WHOA CHECK THIS OUT  11:24 am January 20, 2009

Liveblogging the Actual Most Historical Thing Ever, Since the Moon Landing

by Ken Layne

Wait, what?!It is actually a beautiful, sunny day in Washington D.C., in the freezing winter! The people are hopey, happy, etc. Allah really does want this Barack Obama character to become president, of Earth. Let us now continue the patriotic liveblogging of this Inauguration Day Inaugural Special, from Washington, where somehow another Bush is not becoming president today.

11:20 AM — Previous Inaugural Day liveblogs are here, and also here.
11:20 AM — “Ahm all right,” says mean old Barbara Bush Sr., as she leaves poor hobbling George H.W. Bush Sr. all alone, stuck on the cold metal steps.
11:21 AM — And now a live shot of … a white moving van. Boxes. These boxes, or boxes like them, are American Heroes — because one of these boxes crippled Dick Cheney!
11:21 AM — Here comes Dollar Bill Clinton and the would-be Secretary of State. The crowd loves ‘em! And David Vitter — the shit-eating hooker-using Diaperman of the GOP — voted against her, while John Cornyn, the “dildo cowboy,” has blocked the appointment. Great men, both of them.
11:22 AM — HOTNESS BABE ALERT, as the Bush Twins are seated. Jenna looks dazed, as usual, while Young Barbara is so pretty. How is she related to her parents and grandparents? She’s not — like Lauren Bush and Pierce Bush, Young Barbara was grown in the super-secret laboratory at Kennebunkport.
11:24 AM — CUTENESS ALERT omg look at the Obama girls.
11:25 PM — GROSS ALERT good christ Lynne Cheney, you suck the life and joy out of the entire National Mall.
11:26 AM — But just for a moment, because look at that crowd. And look at Aretha Franklin! She will sing the National Anthem. Did you know she is a Civil Rights Icon? It’s true! (She was also very funny in The Blues Brothers.)
11:27 AM — The older Obama girl, Malia, is gorgeous. Look at that purple coat with the faux-fur trim. Jesus, who makes clothes like that for little girls? This entire country is going to start dressing a lot better, isn’t it? (That is your editor’s Hope, for this Nation of Slobs.)
11:28 AM — Wow, Michelle’s dress. That is crazy. Nobody else could pull that off, except, maybe, Audrey Hepburn or something.
11:32 AM — Well, George W. Bush Junior, you sad buffoon, we will be gracious today, and just say HOORAY FOR EARTH, YOU ARE GOING BACK TO TEXAS. If there’s anything good to say about him, this cunt, it’s that we fully expected Washington (and the whole planet) to be a smoking lifeless ruin by now.
11:34 AM — Your editor is now going to take a few minutes to watch this with his young sons, in the living room, because wtf.
11:39 AM — Here comes Mr. Cool, your almost president. But first, Joe Biden needs to come out and tell some jokes about Pakistanis or whatever.
11:41 AM — Can you imagine what’s on the collective Fox News Viewer brain, at this moment?
11:43 AM — Let’s check in again. Ugh, so quiet and joyless and somber. But of course … a black half-muslin.
11:43 AM — “Ladies and gentlemen, the president elect of the United States of America, Barack H. Obama.”
11:44 AM — Hey, what does that H stand for, anyway?
11:44 AM — “OBAMA! OBAMA! OBAMA!” So that’s what the H stands for, as a couple of million people are chanting this, right now.
11:46 AM — Diane Feinstein is in charge of this whole thing! She apparently is in favor of “ballots over bullets,” which is the usual far-left California moonbattery.
11:48 AM — Oh hey it’s that fat queer Rick Warren.
11:49 AM — Jesus fucking christ, this classy event is now stained by this jackhole mall-church porpoise-driven fake-laugh bullshit.
11:50 AM — And yet, there are hundreds of black people in the CNN crowd shots with eyes closed and hands clasped together. There are even women in half-muslin headcloths in the crowd, seemingly praying to the American God of Malls.
11:52 AM — Rick Warren said “Malia and Sasha” like some Mexican porn narrator.
11:52 AM — Will this country ever be free from this dimbulb religious nuttery? How is this rich, powerful country still crippled by this nonsense? Whatever, let’s listen to Aretha.
11:54 AM — The range isn’t there anymore, 40-plus years since her Motown Atlantic Records classics, but she’s working the limits with a good soul-y growl. And the choir is helping out. Hah, and she gets in some of those high notes anyway. Nice.
11:56 AM — It is too bad how the White House Christmas Tree bow tragically fell on her head, but she still looks great, at what, 75 years old?
11:57 AM — Biden, you nut! Here, now, as he takes his oath, this oaf, we realize the genius of picking Gaffey Joe for vice president. He seems absolutely cuddly compared to the evil wheelchair-bound Bond villain we’ve just said good-bye to, on teevee. Let’s say it again, together: GOOD-BYE DICK CHENEY, YOU EVIL MOTHERFUCKER. THANKS TO ALLAH FOR FORCING YOU TO LIVE LONG ENOUGH TO SEE A BLACK MAN BECOME PRESIDENT! NOW FUCK OFF AND DIE.
11:59 AM — And now famous Hollywood composer John Williams will conduct the “Imperial March,” as Cheney is wheeled into a vat of cooking oil.
12:00 PM — So, the Constitution says the president must be sworn in by Noon, right? NOBAMA EVER.
12:01 PM — YIKES, what? Wolf Blitzer just talked over Yo Yo Ma to say that, even though the oath has not been given, Barack Obama is now legally, and technically, the president of the United States. No wonder he’s smiling so much at this fruity music. Oh wait, now he’s not. Now his eyes are closed and he looks serious. Michelle just squeezed his shoulder, which is the secret “Uh dude you are president now” fist jab.
12:03 PM — Next up, your own Jim Newell, with the exciting Inaugural Address liveblog, plus the 21-gun salute, and mass craziness. You must stay tuned!
12:04 PM — Ha, now whenever people ask Yo Yo Ma, “What were you doing when Barack Obama became president?”, he can say, “I was cold playing the cello for him.”
12:05 PM — John Roberts just called him “Senator.” So rude!
12:05 PM — “Congratulations, Mr. President.”
12:05 PM — So, that happened.

