Wonkette
George Bush, what a meanie! He failed to pardon such blameless white-collar criminals as Michael Milken and Jeffrey Skilling, he did nothing for the innocent bear-rape scribe Scooter Libby, and most importantly, he did not issue any sort of blanket protection to the many steaming turds in his administration who cooked up elaborate torture schemes, for America. What gives?
It’s possible that Bush was just being his lazy/stubborn old self, and refused to go out like that fat whore Bill Clinton did, in a flurry of controversial pardons. Or maybe he didn’t want to confirm that war-crimes prosecutions are likely, or even possible, for all of the little toad-humpers who sat in boiler rooms coming up with elaborate legal explanations for why nutsack frying during interrogations is relatively harmless.
But, most intriguingly, it is possible that by not giving anybody in his former administration immunity, he has incented them to plead the Fifth if they ever DO get called in front of Congress. If they had immunity, they couldn’t plausibly argue that they didn’t want to incriminate themselves and would instead have to spill the beans to evil Nancy Pelosi and her wicked fairy godmother, Harry Reid.
So: with Alberto Gonzales and David Addington and John Yoo still very much afraid of getting thrown in prison, forever, they will keep their mouths shut about whatever evil shit they did, thus giving George Bush indefinite cover. Everybody wins!
Bush Pardon Party Goes Out With a Whimper [WSJ Law Blog]
…“nutsack frying”, someone has been watching Rachel Ray again hasn’t she?
I think Bush is just sending the message: if you somehow wound up in jail there must be a reason for it, so go suck eggs. Probably what we’d say to Mandela if the two got to talking about it.
AngryBlakGuy: Nutsack with “E-V-O-O.”
Maybe he just wanted his approval rating to stay in the double digits.
Sadly, the real reason not to pardon people like Gonzo is because that would prevent him from invoking their fifth amendment rights if they are charged with crimes or called to testify. I’m looking forward to 8 years of stirring tales of incomplete recollection.
Or maybe he was worried about his legacy. Y’know, cuz a bunch of morally questionable pardons could really cast a pall over the achievements of the last eight years…
John Woo in prison? What, for Mission: Impossible II, or Paycheck?
That’s because the list of pardons would be so damn long it would make the Federal budget look like a trifold pamphlet. Plus it just looks tacky if the first name on the list is your own.
BarthexDeRosa: agreed.
I think maybe, just maybe, this man is incredibly depressed about his legacy and hopes that this single gesture might generate a hint of goodwill. Ha! Imagine that crazy parrallel universe: introspective Bush tries to salvage his legacy by throwing Addington to the wolves.
It fits actually. The gig is up and what is the percentage now? Ziltch.
queeraselvis v 2.0: …all he would have to do is staple the pardon document to the cover of the capital phone book and turn it in!
Whew…I’m hoped out. This morning I meant to go to homedepot . com
Instead i typed hopedepot . com.
He didn’t have time. He had a helicopter to catch, brush to clear, corporate boards to chair…
That picture actually makes me kind like Bush for a minute. Then I remember.
…I have my own theory as to why he didn’t pardon anyone. Because anyone he pardoned would need to come forward and be identified as accepting a pardon. I can imagine having your name plastered on T.V. for being a sanctioned CIA torture practitioner may pose a problem for your(and your families) social life.
No, that hypothetical scheme is too complex for W. Most likely he didn’t issue pardons because he didn’t think those under consideration did anything wrong. So no on lazy, but yes on stupid.
The pardon power, Article II, Section 2 of the Constitution, contains an exclusion for impeachment. Therefore, we can infer that the office which would become president in the event of impeachment retains the pardon power, despite any removal of the president. Accordingly, Dick Cheney will be able to pardon people for the remainder of his natural life. Duh.
Darehead: Ha ha, fixed.
What do you think George W. Bush is doing this morning? I have three guesses:
1) Serving Laura “coffee in bed,” or whatever the heck he said yesterday.
