Wonkette
Barack Obama, such a busy man! He has run a million errands today, and it’s not even 11 o’clock. He has gone to church, and hung out with the Bushes for a little while, and now he’s going to pick up some steaks at the Safeway on 14th & D Sts. SE. Can he get you something while he’s out?
10:46 AM — Ha ha ha Dick Cheney getting wheeled around, scowling, with a cane. This is the most fantastic part of this entire inauguration. Plenty of people in wheelchairs manage to look perfectly normal and dignified in them, but Dick Cheney just looks like an incredibly humbled and small and angry little man. In fact, if in the darkest days of the Iraq War we had been told, “Just wait till Dick Cheney nearly kills himself packing and has to attend the inauguration of a young black man in a wheelchair, looking sullen,” we would have maybe perked up a little.
10:51 AM — Barack Obama’s limo has large windows, apparently. This seems dangerous. We would like to see him squired about town in a windowless van, for Safety. News flash: He’s probably going to get out around the Treasury Department.
10:53 AM — CNN just ran a menu of some sort across the bottom of the screen. Looked good! This motorcade is pokey.
10:55 AM — Jim Newell had his photo taken with a celebrity at the Art Party last night, but he will not post it because he is so vain. Why does Jim Newell hate America?
10:57 AM — Let’s go over to Fox News and see how the losers are taking this sad occasion, when a Democrat finally gets to run things. Some guy is talking about how umbrellas aren’t allowed past the security perimeter, which seriously WTF, of course, does it look like it’s going to rain today? So obviously a person with an umbrella would be carrying a bomb.
10:59 AM — “I’m not sure you’d want to be on an open flat-bed truck today,” intones Brit Hume, sagely.
11:00 AM — This is why Michelle Obama is amazing: she can actually wear that color, which is a weird yellowy mustard chartreuse thing, without looking like she’s about to vomit.
11:02 AM — Holy wow, look at that National Mall with all those happy people in it! Now here comes John Roberts, and a bunch of other black-robed people, Sandra Day O’Connor! And other old people in ear muffs. John Roberts needs no ear muffs, because he is Young.
11:04 AM — Funny candid shots of people sticking stuff in their mouths and blowing their noses and taking pictures of various things. Good God, Barack Obama has to find his way through the CRYPT before he can be sworn in. If he makes it out alive, after besting the Minotaur and answering three riddles, he can be the President. Otherwise, devouring and dismemberment, and Dick Cheney gets to be President for another four years. From his wheelchair, like FDR.
11:06 AM — Other dignitaries trickling in… Leon Panetta, the guy who got the CIA job because Richard Clarke didn’t want it, plus Janet Napolitano. “If you hear a silence, that’s because we don’t know who this person is,” says some Fox News guy.
11:08 AM — It’s a parade of losers! Dan Quayle, Al Gore, Walter Mondale. How did Dan Quayle get a ticket to this? Is this part of Obama’s “reaching across the aisle” thing, or do they just invite as many ex-VPs as they can cram onstage? David Broder TEMPTS us with the fact that he has Barack Obama’s inaugural address, but he can’t share it. Spoiler alert: It will be about “hope,” we bet.
11:10 AM — Whee, Wolf Blitzer promises a view of the Mall, FROM SPACE. We will get a space monster’s-eye view of the inaugural proceedings, via Jessica Yellen, who has been permanently transformed into a hologram.
11:11 AM — Barack Obama is so powerful he made the sun shine today, because it will make for better pictures.
11:12 AM — “First, Mr. and Mrs. Bush,” says CNN, as the camera pans to Joe Biden’s mom. Barbara Bush’s hair is as purple has her scarf. It’s cute that they’re both wearing purple scarves. Good lord, what happened to George H.W.? He is toddling. The Carters look vigorous, probably because they spend all their time building houses for the poors.
11:15 AM — It’s the Clintons! Bill looks pissed. They are not even really holding hands.
11:17 AM — Sexy Rahm Emanuel, schmoozing.
11:18 AM — What is up with CNN’s sound, that everybody sounds like a robot? Whatever it is, they should keep it up. Hmm, cheering, what is that about? TRUMPETS. And, enter the Carters.
11:19 AM — Some sort of Spanish flamenco trumpets announce … The Bushes. The old ones. Oh God George please do not fall or vomit on any dignitaries.
11:21 AM — Oh my GOD it’s the Clintons, remember these people? Man, wouldn’t it be great if the lady Clinton was the president? Too bad about that. Nice blue coat, though.
11:23 AM — The Hagers and Barbara Bush (the young one), very ably navigating the steps because they are not a million years old. It looks a little awkward, all these famous politicians just standing around onstage and chit-chatting before they get to sit down. David Axelrod looks happy, though.