 
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{ 303 comments }

teebob2000 January 20, 2009 at 11:27 am

I am so gonna cry my fool head off.

jagorev January 20, 2009 at 11:27 am

IT’S STILL NOT TOO LATE TO PRODUCE YR REAL BIRTH CERTIFICATE, HUSSEIN

DoctorCulturae January 20, 2009 at 11:28 am

Poor HIlbot is struggling to keep up the perky face.

hockeymom January 20, 2009 at 11:28 am

How much Valium has Laura consumed today?

pepe January 20, 2009 at 11:29 am

I can’t believe this is actually happening.

queeraselvis v 2.0 January 20, 2009 at 11:29 am

Nice job on the “reanimated corpse” look, Lynne.

DoctorCulturae January 20, 2009 at 11:30 am

After being sworn in Hopemaster will levitate and fly around the spread unicorn dust over all

smellyal8r January 20, 2009 at 11:30 am

OMG! The crowd is chanting Obama’s name…FOX news must be scared to death

OffTheRecord January 20, 2009 at 11:30 am

Oh. My. God. Those children are adorable. And more stylish than me. Which makes me quite sad.

Scott-san January 20, 2009 at 11:31 am

Tweety just outed MSNBC as stinky libruls. It’s meta-commentary.

ManchuCandidate January 20, 2009 at 11:31 am

Look at that crowd.

A seriously medicated W is now on CNN.

DoctorCulturae January 20, 2009 at 11:31 am

Zowie. I’m callous, but could Michelle and Jill look more extravertedly hawt?

hockeymom January 20, 2009 at 11:31 am

The men of FOX news are slobbering over Michelle Obama. They’ve proclaimed her “amazing and beautiful”…
Britt thinks Jill looks good, too. Cause she’s white.

Mighty Rex January 20, 2009 at 11:32 am

Pls tell me Obama is wearing a Brooks Brothers suit today, b/c that would signal the new American style resurgence. All that other hopey shit, who cares.

chascates January 20, 2009 at 11:32 am

There’s SHITHEAD!

Colander January 20, 2009 at 11:32 am

OMG, where are they taking Cheney?? They just wheeled him down some alternate corridor.

smellyal8r January 20, 2009 at 11:32 am

[re=222910]DoctorCulturae[/re]: And the NYSE will magickly go up 10,000 points!!! Hooray! Recession ovah!

queeraselvis v 2.0 January 20, 2009 at 11:32 am

Holy shit NICE NECKLACE, Michelle!

jagorev January 20, 2009 at 11:32 am

What color is Michelle wearing? I have no name for that color.

pocket Liz January 20, 2009 at 11:32 am

Bush Sr. gave some dude in the military what I like to call a “good game tap?” Did anyone else see/enjoy that?

SkimLatteModerate January 20, 2009 at 11:33 am

OH! This is the first time I’ve got a full length shot of Michelle. Stunning.

LuckyJim January 20, 2009 at 11:33 am

Time now for Khmer Rouge-style new-order resetting of the calendar, I say.

USA Year Zero, bitches! (uhh, minus the genocide, of course – but the forced work camp retraining sessions would be okay, I suppose).

ManchuCandidate January 20, 2009 at 11:33 am

STFU Wolf, you asshole apologist.

Colander January 20, 2009 at 11:33 am

[re=222909]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: It’s Necronomicon-chic. It’s in for 2k9.

NoWireHangers January 20, 2009 at 11:33 am

[re=222924]jagorev[/re]: Butterstick

WadISay January 20, 2009 at 11:34 am

Chris Matthews just remarked that you can see a lot of white teeth from all the smiles. Chris, go down this road very carefully.

Sasha and Malia, oh for the cute! ((*clasps hands over chest and swoons*))

hockeymom January 20, 2009 at 11:34 am

Young Barbara Bush has the fake, sorority girl smile on…you know she’s saying bitter, bitter things to her sister thru gritted teeth.

jagorev January 20, 2009 at 11:34 am

[re=222918]Mighty Rex[/re]: Hopey only wears communist union-made suits from Hart Schaffner Marx.

OffTheRecord January 20, 2009 at 11:35 am

Every time they show Cheney in that wheelchair I cackle. I am awful.

NoWireHangers January 20, 2009 at 11:35 am

Gah! Cheney in a wheelchair!

DoctorCulturae January 20, 2009 at 11:35 am

Well. I guess the MSM will have a difficult time explaining the spontaneous singing and booing of Dub. Isn’t this what happens when dissent is manipulated and squashed.

lazyb January 20, 2009 at 11:35 am

O Michelle pretty! Lots of sparkly stuff for mid-day. Can that be the new fashion thing-y? Sparkly all day?

smellyal8r January 20, 2009 at 11:35 am

[re=222925]pocket Liz[/re]: Yeah…crazy old coot!
[re=222924]jagorev[/re]: It’s by some Cuban/American designer…let’s call it “inaugural tobacco leaf gold”

SayItWithWookies January 20, 2009 at 11:35 am

[re=222924]jagorev[/re]: Champagne Blingee.

DustBowlBlues January 20, 2009 at 11:35 am

How cute to see Bush with that idiot grin, as usual, plastered on his face and Cheney literally turning into a bobblehead as the camera can’t quite get him and bush in the same frame. Oh, how delicious is vengenance.

How will I stop myself from racing through my corner of Real America and shouting, “Eat it, racists.” Which would have ramifications on my life here–really.

chascates January 20, 2009 at 11:35 am

Cheney is just like Old Mister Potter in It’s A Wonderful Life.

Colander January 20, 2009 at 11:35 am

[re=222924]jagorev[/re]: Nanna yellow.

ManchuCandidate January 20, 2009 at 11:35 am

Dr Strangelove is in the house.

