so cute

The Only Way To See Barack & Michelle Obama’s First Dance


There’s so much romantic goodwill out there tonight, for the Obamas, that people are using home video cameras to videotape the teevee showing the new First Couple’s First Dance. It is touching, this outpouring of inept support!


These strange off-kilter videos of video also seem like they’re from another time, the early 1960s or something, when “Color TV” was not yet very successful at portraying the actual colors of our light spectrum, here on Earth. And that Beyonce has a nice voice, if she’s actually singing this, live. (It’s probably just a wax demon with a MacBook plugged up its yazoo with the USB or whatever, but still, we thought Beyonce was … uh, a rapper? We don’t actually know. We thought she was a type of shampoo.)


This one maybe was taped with a BetaMax. America is back!

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A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

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57 comments

  1. bfstevie@yahoo.com

    It’s the reincarnation of the DuMont Electronicam system used to film the Jackie Gleason / Honeymooners show.

  2. SayItWithWookies

    “What is happening to me, Bagheera? Am I dying?”
    “No, Mowgli. It is only tears — such as humans cry.”

  3. AnglRdr

    They seem quite fond of each other.

    Which is probably because their scheme is working according to plan!

  4. WadISay

    They’re getting better at this as the evening goes on. By the eighth ball, maybe they will be doing a little dip*.

    *Such as, Dana Perino

  5. Delicious

    People using camcorders to record their TeeVees!

    It’s the future of journalism!

    Marge Simpson:

    “You know, the courts may not be working any more, but as long as everyone is videotaping everyone else, justice will be done.”

  6. ManchuCandidate

    So this is what a fist tapping, quasi Afro, bacon eating/beer drinking Muslin terrorist couple does for a good time.

  7. President Beeblebrox

    He hasn’t started screaming الله أكب yet… something’s wrong with the Muslin Takeover Plan!

    (That’s ALLAHU AKHBAR for you infidel white devils.)

  8. Lascauxcaveman

    I watched the first one, the weird picture quality is because it’s a shot of a teevee screen, the dancing having been taped, edited, projected for the folks in the waaaay back of the ballroom maybe?

    Or the hotel bar and lobby for those who couldn’t get in. Or something.

  9. SayItWithWookies

    [re=224222]hharlowe[/re]: I speak French. And my boss is out of the office tomorrow. Quit shoving, you guys.

  10. Lemming Caution

    this couple turns me into such a sappy, misty-eyed lameass – there’s something about seeing a couple in the White House who have had years together as professional equals, *and* who appear to like each other.

  11. hharlowe

    [re=224233]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Aww, my hero! And I can play all hope-y and stuff and you can be all United Colors of Benetton…purrrrr.

  12. Mr. Tusks

    Finally, a president with some SOUL (sorry, Slick Willy, we all know you’re a good ol’ boy at heart, sax or not). Maybe I’m getting older, but these two are the first first couple I’ve actually felt some non-political affection for.

  13. Mr Blifil

    That song always breaks me up a bit inside. Like most people who hear it, I’m instantly transported to the scenes of the budding relationship between the robots in Wall-E. The fact that the dude put the song in the trailer without putting it in the movie never distracted me from caring about whether the robots ever got to get out the WD-40 and get they freak on.

  14. frieswidat

    He done the dance. I guess he’s serious about this presidency thing.

    لله أكب!

    (Copy-and-paste is a great tool for international understanding.)

  15. Mr Blifil

    [re=224242]Mr. Tusks[/re]: After 12 years of Reagan/Bush, plenty of people felt the same warm fuzzies about the Clinton’s first dance. And if you’re not old enough to recall those days, you ain’t old.

  16. hharlowe

    [re=224248]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Holy shit, it doesn’t take much to amuse me…thanks for the cheap thrills.

