rumors on the internet

Bush Flees The Internet In A Helicopter

  • Tina Brown start-up “Whitehouse.gov” has a new look and a new face and it is that of Barack Obama! Also a new blog called “the Briefing Room.” [Whitehouse.gov/Andrew Sullivan]
  • Jessica Alba, our nation’s greatest Latina President since Lincoln, told Team Fox News that Bill O’Reilly is an asshole. [Crooks and Liars]
  • Famous irrelevant persons Sarah Palin and Bills Richardson and Ayers were not invited to Washington today. The Daily Beast has tracked down what sad alternative activities they will be doing in crushing anonymity instead. [Daily Beast]
  • Here are some closure-y long-distance action shots of Bush’s farewell helicopter (note UFO in second photo). [AMERICAblog]
  • The Greatest Generation: Sasha Obama of course hated Sheryl Crow and will.i.am’s cover of “One Love.” [Slate]
Related

About the author

Juli Weiner was Wonkette's beloved intern and books columnist and then morning editor until she was hired away by Vanity Fair in 2010.

View all articles by Juli Weiner

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

35 comments

  1. 4tehlulz

    Since Bill Ayers is writing an “invited commentary” for the Wall Street Journal, we now know that Rupert Murdoch objectively supports terrorism.

  2. Trace

    I can actually go and see Bush (live and in person) in a few hours, when he has some weird, sad concert in downtown Midland (possibly with Kid Rock! Or maybe not!) but… well, I could also NOT actually go and see Bush, so that’s probably what I’ll do. Or not do. Fuck that guy.

  3. Purple Tide

    Jessica Alba is a dirty Filipina terrorist, unlike Michelle Malkin, who is a dirty Filipina freedom fighter!

  4. SayItWithWookies

    I hope every celebrity starts greeting FOX News producers with “Are you still around?”

  5. chascates

    [re=223624]Trace[/re]: Please to report back size & mood of Midland crowd if you go. Take shoes for those who may need throwing materials.

  6. shortsshortsshorts

    They say that the whitehouse blog will bring “TRANSPARANCY TO THE WHITE HOUSE.”
    If that were true of blogs, why do I still not know what color Matt Drudge’s underwear is?

  7. ManchuCandidate

    Even Sasha knows Bob Marley is the only one who can sing One Love (I always thought he was singing about Ganja.)

  8. Serolf Divad

    LOL, the Wall Street Journal invited Bill Ayers to write a commentary on the Obama inauguration?! What shameless fucks. I mean really… what shameles fucks!

  9. Tommy Says Ira G is a Tool

    Scientists have proven that drinking Jessica Alba’s bathwater induces a mildly pleasant, jasmine-scented euphoria. We will have to get back to you on O’Reilley if he ever washes, though I think scummy New Jersey va-jay-jay water would be a step up.

  10. Trace

    [re=223639]chascates[/re]: From the few years I spent living in Midland, I’m afraid they’ll be mostly pleased to see George and would potentially beat to death anyone who even considered lifting a shoe to shoulder-height.

    They’re, you know, salt of the earth people. I should also add that Midland and Odessa are about as close to a post-apocalyptic wasteland you can find prior to said apocalypse. It’s a hellish, barren crater and I can see why Bush would want to fondly return to it.

  11. Trace

    Oh, but I forgot to mention… I have a few relatives who will be attended the sad loser party and who have promised to send pictures, so I can always post those when I get them. Please let someone cry on stage. PLEASE someone cry on stage.

  12. Monsieur Grumpe

    The Washington monument looks like a giant finger flipping the bird to Bush’s copter as he finally leaves. Beautiful.

  13. chascates

    [re=223659]Trace[/re]: My mother once drove to Midland from Amarillo and had her car’s paint sandblasted off by the wind. Tatooine would be a lovelier place to live.

  14. Trace

    Well, I talked to one of my relatives who is in Midland and they tell me that if anyone wants to watch live coverage of the sad display in Midland, it’s at http://www.welcomehomebush.com (Jesus).

    They’ve got a webcam that spits out scary static every few seconds. I thought bugs were trying to crawl out of my keyboard and sting me the first time it happened. Ha ha, webcam. You trickster.

  15. I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO

    Jessica Alba called Bill O’Liely an asshole? That’s just great, we’ll never get Oliver Willis to stop drooling now. Hope you have a life raft ready.

  16. Mr Blifil

    Byrd and Kennedy down and poor, weak, harmless Cheney off in his wheelchair in some undisclosed location? Yeah, that’s not suspicious or anything.

  17. actor212

    Can it be? Will we finally be able to put Fox News straight about their place in the world?

    DaRock said it best, Billo: Know your role and shut your mouth!

  18. WIDTAP

    I was walking out past the Lincoln Memorial after the Inauguration.Marine One flew over head. The mass underneath waved and shouted “So long and good riddance!”. (Seriously)

    This was just before the inflatable Bush statue that some enterprising fellows has set up. For a few bucks they would let you yank on some ropes and topple the status. (Seriously too.)

    It was a nice day to be out in DC.

  19. chascates

    [re=223757]Canmon (the Inadequate)[/re]: So Canada still has the Bush ‘taint’?
    [re=223689]Trace[/re]: And that lunatic Lee Greenwood is saying how Bush has protected us so much we haven’t been attacked again.

  20. assistant/atlas

    That is the first time I have ever seen Jessica Alba speak and not thought to myself: “Why won’t she just shut up and be pretty?”

    Truly an historic day.

  21. Naked Bunny with a Whip

    Jessica Alba … told Team Fox News that Bill O’Reilly is an asshole.

    Is she allowed to say stuff like that about President O’Reilly?

  22. Trace

    [re=223849]chascates[/re]: They also have a chatroom full of REAL AMURKINS! They would vote for Bush again given the chance! He was doing God’s will.

  23. Trace

    Well, that Bush speech was fun. The crowd cheered mention of Cheney and Alberto Gonzalez, any mention of the troops (well, the ones that aren’t dead, I guess) and gave a HUGE roaring cheer when Bush said he never needed an opinion poll to tell him what to think. To hell with those un-American majority of Americans who disagreed with him.

    He also said that he feels no remorse, did what he thought was right, and kept us safe except for that unfortunate thing on September 11, or whatever that was all about.

Comments are closed.