the devil will see you now

Obama Shocker: New President Gives Satanic Sign To His Zombie Followers

'And the whole damn place goes crazy twice, and it's once for the devil and once for Christ ....'
Sure is fun to have a black guy as president, what with the hope and all, and what an exciting day of inaugural inauguration events …. OH WHAT IN THE HELL BARACK IS DOING THE DEVIL-HORN HAND-SIGN!

As proven by this journalistic freeze frame of the teevee news, on CBS, your new president worships but one “god,” and it ain’t Allah! It’s the Devil, Beelzebub, Belial, Iblis, Lucifer, Satan, Angra Mainyu, the Dark Woodsman, El Diablo, Bono, Old Scratch …. the same Prince of Lies worshiped by Bill Clinton, and the Bush Twins, and especially George W. Bush Junior himself! Come on, why do you think Junior was so friendly to Obama today? You think Bush likes black people? Not unless they’ve got the special blood-red iPhone that connects directly to Hades.

HAIL SATAN >>> HAIL SATAN <<< HAIL SATAN
The Illuminati news anchors say Obama was just “making a popular surfing hand symbol popular with the Hawaiians, where he was somehow born even though he was born in AFRICA, Indonesia.” Well, that’s what they always say, isn’t it? Also, what is going on with those twin blond goblins the new president has summoned, floating over his shoulder there? (Thanks to Wonkette Operative “Alex Pareene” for the tip!)

Hook 'em, Satan!

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About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

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1 comment

  1. Heywood Floyd

    The End of Days is indeed upon us.

    Either that, or he’s giving Scarlett Johansson the “Call me, it’s all good now” sign.

  2. I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO

    Hand sign tutorial:

    Hang loose-retract your index, middle, and ring fingers. Extend the thumb and pinky. If you’re feeling froggy, give it a little shake to show the kids you’re really, “with it.” (see first pic above)

    I love you- retract your middle and ring finger, extend your index, thumb, and pinky. (not shown)

    Satan- retract your middle and ring finger, and fold your thumb over to keep them tight to your palm. Raise your index and pink. If you’re feeling froggy, wave this sign up and down, preferable to the beat of some hardcore metal music to show the kids you’re really, “with it.” (see final pic above).

    Note: If you’re one of those stupid hipster kids who flashes the I Love You sign at a rock concert, you should be kicked in the teeth by a midget with a jetpack. I hope you die a horrible death.

    Please use this guide to make sure you are using the proper hand sign for the proper situations.

  3. NunnaTheSOBs

    Get Bill Clinton on
    the phone, and tell
    him to come and get his
    damn wife out from
    behind the Oval Office
    Desk — or at least let
    me enjoy ONE day at it.

  4. SpikeyDog

    What the hell are W and his sex slave doing using the same sign as our new prince of darkness? Did that hug before they threw him in the chopper include a quick neck bite?

  5. chascates

    Laura is doing the UT ‘Hook ‘em Horn sign. And did anyone besides me think Rick Warren was going to start speaking in tongues when he brought up all the bizarre names for his imaginary friend Jesus?

  6. grevillea

    What is the significance of Obama using his thumb in the shocker, unlike his soul brothers Bush and Atchoomanimbad?

  7. KublaKant

    I learned from the intertubes that this is the Shaka not the Shocker apparently the two should not be confused (in bed), so obviously bHo’s use of this symbol just confirms his AFriCAN, Indonesia birth certifcate ancestry and is like giving the finger to REAL AMERICA!1111!1. The finger should not be confused with scratching my eyebrow which is what I was doing, officer. Also.

  8. Bruno

    Where is Rick Warren? I thought he said he was grateful for this Satan worshipper.

    Oh, by my count, he’s been in office 7 hours now. What’s Barry done for you lately?

  9. Politicalchef

    You are so white if you thought that was devil horns.

    also, the shockr is more complicated – it requires *two* in the pink and one in the afore mentioned stink.