Lascauxcaveman January 20, 2009 at 11:35 am

Shit! There’s Old Man Potter in his wheelchair. Screw you, Potter! The Bailey Home & Loan is NOT for sale!

jagorev January 20, 2009 at 11:35 am

HOLY SHIT did they boo the sitting President? ha ha

smellyal8r January 20, 2009 at 11:35 am

W Arrives to a chorus of “boos” from his own party!

assholette January 20, 2009 at 11:36 am

Cheney couldn’t look any more like the penguin unless he swapped that cane for a sleeping gas shooting umbrella

LuckyJim January 20, 2009 at 11:36 am

Dr. Strangelove lost his magnificent head of hair! :(

imarmcandy January 20, 2009 at 11:36 am

Cheney looks like the cruel banker from It’s a Wonderful Life.

DustBowlBlues January 20, 2009 at 11:37 am

Fuck, this is hard as being president. I’m running from wonkette the one tv with BET, another with BBCA and a third with PBS, then I’m tryingn to keep up with NPR.

I am too old for this multi-tasking.

smellyal8r January 20, 2009 at 11:37 am

[re=222931]NoWireHangers[/re]: Now, there’s a veteran of Wonkette!

pepe January 20, 2009 at 11:37 am

wonkette ran out of snark! “11:34 AM — Your editor is now going to take a few minutes to watch this with his young sons, in the living room, because wtf.” !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NoWireHangers January 20, 2009 at 11:38 am

[re=222951]smellyal8r[/re]: The amount of Love America has for Barack = The amount of Hate America has for W

tunamelt January 20, 2009 at 11:38 am

http://wonkette.chatango.com/

Did you guys hear the crowd singing “Nananana Hey Hey Hey Goodbye” to Bush like he just fouled out of a college basketball game? Because… yeah.

queeraselvis v 2.0 January 20, 2009 at 11:38 am

Wow. I just heard the thundering sounds of one hand clapping.

DoctorCulturae January 20, 2009 at 11:38 am

[re=222954]imarmcandy[/re]: win!

Lascauxcaveman January 20, 2009 at 11:38 am

Please don’t force me choose between Michelle O and Barbara Bush. It’s not fair.

SkimLatteModerate January 20, 2009 at 11:38 am

Red tie!

Scott-san January 20, 2009 at 11:38 am

Is Dubya going to have “very intimate” memories of being booed by millions of people?

Colander January 20, 2009 at 11:38 am

[re=222935]hockeymom[/re]: She’s wondering who’s looking after the ghetto, what with all of ‘them’ here right now.

NoWireHangers January 20, 2009 at 11:38 am

Is the Chocolate Rain guy announcing dignitaries or what?

texette January 20, 2009 at 11:38 am

Oh, how I dislike the douchy John Cornyn! I can’t believe my state re-elected him.

Can’t he cling to his religion and guns silently… with a muzzle? Move.on John, just Move.on.

jbd January 20, 2009 at 11:38 am

Good god does Biden look like a smug asshole.

Which is to say, it’s a normal day.

hockeymom January 20, 2009 at 11:38 am

I can’t decide which is worse…Tweety and Olbermann squabbling or Britt Hume muttering how Bush kept us safe, forever and ever.

DoctorCulturae January 20, 2009 at 11:39 am

Hopemaster has that Muhammad Ali “I’m coming in the ring” look!

DustBowlBlues January 20, 2009 at 11:39 am

I’ve just added MSNBC. I shall, however, have my butt in front of only one chair for this point—-Bidin in!

tunamelt January 20, 2009 at 11:39 am

[re=222950]jagorev[/re]: AMERICA!!!1!!

Liquid January 20, 2009 at 11:39 am

IT’S HOPEY!!!!!

smellyal8r January 20, 2009 at 11:39 am

Gosh darn it, I love Joe Biden. The gaffemeister will give us plenty of yuks for the next four years…

pocket Liz January 20, 2009 at 11:39 am

Aww, look! Barry is the most adorable President EVER.

NoWireHangers January 20, 2009 at 11:39 am

HE LOOKS AMAZING AND SERENE!

Colander January 20, 2009 at 11:39 am

Pelosi has such a boner right now.

chascates January 20, 2009 at 11:40 am

Biden looks like he might starting singing and dancing.

Mighty Rex January 20, 2009 at 11:40 am

Voldemort in the wheelchair is the Best. Thing. Ever.

I wonder if he’ll turn to dust at The Moment?

hockeymom January 20, 2009 at 11:40 am

Juan says Obama looks “very sober”….
as opposed to drunk?

tunamelt January 20, 2009 at 11:40 am

[re=222969]jbd[/re]: a hawt smug asshole

[re=222970]hockeymom[/re]: they fight like a married couple

smellyal8r January 20, 2009 at 11:41 am

Man…it’s finally about to happen. The executive orders spilling off the printer today will totally overwhelm Mrs. Landingham…

Lascauxcaveman January 20, 2009 at 11:41 am

[crowd shot]

Look, there’s Kev-o-tron, anonymously crowd-groping a chick and a dude simultaneously! Go for it, Kev!

p-Sludge January 20, 2009 at 11:41 am

jeez. now it occurs to me. rove or somebody said “dick old boy here’s the thing: we put you out there with your glasses in a wheelchair. You’ll totally steal the FDR-thunder from Obama. George, at exactly 11:59 am, you pull out your stove-pipe hat and fake beard. After that public swearing-in moment, nobody will ever associate Obama with either of those 2 icons again. It will be you guys all the way.”

Terry January 20, 2009 at 11:41 am

DC is beautiful, isn’t it? So many happy people in town, too.

Yay, us!

queeraselvis v 2.0 January 20, 2009 at 11:41 am

Wow. Nancy Pelosi’s got some good hair today. *applause*

smellyal8r January 20, 2009 at 11:42 am

Nancy Pelosi looks great. It helps to be rich as Xerxes, but she looks fab!

ManchuCandidate January 20, 2009 at 11:42 am

Boos for Boner.

Terry January 20, 2009 at 11:42 am

Sue me, but I love Steny Hoyer. He graduated from Suitland High School in PG County, Md.

p-Sludge January 20, 2009 at 11:42 am

then the announcer says “ARE YA READY FOR SOME POLI-TIIICKS?!”

