whoa check this out

Liveblogging the Actual Most Historical Thing Ever, Since the Moon Landing

Wait, what?!It is actually a beautiful, sunny day in Washington D.C., in the freezing winter! The people are hopey, happy, etc. Allah really does want this Barack Obama character to become president, of Earth. Let us now continue the patriotic liveblogging of this Inauguration Day Inaugural Special, from Washington, where somehow another Bush is not becoming president today.

11:20 AM — Previous Inaugural Day liveblogs are here, and also here.
11:20 AM — “Ahm all right,” says mean old Barbara Bush Sr., as she leaves poor hobbling George H.W. Bush Sr. all alone, stuck on the cold metal steps.
11:21 AM — And now a live shot of … a white moving van. Boxes. These boxes, or boxes like them, are American Heroes — because one of these boxes crippled Dick Cheney!
11:21 AM — Here comes Dollar Bill Clinton and the would-be Secretary of State. The crowd loves ‘em! And David Vitter — the shit-eating hooker-using Diaperman of the GOP — voted against her, while John Cornyn, the “dildo cowboy,” has blocked the appointment. Great men, both of them.
11:22 AM — HOTNESS BABE ALERT, as the Bush Twins are seated. Jenna looks dazed, as usual, while Young Barbara is so pretty. How is she related to her parents and grandparents? She’s not — like Lauren Bush and Pierce Bush, Young Barbara was grown in the super-secret laboratory at Kennebunkport.
11:24 AM — CUTENESS ALERT omg look at the Obama girls.
11:25 PM — GROSS ALERT good christ Lynne Cheney, you suck the life and joy out of the entire National Mall.
11:26 AM — But just for a moment, because look at that crowd. And look at Aretha Franklin! She will sing the National Anthem. Did you know she is a Civil Rights Icon? It’s true! (She was also very funny in The Blues Brothers.)
11:27 AM — The older Obama girl, Malia, is gorgeous. Look at that purple coat with the faux-fur trim. Jesus, who makes clothes like that for little girls? This entire country is going to start dressing a lot better, isn’t it? (That is your editor’s Hope, for this Nation of Slobs.)
11:28 AM — Wow, Michelle’s dress. That is crazy. Nobody else could pull that off, except, maybe, Audrey Hepburn or something.
11:32 AM — Well, George W. Bush Junior, you sad buffoon, we will be gracious today, and just say HOORAY FOR EARTH, YOU ARE GOING BACK TO TEXAS. If there’s anything good to say about him, this cunt, it’s that we fully expected Washington (and the whole planet) to be a smoking lifeless ruin by now.
11:34 AM — Your editor is now going to take a few minutes to watch this with his young sons, in the living room, because wtf.
11:39 AM — Here comes Mr. Cool, your almost president. But first, Joe Biden needs to come out and tell some jokes about Pakistanis or whatever.
11:41 AM — Can you imagine what’s on the collective Fox News Viewer brain, at this moment?
11:43 AM — Let’s check in again. Ugh, so quiet and joyless and somber. But of course … a black half-muslin.
11:43 AM — “Ladies and gentlemen, the president elect of the United States of America, Barack H. Obama.”
11:44 AM — Hey, what does that H stand for, anyway?
11:44 AM — “OBAMA! OBAMA! OBAMA!” So that’s what the H stands for, as a couple of million people are chanting this, right now.
11:46 AM — Diane Feinstein is in charge of this whole thing! She apparently is in favor of “ballots over bullets,” which is the usual far-left California moonbattery.
11:48 AM — Oh hey it’s that fat queer Rick Warren.
11:49 AM — Jesus fucking christ, this classy event is now stained by this jackhole mall-church porpoise-driven fake-laugh bullshit.
11:50 AM — And yet, there are hundreds of black people in the CNN crowd shots with eyes closed and hands clasped together. There are even women in half-muslin headcloths in the crowd, seemingly praying to the American God of Malls.
11:52 AM — Rick Warren said “Malia and Sasha” like some Mexican porn narrator.
11:52 AM — Will this country ever be free from this dimbulb religious nuttery? How is this rich, powerful country still crippled by this nonsense? Whatever, let’s listen to Aretha.
11:54 AM — The range isn’t there anymore, 40-plus years since her Motown Atlantic Records classics, but she’s working the limits with a good soul-y growl. And the choir is helping out. Hah, and she gets in some of those high notes anyway. Nice.
11:56 AM — It is too bad how the White House Christmas Tree bow tragically fell on her head, but she still looks great, at what, 75 years old?
11:57 AM — Biden, you nut! Here, now, as he takes his oath, this oaf, we realize the genius of picking Gaffey Joe for vice president. He seems absolutely cuddly compared to the evil wheelchair-bound Bond villain we’ve just said good-bye to, on teevee. Let’s say it again, together: GOOD-BYE DICK CHENEY, YOU EVIL MOTHERFUCKER. THANKS TO ALLAH FOR FORCING YOU TO LIVE LONG ENOUGH TO SEE A BLACK MAN BECOME PRESIDENT! NOW FUCK OFF AND DIE.
11:59 AM — And now famous Hollywood composer John Williams will conduct the “Imperial March,” as Cheney is wheeled into a vat of cooking oil.
12:00 PM — So, the Constitution says the president must be sworn in by Noon, right? NOBAMA EVER.
12:01 PM — YIKES, what? Wolf Blitzer just talked over Yo Yo Ma to say that, even though the oath has not been given, Barack Obama is now legally, and technically, the president of the United States. No wonder he’s smiling so much at this fruity music. Oh wait, now he’s not. Now his eyes are closed and he looks serious. Michelle just squeezed his shoulder, which is the secret “Uh dude you are president now” fist jab.
12:03 PM — Next up, your own Jim Newell, with the exciting Inaugural Address liveblog, plus the 21-gun salute, and mass craziness. You must stay tuned!
12:04 PM — Ha, now whenever people ask Yo Yo Ma, “What were you doing when Barack Obama became president?”, he can say, “I was cold playing the cello for him.”
12:05 PM — John Roberts just called him “Senator.” So rude!
12:05 PM — “Congratulations, Mr. President.”
12:05 PM — So, that happened.

