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LEFTOVERS

Oh Right, Here Are Our Sexy War Parade Photos

It was not easy getting to this Inaugural Parade late in the day, yesterday, what with the monstrous piles of trash and dead bodies and fences seemingly blocking all pedestrian paths. But we did it for you, the dear reader, and stayed for like a whole five minutes before getting cold and running away forever. Click the clicky for pictures of warfare, orcs, Indians, and more black presidents.

We saw Cornel West walking with some spiky-haired friend of his and figured we should follow him to the parade, since he has a PhD and would know how to get there.

Whoa hey it’s Michelle Obama’s high school dance team! But they only came to see George H. W. Bush.

Oh no, MUSLIMS ON THE HORIZON!

Phew. They were actually just the Florida A&M marching band. (although maybe “M” stands for muslin?) For every one student at this college, there are three members of the college marching band. Just like in the Insurgency!

Gah!! Indians show up to kill America!

Look at ‘em go! They were cold murderin’ everyone. It’s the Story of the West!

Illegals being driven in in PLAIN DAYLIGHT! Why did Obama let this happen??

Oh thank god, Obama finally showed up to get rid of the Mexicans and Indians and Muslims from our White Country.

And then fuckin’ Yoshi back there ate everyone and shat them out as eggs. What a festive celebration of the New America!


3:41 PM on Wed January 21 2009
By Jim Newell
5965 Views

  1. Bypartizoa says at 3:49 pm, January 21st, 2009

    That giant Lincoln on the putt-putt course is fuckin’ spooky, man!

  2. Bagglio Ordonez says at 3:52 pm, January 21st, 2009

    That dude in the first picture has a sweet airbrushing of Carson Daly on his shirt.

  3. lenorecutie says at 3:54 pm, January 21st, 2009

    I was really disappointed in the NASA float. Some guy in a space suit with a ginormous thing strapped to his back got off the float, and I thought he was going to take of in a jet pack or something. But no, he just walked around. Loser. No wonder we haven’t gone to Mars yet.

  4. The giant floating unidentifiable head COMMANDS YOU.

  5. AppalachianWino says at 3:56 pm, January 21st, 2009

    What exactly was that rolling waiting room? Was that part of the neighborhood ball later?

  6. actor212 says at 4:01 pm, January 21st, 2009

    Why is large-head Humphrey Bogart facing the wrong way? Why does he hate America so?

  7. actor212 says at 4:01 pm, January 21st, 2009

    AppalachianWino: It was the abotions-on-command clinic, silly!

  8. How come there’s all these shitty photo/whining about tourists posts, and nothing about all the shit Barry actually DID, today? Like I’m reading about the new lobbyist restrictions and transparency rules he put in place today on freakin’ GameFAQs, why isn’t Wonkette talking about this stuff?

  9. GlennBecksFelch says at 4:04 pm, January 21st, 2009

    Where the hell is the Klan float?????

  10. hockeymom says at 4:04 pm, January 21st, 2009

    lenorecutie: I think it was a girl in the space suit. Probably a bitter PUMA refusing to go into outer space until Hillary is Prezdent.

  11. actor212: That’s Andrew Cuomo trying to sneaky-sneak his way into the Senate before Caroline gets there.

  12. actor212 says at 4:06 pm, January 21st, 2009

    S.Luggo: Um, for the win, S.Luggo!

  13. bitchincamaro says at 4:10 pm, January 21st, 2009

    Chief Orange Running Suit is carrying a Cannon. Look out!

  14. user-of-owls says at 4:11 pm, January 21st, 2009

    Hope they had a Mayan translation for the “Band Start Playing Here” sign…otherwise, the illegals wouldn’t know when to strike up the pan flutes and El Condor Pasa,

  15. Worst parade ever?

  16. user-of-owls says at 4:13 pm, January 21st, 2009

    hockeymom: Probably a bitter PUMA refusing to go into outer space until Hillary is Prezdent.
     …or protesting the lack of litter boxes on the International Space Station.

  17. Sassette says at 4:15 pm, January 21st, 2009

    So that’s what they do with the “sausage race” Presidents during the Nationals’ off season…

  18. JimNewell says at 4:16 pm, January 21st, 2009

    Godot: Are you seriously complaining about how Wonkette isn’t writing about executive orders on ex-aide lobbying rules and pay raises? I’m glad that GameFAQs is filling you in on this crucial stuff.