2) Waking up with a headache after a night of powerful hot toddys.
3) Taking an “extra-curricular shower,” a la Kevin Spacey during the first scene of American Beauty.
All of the above, maybe?
Mr Blifil: Hey wow, that sounds like … exactly what I was saying.
The Military Commissions Act of 2006 gives those guys immunity from prosecution for all that torturing that took place, so no pardons were necessary.
Alberto Gonzales and David Addington and John Yoo! That’s one steaming pile of evil. Unholy Trinity? Tri-Malevolence? Dynamic Evil dudes? I got nothing good.
WadISay: But pardoning would be an act of mercy. Hardly in character for a man who is caused pain from the simple act of smiling.
How soon we forget the turkeys.
If anything, he should have pardoned McCain for selecting Palin. That can only be described as criminal.
Woo has nothing to fear. According to his own theory, which he was spouting…er…expounding on Glen Beck last night, when Obama tries to roll all those Guantanamo detainees into the regular old legal system the system will “shut down!” Apparently despite dealing with thousands of perps every day the Federal Justice system will break under the weight of the additional 200 or so cases that could flow out of our gitmo shame hole. Beck interjected that some municipalities and states (who wouldn’t be handling the cases anyway but whatever also) are being forced by fiscal constraints to offer only six jurors for jury trials. Glen Beck suddenly concerned about the integrity of the justice system. Hmm. And then this morning on MSNBC we have rhythmless bow-tie mannequin, Tucker Carlson, complaining about the new security state in D.C. Until some un-vetted underling in the new administration gives us a scandal to chew on these guys may have no choice but to eat their own livers.
Anyone notice that he booked it back to Texas as soon as he could? Was he not invited to the party or something?
Paterlanger: The Justice System will break, because there aren’t enuf lawyers? Maybe we can find some in India or Chile or Argentina.
I meant Yoo. I wasn’t the first to make that mistake but mine is stuck out in the open and Sara’s is in the memory hole. Unfair.
loquaciousmusic: More like nursing a killer hangover from the liter of Jack Daniels he killed before landing in Midland.
SlouchingTowardsWasilla: I think Obama is going to go after the lawyers. I think he will let the CIA employees go as they can make an argument that they were instructed to do what they did. This gets O off the hook with the CIA.
I think the lawyers should be worried about being disbarred (sp?). They demonstrated gross negligence of the law in doing their logical contortions to meet the needs of W and Dick…mostly Dick.
If you see the universities that hired these hacks start to let them go, you should expect to see them testifying.
Please let me forget this nightmare of the past 8 years. I want only happy HOPEY stories today.
Darehead: As a second year law student, I know there are scads of unemployed lawyers parfectly happy to work for some federal benefits. So as long as there are enough courtrooms, there will be enough of a workforce to get O’s plan rolling.
AfghanVet:
Meeting the needs of Dick sums up the last 8 years in several ways. Nice, nice very nice.
1. He’s either so cluesless and arrogant that he believes he did nothing wrong and no pardon is necessary or
2. Deep, deep inside he knows how bad it was and this is his way of leaving the door open for accountability.
Ha Ha, neither. He spilled his Irish coffee and used the unsigned paperwork to hide it from Laura.
I find it difficult to imagine any of Bush’s crones feeling compelled to confess anything under the withering squint of Harry Reid. They probably wouldn’t even feel the need to admit they were fleshy and composed of matter.
Mr. Tusks: Mr. Tusks, is that really you? Did you send the tiny tiny letter to T-Rex?
Bush didn’t pardon any of the torturous war criminals in his administration because he knows with absolute certainty and unwavering faith that the Democrats do not have the balls to actually prosecute any of them. Ironically, for the first time ever, Bush is actually correct.
I’m hoping Obama will take it upon himself to grant Bush and his cronies pardons, so as to forever label them criminals while taking the high road and being able to say he’s “putting our 8 year long national nightmare behind us so we can move forward and focus on the fixing our future rather than dwelling on the misdeeds of the past.”