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne
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  • teebob2000

    I am so gonna cry my fool head off.

  • jagorev

    IT’S STILL NOT TOO LATE TO PRODUCE YR REAL BIRTH CERTIFICATE, HUSSEIN

  • DoctorCulturae

    Poor HIlbot is struggling to keep up the perky face.

  • hockeymom

    How much Valium has Laura consumed today?

  • pepe

    I can’t believe this is actually happening.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    Nice job on the “reanimated corpse” look, Lynne.

  • DoctorCulturae

    After being sworn in Hopemaster will levitate and fly around the spread unicorn dust over all

  • smellyal8r

    OMG! The crowd is chanting Obama’s name…FOX news must be scared to death

  • OffTheRecord

    Oh. My. God. Those children are adorable. And more stylish than me. Which makes me quite sad.

  • Scott-san

    Tweety just outed MSNBC as stinky libruls. It’s meta-commentary.

  • ManchuCandidate

    Look at that crowd.

    A seriously medicated W is now on CNN.

  • DoctorCulturae

    Zowie. I’m callous, but could Michelle and Jill look more extravertedly hawt?

  • hockeymom

    The men of FOX news are slobbering over Michelle Obama. They’ve proclaimed her “amazing and beautiful”…
    Britt thinks Jill looks good, too. Cause she’s white.

  • Mighty Rex

    Pls tell me Obama is wearing a Brooks Brothers suit today, b/c that would signal the new American style resurgence. All that other hopey shit, who cares.

  • chascates

    There’s SHITHEAD!

  • Colander

    OMG, where are they taking Cheney?? They just wheeled him down some alternate corridor.

  • smellyal8r

    [re=222910]DoctorCulturae[/re]: And the NYSE will magickly go up 10,000 points!!! Hooray! Recession ovah!

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    Holy shit NICE NECKLACE, Michelle!

  • jagorev

    What color is Michelle wearing? I have no name for that color.

  • pocket Liz

    Bush Sr. gave some dude in the military what I like to call a “good game tap?” Did anyone else see/enjoy that?

  • SkimLatteModerate

    OH! This is the first time I’ve got a full length shot of Michelle. Stunning.

  • LuckyJim

    Time now for Khmer Rouge-style new-order resetting of the calendar, I say.

    USA Year Zero, bitches! (uhh, minus the genocide, of course – but the forced work camp retraining sessions would be okay, I suppose).

  • ManchuCandidate

    STFU Wolf, you asshole apologist.

  • Colander

    [re=222909]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: It’s Necronomicon-chic. It’s in for 2k9.

  • NoWireHangers

    [re=222924]jagorev[/re]: Butterstick

  • WadISay

    Chris Matthews just remarked that you can see a lot of white teeth from all the smiles. Chris, go down this road very carefully.

    Sasha and Malia, oh for the cute! ((*clasps hands over chest and swoons*))

  • hockeymom

    Young Barbara Bush has the fake, sorority girl smile on…you know she’s saying bitter, bitter things to her sister thru gritted teeth.

  • jagorev

    [re=222918]Mighty Rex[/re]: Hopey only wears communist union-made suits from Hart Schaffner Marx.

  • OffTheRecord

    Every time they show Cheney in that wheelchair I cackle. I am awful.

  • NoWireHangers

    Gah! Cheney in a wheelchair!

  • DoctorCulturae

    Well. I guess the MSM will have a difficult time explaining the spontaneous singing and booing of Dub. Isn’t this what happens when dissent is manipulated and squashed.

