Wonkette
As you all have read various times on this blog, Wonkette, we hosted an Inaugural Ball Friday to commemorate the first president, Barack Obama. Hundreds of people showed up just in time for the bathroom to break completely. Liz Glover even showed up to her party, eventually! No one was killed, but hey, we can’t have ALL the excitement. Now let’s check out some sexytime photos for you losers who didn’t fly in for this one night or were too cold to leave your houses.
The doors opened at 10, just in time for sexy men to appear on the wall. MMHMM.
DJs Andrew Morgan and Beautiful Swimmers and duo Big Gold Belt and crew set up the whole thing between the hours of 8 and 10 p.m.! They are Real American Heroes, with the setting up and the playing of music.
Then YOU PEOPLE showed up, some with your own beer, some to drink our fancy kegs of Yuengling beer! A lot of people went outside to pee and their pee was just stone cold freezin’ on the ground. Oh boy!
Hey local employers, here are the hippies you need to fire!
Ken made your associate editor go to Union Station to purchase Barack Obama for $42.95, during rush hour. Here he is with his own personal Allah, “Buddha,” greeting the guests.
Oh look, these people are trying to mate with Obama!
These people too!
Big Gold Belt, aka “Luke and Christina,” performed at some point. Christina wore a fancy leotard, and everyone had a Good Time.
Shortly after Liz showed up to her own party at midnight, the beer ran out! Your associated editor made a loud screaming announcement that he was going to Save The Party by going to the 24-hour Giant supermarket to pick up more beer. Here he is, holding beer, at the Giant. The Giant “guy,” however, soon told him that they stop selling alcohol at midnight. He pointed in a direction and said, “you can try Maryland.” Liz and your associate editor therefore drove to “Maryland,” to buy alcohol, at 1:00 a.m.
Ladies and gentlemen, we present “Maryland.” It was closed and we failed. But liquor magically appeared at the party when we returned.
Ha ha, here is our “coat check,” or at least a tiny portion of it. There were many coats, the end.
Thank you to all parties involved in this successful production: attenders, attenders who brought their own alcohol, DJ Andrew Morgan, Ari G and Maxmillion Dunbar, Luke and Christina with Big Gold Belt, Ken Layne (who will hopefully reimburse all of this, ha), Nikolas Schiller, operatives “Altin,” “Heather,” “Matthew” and “Jon” for sending in these photos, and Wonkette’s brother “Adam” for helping pick up kegs in his CR-V. And America. And Liz Glover.
My god it looks terrifying!
Wow that took a while huh?
I has some Beautiful Swimmers of my own but they are now crusty.
Jim, that lonely picture of you in the beer aisle may sum up your life.
These pictures of the party look much better than that other sad one of the ceiling. And there are lots of attractive, beglassesed people whom I would drunkenly molest had I been there. Looks like fun.
Looks fun. I just took off work and I’ll be at the mall around 6am tomorrow morning if all goes to plan. I think I’ll be sleeping on a curb in Columbia Heights tomorrow night. Sounds cozy.
Isn’t Liz the official Wonkette “video producer”? Shouldn’t there be more pictures if it was her party?
I’m kinda mesmerized by the girl in purple copping a feel of cardboard Hope’s Hopey.
It looks like someone tried to escape thru a ceiling tile.
Photo 2 captures the true essence of the thing, one imagines: darkness, dark figures, obscure art on the walls. Wow, it’s so existential.
oh great. The party’s over. I thought it was today.
Looks like the Sex Shop on Logan’s Run.
In general, the Wonketteers are far more clean and articulate(looking) than I expected.
also.
ManchuCandidate: It’s the red eye, which reveals her to be a stealth agent of the Borg.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YV5ynRFzrIM&feature=related
But liquor magically appeared at the party when we returned.
St. Barack the Cutout performs the miracle of the loaves and the fishes with beer. Our god is an awesome god.
Which drunkard broke Liz’s side mirror? Is there a banning to be annouced?