SkimLatteModerate January 20, 2009 at 11:43 am

Oh dear, one of those trumpets sure is struggling.

bluetom00 January 20, 2009 at 11:43 am

CNN needs to boot Bill Bennett’s big ass and get Kathy Griffin to yell at people about their dicks and mouths and whatnot.

chascates January 20, 2009 at 11:43 am

Let’s get ready to RUMBLE!!!!!!!!

ManchuCandidate January 20, 2009 at 11:43 am

H instead of Hussein? Dat’s no Muslin!

tunamelt January 20, 2009 at 11:43 am
Scott-san January 20, 2009 at 11:43 am

When he’s sworn in, are they gonna “H” him there, too?

smellyal8r January 20, 2009 at 11:43 am

Here it is. Hope. Finally. Ladies and gentlemen. The final 16 minutes of the Bush Administration.

hockeymom January 20, 2009 at 11:44 am

H?
No Hussein?

PeteJayhawk v2.0 January 20, 2009 at 11:44 am

What’s the music being played for Obama? Anyone know?

chascates January 20, 2009 at 11:44 am

Are any of MLK’s children on the stage?

4tehlulz January 20, 2009 at 11:45 am

>>Can you imagine what’s on the collective Fox News Viewer brain, at this moment?

Has anyone checked Confluence lately?

smellyal8r January 20, 2009 at 11:45 am

Dianne: It is my sad duty to report that George Moscone and Harvey Milk have been shot…what? Oh…here’s my script”

NoWireHangers January 20, 2009 at 11:45 am

HOPEY’S GONNA CRY!!!!

hockeymom January 20, 2009 at 11:45 am

I love that Bill gave Hillary a little squeeze when Obama shook her hand. That’s a nice husband.
I also love that step-grandma from keyna is there…smiling her head off!

smellyal8r January 20, 2009 at 11:46 am

[re=223001]Scott-san[/re]: Yes…in fact I think it might be the full middle name…

Terry January 20, 2009 at 11:46 am

[re=223005]chascates[/re]:

They should be. I’m glad Teddy was there.

pocket Liz January 20, 2009 at 11:46 am

[re=222924]jagorev[/re]: It’s called “democracy.”

The Decider January 20, 2009 at 11:46 am

I took a quick look over at Fox. They’re actually being pretty gracious. Shep managed to sneak in a little snark here and there but overall he’s not being a douche.

lazyb January 20, 2009 at 11:47 am

Move on, Dianne. Your hair is in need of an update and I want to hear no more from you.

SkimLatteModerate January 20, 2009 at 11:48 am

Golf clap for the pastor.

Scott-san January 20, 2009 at 11:48 am

Ouch, Dianne. I’m realizing that every speech today about this being “turning point” is a dagger in Dubya’s heart.

Good.

Terry January 20, 2009 at 11:48 am

Snark is beyond me right now. I am SO happy. Yay, us.

p-Sludge January 20, 2009 at 11:48 am

“the ballot over the bullet”. hmm. no mention of suppressing the vote, judicial malfeasance, other things which put in Bush twice.

Dreamer January 20, 2009 at 11:48 am

Oh fun the fat preacher ruined everything now.

4tehlulz January 20, 2009 at 11:48 am

Twelve minutes. Can Bush destroy one more thing before leaving? Let’s find out!

Terry January 20, 2009 at 11:48 am

Rick Warren is, however, a putz.

AxmxZ January 20, 2009 at 11:48 am

Warren is a poet and he know it.

*vomit*

OffTheRecord January 20, 2009 at 11:48 am

Ugh. Pastor guy. Talk fast and leave.

Colander January 20, 2009 at 11:49 am

Is Rick Warren going to eat a dick, right there onstage?

hockeymom January 20, 2009 at 11:49 am

warren says god is loving to “everyone”.
Even teh gays, Rick?

jagorev January 20, 2009 at 11:49 am

Rick Warren sounds drunk

tunamelt January 20, 2009 at 11:49 am

[re=223013]The Decider[/re]: Shep is the one actual journalist over there and it’s sort of hilarious to watch him slowly crack with the other folks he works with.

Sassette January 20, 2009 at 11:49 am

“Barack H. Obama?” Really? We all know his middle name by now, announcer guy.

MisterLoki January 20, 2009 at 11:49 am

Hey Rick Warren, go ahead and die. KTHXBYE!

Lemming Caution January 20, 2009 at 11:50 am

One good thing about watching from home – the ability to mute Rick Warren.

DustBowlBlues January 20, 2009 at 11:50 am

Warren is so lame. I hope Rev. Lowery–the retired U Methodist, if I haven’t mentioned it yet today–blows them away.

AmazingLarry January 20, 2009 at 11:50 am

“…And keep teh gayz from ruinzin our marriage!” – R. Warren

Mighty Rex January 20, 2009 at 11:50 am

OK, Time for atheist bathroom break –> BRB

Terry January 20, 2009 at 11:50 am

[re=223023]OffTheRecord[/re]:

This guy is yappier than Joe Biden, and that is saying something.

SkimLatteModerate January 20, 2009 at 11:50 am

Rick Warren is tolerable if you add “except the gays” to the end of each faux-impassioned sentence.

DemmeFatale January 20, 2009 at 11:50 am

Warren, what a buzzkill. Get off.

p-Sludge January 20, 2009 at 11:50 am

“Today the real test of power is not the capacity to make revolution but the capacity to prevent it.”
– Anne O’Hare McCormick. not.

queeraselvis v 2.0 January 20, 2009 at 11:50 am

*More one-handed applause*

TGY January 20, 2009 at 11:50 am

Wheelchair Cheney haz been crippled by ur good feelings

Barrett808 January 20, 2009 at 11:51 am

“History is your story”? That’s quite an indictment.