  • lazyb

    O Michelle pretty! Lots of sparkly stuff for mid-day. Can that be the new fashion thing-y? Sparkly all day?

  • smellyal8r

    [re=222925]pocket Liz[/re]: Yeah…crazy old coot!
    [re=222924]jagorev[/re]: It’s by some Cuban/American designer…let’s call it “inaugural tobacco leaf gold”

  • SayItWithWookies

    [re=222924]jagorev[/re]: Champagne Blingee.

  • DustBowlBlues

    How cute to see Bush with that idiot grin, as usual, plastered on his face and Cheney literally turning into a bobblehead as the camera can’t quite get him and bush in the same frame. Oh, how delicious is vengenance.

    How will I stop myself from racing through my corner of Real America and shouting, “Eat it, racists.” Which would have ramifications on my life here–really.

  • chascates

    Cheney is just like Old Mister Potter in It’s A Wonderful Life.

  • Colander

    [re=222924]jagorev[/re]: Nanna yellow.

  • ManchuCandidate

    Dr Strangelove is in the house.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    Shit! There’s Old Man Potter in his wheelchair. Screw you, Potter! The Bailey Home & Loan is NOT for sale!

  • jagorev

    HOLY SHIT did they boo the sitting President? ha ha

  • smellyal8r

    W Arrives to a chorus of “boos” from his own party!

  • assholette

    Cheney couldn’t look any more like the penguin unless he swapped that cane for a sleeping gas shooting umbrella

  • LuckyJim

    Dr. Strangelove lost his magnificent head of hair! :(

  • imarmcandy

    Cheney looks like the cruel banker from It’s a Wonderful Life.

  • DustBowlBlues

    Fuck, this is hard as being president. I’m running from wonkette the one tv with BET, another with BBCA and a third with PBS, then I’m tryingn to keep up with NPR.

    I am too old for this multi-tasking.

  • smellyal8r

    [re=222931]NoWireHangers[/re]: Now, there’s a veteran of Wonkette!

  • pepe

    wonkette ran out of snark! “11:34 AM — Your editor is now going to take a few minutes to watch this with his young sons, in the living room, because wtf.” !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • NoWireHangers

    [re=222951]smellyal8r[/re]: The amount of Love America has for Barack = The amount of Hate America has for W

  • tunamelt

    http://wonkette.chatango.com/

    Did you guys hear the crowd singing “Nananana Hey Hey Hey Goodbye” to Bush like he just fouled out of a college basketball game? Because… yeah.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    Wow. I just heard the thundering sounds of one hand clapping.

  • DoctorCulturae

    [re=222954]imarmcandy[/re]: win!

  • Lascauxcaveman

    Please don’t force me choose between Michelle O and Barbara Bush. It’s not fair.

  • SkimLatteModerate

    Red tie!

  • Scott-san

    Is Dubya going to have “very intimate” memories of being booed by millions of people?

  • Colander

    [re=222935]hockeymom[/re]: She’s wondering who’s looking after the ghetto, what with all of ‘them’ here right now.

  • NoWireHangers

    Is the Chocolate Rain guy announcing dignitaries or what?

  • texette

    Oh, how I dislike the douchy John Cornyn! I can’t believe my state re-elected him.

    Can’t he cling to his religion and guns silently… with a muzzle? Move.on John, just Move.on.

  • jbd

    Good god does Biden look like a smug asshole.

    Which is to say, it’s a normal day.

  • hockeymom

    I can’t decide which is worse…Tweety and Olbermann squabbling or Britt Hume muttering how Bush kept us safe, forever and ever.

  • DoctorCulturae

    Hopemaster has that Muhammad Ali “I’m coming in the ring” look!

  • DustBowlBlues

    I’ve just added MSNBC. I shall, however, have my butt in front of only one chair for this point—-Bidin in!

  • tunamelt

    [re=222950]jagorev[/re]: AMERICA!!!1!!

  • Liquid

    IT’S HOPEY!!!!!

  • smellyal8r

    Gosh darn it, I love Joe Biden. The gaffemeister will give us plenty of yuks for the next four years…

  • pocket Liz

    Aww, look! Barry is the most adorable President EVER.

  • NoWireHangers

    HE LOOKS AMAZING AND SERENE!

  • Colander

    Pelosi has such a boner right now.

  • chascates

    Biden looks like he might starting singing and dancing.

  • Mighty Rex

    Voldemort in the wheelchair is the Best. Thing. Ever.

    I wonder if he’ll turn to dust at The Moment?

  • hockeymom

    Juan says Obama looks “very sober”….
    as opposed to drunk?

  • tunamelt

    [re=222969]jbd[/re]: a hawt smug asshole

    [re=222970]hockeymom[/re]: they fight like a married couple

  • smellyal8r

    Man…it’s finally about to happen. The executive orders spilling off the printer today will totally overwhelm Mrs. Landingham…

  • Lascauxcaveman

    [crowd shot]

    Look, there’s Kev-o-tron, anonymously crowd-groping a chick and a dude simultaneously! Go for it, Kev!

