Wonkette
“Each of these important titles is at least as good as the Bible. I encourage you to read them all, again and again, until the next scary eight years have finally ended.” [AOL Political Machine]
FREE GARBAGE
Last Chance To Download Free Bush Junior Propaganda From White House Website!
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BYE BYE BUSH!
heckuva job, bushie.
It’s cold up here in the (non) pro-American Northeast. I’m gonna download these, print them out and the throw them in my shit-burning stove to warm up until hopey (or Kev-O-tron) hand delivers my rainbow-shitting unicorn.
Must.Go.On.This.Website.Vote.For.Wonkette.again and again and again.
I was hoping for the reading list from his book club. Shakespeares and such. Guess he gave that to Sarah Palin.
What about “My Pet Goat”?
WTF? Item number one among the 100 Things You Didn’t Know Bush Could Do With His Cock is “Kept America Safe.” “Prevented another attack on our homeland for more than seven years after September 11, 2001.” First of all, Clinton did the very same thing after the WTC was attacked in 1993…an unblemished seven years of terrorist protection on “homeland” shores. I’m not surprised he had to crib some of Big Dawg’s resume, but item number fucking one?
Oh and do they really think that Americans AREN’T aware that there hasn’t been another attack on our shores since 9/11? So unaware that they need to be reminded at the very TOP of this idiotic document outlining all the awesome shit Bush did that people stone cold do not fucking know about, at all. “Kept America Safe.”
I was also unaware that First Lady Laura’s nickname around the White House is “Little Laura Pull-A-Train.” So it’s not like I didn’t learn anything.
Where’s the “Handbook of Enhanced Interrogation Techniques: French Canadians”?
I enjoy the fact that even the AOL commentators who hate Bush do not understand the rules of capitalization. Why Must They Continually Write Like This?
Also, I think I am leaving the Bush countdown clock up until he is finally gone because it brings me joy now instead of the crippling, mind numbing, coke-binge inducing pain of the last eight years. Also.
More comments here than on AOL.
Dr. Goebbels could not have written these any better himself. Now it’s off to the Bush bunker.
Less than 12 hours to go.
bago: That’s because an AOL post requires thought, judgement, sobriety, balance and discretion.
Those books look so informative. I’m drunk with anticipation. Or whiskey.
He’s finally asking us to sacrifice something. Our sweet eyeball juice reading his lousy pamphlets.
Goodbye, Bush. It’s not been so good to know ya.
The thing that kills me about the pamphlets is that they only mention the action, not the impact.
E.g.
Enacted the largest tax relief — no mention of deficit or economic collapse (or deregulation for that matter).
Advanced missile defense and counter-proliferation — No mention of Iran expediting development of the bomb.
“Freed Iraq” — No mention of the fact that they’re all dead.
This is great, ’cause I’m running low on toilet paper.
Ken, Dottie called you a Republican! She didn’t even accuse you of being something really fun like a PUMA, or a Paultard, or a Mormon. Are you going to stand for this? Demand a real insult!
political machine poster JediNight69 must eat a pound of Elmer’s glue a night. What a dickhead.
suchsweetthunder: Fried Iraq? Minor misspelling. Also: Tax relief — there will be a 100% tax cut when the whole country collapses and paper money is worth less than these downloads (and that’s very worthless).
Meanwhile, in DC, much drunken sex in progress. My tip — don’t get wasted enough to fuck a Republican. They leave residue behind (in the behind? sumpn’ like that).
Okay, this isn’t a publication per se, because it’s only a label, but it should be included because it’s a) more comprehensive than the strategy it’s named after, and b) it actually did something (i.e. got me drunk several times). It’s my friend’s and my homebrew based on victory hops — hence the name. And it was delicious.
http://s293.photobucket.com/albums/mm48/SayItWithWookies/?action=view¤t=StrategyforVictory.jpg
Don’t forget your personal transcript of President Bush’s farewell speech! - here’s the link: http://www.whitehouse.org/news/farewell.asp
SayItWithWookies: Not to mention that the winged anvil is sorta symobolic of the achievements of this administration. I would’ve used eagle wings instead of bat wings, but I couldn’t find good clip-art representations. Seemed to work out, though.
After eight years of heavy drinking I can’t read too good - are these on YouTube? THX!!1!
Bearbloke: Written in Magic Marker by an aide on white poster board, with phonetic pronuciations for simple verbs and nouns. More complex words (such as “Eye-Rock”, “Chain-Knee” or “Ass-Hat”) are in ideograms.
Scroll down you bastards, there’s one more publication!!! Don’t forget to download the 618 pages of joy that is the “Selected Speeches of President George W. Bush, 2001-2008.” You’ll get such classics as “Promoting Compassionate Conservatism,” “Address to the Nation on the September 11 Attacks,” and my personal favorite “Christening Ceremony of the George H. W. Bush.”
Are there pictures?
‘Cause as a loyal American for Bush I get confused when things get all, y’know, wordified and such.
Flash forward to the future: After the earth and all it’s nations are cleansed in nuclear fire and all reading matter is destroyed by fundamentalist cretins seeking to scapegoat the educated class as the cause of the tribulation, copies of these texts, secreted by wonktards in their remote hobo settlements will begin to appear and will be taken as an actual historical record of our times. George Bush will be revered as the new patron saint of good governance and frescoes will be painted of him standing resolutely on a hill, holding Barney, his talking dog.
Dogmeat?
#23 from his long list of accomplishments: He always put the toilet seat down.
I will have multiple copies of each of them to serve as insulation for my shack in the hobo jungle.
#19 - Reigning champ of Oreo eating contests with Cheney and Condie.
There are lies, damn lies and Highlights Of The Accomplishments Of The Bush/Cheney Administration.
Someplace there is a young Republican staffer in tears. Such determined delusions are hard to come by. I will comfort ye with apples and spices, my lovely Aryan child. And then you will wake up sore and disheveled, kinda like the entire nation. Suck on it.
Are the pages pre-scored for easier tearing to facilitate wiping one’s ass?
I can’t wait for that luncheon in the hall of statues to be over, when Bush gets farted out the butt side of the Capital and drifts off like an ill wind towards Texas.
Still drinking, so I don’t have time to look these up - presume from the titles they’re all blank, right….?
I suppose these documents are wafer thin.
Wafer thin? One is 150 some pages long. I haven’t been able to get more than 10 pages into any of them without spewing bile all up on my laptop. How exactly is “Withdrew from the Anti-Ballistic Missile Treaty and operationalized missile defense” a good thing? Operationalized? That’s not even a fucking word. What would other forms of that be? Operationality? Operationaliciousness? I’m going further into the 100 things, now it’s just the dry heaves and I can handle it. “Appointed Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts, Associate Justice Samuel Alito, and more than one-third of all active Federal judges, who will not legislate from the bench.” One third? That’s so scary I just shit myself. I’mma go cry into my bong until the inauguration starts.
Buy them now!~ as you will learn in a new movie with Nick Cage, one set of these books were printed on the original copy of the Constitution with a coded message telling where Dr.Strangecheney hid his Armageddon machine. After studying “My Pet Goat” upside down, they learn the control unit for the machine is actually the pacemaker in StrangeCheney’s chest and he’s hidden in a remote location inside a man-size safe! A romantic comedy (of errors).
Mr Blifil: I’m pretty sure that Pulling the Train is not polite. But I live in Vermont, so I’m not quite sure. I read about it somewhere - Clara Bow?
And the books didn’t even mention that dubya didn’t go nyookyoolar.