caroline, or (B) they called the NYT and said, “This is Caroline Kennedy and maybe I’m not in the market for this job. Goin’ faw some chowdah now.”

  14. Alex Trebeks Girl

    This is crap. Keith Olbermann just said David Gregory said that it’s not true. She’s in it to win it!

  15. Atoz

    You know, she didn’t, you know, withdraw because she figures Teddy’s health will actually, you know, guilt Patterson into appointing her, you know?

  16. chascates

    From the CBS News site:
    However, spokespeople for both Kennedy and New York Gov. David Paterson — who will make the Senate appointment — could not confirm the report to CBS News.

    NBC News’ David Gregory reported that Kennedy has not in fact withdrawn and that there may have been a miscommunication.

  17. masterdebater

    [re=225301]Alex Trebeks Girl[/re]:
    Yeah, not so fast! I heard from the gardener down the street that he was talking to his sister, who is a maid for someone in New York, that that works at the governors mansion, that there is still a chance that she might be sort of be in the whole “pimp my senator” deal they have going on. Too bad it isn’t Illinois….

  18. Mr Blifil

    I once passed Jackie O on the corner of 86th and Park one morning. Sunglasses, the whole nine yards. She left a trail of people performing surreptitious 180s in her wake.

    I would like to see Jackie O’s daughter installed in the Senate because why the fuck not. Otherwise the seat will just go to some douche who doesn’t have the remotest connection to Jackie O. And so what will have been the point of my passing her in the street, I ask you?

  19. chascates

    Now, from MSNBC:
    However, a Kennedy family source told NBC News’ David Gregory that Caroline Kennedy had not withdrawn. Two sources hinted to NBC News that there may have been a miscommunication between Kennedy and Paterson’s office.

    This just gets better and better. What’s Blago up to these days?

  20. IceCreamEmpress

    I think Patterson should appoint Roland Burris as Senator from New York, too. HE’S A SUPER SENATOR WITH A SHINY CLEAN TAINT AND TWO VOTES!

  21. ManchuCandidate

    MSM’s Ambition Collector: Bring out your dead political ambitions!
    Andrew Cuomo: Here’s one.
    MSM’s Ambition Collector: That’ll be ten bucks.
    Caroline K: You know, I’m not dead.
    MSM’s Ambition Collector: What?
    Andrew Cuomo: Nothing. There’s your ten bucks.
    Caroline K: I’m not dead, you know.
    MSM’s Ambition Collector: ‘Ere, she says she’s not dead.
    Andrew Cuomo: Yes she is.
    Caroline K: I’m not.
    MSM’s Ambition Collector: She isn’t.
    Andrew Cuomo: Well, she will be soon, she’s very ill, drunk, horny, whatever.
    Caroline K: I’m getting better. You know.
    Andrew Cuomo: No you’re not, you’ll be stone dead in a moment.
    MSM’s Ambition Collector: Well, I can’t take her like that. It’s against regulations.
    Caroline K: You know, I don’t want to go on the cart. You know.
    Andrew Cuomo: Oh, don’t be such a baby.
    MSM’s Ambition Collector: I can’t take her.
    Caroline K: You know, I feel fine.
    Andrew Cuomo: Oh, do me a favor.
    MSM’s Ambition Collector: I can’t.
    Andrew Cuomo: Well, can you hang around for a couple of minutes? She won’t be long.
    MSM’s Ambition Collector: I promised I’d visiting Bush’s soon. Jeb came home today. Also.
    Andrew Cuomo: Well, when’s your next round?
    MSM’s Ambition Collector: Thursday.
    Caroline K: You know, I think I’ll go, you know, for a walk.
    Andrew Cuomo: You’re not fooling anyone, you know. Isn’t there anything you could do?
    Caroline K: You know, I feel happy. I feel happy, you know.
    [the MSM's Ambition Collector glances up and down the street furtively, then silences Caroline with a whack of his club]
    Andrew Cuomo: Ah, thank you very much.
    MSM’s Ambition Collector: Not at all. See you on Thursday.
    Andrew Cuomo: Right.

  22. DoctorCulturae

    I smell the sweet stank of brinksmanship! Or should I say brinkswomanship? Or should I say brinkspumaship?