  • p-Sludge

    jeez. now it occurs to me. rove or somebody said “dick old boy here’s the thing: we put you out there with your glasses in a wheelchair. You’ll totally steal the FDR-thunder from Obama. George, at exactly 11:59 am, you pull out your stove-pipe hat and fake beard. After that public swearing-in moment, nobody will ever associate Obama with either of those 2 icons again. It will be you guys all the way.”

  • Terry

    DC is beautiful, isn’t it? So many happy people in town, too.

    Yay, us!

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    Wow. Nancy Pelosi’s got some good hair today. *applause*

  • smellyal8r

    Nancy Pelosi looks great. It helps to be rich as Xerxes, but she looks fab!

  • ManchuCandidate

    Boos for Boner.

  • Terry

    Sue me, but I love Steny Hoyer. He graduated from Suitland High School in PG County, Md.

  • p-Sludge

    then the announcer says “ARE YA READY FOR SOME POLI-TIIICKS?!”

  • SkimLatteModerate

    Oh dear, one of those trumpets sure is struggling.

  • bluetom00

    CNN needs to boot Bill Bennett’s big ass and get Kathy Griffin to yell at people about their dicks and mouths and whatnot.

  • chascates

    Let’s get ready to RUMBLE!!!!!!!!

  • ManchuCandidate

    H instead of Hussein? Dat’s no Muslin!

  • tunamelt
  • Scott-san

    When he’s sworn in, are they gonna “H” him there, too?

  • smellyal8r

    Here it is. Hope. Finally. Ladies and gentlemen. The final 16 minutes of the Bush Administration.

  • hockeymom

    H?
    No Hussein?

  • PeteJayhawk v2.0

    What’s the music being played for Obama? Anyone know?

  • chascates

    Are any of MLK’s children on the stage?

  • 4tehlulz

    >>Can you imagine what’s on the collective Fox News Viewer brain, at this moment?

    Has anyone checked Confluence lately?

  • smellyal8r

    Dianne: It is my sad duty to report that George Moscone and Harvey Milk have been shot…what? Oh…here’s my script”

  • NoWireHangers

    HOPEY’S GONNA CRY!!!!

  • hockeymom

    I love that Bill gave Hillary a little squeeze when Obama shook her hand. That’s a nice husband.
    I also love that step-grandma from keyna is there…smiling her head off!

  • smellyal8r

    [re=223001]Scott-san[/re]: Yes…in fact I think it might be the full middle name…

  • Terry

    [re=223005]chascates[/re]:

    They should be. I’m glad Teddy was there.

  • pocket Liz

    [re=222924]jagorev[/re]: It’s called “democracy.”

  • The Decider

    I took a quick look over at Fox. They’re actually being pretty gracious. Shep managed to sneak in a little snark here and there but overall he’s not being a douche.

  • lazyb

    Move on, Dianne. Your hair is in need of an update and I want to hear no more from you.

  • SkimLatteModerate

    Golf clap for the pastor.

  • Scott-san

    Ouch, Dianne. I’m realizing that every speech today about this being “turning point” is a dagger in Dubya’s heart.

    Good.

  • Terry

    Snark is beyond me right now. I am SO happy. Yay, us.

  • p-Sludge

    “the ballot over the bullet”. hmm. no mention of suppressing the vote, judicial malfeasance, other things which put in Bush twice.

  • Dreamer

    Oh fun the fat preacher ruined everything now.

  • 4tehlulz

    Twelve minutes. Can Bush destroy one more thing before leaving? Let’s find out!

  • Terry

    Rick Warren is, however, a putz.

  • AxmxZ

    Warren is a poet and he know it.

    *vomit*

  • OffTheRecord

    Ugh. Pastor guy. Talk fast and leave.

  • Colander

    Is Rick Warren going to eat a dick, right there onstage?

  • hockeymom

    warren says god is loving to “everyone”.
    Even teh gays, Rick?

  • jagorev

    Rick Warren sounds drunk

  • tunamelt

    [re=223013]The Decider[/re]: Shep is the one actual journalist over there and it’s sort of hilarious to watch him slowly crack with the other folks he works with.

  • Sassette

    “Barack H. Obama?” Really? We all know his middle name by now, announcer guy.

  • MisterLoki

    Hey Rick Warren, go ahead and die. KTHXBYE!

  • Lemming Caution

    One good thing about watching from home – the ability to mute Rick Warren.

  • DustBowlBlues

    Warren is so lame. I hope Rev. Lowery–the retired U Methodist, if I haven’t mentioned it yet today–blows them away.

  • AmazingLarry

    “…And keep teh gayz from ruinzin our marriage!” – R. Warren

  • Mighty Rex

    OK, Time for atheist bathroom break –> BRB

  • Terry

    [re=223023]OffTheRecord[/re]:

    This guy is yappier than Joe Biden, and that is saying something.

