hilarity

A Full Minute And Seven Seconds Of Dick Cheney In His Wheelchair, Without Commentary

C-SPAN was made for these moments. We don’t need any play-by-play, we don’t need quick cut shots, we don’t need pundits — all we need is extended raw footage of Dick Cheney being pushed around in his wheelchair, clutching his panda-fur-coated cane, and eventually being thrown into a car destined for a steep ditch in Wyoming. [YouTube]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell
What Others Are Reading

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

74 comments

  1. Joehoya

    How quickly he loses his strength without his government-provided supply of innocent babies to eat.

  2. Mighty Rex

    I am really truly curious as to what Dick’s history of support is concerning the Americans with Disabilities Act, but I just can’t get up the Google right now. I sure hope they didn’t add those ramps special for him.

    Put him on a Segway(tm) for the troo laffs!

  3. BigDupa

    Wasn’t he working at the time? If he has a phone, he has a lawyer! Look for a sweet workman’s comp line item stuffed into the stimulus plan.

  4. donner_froh

    He is surrounded by what looks like retired football players in topcoats but the person doing the real work of wheeling his fat as is a 110 lb woman.

    Maybe she was the only one who really needed to keep her job and therefore wouldn’t dump him on the pavement to be kicked to death.

  5. Wonks Adventure

    [re=223595]LazloHollyfeld[/re]: dick cheney looked like the big lebowski *before* this happened. now? it’s uncanny.

  6. OffTheRecord

    At first I felt kind of bad because I enjoyed seeing Cheney hurt and dependent on others. But then I decided it is okay to wish awful things on this man. He is an evil motherfucker who has devoted his life to torturing, maiming, shooting people in the face, and generally just ruining America. I hope he lives at least eight more and is fucking miserable for all of them because he has made me pretty damn miserable for the previous eight.

  7. iolanthe

    That’s no pulled muscle.

    He looks weak and frail as shit. His body language signals total humiliation.

    A girl can hope, anyway, can’t she?

  8. Scarab

    This is because as a secret grand wizard he once swore an oath to the burning cross that he’d “never walk into a black man’s inauguration.”

  9. Pat Pending

    I was hoping to see him ride into the Wyoming sunset, strapped to a runaway shetland pony, toes dragging through the dirt, listing side to side, until he finally breaks loose, hitting his temple on a sharp rock. vaya con dios!

  10. Scarab

    What would have made this video perfect was a steaming colostomy bag flopping onto the sidewalk as he was helped into the limo.

  11. crikey_booya

    All that ceremonial stuff, free car, free house, people singing your praises. Looks like fun. I call dibs on the next presidency!!!

  12. shortsshortsshorts

    ABC News said that “IT’S SAD WUT DIM BLAWGGARS ARE GOING TO SAY ABOUT THIS INCIDENT. AND JOHN STEWART TOO. COMPLETELY INNAPROPRIATE.”
    Fuck you, ABC. And fuck you, Cheney.

  13. BadKitty

    [re=223613]OffTheRecord[/re]: I’m torn. I know I should feel empathy for the man because he is a fellow human being (maybe) and probably in pain (if he can even feel pain, who knows?). But I also want to wire his wheelchair w/ electrodes and turn into a portable electric chair and zap his ass while he flies down the stairs of the Capital and crashes and turns into a smoldering hunk of twisted metal and burning flesh.

  14. wheelie

    [re=223589]Joehoya[/re]: For sure. “My evil powers are receding . . . But know this, Earthlings, you have not seen the last of Richard Bruce Cheney. I will some day feast again on the marrow of your orphans, mwhahahaa.”

    Fuck off and die, Dick.

  15. choinski

    I expect Dick to to his best Burgess Merideth while lavender smoke shoots out of his can. HEENGH HENNGH HENNGH.

  16. shortsshortsshorts

    [re=223646]choinski[/re]: [re=223653]choinski[/re]: I like “can” better. That was awesome.

  17. Mr Blifil

    Manly Dick moves his own boxes but forces his bitch to push his saggy ass around when he’s out of commission. What a moran.

  18. blader

    If you look carefully, you can see the needle marks in his neck, where they had to inject the horse sedative so they’d be able to restrain him before dragging him out of the west wing.

  19. Larry McAwful

    [re=223638]riffin1[/re]: “And a happy new year to you, George—in jail!”

    (That’s exactly what I thought, too, as soon as I saw him wheeled out!)

  20. TGY

    Well, Dick always wanted to be a big wheel. Likewise, he gets to prod people in the ass with that cane. *jab* “Ex-VP comin’ through, so go fuck yourself.”