  17. SayItWithWookies

    [re=224260]hharlowe[/re]: Oh, my pleasure — I figure I may as well spread the love. It’s like Honda-driving atheist socialist Christmas up in here. And I’d bet anything that third video can frickin’ cure cancer.

  18. hharlowe

    [re=224262]SayItWithWookies[/re]: You’re the best and many thanks. Today, I’m totally kicking myself for leaving DC. At least I can live vicariously through you kids. Spoons all around.

    (BTW, I can be up 77 in a flash. Lemme know…I owe you a drink.)

  19. Jukesgrrl

    She never looked at him once with those Nancy Reagan goo-goo eyes and that sigh that indicates True Republican Love. So they ARE muslins.

  20. frieswidat

    [re=224245]Mr Blifil[/re]: You got me all reflective. I’m getting old enough that the political boom and bust is way too familiar. Nixon and his ridiculous shit, but it was dealt with, then… well, Ford, anyway, a relief, and he seemed like a harmless old dog and just cruised in neutral, more or less. Then Carter, and we thought cool, he’s lusted in his heart and he’s a liberal, sweet, but then they jacked up gas prices and grabbed Americans and again our side went down in flames and we got… fucking Reagan (insert Star Wars dirge), and we thought the world had ended with his sneaky wars and environmental rape and senile non-memories, but looking back he was really amateur hour compared to this crowd. Then Bush I, and we thought well, bad but halfway sane, and he did preside over the Clean Air Act amendments, which have saved a lot of lungs. And then we got Clinton, and we were all riding those pink clouds, he blew the sax and talked about social justice and did the Family Leave Act, which saved my family’s collective butt twice, but then he started cutting safety nets and cutting trade deals with no thought to worker justice or the environment, and lying about blowjobs, and that gig was pretty much shot, and we collapsed into Bush II, and god, the world DID sort of end for so long, it seemed like a century of getting a hammer upside the head.

    And now… President Hopey, yeah, he’ll take us to the Promised Land, endless columns of bindlestiffs bound for heaven. Seems like a never-ending roller coaster ride, bad good bad good flat bad good notsobad… Fuck. And when liberals get in, all they seem to do is jam the door against the relentless dark forces, who keep on pushing and lying and manipulating until they shove their way back into power, and they get better each time at causing more severe damage. But screw it. I’m happy today. More than happy. Joyous. Live in the moment, right? And anyway, we’re running out of track. Pretty much have to get it right this time, I think, or we’re epic screwed. So I have to believe today will be the start of something more lasting. And you look at that crowd on the Mall and the guy in charge, and maybe we do have a decent shot this time.

    Sorry for all the words. Big day, lots of emotion. Tomorrow I’ll get real… small… again. Yup, Steve Martin, 1970s. Just put me in a home and drop by with an occasional fruit basket.

  21. DangerousLiberal

    Oooh, dig that tux. My man Barry be stone cold stylin tonight, word (or fo shizzle, or FTW, or whatever the younger set calls it these days).

    Or, to translate it into terms that the previous Junta can understand:

    Clean shirt, new shoes
    And I dont know where I am goin to.
    Silk suit, black tie,
    I dont need a reason why.
    They come runnin just as fast as they can
    Coz every girl crazy bout a sharp dressed man.

    Gold watch, diamond ring,
    I aint missin a single thing.
    And cufflinks, stick pin,
    When I step out Im gonna do you in.
    They come runnin just as fast as they can
    Coz every girl crazy bout a sharp dressed man.

    Top coat, top hat,
    I dont worry coz my wallets fat.
    Black shades, white gloves,
    Lookin sharp and lookin for love.
    They come runnin just as fast as they can
    Coz every girl grazy bout a sharp dressed man.

  22. chascates

    “We were young and sacrificed a lot,” 19-year-old lead singer Beyoncé Knowles gripes to the U.K. Telegraph. “I had to give up cheerleading, as did the others.”

    Some things are worth it, though.