Dopey January 20, 2009 at 11:51 am

[re=223003]hockeymom[/re]: Didn’t you know H now stands for Hopey? Hussein is so 2008.

pepe January 20, 2009 at 11:51 am

oh look, its gay-hatin rick to say a few words to obama’s magical space god

lazyb January 20, 2009 at 11:51 am

Begone, you fat fuck pastor. He’s wanting God to forgive people for not respecting others. He better fucking hope so.

El Bombastico January 20, 2009 at 11:51 am

This is an epic fail for Internet 2.0. I can get no stream from any site. CNN/Facebook told me they were putting me in a queue to watch their crappy amateurish coverage. SCREW YOU CNN! You will not succeed in destroying hope and freedom.

AxmxZ January 20, 2009 at 11:51 am

Five bucks says he’s going to close with “God Bless America and remember: God hates fags.”

Monkey January 20, 2009 at 11:51 am

Damn. Rick Warren is a bonehead.

Colander January 20, 2009 at 11:51 am

Rick Warren: “God, God, Race, America, blood, freedom, justice, no homo, God, respect, forgiveness…”

DustBowlBlues January 20, 2009 at 11:51 am

Civility in our attitudes except when we’re talking about the queers, right, Rev Douche?

worst state ever January 20, 2009 at 11:51 am

please get this fat tub of shit off of my tv

NoWireHangers January 20, 2009 at 11:51 am

Everyone loves each other today! Well, at least those freezing their asses off collectively in DC

chascates January 20, 2009 at 11:52 am

Easy on the Jesus, buddy!

tunamelt January 20, 2009 at 11:52 am

http://wonkette.chatango.com/

Rick Warren just hit on the Obama girls, I think.

NoWireHangers January 20, 2009 at 11:52 am

AHHH! Sasha is fooling around and not praying! God, I love her more! That SASS!

OffTheRecord January 20, 2009 at 11:52 am

Don’t you dare speak the name of the Obama children you creep! Ugh. This is a fucking long prayer.

p-Sludge January 20, 2009 at 11:52 am

and gawd said: “you see me typing; if you don’t see me typing; whatever the f*ck you see me doing, “

dannygutters January 20, 2009 at 11:52 am

Sasha!

DustBowlBlues January 20, 2009 at 11:52 am

Had to get Jesus in-If anyone would look up, they would notice the Jefferson Monument puking.

Colander January 20, 2009 at 11:52 am

Aw, shit, I’m going to lunch, dude.

Sazerac January 20, 2009 at 11:52 am

I was under the, obviously wrong, impression that this hater of gays was only being given two minutes to pray that the Republicans could have a do-over of the election.

Wow, this could be known as the alienation prayer. Yikes.

Amen. He’s finished.

jagorev January 20, 2009 at 11:53 am

OMG THE CHRISTIAN PASTOR GUY MENTIONED “JESUS”

The libtards will be outraged. I think I hear Glenn Greenwald starting up a 10,000 word essay right now.

Terry January 20, 2009 at 11:53 am

Aretha! Sing it, girlfriend!

pocket Liz January 20, 2009 at 11:53 am

Aretha, your hat is FUGLY.

chascates January 20, 2009 at 11:53 am

My CNN feed is several minutes behind. Anybody else having that?

DemmeFatale January 20, 2009 at 11:53 am

What a long-winded shit. Goodbye, Rick.

queeraselvis v 2.0 January 20, 2009 at 11:53 am

“All the respect they deserve,” eh Rick? Irony much?

OffTheRecord January 20, 2009 at 11:53 am

Aretha and her awesome hat will get this show back on the road.

hockeymom January 20, 2009 at 11:53 am

now THAT is a bow.

groove January 20, 2009 at 11:53 am

Oh, snap! CNN’s live stream just pwn3d me! Come back!

SkimLatteModerate January 20, 2009 at 11:53 am

[re=223044]El Bombastico[/re]: http://www.ustream.tv NOW NOW NOW!

eastcoastliberal January 20, 2009 at 11:53 am

Lord have mercy look at that hat on Aretha.

smellyal8r January 20, 2009 at 11:54 am

Why are we singing God Save the Queen at an American inauguration?

NoWireHangers January 20, 2009 at 11:54 am

God, I want a hat like that. Sing it ‘retha!

DustBowlBlues January 20, 2009 at 11:54 am

BBC says Ric Warren in now our national chaplain. Hold on to your horses, Limey. I’m going back to PBS.

Dire squirrel January 20, 2009 at 11:54 am

Hey everyone it’s Aretha, unmute your tv’s.

p-Sludge January 20, 2009 at 11:54 am

and that is why gawd looks out today at the president and his precious fambily and says “GIT R DUNNN!”

chidem January 20, 2009 at 11:55 am

Holy hat, Aretha!

Counting My Toes January 20, 2009 at 11:55 am

Aretha will clear the air of Pastor Ricky.

Some hat!

Joehoya January 20, 2009 at 11:55 am

ABC apparently is running old B-roll from their station sign of tapes while Arethra Franklin sings. I fully expect them to go to a test pattern at the end of the song.

smellyal8r January 20, 2009 at 11:55 am

The Lords Prayer? Man, how non-ecumenical can you get. Even B Graham didn’t do that!

queeraselvis v 2.0 January 20, 2009 at 11:55 am

REE REE! *loves the hat*

Serolf Divad January 20, 2009 at 11:55 am

It was so much better last time when Ted Nugent sang “America the Beautiful” then shot 10 point buck from across the mall with a compound bow shaped flaming guitar.

Sussemilch January 20, 2009 at 11:55 am

Mmmm Aretha singing in tongues…. it’s a beautiful day

Mighty Rex January 20, 2009 at 11:55 am

Oh goody! Back in time for some Urethra!

NoWireHangers January 20, 2009 at 11:55 am

HuffPo has MSBC Streaming, fyi.

jarsilver January 20, 2009 at 11:56 am

LOL Aretha just said “my cunt”

bugland January 20, 2009 at 11:56 am

thank god, it’s Aretha. my palate needs cleansing after Warren.