  21. schvitzatura

    Remo Gaggi and the Kansas City crew pulled the same stunt in Scorsese’s Casino, oxygen masks and canes…

  22. iolanthe

    [re=223771]Mr.Sazerac[/re]:

    I’ve thought of an even more heinous punishment than a trial at the Hague:

    Wait for it … *BUSH & CHENEY SHOULD BE FORCED TO LIVE, DIRECTLY, WITH THE CONSEQUENCES OF THEIR OWN POLICIES!*

    Put ‘em out on the streets of an urban US downtown in the middle of the night, with $20, a used sleeping bag, no cash, and no ID. Or make them take a job as a sales associate at Wal-Mart. You get the idea …

  23. blinky_twinkie

    [re=223653]choinski[/re]: I’m with Shorts: I love the image of Emperor Palpatine laughing his Burgess Meredith cackle with lavender smoke shooting out of his ass.

  24. pat robertsons personal trainer

    the carpet pissers did this.

    but, yeah, that guy didn’t even move his own stuff when he dodging the draft. no reason to think he suddenly felt the urge to brush his own teeth. that’s what smithers is for. this is just a pretext to getting some lighter treatment from those fine ladies and gentlemen at the Hague.

  25. norbizness

    Scandal: Or, for the pop culture literate, the Untouchables moment where Andy Garcia catches Dick Cheney and then shoots him. Damn, I don’t think Brian de Palma has ever had an original idea.

  26. Fivetree

    Second only to seeing Barry become #44 was seeing Dick Cheney in a wheelchair – reenacting Lionel Barrymore’s portrayal of Mr. Potter in “It’s a Wonderful Life” with an eerie, pitch perfect performance. What would have been even better would be seeing the wheelchair, with occupant, hurled down the steps of the Capitol for the edification of the multitude.

  27. Fivetree

    [re=223648]Incredulicious[/re]: No, FDR would have managed to walk in this situation (or to do something that appeared to be walking) which makes Dick Cheney a total pussy. He was never filmed being wheeled about. Dick Cheney is not fit to even be the dirt on FDR’s shoes.

  28. Toomush Infermashun

    Coming out of the doorway, it’s like he suddenly realised he was a sad asswipe, raising his stupid hobo cane in acknowledgment of what most others have known for years…it’s probably not true, but lovely, lovely, anyway…

  29. The Station Manager

    This image from The Foggy Monocle is just about the best take on Wheelie McDickpants:
    [IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v482/oncloudydays/dick.jpg[/IMG]

  30. DangerousLiberal

    [re=223617]iolanthe[/re]: Weak, frail and humiliated is the look he’s sportin’ for his new home–in Den Haag, as our Dutch friends call it. He might be cellie with Rado, as far as we know. Anyway, the new frail and unhardy Cheney will be just an old man who knew nothing of the camps and torture and mass graves and—oh, shit, I got him confused with one of those 90 year old former SS guys we deport once a year. Ooops, no, double checking, maybe I’m not.

    I was hoping that Hopey’s inauguration would cause me to be less snarky and to become an all around better person. That lasted about seven hours, like all my New Year’s resolutions….

  31. MrHacks

    FDR would FROWN upon Cheney. At least FDR made people NOT know about his disability.

    Reguardless, I think Cheney needs some much needed rehabilitation at Guantanamo Bay where they have an excellent program called “Getting Over Your Disability in 40 Steps”
    http://i43.tinypic.com/5n9mo6.jpg

  32. heathenish

    that image just brings so much to mind. first – I figured he hurt himself trying to move his man safe, but then figured he was scammin’ for some workman’s comp. (cause he didn’t get enough money from the whole halliburton thing) but then I thought he was trying to get the sympathy vote of the American public, “aaahhhh poor dick is hurt”, (which who the fuck cares? NO ONE!) and then I thought you know how on a sports team sometimes the best player will fake an injury so that the opposition is fooled into thinking that player is out of the game? well what ever… at least he’s not in control of the country any more. Free at last, free at last, thank God almighty, we’re free at last!

  33. kierabs

    [re=223649]superfecta[/re]: If this is an allusion to Avenue Q, the musical, then you are an amazing person.

    Also I can’t help but imagine that the gigantic bag slung over the shoulder of the woman pushing Cheney’s chair is full of diapers and catheters.

  34. otto

    [re=223585]mookworthjwilson[/re]: Thanks for the Potter reference, that was my first thought too: “Look at you. You used to be so cocky. You were going to go out and conquer the world. You once called me a warped, frustrated, old man! What are you but a warped, frustrated young man?”

  35. villageatrois

    This is an all-time, perfect video. Cheney has his Penguin cane, and Penguin monocle (plus a spare Penguin monocle for the other eye). And he is being wheeled out of the Capitol, feet first. And due to extremely graceful sound editing, you can’t tell whether he said “Rose Bud”, or “pooped pants”.

    Could be deception, sure, but it’s very satisfying at face value. If he turns up next week in Paraguay in a man-kini, let’s nuke ‘em.

  36. Stovernsky

    Hey the clip ended too soon.
    As the limo was pulling away you could clearly see Cheney pulling out all kinds of manilla envelopes or file folders and shuffling through papers. Perhaps his wheelchairboundness was a ruse for rustling out some damning evidence tucked under his rumpus.

Comments are closed.