11:25 AM — Malia and Sasha Obama, looking supremely confident. That orange scarf and pink coat is just killer.
11:26 AM — Ken has started a new liveblog, go check it out!
Are hats making a comeback or is it just the weather?
Dick Cheney: the Henry F Potter of DC.
He could have turned the nation into his own little Pottersville, but blew it.
Oh, Bush is in there too? Awks.
Cheney looks crabbed and resentful. Look out, Barry! They haven’t fed him today!
actor212:
Every time a Muslim becomes President, an angel gets his wings.
Correct. Preznit-to-be Hopemaster wears an impenetrable 5-layer invisible force field of unicorniness.
Bush is tipsy off near-beer.
I’m counting on Rick Warren to heal Dick Cheney right in the middle of his speech. PRAZE JEBUS!
dutchie: I want my widget back!
God, Scalia looks evil, especially in that little skull cap.
Colander: An Ale to the Chief would put him under, no doubt (and its tasty goodness would be wasted on him).
Styrofoam Boots: That would make his presence totally worthwhile. Especially if the Obama girls trip Dick right afterward.
Ruth Bader Ginsburg looks like a cute little gnome.
David Gergen just took the bold stance that, despite the presence of black limousines and lots of important people hanging around, this event has a much different feel to it than a funeral. How astute.
dutchie: ” mmmm, mmmm me needs lil’ baby blood, heh-heh, heh.”
I’ve been watching MSNBC for five minutes and, already, I’ve heard two dozen snarks. Good day for America. And a good day for live-blogging.
Which SC Justice “decided not to attend?”
Styrofoam Boots: Yes! I’m hoping for a There Will Be Blood type of moment. “Get OUT of here ghost! GET OUT, GET OUT!”
Edywin heard: Blah, blah, blah,”CNN just ran a menu of some sort across the bottom of the screen. Looked good!”, blah, blah…Huh? Food Menu? Tuning into CNN now! Love to have me some of Granny Turner’s inaugural vittles!
So long, George. You will NOT be missed.
You will, however, fuel dozens of grad students in history and poli sci departments to debate whether you are truly the worst president ever or only the second worst.
Cheney in the wheelchair really completes the whole Dr. Strangelove transformation.
Wonks: Gergen is trapped in his whiteyness today.
Sassette: Alito
There’s Scalia, looking like a prick in a bad hat.
Good lord, what is with this pack of children? Are these the Biden grandspawn? That little toddling one in the end was kind of adorable.
Who was the teenager blowing bubbles on the way in? Girlfriend’s mother needs to have a quick chat with her.
real cause of cheney’s injury: he let the door hit him in the ass on the way out
Gore!
jagorev: Well fuck that guy! Unless he’s terminally ill or something, in which case get well soon to that guy.
Wolf Blitzer is awful…awful! Also, John Cornyn is a douche for putting a hold on Hillary’s confirmation and he’s one of my Senators. What an a-hole.
The “colored” guard is entering? Well, that’s not racial transcendence we can believe in!
Well, Keith, I’VE woken every morning since November of 2000 feeling totally and completely FUCKED. Until THIS morning.
Pass me some of those Wolf Blitzer Blintzes and that Campbell Brown rice puddin’. Weeeaall doggies.
Mondale, Quale and Gore: The Abraham, Martin and John of bitch losers.
There are no bushes for Dick Cheney to crouch in. What’s he going to do?
Scott-san: Snark thrives in the wonderful years of Dubya-time. Anger and contempt are wonderfully human traits.
I’ve switched to CSPAN…Narration free and I can provide my own commentary…my the elder Bushes are in matching purple scarves…yak yak yak
HW looks especially old today.
Is old President Bush wearing heels? He’s wobbly.
smellyal8r: How can you watch asshat blowhard CNN?
WadISay: Quale is fat and jowly (Gore looks fitter than him!)
I see Hillary pulled that GIANT blue coat out of storage from Bill’s first inaugural. At least she left that hat to home…
Barbara Bush: “Poppy, look at all the Negros!”
The RNC is estimating 10,000 people . . . 12,000 tops.
clinton….why so frowny, bill?
Hillary and Bill look good. The long time they’re on camera should annoy the neo-cons. LOL
Bill Clinton doesn’t look too happy.
Lord, but Bill Clinton looks like he missed his Metamucil this morning.
Jimmy Carter is adorable. And happy!
omg, the Clintons are the Barrymores of Washington. Carter just walked past the Bush-Clinton grabfest, as in “assholes!”
rahm just gave some woman a huge kiss…
oh, Britt Hume said that a number of “african-americans spoke to him in a friendly way, yesterday”…and he can “only imagine how they are to juan williams”.
Douche. Bag.