  10. President Beeblebrox

    Holy shit, Layne, I just sprayed delicious red beans ‘n’ rice all over my laptop screen. WIN

    One thing, though – you forgot to mention Petey Wheatstraw, the Devil’s Son-In-Law.

  11. SayItWithWookies

    [re=224081]Bruno[/re]: Oh, by my count, he’s been in office 7 hours now. What’s Barry done for you lately?
    He’s given that evil troll Charlie Gibson an excuse to preempt Jeopardy. Damnit.

  12. smellyal8r

    [re=224066]Min[/re]: Going to hell in a handbasket? Going? You don’t think we are there yet? Man…what did W need to do to make you think it was ovah?

  13. mattbolt

    Also, this is either “Hook em horns” when in the presence of UTexas, the “shaka sign” when in the presence of Hawaiians (wait a minute, isn’t this guy…) or “Call me” when in the presence of guys at bars. The devil sign involved thumb, pointer and pinky.

  14. DustBowlBlues

    [re=224077]chascates[/re]: “V Rick Warren was going to start speaking in tongues when he brought up all the bizarre names for his imaginary friend Jesus?”

    For a second, I thought he was maybe saying different gods–you know, allah, yahway (I can’t believe I don’t remember how to spell that) rama, etc. Then he went into the Lord’s Prayer and that’s when I commented on another thread like the historian I am, “The Thomas Jefferson statue is puking.”

    Ric Warren sucks. His prayer was also rambling–like he was just up there, winging it. Some fuck on BBCA said that now Warren is our national chaplain, the end. Hold on there a minute, limey swine.

  15. sati demise

    [re=224073]I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO[/re]: but the Obama ‘I love you’ is a secret sign to the Island Volcano gods, Hiawwaiiikonacoffeekokohuanahumminhummerkakalaki

  16. sati demise

    [re=224105]DustBowlBlues[/re]:The Obamas are church shopping this week, BBCA. do your fuc*in’ homework limey journos.

  17. hockeymom

    oh no…CNN has a new toy…something called photosynth.
    John King may pee himself he’s so excited.
    In the old days, we’d call it ZOOMING IN, John.

  18. CaliforniaMike

    [re=224108]KublaKant[/re]: Let’s go for five in the pink AND five in the stink. Then you’ve got one hell of a hand puppet.

  19. hockeymom

    Also…which Wonkette editor is going to be talking fashion tonight…because now the drama begins. What will Michelle wear?
    How many brooches will adorn her neckline?

  20. IceCreamEmpress

    I think you should highlight Grampa Joe Biden’s disturbing finger-guns, as seen earlier on the parade route.

    BIDEN WANTS TO SHOOT INNOCENT HIGH SCHOOL MARCHING BAND NERDS!

  21. ivenson

    [re=224105]DustBowlBlues[/re]: HAY SOOSE? I know Jehovah and Yahweh are legitimate different names for the same deity, but HAY SOOSE is just the way you say Jesus if you speak espanish. Why does that get a mention?

    ALSO…did anyone else notice that our imaginary girlfriend Rachel Maddow was the only one to say “Vice President and DOCTOR Biden”? R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Sock it to me.

  22. smellyal8r

    I, for one, welcome our new finger signaling overlords. Welcome. Thank you for dispatching Cheney to the dustbin of history.

  23. HMS Nerd

    “blood-red iPhone” – c’mon, you know Verizon doesn’t have the 3G cred yet. Lucifer likes the slow roll, which is why he sponsored Amtrak’s “bait the sniper with the black body-double like in Richard Pryor’s cult classic ‘Moving’ extravaganza”. duh. Oh, and I for one did receive my stimulus release in the mail. Thanks to all the demi-muslins who made this day possible.

  24. Politicalchef

    [re=224090]InsidiousTuna[/re]: I’m a lady.

    1, 2, and a courtesy thumb on the button, please.