  23. Monsieur Grumpe

    Kennedy’s are like bunnies (old school Catholics) one goes down,12 more pop up uhmmmm or out.

  24. mookworthjwilson

    [re=225248]Rodney Badger[/re]: I say he nominates Howard Stern…that would shake things up until Al Franken can take his seat…

  25. gliberal

    The NY Post is bird cage liner. 4 years ago it very confidently announced that Kerry had chosen Gephardt for VP. Oops! Nevermind! Andrew Cuomo looks like he did an 8 ball about 20 minutes before every photograph he is in. And that Brillo pad on his head still has the price tag on it.

  26. lawrenceofthedesert

    Compare either Ms. Kennedy or young Cuomo to what’s passing for the Senate, and I think you’ll relax. The political wisdom of the entire Republican minority could be engraved on a pinhead (preferably Jon Kyl’s).

  27. snideinplainsight

    Here we stand
    Worlds apart, hearts broken in two, two, two
    Sleepless nights
    Losing ground
    I’m reaching for you, you, you

    Feelin’ that it’s gone
    Can change your mind
    If we can’t go on
    To survive the tide love divides

    Someday love will find you
    Break those chains that bind you
    One night will remind you
    How we touched
    And went our separate ways
    If he ever hurts you
    True love won’t desert you
    You know I still love you
    Though we touched
    And went our separate ways

  28. chascates

    Now MSNBC is swerving back the other way:
    ALBANY, New York – Caroline Kennedy has decided to withdraw her name from consideration for the Senate seat being vacated by Hillary Clinton, according to NBC News’ Mark Murray.

  29. chascates

    CBS News sez:
    Caroline Kennedy has withdrawn from consideration for the U.S. Senate Seat vacated by Secretary of State Hillary Clinton.
    CBS News has confirmed Kennedy’s decision from a source close to her. A written statement is expected tonight.

    It was all those ‘you knows’ that did it.

  30. S.Luggo

    [re=225230]Rodney Badger[/re]: Caroline publically declared for Obama, Moran. This is the PUMA’s revenge. It started when Caroline failed, unlike Hilz [or, some say, Hilz' staff], to post a recipe for yummy, fresh-baked cookies on the interwebs. Thus are the beginnings of democractic discourse.

  31. snideinplainsight

    This is crap! I was talking on the phone with Car’s housekeeper’s gardener, and Car came on the line and said if Paterson didn’t inauguralate her, she was going to kick his papoose from here up to Albany. (And she said to get back to work, the silver needs polishing. I don’t know what she meant by that.)

  32. Mr Blifil

    [re=225286]Neilist[/re]: That piece is staying with me a long time tonight. Thanks for sharing. I was dubious at first, but my resistance was futile, as well you probably imagined it would be.

  33. effinHel

    IceCreamEmpress I am not as interested in Sen. Roland Burris taint as Caroline’s taint. Just what kinda taint does she have? Is it a big taint or little taint? As a citizen I demand to know. I just want to get to the bottom of this.

  34. kingofnothing

    After Roberts is impeached for fucking up the oath, POTUS44 will appoint Caroline to the Supreme Court.

  35. chascates

    The Post claims:
    “Sources said the reason Paterson had decided not to tap the daughter of John F. Kennedy was her poor performances in media interviews and in in private sessions with various officials.”

    Palin’s case that it’s class bias with Caroline falls apart here. People who have trouble expressing themselves are at a disadvantage in getting a job. Both gals should spend a little time at Toastmasters before venturing out publicly again.

  36. Keram2

    Man, I can’t believe Patterson is going with Cuomo. Can’t he see that she’d be a great senator.

    Keram2: Lowering the bar with horribly insensitive blind jokes since 1986.

  37. Dreamer

    [re=225230]Rodney Badger[/re]: Appointing Andrew Cuomo won’t anger the PUMA’s – I think they would prefer it to another woman. No one can replace Hillary Clinton.

  38. S.Luggo

    [re=225351]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Merci beau.
    The line is a paraphrase from, “A Man For All Seasons.”
    Which reminds that, “in the winter of our discontent, despite glorious election of Obama”, it’s time to start heating up the hobo beans.

  39. chascates

    There must be some cosmic backlash against famou women. Chicago Tribune:
    “Patricia Blagojevich fired from fundraising job
    Chicago Christian Industrial League was paying Illinois first lady about $100,000 a year”

    100K a year is fucking golden.