The whole “President Carter meet President Bush” business backstage was fun to watch. The living presidents! Where’s Nancy? Jimmy Carter…looks good in light of W, right?
The Carters look vigorous, probably because they spend all their time building houses for the poors.
Well, that and the vigorous daily fuckathons.
You can’t unthink it now.
chascates: Wifey got a better j-o-b…that’s why
yellow and purple? Bush Sr., Clinton, you are NOT Michelle Obama.
Jimmy Carter looks AWESOME for his age, doesn’t he? So does Roslyn. Sara’s right, it’s the clean lving or something.
Jimmy Carter brings the cornbread. Roselyn has the fresh preserves. Im getting mighty hongry!
Oh, the trashy Bush twins are there. I wonder how much they’ve had to drink already?
Who was that creepy guy groping the Bush twins?
Apparently the crowd is like 98% black according to NPR. Is This The End of White America? I don’t know, but I’m sure that Mickey Kaus of Slate.com will have something to say about it.
The Bush twins look sober!
DoctorCulturae: I saw that and love Jimmy even more for it. “Excuse me, they’re calling my name now. Dicks.”
This is one of the only days that REALLY long trumpets are in use
Hillz and Bubba look good!
They showed the movers at the White House. What are they packing for the Bushes? George’s collection of empties? Crazy Eye’s prescription meds and her collection of genuine cut glass cowboy boots?
SkimLatteModerate: That’s the husband of whichever one got married…Henry Hager…I guess he was in a “twin sammich” last night
Ugh, somebody slap that PUMA.
chascates:
Naw, at their level of drinking you can hide a mild buzz.
After the inauguration those trumpet guys are going to a Ren Faire on the Mall.
The moving truck is at the White House!!! I have never been so excited!
C-span is too full, I can’t get onto it. Damn it
The obama daughters and their governess….
Sasha Looks EXTRA sassy today! You go little girl!
The greatest symbol of Hope? A moving truck in front of the White House.
Terry: No…Laura’s Hummel figurines…lol on the glass cut cowboy boots though
Gah, the untouched wives of hte GOP!
You just have to LOVE Aretha. She is genuinely herself, on top of having a great voice.
Aretha is here! She has more class than 99% of the people on that stage.
Sorry I’m a little late on this, but Alito didn’t attend because, apparently, he’s still peeved at Obama for voting against his confirmation. He ditched the meeting with Obama and Biden, too. Brat. http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/washingtondc/la-na-obama-roberts15-2009jan15,0,4981938.story
Crazy Eyes is wearing a grey sack, it looks like
OMG Sasha and Malia look so damn CUTE!
Britt Hume said it was an ubelievable thong.
Oh, I’m sorry.
Throng.
smellyal8r: Gah, thanks. I always liked to pretend they’d be sent to a nunnery post-presidency, and never have the chance to reproduce.
Terry: If there is any justice in the new era it will be to note that Carter mentioned ALL the BS that we now find ourselves in. Today is not only that kind of new beginning, but a funeral for the era of Raygun selfishness and irresponsibility.
Maybe Gergen was close, this is a tacit funeral for Reaganism. Would that it were so.
Stand up Miss Scout. Your father is passin’ by…
Its the casserole lady, Laura! What kind of wonderful mishmash dish has she made up for the big inaugural shindigs? What’s that? How many ways can you cook crow?
dutchie: Try C-SPAN 2.
It’s like a sea of librul homos! This is the greatest day of 2009, in history.
smellyal8r: Sorry…it’s “Miss Jean Marie” in To Kill a Mockingbird
NoWireHangers:
Those are cute little girls. I will bet you a dollar that they don’t end up in the kind of photos the Bush twins were in.
SkimLatteModerate: They shoulda been sent to a nunnery PRE-presidency…
DoctorCulturae: the phrase “trapped in his whiteyness” makes me think of general zod and his minions trapped in the phantom zone mirror. if only cnn could use their hologram/space technology to do *this.*
W looks grim.
Terry: I LOVE the Obama daughters. I want to hug and squeeze them.
Haha, W.
All the love Obama gets = All the hate W gets
George, one hour and you are out of DC. Dismissed!
dutchie: At least, I think…It might be a bit pre-edit, but who can tell…
Come on folks, there’s time to toss one more shoe….
Steny Hoyer is a nice looking man. He annoys the beans out of the super liberals, but he suits southern Maryland pretty darn well. I once accidentally served him a cup of coffee with a piece of glass in it when I was a kid, humiliating my poor mother.
Nancy Pelosi’s coat is beautiful.
I have a craving for a big bucket ‘o EXTRA crispy fried republicans.
And maybe a little slaw…
i swear, if Rick Warren stops once more for applause, i’m gonna break a tooth.