So the, uh, professional photographer didn’t show up, huh?
hockeymom: Or ceiling cat watched everyone masturbate.
A re-supply of alcohol for, what, two people? WTF!?
ManchuCandidate: Yeah me too! Who a that sexy molester?
As a resident of Philadelphia, I support your choice of lager. Not enough to drag my fat ass down I-95, but still.
For some reason, the first photo reminds me of that episode of ‘Bionic Woman’ where she and bigfoot break into some underground doomsday bunker.
Why is cutout Obama holding eyeglasses?
hobospacejungle: HAHAHAHAHHA I GUESS NOT HUH? HAHAHAHA. HA.
Liz Glover LIVE!!! At the Change the Game Gala!
http://www.washingtontimes.com/voices/
and scroll down tell you see her spot & double-click to see her in the flesh!
Much less a sausage-fest than I would have expected. Go figure.
The coat check thing is my favorite.
DON”T MAKE FUN OF THE GUY IN THE BEER AISLE!!
I THOUGHT IT WAS VERY ENDEARING!!
Well I hope someone from the Wonkette can top this, where Christopher Hitchens demands “tongue” from Andrew Sullivan:
http://nymag.com/daily/intel/2009/01/christopher_hitchens_blames_to.html
I mean, are the syphlitics from Wonkette going to fail in competition with a Limey drunk neo-con and a Limey rumproast?
Canmon (the Inadequate): I thought that was his blackberry. But it looks like you’re right - maybe they photoshopped it out
Also.
Y’know how they say that in comedy, timing is everything? Yeah.
Was Obama’s cut-out the only person of color who showed up?
I love the shot of Jim in the supermarket staring at all the beer in world that he can’t have. So sad. It’s just like Minnesota on Sunday.
bago: Do they say that?
(writes down “timing is everything” and…wait a minute…
isn’t there a song about that?)
I’ve been to Maryland. And that was in fact Maryland.
Everett_dIRKSEN: Forget it. I hate that song.
You can never get it out of your head when you hear it.
teebob2000: Actually, I take that back. Are you sure you didn’t take a very wrong turn and end up in Wasilla??
http://mudflats.files.wordpress.com/2008/09/valley-47.jpg
or maybe
http://mudflats.files.wordpress.com/2008/09/city-hall.jpg
ManchuCandidate: Come on everybody, do the Hopey Gropie!
That shot of the coat orgy if fucking hot.
Ok I guess that’s it for me! Any talk of Minnesota, Wisconsin, anything
north of Chicago or anyplace near Nebraska shuts me up in a hurry.
All the joy gets sucked out of my room
Can’t buy beer after midnight, but you can torture brown skinned people. Go figure.
Missed the party. Couldn’t get a babysitter on the Friday night before the inauguration. Children are God’s way of making sure old people don’t ruin the fun. That’s why we get back at you by passing cruel beer buying laws that leave you standing in the aisle staring at all that drinkability.
This being at a yoga studio, as the evening progressed a big throw-down ensued about who was most sublimely transcendental and the blond girl told several guys that only in their altered karmic states would they get tantric upside her booty.
Tommy Says Ira G is a Tool: I always get those two confused…which one is the gay christian englishman who wants to waterboard mother theresa and which one is the one is the conservative atheist drunk who likes to get waxed?
Festive Tops! (But alas, no pix of hawt young feminine Wonketteers in doffing of same.)
There’s a hobo trying to sleep in your coat pile. Also.
You got one of the white-handed Obamas: http://www.slate.com/blogs/blogs/xxfactor/archive/2009/01/19/barack-obama-doesn-t-have-white-hands.aspx
I can just feel the head lice after seeing that last picture.
ManchuCandidate: Yes, I’m “mesmerized” too. IN MY PANTS! sorry, I’m so sorry.
hockeymom: Yes.
What? That’s it? No nudity? No oily buttsecks? No one vomiting on the coat pile? No one passed out on the sidewalk? WTF.
I am seriously disillusioned. You people are just as boring as I am.
