STATE SECRETS  9:47 am January 20, 2009

Jill Biden Blabs To Oprah About How Joe Could Have Been Secretary Of State

by Sara K. Smith

Jill Biden has better teeth than this ostrich.Jill Biden, huzzah! She should own sixteen Nobel Prizes already, for staying married to the blabbermouth Joe Biden and for sending out a fundraising appeal on behalf of the pants monster Hillary Clinton. Now she deserves another prize, for Truth, because of what she told Oprah yesterday.

SHHHH NOBODY TELL BECAUSE THIS IS A BIG SECRET.

Apparently, Barack Obama told Joe Biden he could decide whether he wanted to be Vice President or Secretary of State. This is sort of shocking because jesus, what if he’d picked Secretary of State? Would Hillary Clinton be our new VP? Probably not! Barack Obama is not that dumb. He probably would have picked, who knows, maybe Bill Richardson? Which would have been a disaster, on account of his New Mexico investigation into crookedness.

Another option would have been boring types like Evan Bayh or Tim Kaine, who would not have given America half the larfs we have already wrung from Joe Biden.

The point is, Jill Biden does not have to tell Oprah everything.

Biden tries to shush wife after state-VP slip [AP]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 26 comments }

President Beeblebrox January 20, 2009 at 9:53 am

I think the PUMAs are going to jump all over this as proof that their lady was denied the VP slot… but, hell, Hillary got the better end of the stick. She gets to jet around the world and look important, while Joe gets to live in the Naval Observatory and just be benignly goofy for the next 4 or 8 years.

jodyleek January 20, 2009 at 9:53 am

Joe and Jill are two peas in a pod. Pop some corn, pull up a chair and get ready for at least
four years of gaffe-i-liciousness from Mr. and Mrs. VP.

AngryBlakGuy January 20, 2009 at 9:56 am

…I really want to comment on this particular thread, but that photo is truly horrifying!

AngryBlakGuy January 20, 2009 at 9:58 am

…Tourettes Syndrome is AWESOME!

BillyClubb January 20, 2009 at 9:59 am

Well at least Jill Biden didn’t say what she really thinks of Hillary, or a negro Prez in the White House — yet.

Canmon (the Inadequate) January 20, 2009 at 9:59 am

“If you’re secretary of state, you’ll be away, we’ll never see you”.

Bill must be happy that Hillary got it then.

dutchie January 20, 2009 at 10:01 am

[re=222678]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Same. I WILL NOT SLEEP TONIGHT BECAUSE OF THIS PICTURE!!! Barry’s inauguration too. Also.

SayItWithWookies January 20, 2009 at 10:01 am

I’m in shock. I had no idea ostriches had teeth.

Colander January 20, 2009 at 10:02 am

Aw, Jill got a haircut. It’s cute.

mattbolt January 20, 2009 at 10:04 am

I vote that whatever God-forsaken tooth-ostrich creature that is, that all of its species be rounded up into a rocket and then shot straight into the son, because, DAMN.

Doc Gerbil January 20, 2009 at 10:04 am

Holy fuck! That picture made me pee a little.

You don’t see ostrich teeth every day thank FSM.

Monsieur Grumpe January 20, 2009 at 10:04 am

To be fair, Oprah has been known to put drugs in her guest’s coffee. But they’re good high quality pharmaceuticals drugs, after all, she is a class act.

AliBabaInBA January 20, 2009 at 10:05 am

Too bad the turkey that blew W didn’t have those teeth.

SayItWithWookies January 20, 2009 at 10:06 am

Ah, hell — saying something unseemly is no longer a gaffe. Accidentally shooting someone in the face and forgetting to mention it for three days — now that’s a gaffe.

ManchuCandidate January 20, 2009 at 10:07 am

[re=222686]SayItWithWookies[/re]:
Same here. Teeth? WTF?!? Wiki sez no teeth… I’m confused.

But our ugly friend the Ostrich is the perfect symbol for today. Most of the bitters and racists will do what the ostrich (allegedly) does best, stick it’s head in the sand when faced with trouble or in their usual defense, denial.

queeraselvis v 2.0 January 20, 2009 at 10:20 am

[re=222686]SayItWithWookies[/re]: [re=222698]ManchuCandidate[/re]: It’s been to the dentist too. Notice the filling in the lower right molar. They has good dental in the Serengeti!

Miller January 20, 2009 at 10:22 am

“If you’re Secretary of State you’ll actually have to do work, but if you’re the VP you get to run a shadow government, have an evil 24 character based around you, and all the man sized safes you want. Joe, we’re taking the VP slot.” Nice to see that loudmouthing gaffes to national audiences is a sexually transmitted disease. I never would have guessed.

http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/

labdork January 20, 2009 at 10:22 am

The piece of paper i have hanging on the wall that I haven’t used in 10 years says those teeth are feline. Quite possibly Panthera tigris taxonomically from the Felidea family or as you laymen know it a Tig… Ow Make it stop it hurts! Must..resist…using…brain…at…work!

Mr Blifil January 20, 2009 at 10:32 am

C’mon Nedra Pickler had the headline right: Biden shushes wife. Because he’s an abuser and she’s a stupid slut.

imarmcandy January 20, 2009 at 10:33 am

The be-toothed ostrich is only the beginning. Now that scientists will be given free rein you can expect to see all sorts of horrifying combinations – I’ve been hearing about FLYING COCKROACHES in Florida already.

Violenza January 20, 2009 at 10:49 am

I think No-Condom Edwards was the original pick for VP.

dannygutters January 20, 2009 at 10:50 am

Didn’t they say hillary was not invstigated for VP at all? Why would this even suggest that hillary was the next choice.

Schadenfried January 20, 2009 at 10:51 am

Shame on Wonkette for using a picture of Ann Coulter in a post about our Second Lady.

StephanieInCA January 20, 2009 at 1:42 pm

Evan Bayh is an insipid waste of flesh. That is all.

CivicHoliday January 20, 2009 at 1:53 pm

[re=222716]labdork[/re]: ditto! Kingdom Animalia/Class Mammalia, my dear bio geek friend, Kingdom Animalia/Class Mammalia

snappy pete January 21, 2009 at 10:24 am

Hey Palin! you might be able to see Russia from your house, but Vice President Biden can see President Obama’s house from HIS house!

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