  • SkimLatteModerate

    Rick Warren is tolerable if you add “except the gays” to the end of each faux-impassioned sentence.

  • DemmeFatale

    Warren, what a buzzkill. Get off.

  • p-Sludge

    “Today the real test of power is not the capacity to make revolution but the capacity to prevent it.”
    — Anne O’Hare McCormick. not.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    *More one-handed applause*

  • TGY

    Wheelchair Cheney haz been crippled by ur good feelings

  • Barrett808

    “History is your story”? That’s quite an indictment.

  • Dopey

    [re=223003]hockeymom[/re]: Didn’t you know H now stands for Hopey? Hussein is so 2008.

  • pepe

    oh look, its gay-hatin rick to say a few words to obama’s magical space god

  • lazyb

    Begone, you fat fuck pastor. He’s wanting God to forgive people for not respecting others. He better fucking hope so.

  • El Bombastico

    This is an epic fail for Internet 2.0. I can get no stream from any site. CNN/Facebook told me they were putting me in a queue to watch their crappy amateurish coverage. SCREW YOU CNN! You will not succeed in destroying hope and freedom.

  • AxmxZ

    Five bucks says he’s going to close with “God Bless America and remember: God hates fags.”

  • Monkey

    Damn. Rick Warren is a bonehead.

  • Colander

    Rick Warren: “God, God, Race, America, blood, freedom, justice, no homo, God, respect, forgiveness…”

  • DustBowlBlues

    Civility in our attitudes except when we’re talking about the queers, right, Rev Douche?

  • worst state ever

    please get this fat tub of shit off of my tv

  • NoWireHangers

    Everyone loves each other today! Well, at least those freezing their asses off collectively in DC

  • chascates

    Easy on the Jesus, buddy!

  • tunamelt

    http://wonkette.chatango.com/

    Rick Warren just hit on the Obama girls, I think.

  • NoWireHangers

    AHHH! Sasha is fooling around and not praying! God, I love her more! That SASS!

  • OffTheRecord

    Don’t you dare speak the name of the Obama children you creep! Ugh. This is a fucking long prayer.

  • p-Sludge

    and gawd said: “you see me typing; if you don’t see me typing; whatever the f*ck you see me doing, “

  • dannygutters

    Sasha!

  • DustBowlBlues

    Had to get Jesus in-If anyone would look up, they would notice the Jefferson Monument puking.

  • Colander

    Aw, shit, I’m going to lunch, dude.

  • Sazerac

    I was under the, obviously wrong, impression that this hater of gays was only being given two minutes to pray that the Republicans could have a do-over of the election.

    Wow, this could be known as the alienation prayer. Yikes.

    Amen. He’s finished.

  • jagorev

    OMG THE CHRISTIAN PASTOR GUY MENTIONED “JESUS”

    The libtards will be outraged. I think I hear Glenn Greenwald starting up a 10,000 word essay right now.

  • Terry

    Aretha! Sing it, girlfriend!

  • pocket Liz

    Aretha, your hat is FUGLY.

  • chascates

    My CNN feed is several minutes behind. Anybody else having that?

  • DemmeFatale

    What a long-winded shit. Goodbye, Rick.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    “All the respect they deserve,” eh Rick? Irony much?

  • OffTheRecord

    Aretha and her awesome hat will get this show back on the road.

  • hockeymom

    now THAT is a bow.

  • groove

    Oh, snap! CNN’s live stream just pwn3d me! Come back!

  • SkimLatteModerate

    [re=223044]El Bombastico[/re]: http://www.ustream.tv NOW NOW NOW!

  • eastcoastliberal

    Lord have mercy look at that hat on Aretha.

  • smellyal8r

    Why are we singing God Save the Queen at an American inauguration?

  • NoWireHangers

    God, I want a hat like that. Sing it ‘retha!

  • DustBowlBlues

    BBC says Ric Warren in now our national chaplain. Hold on to your horses, Limey. I’m going back to PBS.

  • Dire squirrel

    Hey everyone it’s Aretha, unmute your tv’s.

  • p-Sludge

    and that is why gawd looks out today at the president and his precious fambily and says “GIT R DUNNN!”

  • chidem

    Holy hat, Aretha!

  • Counting My Toes

    Aretha will clear the air of Pastor Ricky.

    Some hat!

  • Joehoya

    ABC apparently is running old B-roll from their station sign of tapes while Arethra Franklin sings. I fully expect them to go to a test pattern at the end of the song.

  • smellyal8r

    The Lords Prayer? Man, how non-ecumenical can you get. Even B Graham didn’t do that!

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    REE REE! *loves the hat*

  • Serolf Divad

    It was so much better last time when Ted Nugent sang “America the Beautiful” then shot 10 point buck from across the mall with a compound bow shaped flaming guitar.