  25. Dreamer

    Hopey’s white side does not know how to dance. Either that or he is shy. Michelle’s dress gorgeous

  26. mattbolt

    [re=224128]Politicalchef[/re]: Psh, obviously you’ve never had The Dick Cheney. It’s a complicated sexual maneuver involving a wheelchair, some sturdy doweling, a basic knowledge of carpentry, seasonal vegetables, a medieval flogging device, a power drill and a bucket of ice.

  27. hockeymom

    [re=224136]Dreamer[/re]: She looks stunning but I am having trouble with the fuzzy balls that are covering the dress. I need a better shot of it.

  28. yosoy

    The only thing that surprises me about seeing this on Wonkette is that I kinda figured the wingnuts would be first out of the gate with the Satan theories. But I guess you are not serious. Right?

  29. OffTheRecord

    [re=224140]hockeymom[/re]: She is awesome as always, but it is a little interesting. I am hoping I will have the same reaction I did to her outfit this morning. “Huh, okay?” Followed by “Pretty! Want!”

  30. Dreamer

    [re=224140]hockeymom[/re]: my cousin – a hateful muslin (she is an actual Muslim) just called and said that she hated the dress because of those same fuzzy balls. Since I ODed on the Hopey kool aid I hanged the phone up on her.

  31. chascates

    [re=224150]SayItWithWookies[/re]: I’m guessing this guy claims that Hillary was screwed over in the primaries as well?

  32. Pop Socket

    Ana Marie Cox is on Rachel Maddow. Not much of a on-topic tie-in except for the butt-sechs aspect of The Shocker.

  33. OffTheRecord

    Has anyone noticed the joy that Rachel Maddow gets out of President Obama dancing? It is adorable.

  34. sati demise

    [re=224114]hockeymom[/re]: Going with the modern extravagant earring and huge bangle bracelet…very now combo…

    [re=224144]OffTheRecord[/re]: same response! One quibble with the ochre daytime outfit.

    Please designers!!1! Think of the weather.
    Michelle needed a lower closure on the top coat. She was freezin’ when the wind blew under the coat.
    Beautiful outfit but lost points for keeping the human torso warm in 18 degree weather.

  35. CaliforniaMike

    [re=224171]ioksotot23[/re]: Tipper was always hot in that drunken Southern sorority girl way. She wouldn’t put out unless she had the excuse of being drunk, but as long as she did, she’d be wild.

  36. Aurelio

    We call that the “shaka” sign here in the Sandwich Islands where B. Hussein Obama was born and raised. It it often accompanied by such intellection discourse as, “Howz it, brah?” or “What you stay doing?”

  37. I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO

    Of course, there’s nothing Barry HUSSEIN Obama could have done with his hands that pissed the righties and the bitterz off more than putting the right one in the air, and the left one on the bible. No terrorist fist bump or evil satanic gang sign comes even close.

  38. ducandy

    God, are you fuckers dumb.

    That sign means “hang loose”.

    I’m fifty-nine, how old are you assholes, centenarians?

  39. TGY

    [re=224141]yosoy[/re]: Yes. Not serious.

    [re=224314]ducandy[/re]: Sorry, I still need a fingering guide at my advanced age.

  40. WIDTAP

    All of your minds are in the gutter.

    Hopey is signaling America with the “Call Me” sign. How sweet.

  41. gurukalehuru

    [re=224095]grevillea[/re]: WTF? Is that a real site, or le satire? (hey, check that out) What is a pig sex orgy? and…
    …is there really such a thing
    as a sodomy sling?
    doo-wop, doo-wop, doo-wop, doo-wop, doo-wop, ooooo

  42. eekahil

    [re=224163]tsunami[/re]:
    According to my colleague, Jill Biden would then be SLILF.

    Thank you for the new coinage!

  43. HoosierHawaiian

    Obviously you haven’t been to Hawaii. The hand sign Obama and his daughters are giving is a Hawaiian hand wave or “shaka” and has absolutely nothing to do with Satan. The sign is used daily by just about everyone in Hawaii to say hi, hello, thank you, hang loose, etc.

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