BklynIlluminati January 20, 2009 at 11:56 am

That was the best since Marvin Gay’s All-Star game’s Star Spangled Banner

twowheeljunkie January 20, 2009 at 11:56 am

4 more minutes. Filled with hope I am.

romer January 20, 2009 at 11:56 am

Justice Stevens, my hero. You go, man.

P Drizzle January 20, 2009 at 11:57 am

If only it were John Paul JONES makin’ Barry promise to rock.

hockeymom January 20, 2009 at 11:57 am

Robinette?
What?

WadISay January 20, 2009 at 11:57 am

Do they have Joe Biden on 5-second delay, in case he gets torret’s?

Terry January 20, 2009 at 11:57 am

Joe, dude, you came a long way from Scranton. Bless your heart.

chascates January 20, 2009 at 11:57 am

[re=223070]SkimLatteModerate[/re]: Thanks! that’s more like it.
http://www.ustream.tv/

OffTheRecord January 20, 2009 at 11:57 am

Cheney is gone!!! All hail Vice King Biden!

pepe January 20, 2009 at 11:57 am

“The duties of the office I am about to enter, also”

Colander January 20, 2009 at 11:58 am

Robinette?

pocket Liz January 20, 2009 at 11:58 am

<3 Joey!

bitchincamaro January 20, 2009 at 11:58 am

What a day to have the worst download speeds at work. Ever.

Wonks Adventure January 20, 2009 at 11:58 am

dick cheney is no longer the vice president :-)

smellyal8r January 20, 2009 at 11:58 am

Now, the playing of Hail Columbia…the vice presidential music…Cheney has dissolved back to mercury to reform himself.

bfstevie@yahoo.com January 20, 2009 at 11:58 am

Did anyone notice that JR Ewing is standing behind Joe Biden as he’s being sworn in?

On this solemn, yet joyous occasion all Wonkettes should take a moment and talk smack about Bill Kristol.

Hello Sunshine January 20, 2009 at 11:58 am

I’m sat in my office in London and am probably still closer to the Capitol than the people at the back of the crowd…

texette January 20, 2009 at 11:58 am

Ding Dong the Dick is Gone!!!!!!!

Terry January 20, 2009 at 11:59 am

Imagine, if you will, a parallel universe where the Snowbilly was just sworn in.

groove January 20, 2009 at 11:59 am

Joe Biden just gay kissed a dude. lawlz.

NoWireHangers January 20, 2009 at 11:59 am

Holy shit, that’s like the most star-studded quartet ever!

Darehead January 20, 2009 at 12:00 pm

[re=223106]texette[/re]: Witch o dick?

chascates January 20, 2009 at 12:00 pm

Did Cheney just melt into a puddle on the floor?

Hello Sunshine January 20, 2009 at 12:00 pm

Now that Joe Biden’s been sworn in, does he get to be president for a very brief period if Dubya keels over in the next three minutes, perhaps due to the cold?

BklynIlluminati January 20, 2009 at 12:00 pm

John Williams=Imperial March?

oh wait wrong inauguration

Terry January 20, 2009 at 12:00 pm

Great music today. Wow

queeraselvis v 2.0 January 20, 2009 at 12:00 pm

Man kisses all around! Go Joe!

ManchuCandidate January 20, 2009 at 12:00 pm

Damn that is some uber quartet! And Star Wars guy composed it without the Darth Vader inspired riffs.

Colander January 20, 2009 at 12:00 pm

Can I be real, guys? Was kinda hoping the Jonas Brothers would be doing this performance. Kinda sad right now.

smellyal8r January 20, 2009 at 12:00 pm

Robert Gibbs sits with the musicians. Not a bad seat, eh?

Sazerac January 20, 2009 at 12:00 pm

Hail, Hail The Dick is Dead!

Scott-san January 20, 2009 at 12:00 pm

This would be a really BAD time to break a sting, Yo-Yo.

AmazingLarry January 20, 2009 at 12:00 pm

“Air in Simple Gifts” originally written for Ewok funeral scene in Return of the Jedi. True story.

hockeymom January 20, 2009 at 12:01 pm

Yo Yo Ma rocks and this music is amazing.

smellyal8r January 20, 2009 at 12:01 pm

[re=223104]bfstevie@yahoo.com[/re]: OK. Dr Kristol is a douchebag tool who should be drawn and quartered for the enjoyment of all.

Terry January 20, 2009 at 12:01 pm

Simple gifts, awesome. Great song. It’s a gift to be simple, a gift to be free.

chascates January 20, 2009 at 12:01 pm

FORMER President George Bush! How sweet it is!!

Joehoya January 20, 2009 at 12:01 pm

Since John Williams composed this, I was expecting something along the lines of the Throne Room theme from Star Wars. Instead, it’s more the violin piece from Shindler’s List.

WadISay January 20, 2009 at 12:01 pm

OK, those of you on the mall who have to use the Port-a-potty, raise your hands.

teebob2000 January 20, 2009 at 12:01 pm

Halleh-fucking-lulia!!! It’s done! Long live BHO. God bless America!!

SkimLatteModerate January 20, 2009 at 12:02 pm

JWills in the hizouuuuse!

p-Sludge January 20, 2009 at 12:02 pm

They had the righties on their side with Rick Warren. Now the crowd will turn ugly due to the, ahem, “jazz”.

TheMacWonk January 20, 2009 at 12:02 pm

John Williams and Yo Yo Ma? Wasn’t this actually part of an episode of The West Wing? The one where Josh couldn’t listen to music or something?

Liberals are classy, I’ll give ‘em that.

p-Sludge January 20, 2009 at 12:03 pm

[re=223121]AmazingLarry[/re]: LOL.

texette January 20, 2009 at 12:03 pm

What, no John Legend?

Mustang January 20, 2009 at 12:03 pm

How can that cello sound so flipping good in freezing weather? There must be some magic juju on it. Aretha sounded weak, but she still has some powerful magic juju.

OffTheRecord January 20, 2009 at 12:03 pm

Obama is late. I blame Rick Warren for praying too long.

Scott-san January 20, 2009 at 12:03 pm

[re=223117]Colander[/re]: Can we hunt the Jonas brothers for their pelts?