  23. shortsshortsshorts

    Wait for the librul WaPo to state that “Michelle’s a Damcing Queen, However, She’s Only Seventeen, Having the Time of Her Life.”

  24. lawrenceofthedesert

    Well, at least nobody got so carried away that they claimed to remember FDR and Eleanor’s first dance.

  25. Bearbloke

    [re=224297]SpikeyDog[/re]: They’re inaugurating the Presidential Bedroom tonight baby – inaugurating it hard deep and long, since NOTHING gets a woman wetter than her first dance as First Lady. Even Pickles got her tickles back in 2001, and this time we have a First Couple that actually want to get sexified with *each other*; so break out the Luther, the Teddy, the Marvin, and the coconut love butter so they can say “let me love you down”….

    Now, not to get too deep in their biznitz, but I’ve been thinking about having “The First (Black!) Baby Born In The White House In Decades” for a few months now. Think about it: a bun in the oven might help the political Honeymoon last longer, and come fall it’s the Birth and the CHRISTIAN christen, followed by “Baby’s First Christmas (In the White House!)”… oh yeah… if I were a Publicist I’ve be having multiple rainbow-colored media-whoregasms about it… – BUT – lets not forget that First Lady Obama is 45 and a year OLDER than ‘ol Bible Spice…. does anybody out there know the risk of dropping another Trig-tard outta that dark’n’lovely love tunnel?

  26. jbd

    [re=224335]jbd[/re]: Oh, and just to be a complete bitch and since I can’t sleep:

    ღმერთი არის დიდი!

  27. TGY

    I’d make a great Secretary of Dance! It’d be a slam-dunk. I could parachute me there…wearing Elvis costume.

  28. plowman

    Where’s the video of Hopey shitting unicorns and walking on water? Man, are you libtards in for a let-down…

  29. ManchuCandidate

    [re=224352]plowman[/re]:
    That’s coming up this morning I think.

    At this point if Barry is merely mediocre that will look amazing compared to the EPIC FAIL of W and the gang (which I assume you supported or were apart of.)

  30. Terry

    I *want* to love Michelle’s dress but I can’t help thinking that it looks like it’s made out of Grandma’s chenile bedspread.

  31. Mahousu

    OMG, if you look close in the second one, you can see the reflection of some naked fat guy taping it.

  32. Gayer Than Thou

    [re=224320]Bearbloke[/re]: “They’re inaugurating the Presidential Bedroom tonight baby.”

    Maybe. But on the other hand, they’re both in their mid-40s, they’ve been up all day, standing around in the freezing cold, waving at 10,000 high school marching bands, being prayed at a million times, and they have tons of shit to do the next day… my guess is, the only workout Sealy Posturpedic One got was pure, sweet sleeping.

    Oh, and: Beyonce, darling… please stand up straight next time you sing at an Inaugural Ball.

  33. sarcasticusername

    the most awkward part of the ball coverage last night was hearing paul begala not so subtly talk about how the obamas looked like they were totally itching to rush home and get it on; yeah um paul begala makes me uncomfortable.

    oh and barry should have taken some dance lessons, he’s embarrassing black people.

  34. Gayer Than Thou

    Oh, and they also had to hear Aretha Franklin sing about “My cunt.” That would make anyone tired.

  35. Bearbloke

    [re=224368]Gayer Than Thou[/re]: I’m part of Obama’s generation, and I have no problem getting it up (organically) given the right opportunity and stimulus – for example, just being crowned as the MOST POWERFUL MAN IN THE WORK – that’s a testosterone-surging stimulus I can believe in!

  36. Bearbloke

    …although after my serious bar-hopping last night, I mistake myself (“THE MOST POWERFUL MAN IN THE WORK”) with His Hopeyness Grand Ayatollah B Hussein Obama II, who became THE MOST POWERFUL MAN IN THE WORLD after he got gay-married to half-wit boy-toy Chief Roberts John Justice yesterday afternoon…

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