  40. 2druk2phluq

    [re=225380]chascates[/re]: Chairman Meow… how long it took me to recognize the avatar…

    Cock jackal? That’s awesome. Wonkette is my one stop place for picking up rare or original insults. I can’t wait to use cock jackal in real life.

    Caw goes the B-eeper.

  41. S.Luggo

    [re=225380]chascates[/re]: “Patricia Blagojevich fired from [Chicago] fundraising job”

    It’s all about the money, honey. If your perogies don’t fry, then you must fly. Your borscht is cold, then you are old. Kolbasi left on griddle, then you are second fiddle. Wiretap of f*cking f*ck, then grand jury indictment.

    Quaint how Chicagoans say these these things.

  42. chascates

    Now Caroline is just looking unstable. NY Times, 5 min ago:
    In a dramatic and confusing turn of events, Caroline Kennedy informed Gov. David A. Paterson on Wednesday that she would withdraw from consideration for the vacant Senate seat in New York, only to hours later signal that she may be interested in the seat after all.
    According to a person who spoke with her, Ms. Kennedy called the governor, who will choose a successor to Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton, to tell him that she was no longer interested in the post. Two other Democrats said they were also told Wednesday that Ms. Kennedy’s candidacy was in doubt.
    The news appeared to catch the governor off guard, throwing the Paterson administration into confusion and setting off conflicting news media reports.
    The news appeared to catch the governor off guard, throwing the Paterson administration into confusion and setting off conflicting news media reports.
    By 11:30 Wednesday night, the person said, after conversations between the governor’s operation and Ms. Kennedy’s camp, Ms. Kennedy was preparing a statement to reassert her interest in the job. But a draft of the statement, which was read to The New York Times, did little to settle the contradictory reports, with less-than-forceful language that said: “I remain interested in the possibility of serving in the U.S. Senate.”
    Ms. Kennedy believed that the job was hers if she would accept it, the person said, but aides to Mr. Paterson declined to comment on whether that was the case and her weeks of auditioning for the job did not earn her much obvious support among New York voters or in state Democratic circles.

    These people.

  43. DemmeFatale

    [re=225313]Mr Blifil[/re]: We’re like twins! I saw Cuomo once at a Dunkin’ Donuts!
    He was talking on his cell-phone and (of course), being a dick.

  44. chascates

    [re=225401]DemmeFatale[/re]: I know nothing of little Cuomo but it appears from comments here that what little personality he has is bad. Any good as an AG? Notable scandals?

  45. KittyLitter

    chascates, it’s actually the reporter at the NYT who is looking unstable, and you know, like he got played.

  46. chascates

    [re=225404]KittyLitter[/re]: Ah, the second- or third-hand attribution bites back! A reporter getting burned is more fun than a freaky legacy any day.

  47. chascates

    And from CBSNews.com:
    Caroline Kennedy has withdrawn from consideration for the U.S. Senate Seat vacated by Secretary of State Hillary Clinton.

    “I informed Governor Paterson today that for personal reasons I am withdrawing my name from consideration for the United States Senate,” Kennedy wrote in a statement released just after midnight Thursday.
    There was a five-hour window of confusion Wednesday night about Caroline Kennedy’s regarding the Senate appointment. New York City newspapers began reporting her withdrawal around 7 p.m., but NBC News reporter David Gregory said repeatedly on air that the reports were mistaken.
    The Associated Press, which had initially reported Kennedy’s withdrawal, reversed course and released a 730-word story stating that, “After wavering briefly, Caroline Kennedy renewed her determination Wednesday to win appointment to the U.S. Senate.”

  48. DustBowlBlues

    [re=225292]qaf[/re]:Cuomo is shite? Damn. I’ve always thought his dad was very smart, plus snarky.

    The prez election that should have been was Cuomo v. Dole. Talk about two dour sourpusses on the campaign trail–I dreamed of the zingers they would have lobbed at the other one. I pictured their debate devolving into a fu, no fu sort of game.

    Fun stuff! But his son is a douche? Bummer.

  49. DustBowlBlues

    [re=225313]Mr Blifil[/re]: I take my earlier win. You, my dear wonkerat (so I don’t know the plural for wonkeratti. Up yours) are the true win.