ManchuCandidate January 20, 2009 at 12:03 pm

[re=223107]Terry[/re]:
Will make for bad Science Fiction and Horror literature, no?

smellyal8r January 20, 2009 at 12:03 pm

This beats Lee Greenwood at all three Bush inaugurals

Mighty Rex January 20, 2009 at 12:04 pm

Loves me some Aaron Copland. Tres Americana. Thank Gawd there’s no Palindrone around to ruin it!

chascates January 20, 2009 at 12:04 pm

Anyone know if Barbara Jordan is buried in the State Cemetary here in Austin? I’d like to take today’s paper and lay it on her grave.

S.Luggo January 20, 2009 at 12:04 pm

[re=222906]pepe[/re]: Like the moon landing, it isn’t.

choinski January 20, 2009 at 12:04 pm

Ding dong the witch is dead . . . .

Darehead January 20, 2009 at 12:04 pm

Somebody give Yo-yo Ma the Nobel Peace Prize already!

HMS Nerd January 20, 2009 at 12:04 pm

HA! Your silly musics have undone the constitution!

NoWireHangers January 20, 2009 at 12:04 pm

This is the most racially harmonious quartet eva!

OffTheRecord January 20, 2009 at 12:04 pm

[re=223131]TheMacWonk[/re]: Yo Yo Ma rules!

p-Sludge January 20, 2009 at 12:04 pm

No one will be seated during the shocking caesar salad sequence.

LuckyJim January 20, 2009 at 12:04 pm

Ken – It was a different part of the country than Motown. Aretha was on the Atlantic label with the great Jerry Wexler producing when she was belting out “Baby, I Love You” and all those other gems.

Hello Sunshine January 20, 2009 at 12:04 pm

Barry’s a bit eager there…

Dopey January 20, 2009 at 12:05 pm

Hussein!

Mustang January 20, 2009 at 12:05 pm

Remember this time four years ago when we were watching the presidential oaf of office? This is much much better.

bitchincamaro January 20, 2009 at 12:05 pm

Ugh. Roberts. Pig.

El Pinche January 20, 2009 at 12:05 pm

Right now, blood is squirting profusely from the fire-sprinklers at the confluence.

Scott-san January 20, 2009 at 12:05 pm

Awwwwwkkkward!

SkimLatteModerate January 20, 2009 at 12:05 pm

Ahh Barry’s nervous!

BklynIlluminati January 20, 2009 at 12:05 pm

ack! nerves taking over

revmod January 20, 2009 at 12:05 pm

Original composition? I think a big chunk was stolen sampled from Lord of the Dance.

Terry January 20, 2009 at 12:05 pm

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ManchuCandidate January 20, 2009 at 12:05 pm

Mr Preznit Barry Obama!!! Huzzah! Suck on it Bitters!

groove January 20, 2009 at 12:05 pm

Orgy time.

Hello Sunshine January 20, 2009 at 12:05 pm

WOOOOOOOOHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shame he fucked up the oath massively, but what the hell.

Note to Americans: The rest of the world now likes you again. Well done.

pepe January 20, 2009 at 12:06 pm

Anticlimatic, how JP Stevens fucked up the oath so badly

MisterLoki January 20, 2009 at 12:06 pm

something in my eye

Mighty Rex January 20, 2009 at 12:06 pm

HOLY SHIT THE MARINES ARE SHELLING THE WHITE HOUSE!!!!

teebob2000 January 20, 2009 at 12:06 pm

OMFG, first his phony birth certificate, now the screwed up oath!!!

He’s NOT PREZNIT!!!1!!

wheelie January 20, 2009 at 12:06 pm

Aww, the poor guy was nervous. It’s all the more endearing, really.

p-Sludge January 20, 2009 at 12:06 pm

the illuminati just caused my cnn feed to block out his actual “i do”. I presume he did, because of the music and cannons and everything.

P Drizzle January 20, 2009 at 12:07 pm

Is it just me or did Barry get a little overexcited there?

Colander January 20, 2009 at 12:07 pm

Guantanamo is being sucked into another universe as we speak!

I feel like America just won a Grammy, y’all!

Terry January 20, 2009 at 12:07 pm

This is amazing folks. This is what we are supposed to be.

OffTheRecord January 20, 2009 at 12:07 pm

That is it. We did it. We survived eight years of George W. Bush. Congratulations everyone!

imarmcandy January 20, 2009 at 12:07 pm

Roberts screwed up the oath, wingnuts declaring it unofficial in 5,4,3,2…

smellyal8r January 20, 2009 at 12:07 pm

The oath was kind of a cluster. A nervous President and a jittery Chief Justice. I guess it took, no?

SkimLatteModerate January 20, 2009 at 12:08 pm

Your 100 hours to change my world starts now, Barry.

What have you done for me lately?

p-Sludge January 20, 2009 at 12:08 pm

… and I thank Bill Kristol for informing me that Bush indeed did serve his nation. I did not know that.

NoWireHangers January 20, 2009 at 12:08 pm

A single tear rolls down my cheek!

bfstevie@yahoo.com January 20, 2009 at 12:08 pm

[re=223123]smellyal8r[/re]: Thanks, dude.

Dire squirrel January 20, 2009 at 12:08 pm

Isn’t Barry supposed to be the eloquent one?

NoWireHangers January 20, 2009 at 12:09 pm

PRESIDENT BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

pepe January 20, 2009 at 12:09 pm

actually only 43 HOPEY — first mistake of the admin

SkimLatteModerate January 20, 2009 at 12:09 pm

[re=223165]teebob2000[/re]: Seriously, about how long will it take the PUMA/bigfoot hunters to insist since he didn’t say it word for word he’s not actually president? I’m serious. Bets?

Ken Layne January 20, 2009 at 12:10 pm

New inaugural address LiveBlog, here, fellow citizens.

teebob2000 January 20, 2009 at 12:10 pm

Starting the inaugural address on a high note, eh…

groove January 20, 2009 at 12:10 pm

Thanks, Barry, for the insta-downer with all this “reality” stuff. Way to harsh teh buzz.

chascates January 20, 2009 at 12:10 pm

[re=223161]Hello Sunshine[/re]: Sorry about the past eight years.