  19. Mr Blifil says at 4:17 pm, January 21st, 2009

    It’s nice and all but I was hoping for confrontations, billy clubs, mace and of course…TAZING!!!

  20. Uncle Al says at 4:18 pm, January 21st, 2009

    Does anyone have a foto of the clever people with the big banner that said
    “BUSH GET DA HELL OUT!”

    I saw it on CNN for a second before they decided it wasn’t nice so they had to pan away from it…

  21. AngryBlakGuy says at 4:21 pm, January 21st, 2009

    …as a fairly recent graduate of FAMU, I can assure you the “M” stand for Macaca!

  22. user-of-owls says at 4:22 pm, January 21st, 2009

    Jim Newell: Oh, do I feel silly. I spent a good five minutes looking for news about sweeping new transparency rules regarding Game FAQs and thinking, “Surely there a national issues a bit more pressing than regulation of FAQs, no?”

  23. actor212 says at 4:28 pm, January 21st, 2009

    Jim Newell: Dude. Godot. Waiting. Get it?

  24. One Yield Regular says at 4:30 pm, January 21st, 2009

    user-of-owls: Besides, God hates FAQs.

  25. I hate parades, with the possible exception of those during Mardi Gras. Marching bands should all be forced to sit down and play in tune, dammit.

  26. shortsshortsshorts says at 4:34 pm, January 21st, 2009

    WHAT THE FUCK IS GAME FAQ????

  27. NoWireHangers says at 4:48 pm, January 21st, 2009

    Those are some shitty floats. They need to step it up to Rose Parade levels. Nothing less is acceptable for our Dear Barry.

  28. Counting My Toes says at 4:53 pm, January 21st, 2009

    I’d thought Hopey and Michelle would bring some style to the District of Columbians, but that is one ugly-ass hoodie. It’s like a santo with a weasel-mustached drug lord on it.

  30. Jukesgrrl says at 5:01 pm, January 21st, 2009

    I was gasping in excited anticipation when I saw the colorful human azaleas trailing the Lesbian and Gay Marching Band, then I found out those were young woman from Alabama who were … WHAT?! … trying to recreate the plantation lifestyle?? What a let down, although I am sure some members of the band were taking notes for a future improvement their presentation. It would give a new dimenstion to the rainbow theme if those azalea outfits were worn by persons of the Mann Coulter variety. Flags are so last year. Parasols are in.

  31. Counting My Toes says at 5:11 pm, January 21st, 2009

    I’m from Alabama. A little secret: those were all males.

  32. JeffGoldblum says at 5:22 pm, January 21st, 2009

    ALL OF UR GAMES R NOW FAQ’D

  33. lenorecutie says at 5:53 pm, January 21st, 2009

    TGY: Agreed. I bet poor Obama really hated Sousa by the end of that thing. I know I did.

  34. lenorecutie says at 5:56 pm, January 21st, 2009

    Jukesgrrl: Ohhhhhh…. I though they were with the LBGT thing. No joking. I did. They were supposed to be from Alabama. Oh, um, okay. That was kind of poor placement for them.

  35. lenorecutie says at 5:59 pm, January 21st, 2009

    hockeymom: That would explain the frickin’ mini fridge strapped to her back.

  36. lenorecutie: Your first tip should have been the traces of Nair on their upper lips and their shaved armpits, as well as the fact lack of fannel shirts

  37. GameFaqs. It’s like 4chan but with less porn and creativity.

  38. Jukesgrrl: You should have been tipped off by their failure to display “un petit moue du visage” or an IQ above that of a common house cat.

  39. hockeymom: That’s what circus cannons are for.

  40. hobospacejungle says at 7:23 pm, January 21st, 2009

    Godot: “I’m reading about the new lobbyist restrictions and transparency rules he put in place today on freakin’ GameFAQs”

    I call bullshit. I searched all over gamefaqs.com and the closest thing to any political coverage is their daily poll — “Do you eat coloured candy (M&M’s, Skittles, etc.) in a special way?”

    Where do I read about these mysterious Obama happenings, Godot?? Where oh where??

  41. schvitzatura says at 9:13 pm, January 21st, 2009

    user-of-owls: This is how I roll:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F_OSAAhGwh4

    Or perhaps bustin’ out with some Morricone:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VSWWLTqNRoU

  42. this is a parade to go to on hallucinogens.

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