'The jetpack must have a 5,000-mile range. The titanium armor must be black with red accents ...'

Here's your new president, Barack Obama, just cold dialin' the Joint Chiefs from the Oval Office and orderin' up his new composite-kevlar superhero outfit and a dozen sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads. Also, new White House photographer Pete Souza is good!ALSO: Dear new White House, you dudes need to promptly get these pix up on theWhiteHouse.gov website, instead of special-delivering them to the frickin' New York Times. America (Wonkette) owns these White House photos.