  • Sussemilch

    Mmmm Aretha singing in tongues…. it’s a beautiful day

  • Mighty Rex

    Oh goody! Back in time for some Urethra!

  • NoWireHangers

    HuffPo has MSBC Streaming, fyi.

  • jarsilver

    LOL Aretha just said “my cunt”

  • bugland

    thank god, it’s Aretha. my palate needs cleansing after Warren.

  • BklynIlluminati

    That was the best since Marvin Gay’s All-Star game’s Star Spangled Banner

  • twowheeljunkie

    4 more minutes. Filled with hope I am.

  • romer

    Justice Stevens, my hero. You go, man.

  • P Drizzle

    If only it were John Paul JONES makin’ Barry promise to rock.

  • hockeymom

    Robinette?
    What?

  • WadISay

    Do they have Joe Biden on 5-second delay, in case he gets torret’s?

  • Terry

    Joe, dude, you came a long way from Scranton. Bless your heart.

  • chascates

    [re=223070]SkimLatteModerate[/re]: Thanks! that’s more like it.
    http://www.ustream.tv/

  • OffTheRecord

    Cheney is gone!!! All hail Vice King Biden!

  • pepe

    “The duties of the office I am about to enter, also”

  • Colander

    Robinette?

  • pocket Liz

    <3 Joey!

  • bitchincamaro

    What a day to have the worst download speeds at work. Ever.

  • Wonks Adventure

    dick cheney is no longer the vice president :-)

  • smellyal8r

    Now, the playing of Hail Columbia…the vice presidential music…Cheney has dissolved back to mercury to reform himself.

  • bfstevie@yahoo.com

    Did anyone notice that JR Ewing is standing behind Joe Biden as he’s being sworn in?

    On this solemn, yet joyous occasion all Wonkettes should take a moment and talk smack about Bill Kristol.

  • Hello Sunshine

    I’m sat in my office in London and am probably still closer to the Capitol than the people at the back of the crowd…

  • texette

    Ding Dong the Dick is Gone!!!!!!!

  • Terry

    Imagine, if you will, a parallel universe where the Snowbilly was just sworn in.

  • groove

    Joe Biden just gay kissed a dude. lawlz.

  • NoWireHangers

    Holy shit, that’s like the most star-studded quartet ever!

  • Darehead

    [re=223106]texette[/re]: Witch o dick?

  • chascates

    Did Cheney just melt into a puddle on the floor?

  • Hello Sunshine

    Now that Joe Biden’s been sworn in, does he get to be president for a very brief period if Dubya keels over in the next three minutes, perhaps due to the cold?

  • BklynIlluminati

    John Williams=Imperial March?

    oh wait wrong inauguration

  • Terry

    Great music today. Wow

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    Man kisses all around! Go Joe!

  • ManchuCandidate

    Damn that is some uber quartet! And Star Wars guy composed it without the Darth Vader inspired riffs.

  • Colander

    Can I be real, guys? Was kinda hoping the Jonas Brothers would be doing this performance. Kinda sad right now.

  • smellyal8r

    Robert Gibbs sits with the musicians. Not a bad seat, eh?

  • Sazerac

    Hail, Hail The Dick is Dead!

  • Scott-san

    This would be a really BAD time to break a sting, Yo-Yo.

  • AmazingLarry

    “Air in Simple Gifts” originally written for Ewok funeral scene in Return of the Jedi. True story.

  • hockeymom

    Yo Yo Ma rocks and this music is amazing.

  • smellyal8r

    [re=223104]bfstevie@yahoo.com[/re]: OK. Dr Kristol is a douchebag tool who should be drawn and quartered for the enjoyment of all.

  • Terry

    Simple gifts, awesome. Great song. It’s a gift to be simple, a gift to be free.

  • chascates

    FORMER President George Bush! How sweet it is!!

  • Joehoya

    Since John Williams composed this, I was expecting something along the lines of the Throne Room theme from Star Wars. Instead, it’s more the violin piece from Shindler’s List.

  • WadISay

    OK, those of you on the mall who have to use the Port-a-potty, raise your hands.

  • teebob2000

    Halleh-fucking-lulia!!! It’s done! Long live BHO. God bless America!!

  • SkimLatteModerate

    JWills in the hizouuuuse!

  • p-Sludge

    They had the righties on their side with Rick Warren. Now the crowd will turn ugly due to the, ahem, “jazz”.

  • TheMacWonk

    John Williams and Yo Yo Ma? Wasn’t this actually part of an episode of The West Wing? The one where Josh couldn’t listen to music or something?

    Liberals are classy, I’ll give ‘em that.

  • p-Sludge

    [re=223121]AmazingLarry[/re]: LOL.

  • texette

    What, no John Legend?

  • Mustang

    How can that cello sound so flipping good in freezing weather? There must be some magic juju on it. Aretha sounded weak, but she still has some powerful magic juju.