S.Luggo January 20, 2009 at 12:10 pm

[re=223168]P Drizzle[/re]: It’s due to the smack Mitch McConnell slipped into Barry’s porridge.

smellyal8r January 20, 2009 at 12:10 pm

[re=223178]Dire squirrel[/re]: Yeah, but Favreau didn’t write the oath.

p-Sludge January 20, 2009 at 12:11 pm

the pugs up there have to be triply nervous:
1) fear of hicks who want to attack obama
2) fear nation/world who want to imprison them
3) fear of a non-con planet

Barrett808 January 20, 2009 at 12:11 pm

Scripture: The adults are now in charge!

Colander January 20, 2009 at 12:11 pm

Ok, not trying to cry at work, dudes. Can’t…be…that…guy…

Counting My Toes January 20, 2009 at 12:11 pm

“subject to data and statistics” … a memorable phrase.

Barrett808 January 20, 2009 at 12:12 pm

“Endured the lash of the whip.” Nice.

El Pinche January 20, 2009 at 12:13 pm

Please Barry, exit out with Wu Tang’s “Aint Nuthing Ta Fuck Wit”

twowheeljunkie January 20, 2009 at 12:13 pm

“The time has come to put aside childish things.”

Does that mean I can’t read Wonkette anymore?

Barrett808 January 20, 2009 at 12:13 pm

Yay, work!

Sussemilch January 20, 2009 at 12:13 pm

[re=223176]NoWireHangers[/re]: Lucky you. My collar is drenched.

Barrett808 January 20, 2009 at 12:14 pm

“Restore science to its rightful place.” Please, oh God, yes.

Terry January 20, 2009 at 12:14 pm

“restore science to its rightful place”

I love you, Barack. I really really do.

texette January 20, 2009 at 12:15 pm

Sci..What is… Oh yeah– Science!!!! The smart people won!

Colander January 20, 2009 at 12:15 pm

“Harness the sun, and wind, water, heart, earth. With our powers combined, I AM CAPTAIN PLANET!”

Lascauxcaveman January 20, 2009 at 12:15 pm

Ha ha. Hils got seated next to Bush 1. Here face is scrunching up over that old-man smell.

p-Sludge January 20, 2009 at 12:16 pm

I just hope “science” will engineer nanobots to go after the neocon criminals if the administration won’t do it themselves.

Counting My Toes January 20, 2009 at 12:17 pm

Do we all have to “do our business in the light of day”?

That’s just gross.

p-Sludge January 20, 2009 at 12:17 pm

Today, we are all Krugmanites!

HMS Nerd January 20, 2009 at 12:17 pm

Shout out to Jay-Z “dust ourselves off”. Wu-Tang up next.

Counting My Toes January 20, 2009 at 12:20 pm

W looks like he’s got a mouthful o’ bitter.

pepe January 20, 2009 at 12:20 pm

My vote is for Barry to walk off to DMX: “X Gon give it to ya”

HMS Nerd January 20, 2009 at 12:21 pm

Wow, that last bit @TheTerrorists was so much more effective than W’s “with or against us” line. Completely called out Mugabe just now for blaming the west for things like Cholera and superhyperinflation.

Sazerac January 20, 2009 at 12:23 pm

He’s saying that now that he’s in charge I have to depend on the rest of you for everything. I knew this wasn’t going to go my way. Bring back the free spending Republicans NOW!

HMS Nerd January 20, 2009 at 12:26 pm

I vote Nelly: I am Number 1

AmazingLarry January 20, 2009 at 12:31 pm

Poetry….is….now….prose…..read….haltingly……and…..missing……modifiers……
occasionally….. Where is now working to achieve so glorious humble exalted discord unicorn butterfly?

BklynIlluminati January 20, 2009 at 12:39 pm

The new hotness is at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue

iolanthe January 20, 2009 at 12:50 pm

[re=223014]lazyb[/re]: I hate Dianne Feinstein. What a worthless Senator. Never met a piece of intrusive bullshit nannystate legislation, especially Drug War crap, that she didn’t love. But she’s just a nannystater for us peasants. Business and LE can do whatever the fuck they want. And, like Lieberman, she’s pretty much Feinstein (D-Israel).

They say she’s going to run for Cali Governor. Oh please, God, no.

iolanthe January 20, 2009 at 12:54 pm

[re=223157]revmod[/re]: Yeah … they said it was a riff on “Simple Gifts”, a lot of versions of which include that “Lord of the Dance” tune, too.

Itzhak-Baby can really *play* that thing … I got little butterflies …

iolanthe January 20, 2009 at 12:55 pm

[re=223171]OffTheRecord[/re]: Do they have an “I SURVIVED THE BUSH/CHENEY ADMINISTRATION” t-shirt yet?

DeLand DeLakes January 20, 2009 at 1:12 pm

No snark for me today, just happy tears.

Okay, here’s some snark: OMG DICK CHENEY I’M SO GLAD YOUR WITHERED BABOON HEART HELD OUT LONG ENOUGH FOR YOU TO SEE THIS, YOU TWISTED OLD FUCK.

Now excuse me, I am going to go walk into the nearest bar and buy everybody a round of drinks.

ericblair January 20, 2009 at 1:19 pm

Excellent and spot on, Ken.

hobospacejungle January 20, 2009 at 2:03 pm

[re=223140]chascates[/re]: “Anyone know if Barbara Jordan is buried in the State Cemetary here in Austin?”

YES

hobospacejungle January 20, 2009 at 2:11 pm

Apologies — make that Barbara Jordan’s grave here

http://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=gr&GRid=6456

Gallowglass January 20, 2009 at 2:43 pm

If he was gonna do a rap bit I was kinda hoping for the “Now a word from the President,” bit in the Gheto Boys “Damn it feels Good to Be a Gangsta”. More particularly, the “Now I got the world swingin’ from my nuts, and damn, it feels good to be a gangsta”

Typed through the tears. Grats, America

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