Yes, I’d love to see Bush, Cheney, Rove, Rumsfeld, Ashcroft, and Gonzales indicted for their crimes, handcuffed and frogmarched off to the nearest federal detention center, held without bail until trial, and then tried and convicted for all the crimes they’ve committed against this country and the people of the world. But that just isn’t going to happen. The democrats don’t have the balls to do it, and half the country would see it as a political vendetta, the same politicizing of the Department of Justice that Democrats complained about when done by Bush/Gonzales (i.e. hypocrisy). And of course, in american politics there is always the logical fallacy that government can only address one problem at a time - so by prosecuting the Bush criminals, Obama’s administration would ipso facto be neglecting the economy and “war on terror.” Of course all those things can be done at the same time, but people don’t believe that, and they’re too easily distracted by “we should be doing X instead of Y because X is more important” arguments.
queeraselvis v 2.0: you just said everything i wanted to say, only better. we are officially bff’s.
Nah, I’m going with the idea that he was just a lazy assed son-of-a-bitch who didn’t feel like doing any work on his last day on the job.
One of the wisest things Bush did in his entire tenure. Thank goodness.
Nah, I’m going with the idea that he was just a lazy assed son-of-a-bitch who didn’t feel like doing any work on his last day on the job.
I actually think it was this. I imagine some flunkey saying “But the pardons, Mr. President! Mr. Libby!” and Bush saying “Fuck that asshole. With a BEAR.”
“innocent bear-rape scribe” and “filthy cock jackal” = best villain names of ‘09, so far.
George was going to pardon Jack Bauer before someone stopped him.
Obama pardoning Bush and cronies is all well and good but still does not absolve them of their guilt according to the Committee Against Torture (?) (CAT) So even if Obama pardons them they can still be picked up and prosecuted in another country which is a signatory to the agreement. And the people who tortured under the Military Commissions Act of 2006 or who claim they were ordered to do so are also not then exempt from prosecution under the CAT. Following orders is not a defense (see Nürnberg Trials,) and countries are not allowed, under CAT, to enact laws making torture legal or absolving those guilty of torture.
So we are left to hope they all have a bachelor party in Spain or Belgium or somewhere similar so they can all be picked up there and shipped off to the Den Haag. Or tortured.
hobospacejungle: That is what I am wondering about….could Cheney be picked up, Pinochet style, somewhere in Europe? Or Vermont, that would work, too.
I think maybe he just refuses to see that tasering gonads is pretty fucked up and a pardon would acknowledge that his administration was entirely somprised of puss-filled douches who commited monstrous crimes on a nearly hourly basis for eight years. I read someplace that if Barry really wanted to fuck with ‘em he couple pardon Bush/Cheney and then W would have to live with a public, offical and irrevocable acknowledgment that he is a criminal who needed a pardon. I’d like to see that because its not like he’s ever going to see the inside of jail cell. Pelosi and Reid haven’t the balls to call him out and they were probably somehow involved anyway. Plus, think how awesome it would be to see him all red-faced and angry at his Dallas mastabatorium.
BruceM beat me to it. Damn.
AngryBlakGuy: I can imagine having your name plastered on T.V. for being a sanctioned CIA torture practitioner may pose a problem for your(and your families) social life.
Hell, you’d be invited to every party in Texas.
Mr. Tusks: He was supposed to be the guest of honor at a barbecue, but he got panicky when they asked him how much he weighed so they could have a strong enough spit.
I’ve just been reminded. Roger Clemons was looking for a pardon, wasn’t he.
Ha, ha! Suck on it, ‘Rocket’.
whoo hoo! time to go after cheney, rove, rumsfield, etc.etc….the list is too long - oh yeah - don’t forget bush!
Here is a pardon nobody saw coming:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LXIINvdQUng