  • OffTheRecord

    Obama is late. I blame Rick Warren for praying too long.

  • Scott-san

    [re=223117]Colander[/re]: Can we hunt the Jonas brothers for their pelts?

  • ManchuCandidate

    [re=223107]Terry[/re]:
    Will make for bad Science Fiction and Horror literature, no?

  • smellyal8r

    This beats Lee Greenwood at all three Bush inaugurals

  • Mighty Rex

    Loves me some Aaron Copland. Tres Americana. Thank Gawd there’s no Palindrone around to ruin it!

  • chascates

    Anyone know if Barbara Jordan is buried in the State Cemetary here in Austin? I’d like to take today’s paper and lay it on her grave.

  • S.Luggo

    [re=222906]pepe[/re]: Like the moon landing, it isn’t.

  • choinski

    Ding dong the witch is dead . . . .

  • Darehead

    Somebody give Yo-yo Ma the Nobel Peace Prize already!

  • HMS Nerd

    HA! Your silly musics have undone the constitution!

  • NoWireHangers

    This is the most racially harmonious quartet eva!

  • OffTheRecord

    [re=223131]TheMacWonk[/re]: Yo Yo Ma rules!

  • p-Sludge

    No one will be seated during the shocking caesar salad sequence.

  • LuckyJim

    Ken – It was a different part of the country than Motown. Aretha was on the Atlantic label with the great Jerry Wexler producing when she was belting out “Baby, I Love You” and all those other gems.

  • Hello Sunshine

    Barry’s a bit eager there…

  • Dopey

    Hussein!

  • Mustang

    Remember this time four years ago when we were watching the presidential oaf of office? This is much much better.

  • bitchincamaro

    Ugh. Roberts. Pig.

  • El Pinche

    Right now, blood is squirting profusely from the fire-sprinklers at the confluence.

  • Scott-san

    Awwwwwkkkward!

  • SkimLatteModerate

    Ahh Barry’s nervous!

  • BklynIlluminati

    ack! nerves taking over

  • revmod

    Original composition? I think a big chunk was stolen sampled from Lord of the Dance.

  • Terry

    YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • ManchuCandidate

    Mr Preznit Barry Obama!!! Huzzah! Suck on it Bitters!

  • groove

    Orgy time.

  • Hello Sunshine

    WOOOOOOOOHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Shame he fucked up the oath massively, but what the hell.

    Note to Americans: The rest of the world now likes you again. Well done.

  • pepe

    Anticlimatic, how JP Stevens fucked up the oath so badly

  • MisterLoki

    something in my eye

  • Mighty Rex

    HOLY SHIT THE MARINES ARE SHELLING THE WHITE HOUSE!!!!

  • teebob2000

    OMFG, first his phony birth certificate, now the screwed up oath!!!

    He’s NOT PREZNIT!!!1!!

  • wheelie

    Aww, the poor guy was nervous. It’s all the more endearing, really.

  • p-Sludge

    the illuminati just caused my cnn feed to block out his actual “i do”. I presume he did, because of the music and cannons and everything.

  • P Drizzle

    Is it just me or did Barry get a little overexcited there?

  • Colander

    Guantanamo is being sucked into another universe as we speak!

    I feel like America just won a Grammy, y’all!

  • Terry

    This is amazing folks. This is what we are supposed to be.

  • OffTheRecord

    That is it. We did it. We survived eight years of George W. Bush. Congratulations everyone!

  • imarmcandy

    Roberts screwed up the oath, wingnuts declaring it unofficial in 5,4,3,2…

  • smellyal8r

    The oath was kind of a cluster. A nervous President and a jittery Chief Justice. I guess it took, no?

  • SkimLatteModerate

    Your 100 hours to change my world starts now, Barry.

    What have you done for me lately?

  • p-Sludge

    … and I thank Bill Kristol for informing me that Bush indeed did serve his nation. I did not know that.

  • NoWireHangers

    A single tear rolls down my cheek!

  • bfstevie@yahoo.com

    [re=223123]smellyal8r[/re]: Thanks, dude.

  • Dire squirrel

    Isn’t Barry supposed to be the eloquent one?

  • NoWireHangers

    PRESIDENT BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • pepe

    actually only 43 HOPEY — first mistake of the admin

  • SkimLatteModerate

    [re=223165]teebob2000[/re]: Seriously, about how long will it take the PUMA/bigfoot hunters to insist since he didn’t say it word for word he’s not actually president? I’m serious. Bets?

  • Ken Layne

    New inaugural address LiveBlog, here, fellow citizens.

  • teebob2000

    Starting the inaugural address on a high note, eh…

  • groove

    Thanks, Barry, for the insta-downer with all this “reality” stuff. Way to harsh teh buzz.

  • chascates

    [re=223161]Hello Sunshine[/re]: Sorry about the past eight years.

