Who Will George Bush Pardon Today?

The clock is ticking! George Bush has just a few short hours to issue blanket retroactive/pre-emptive pardons for all of the criminal leather queens and torture fetishists in his administration. But what about theothercrooks who would also like a pardon?

We got, let's see ...

• Ted Stevens! Lisa Murkowski would like to see the former Alaska senator pardoned, presumably on account of oldness.

• Maybe this guy, Conrad Black? He's very wealthy! He got arrested for some thing or another after being a newspaper tycoon for a while. Bush will probably pass on this one, since he hates the media so much.

• Or Michael Milken. He was the "junk bond king" who inflated America's securities industry with empty calories and sugary snacks. He only served two years in prison but now he is a philanthropist who spends obscene amounts of money trying to get pardoned by George Bush.

All of these people sound very worthy! But what about the saddest sack of all, Scooter Libby? 

• "Scooter Libby is the most notable casualty of the domestic war that ran alongside the global war on terror."

Indeed, no one in America has suffered more than Scooter Libby, who did not even have to go to jail after he was convicted of perjury and obstruction of justice.