The fact that you ran out of beer is TERRIBLE. If I had been there (and I mean I almost was there pending EVIL REALITY WORK in SF) I would have purchased 4 additional kegs, three pounds of cocaine, 5 go-go dancers and a stream of uppers, downers, laxatives and fish to feed a crowd of 10,000.
OH and of course, California medical. Lots of California medical.
DISCLAIMER: ALL ACTIVITIES WOULD HAVE BEEN COMPLETELY LEGAL IN BANGKOK. SHORTSSHORTSSHORTS CLAIMS NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR PERSONS ENCOURAGING SUCH ACTS OUTSIDE OF BANGKOK.
Also.
Why didn’t you just steal the booze?!
The attendee pictures look like a LensCrafters commercial, where there’s all these beautiful people who ALL wear glasses… except for the beautiful part…
So, is EVERYONE who wastes impossible amounts of their time in the dark squinting into computer screens displaying the “free preview” pages at porn sites hyperopic?? Thought it was just me…
Naked Bunny with a Whip:
Probably should examine the coats with a UV light for signs of various human secretions. Someone might have mistook it for a pile of Furries.
I, for one, am down with shorts.
How come there are no pictures of Liz groping the codpiece of the Obama cutout? Has she learn nothing from her time at Wonkette?
If the pictures aren’t up on Facebook within 30 mins of getting home (and yes, this requires the ability to navigate the internets while still hammered) the party didn’t happen.
teebob2000: They didn’t get the dumpster in the shot so while that may very well be Maryland, it isn’t the nice part.
shortsshortsshorts: Hunter S. Thompson would approve. So would I. Also.
Styrofoam Boots:
“Nothing for me today, thanks.”
Dear Wonkette Editor Overlords,
Next time you’re going throw one of your crazy shindigs give me 3 to 4 months notice and I’ll make 20 gallons of homebrew for the event. No charge. Running out of beer is a crime in some states.
So, of the 4 people shown doing “things” to president-elect B. Hussein Obama, who of them are speech writers? These things demand attention!
Capt. Renault: Really? You think so? I was actually just cursing myself for missing out on such a cornucopia of well-seasoned meat.
Your Wonkette party Obama is a FRAUD!
http://www.slate.com/blogs/blogs/xxfactor/archive/2009/01/19/barack-obama-doesn-t-have-white-hands.aspx
Also, that picture of Jim is like a bittersweet metaphor for modern human existence. So full, yet so empty. I haz a sad now.
Looks like something circa 1986 in a Munich dance club.
Anyone who wears a suit to a Saturday party night party at a Yoga center typically does not have a job that requires wearing a suit during the week.
Oh, and that suit comment includes you too Barry - this proves you’re uppity
By the looks of it, coat-check girl was either killed, or is currently selling all the ipods and cellies what fell out of them hobo capes.
Monsieur Grumpe: Is that an attempt to have your moonshine blind us, so we can no longer see/enjoy the last bit of fun in our pitiful lives - Wonkette?
The Smithsonian is going to want that disco ball, as it’s the only one of its kind to ever see the inside of a yoga studio.
ManchuCandidate: Obama’s hopey pokey?
award for sweetest dance moves goes to me, obvio.
Rush: Did you mean Munich or Muncie?
it is a crime against wonkette that alcohol purchases are restricted at any time whatsoever.
that’s seriously fucked up.
ManchuCandidate: Wowie zowie, me too. If’n I wasn’t already intended for another I would start spamming up the comments with sonnets I would write for her.
btw, all you DC wonks who will be standing in the mall in person tomorrow, please be sure to wave at the cameras, so we in the other states watching on telly will know where you are in the crowds.
Wonkette these pictures reveal your hostiness in all its glory. A northern Virginia debutante ball has none of the civility and esthetical remuneration that your event pictures. My absence I am sure, was felt, but you went on without me and finished strong. I commend you to your elders in the commutard.
Sincerely and without malice
Zoltan