  50. S.Luggo

    [re=225401]DemmeFatale[/re]: And Andy dunked with?
    But am I so very insensitive in positing this inference?

  51. S.Luggo

    [re=225341]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Unlike the Bushes, the Kennedys (with all their private faults and misdemeanors) have a notion of public service as opposed to greasing the path to wealth for Haliburton, Bechtel, Blackwater and the House of Saudi.

  52. DemmeFatale

    I worked for a gubernatorial candidate when Andy was also running. He never showed us any of the grace, warmth and dignity of his father. What a shame. His staff was comprised of smug robots, who didn’t even seem to like him. (I’m old school that way.)

    Thuggishness is fine for an A.G.(see Giuliani or Spitzer), but in the Senate? *sigh*

    BTW: The gossip was that the book “Nanny Diaries” was partially based on his mother, (but that was just a rumor).

  53. S.Luggo

    [re=225418]DustBowlBlues[/re]: Mario Cuomo is (dare I say it) an intellectual, encouraged to success by parents from the old country. Andy Cuomo is a privileged brat, with none of his father’s grace or keen intellect.

  54. Mojopo

    I noticed that CNN spent the night trying to confirm this shebang one way or another. Somebody said Sweet Caroline was out, someone else said “No way – I am listening to that song right now!” Whatever man, whatever. I think she is sick as shit of dealing with that weirdo governor, and will run a campaign next go-around.

    Does Patterson really think he has some star-making clout? Because I could swear that he is high.

    Mr. Spitzer, why did you have to enjoy whores so much?

  55. Mojopo

    [re=225429]S.Luggo[/re]: I remember Mario as a helluva speech-maker, who was very shitty at keeping jobs for people in NY. Dare I say poser? Too late. You know it is too late when a libtard like me won’t carry a Democrat’s water.

  56. obfuscator

    If Patterson really wanted to shake things up, he would appoint Roland Burris.

    I’m reaching the end of a 7 hour layover in Pittsburgh on my way back from DC. Holy hell.

  57. KublaKant

    [re=225442]Serolf Divad[/re]: Or an stereotypically racist, Korean shop keeper from Harlem who beats his wife in front of customers. That ought to do it.

  58. Cape Clod

    Has anyone given thought to Patterson appointing Spitzer to the Senate? There’s always a second act in politics and when did being a filthy cock jackal disqualify some one from being a senator?

  59. Servo

    [re=225454]Cape Clod[/re]:
    How about Bubba? The Upstate Wingnuts would have a collective core meltdown.

  60. qaf

    [re=225456]Servo[/re]: Oh yeah, no drama there. And after weeks of slime-throwing the people of this country would put out a contract on Bubba and Hilary for dragging us through it all again.

  61. Monsieur Grumpe

    [re=225425]S.Luggo[/re]:
    Yes. I also admire the family’s dedication to public service and for that reason I’ve been trying for many years to be adopted into to the Kennedy family, that and the money.

  62. Edywin

    While visiting our nations capital, Dont forget to relax at one of the districts many watering holes and lounges. Come enjoy the new drink developed by the DC mixologists, the “Cock Jackal”, Glenfiddich, Orange Kool-Aid and an olive with feta insert. Guaranteed to be expensive, but yet tacky at the same time. A real career and marriage builder.

  63. Bronkers

    Inquiring minds want to know…. Where’s Ed Schlossberg in all of this? Is his the name that dare not be spoken?

  64. lawrenceofthedesert

    Some of us began to wonder when she announced her campaign slogan would be, “Apres moi, le deluge.”

  65. DustBowlBlues

    C. Kennedy reminded of a PTA president in a very exclusive school who was swept in Obamamania and decided that she’d like to “make a difference.” This is when you go volunteer for a community action group. Make some speeches in solidarity with the little people (to a Kennedy, someone who does their own dishes). Try to save some affordable housing, get a crosswalk installed somewhere street urchins play, that kind of shit. Once you’ve been photo’ed doing shots with Teamsters, then you take advantage of your fundraising potential and run for office.

    The above is the proper trajectory. You just don’t say, “I think I’d like to be more involved. I know! I’ll let that blind guy appoint me to the US Senate.” Call me old fashioned, but it just shouldn’t be that easy. It isn’t like the Senate of the House of Lords.

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