Wonkette
Financial wizard Timothy Geithner is thisclose to becoming our next President of Money, but two things stand in his way: he failed to file payroll taxes for a few years, and he hired a housekeeper who was a temporary space alien. One can’t do anything about his monster-changeling maid, as this is a common affliction of people who apply for fancy cabinet positions, but the tax thing obviously cannot stand. However, Senator Chuck Grassley — a veritable Republican, and thus a hater of all things tax-related — tried to help him out in a hearing today.
Under questioning from Senate Finance Committee Republican member Chuck Grassley, Geithner was very reluctant to disclose which tax filing software he used. He quickly suggested the software wasn’t the problem; he was.
But Grassley pushed back, again asking what software he used. Geithner said, “Turbo Tax.” Grassley then asked if Turbo Tax has brought it to his attention that Geithner needed to pay more taxes. Geithner said, “No.”
Software goblins ate Tim Geithner’s taxes. Why does Turbo Tax want our global economy to fail?
Geithner filed own taxes [First Read]
So I have a program that robs banks of all of teh monies. Don’t blame me, goddamnit.
We just need to move on with adequate punishment. Make him wear the full face dirty Sanchez that Christopher Hitchens wears in the pic for a day. And make Hitchens wear it every day.
If Timmy used Tax Act, this would never have happened.
My Addometer told me even Tax collectors don’t like paying taxes.
Hell, the elite don’t like paying taxes.
But for the likes of the rest of us, taxes are the blessing we happily bestow upon our governmint.
Ha ha, blame it on the software. I predict this will become a new legal strategy, similar to the Twinkie defense. “Don’t blame me, yer honor, I committed that crime because I was the victim of [Turbo Tax / too many Twinkies].”
Epic lack of common cents. Fail.
Tim should have realized that Turbo Tax was bad news when it based its algorithms on inputs from Bernie Madoff.
Turbo Tax means he tucks his junk between his legs, which is why he didn’t want to say anything about it.
We’ve moved beyond such mechanical contraptions in this day and age. That’s what the Mexican space alien was supposed to be for, duh! He should ask for his money back from la migra.
BillyClubb: Yes. So software geeks the world over will be hunted down and shot on sight. Oh, the humanity!!1!11!!
Hey, who wouldn’t hire a space alien to clean their house? Too bad you have to pay them in liquid hydrogen and cubic zirconiums.
If these guys approve him, he’ll tell IRS to lighten up on all the rest of who occasionally make little errors, even if we are reimbursed for them. Right?
Only in Finance does the Defendant say to the Prosecutor, “Is that your final offer?” Because plutocratic plunderers are just so extremely rare.
So what’s everyone else using to file for their tax returns this year? I hate H&R Block’s scammy website. I’ve heard good things about TaxSlayer… wait, do any of you Wonketteers have jobs, even?
let scrooge pick up tiny tim’s tax tab. god bless us, every one.
Lovely. Jeez, don’t these people realize these kinds of things ALWAYS come out? Don’t they read Wonkette?
If Timmeh were to blame his tax slip up on a MicroSoft product, I’d be tempted to believe him.
NYT: ” ‘Senator Jim Bunning says Mr. Geithner was “involved in just about every flawed bailout” of the Bush era.’ ”
If this isn’t the equivalent of painting a portrait in a funhouse mirror, what is?
I can see it. You wouldn’t believe the kind of shit Microsoft Word has done to me.
Joey Ratz: and energon cubes. don’t forget the energon cubes.
Joey Ratz:
I’ll just stick with the Cat in the Hat, thank you. He has a cool machine that does all the work.
Good grief. We want to make this man Supreme High Commander of Cha-Ching, and he doesn’t even have the sense to hire a good accountant?
Senator Grassley: “Fingers O’Toole, did your lockpick alert you that breaking into the bank vault was illegal?”
Fingers O’Toole: “Well, Senator, I think it was more my idea to…”
Senator Grassley: “Mr. O’Toole! Did your lockpick issue an alert that breaking into the bank vault was illegal?”
Fingers O’Toole: “Ah… no, Senator, it didn’t.”
Senator Grassley: “The manufacturer of your lockpick might do well to set up a system of alerting you when your lockpicks are doing something illegal, wouldn’t you agree?”
Fingers O’Toole: “Yes, Senator.”
Senator Grassley: “No further questions.”
Apparently Timmeh didn’t think he needed to shell out for the “Ultra-Turbo-Max-Millenium-Platinum Edition, 3000″, which includes such obscure calculations as the deduction you get for purchasing a maiden at the Zulu reed dance festival.
jagorev: I’m gonna try out a little software package I picked up from a street vender near Union Sq. I think it’s called “Gimme Shelter”.
This just in: I raised my hand and repeated the swearing-in oath of the CNN White House staff report just now. So I’m official. Can I haz parking place and security clearance now?
If they don’t give it to me, I will tell the Freepers. Has Hopey no respect for the rule of law?
My folks used one of those doo-dads for years!!
Everyone says Timmeh is all smart and stuff — but this is kind of an egregious fuck-up for a man that’s going to get the keys to Treasury. I’m cool with him getting a bit of a verbal beating from the rich, white, repub senators (ha! like there’s any other kind!).
FMA: Up next - Senator Grassley inquires into whether Powerpoint is responsible for torture. After all, John Yoo did lay out his case using Powerpoint slides.
jagorev: I think it’s safe to say that Powerpoint is responsible for more torture than even Dick Cheney can imagine. In the wrong hands, it’s a weapon of mass brain cell destruction.
Grassley is from Iowa. His concept of “turbo” is slightly skewed.
pondscum: turbo tractors
http://craziestgadgets.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/jet-powered-tractor.JPG
Grassley is not only a Republican, he is a nutcase anti-spending of any kind unless its for killing foreigners Republican, who has to our sad Hawkeye shame represented the great state of Iowa since it became a state in 1830 or 40 something - no, I’m not going to look it up because I’m too high.
Also, how about we call him (Geithner, not Grassley) Turbotax Timmy?
jagorev: Powerpoint is torture and is a violation of the Geneva Conventions.
if he only had a roomba that also did taxes he’d be all set.
jagorev: I use a low tech actual human. Hubby is an artsy type with mostly cash income, and the human is much more creative regarding write-offs. Worth every penny.
Hey now! I’ve used Turbo Tax for each of the past one tax years, and I’ve only been audited once!
i used turbo tax instead of a human one year and ended up getting refunded too much money and then they wanted it back the next year. wtf turbo tax, you suck. but i’m an economic loser, so we are talking hundreds of dollars here. and by we, i guess i mean just me.