  • S.Luggo

    [re=223168]P Drizzle[/re]: It’s due to the smack Mitch McConnell slipped into Barry’s porridge.

  • smellyal8r

    [re=223178]Dire squirrel[/re]: Yeah, but Favreau didn’t write the oath.

  • p-Sludge

    the pugs up there have to be triply nervous:
    1) fear of hicks who want to attack obama
    2) fear nation/world who want to imprison them
    3) fear of a non-con planet

  • Barrett808

    Scripture: The adults are now in charge!

  • Colander

    Ok, not trying to cry at work, dudes. Can’t…be…that…guy…

  • Counting My Toes

    “subject to data and statistics” … a memorable phrase.

  • Barrett808

    “Endured the lash of the whip.” Nice.

  • El Pinche

    Please Barry, exit out with Wu Tang’s “Aint Nuthing Ta Fuck Wit”

  • twowheeljunkie

    “The time has come to put aside childish things.”

    Does that mean I can’t read Wonkette anymore?

  • Barrett808

    Yay, work!

  • Sussemilch

    [re=223176]NoWireHangers[/re]: Lucky you. My collar is drenched.

  • Barrett808

    “Restore science to its rightful place.” Please, oh God, yes.

  • Terry

    “restore science to its rightful place”

    I love you, Barack. I really really do.

  • texette

    Sci..What is… Oh yeah– Science!!!! The smart people won!

  • Colander

    “Harness the sun, and wind, water, heart, earth. With our powers combined, I AM CAPTAIN PLANET!”

  • Lascauxcaveman

    Ha ha. Hils got seated next to Bush 1. Here face is scrunching up over that old-man smell.

  • p-Sludge

    I just hope “science” will engineer nanobots to go after the neocon criminals if the administration won’t do it themselves.

  • Counting My Toes

    Do we all have to “do our business in the light of day”?

    That’s just gross.

  • p-Sludge

    Today, we are all Krugmanites!

  • HMS Nerd

    Shout out to Jay-Z “dust ourselves off”. Wu-Tang up next.

  • Counting My Toes

    W looks like he’s got a mouthful o’ bitter.

  • pepe

    My vote is for Barry to walk off to DMX: “X Gon give it to ya”

  • HMS Nerd

    Wow, that last bit @TheTerrorists was so much more effective than W’s “with or against us” line. Completely called out Mugabe just now for blaming the west for things like Cholera and superhyperinflation.

  • Sazerac

    He’s saying that now that he’s in charge I have to depend on the rest of you for everything. I knew this wasn’t going to go my way. Bring back the free spending Republicans NOW!

  • HMS Nerd

    I vote Nelly: I am Number 1

  • AmazingLarry

    Poetry….is….now….prose…..read….haltingly……and…..missing……modifiers……
    occasionally….. Where is now working to achieve so glorious humble exalted discord unicorn butterfly?

  • BklynIlluminati

    The new hotness is at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue

  • iolanthe

    [re=223014]lazyb[/re]: I hate Dianne Feinstein. What a worthless Senator. Never met a piece of intrusive bullshit nannystate legislation, especially Drug War crap, that she didn’t love. But she’s just a nannystater for us peasants. Business and LE can do whatever the fuck they want. And, like Lieberman, she’s pretty much Feinstein (D-Israel).

    They say she’s going to run for Cali Governor. Oh please, God, no.

  • iolanthe

    [re=223157]revmod[/re]: Yeah … they said it was a riff on “Simple Gifts”, a lot of versions of which include that “Lord of the Dance” tune, too.

    Itzhak-Baby can really *play* that thing … I got little butterflies …

  • iolanthe

    [re=223171]OffTheRecord[/re]: Do they have an “I SURVIVED THE BUSH/CHENEY ADMINISTRATION” t-shirt yet?

  • DeLand DeLakes

    No snark for me today, just happy tears.

    Okay, here’s some snark: OMG DICK CHENEY I’M SO GLAD YOUR WITHERED BABOON HEART HELD OUT LONG ENOUGH FOR YOU TO SEE THIS, YOU TWISTED OLD FUCK.

    Now excuse me, I am going to go walk into the nearest bar and buy everybody a round of drinks.

  • ericblair

    Excellent and spot on, Ken.

  • hobospacejungle

    [re=223140]chascates[/re]: “Anyone know if Barbara Jordan is buried in the State Cemetary here in Austin?”

    YES

  • hobospacejungle

    Apologies — make that Barbara Jordan’s grave here

    http://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=gr&GRid=6456

  • Gallowglass

    If he was gonna do a rap bit I was kinda hoping for the “Now a word from the President,” bit in the Gheto Boys “Damn it feels Good to Be a Gangsta”. More particularly, the “Now I got the world swingin’ from my nuts, and damn, it feels good to be a gangsta”

    Typed through the tears. Grats, America