Wonkette
OMG we just had so much fun, right, at Wonkette’s Inaugural Ball last night. Just soooooooooo much fun. Packed, it was! Now, between (a) your associate editor’s lack of a camera and (b) your associate editor’s hour-long absence from the party after the kegs ran out at midnight, when he and Liz drove to HYATTSVILLE, MARYLAND to locate more alcohol (unsuccessful, although there was liquor in abundance when when we returned, somehow, hooray)… your associate editor doesn’t have enough photos. Please send yr sexy party pixxx to tips@wonkette.com, subject line “MOAR,” and we’ll do a longer picture post tomorrowish. Thanks to everyone who came!
Also include best over heard comments and impressions of Wonkette staff and assorted hangers-on.
…did someone just admit to DRUNK DRIVING!?!?!??! Don’t worry we all have one(or 2 in my case).
…looking at that photo; is that Manchu with the wig and cheap makeup on? And that must be Shorts with the adult pamper and tiara!
Also, vomit count, also.
AngryBlakGuy: No LIZ WAS SOBER, racist.
Who do we commend for the stylish party decor?
I got a ticket for drunk bicycling.
/Shut up, college.
Scandalabra: It’s very…yoga.
Also, WHERE’S THE NOODITY?!
So what’s the best option to do tonight, for someone who has no tickets to fancy un-sexy Big Balls?
I do see at least one “festive” top in that shot.
I am so sad I’m 4000 miles away. If only this had been on Wednesday, I’d buyz you your kegs & bring a pillowcase of skunk.
Nothing says “Classy” like a dropped ceiling, and an analog TV bolted to the wall!
Jim Newell: …gods gift to the world was the “Designated Driver”. Even though I swear they are missing a chromosome(Don’t tell Liz)!
Only thing missing was decorative TrukNutz hung from the (dropped) ceiling.
Bruno: …my thoughts exactly! So when is Wonkette going to vacation to Miami?!?!?! You guys can crash in my living room and I will provide all the plastic bottle vodka you can drink!
…it would have been awesome if you guys made everyone wear those “Hello my name is…” name tags with their screen names on it.
What? No Sarah Palin and Bill Kristol posters used as dartboards? Commies.
queeraselvis v 2.0: Liz may have had minders from her upcoming gig. Do you have to listen to spacey yoga-type muzak?
chascates: Actually I meant ‘did’ you have to listen to spacey yoga-type muzak. I haven’t started drinking yet, sorry.
Also, please announce:
Best Bush impersonation
Best Cheney impersonation
Weirdest drink served
Least intoxicated person
Numbers of persons ejected from premises
Approximate gallons of beer and liters of alcohol consumed
your associate editor’s hour-long absence from the party after the kegs ran out at midnight, when he and Liz drove to HYATTSVILLE, MARYLAND to locate more alcohol
Wow, that still works–sneaking out “to get more beer”, returning an hour later empty handed but with silly, satisfied smiles.
Nice going.
AngryBlakGuy: I totally wanted those too! I spent half the party going up to people and asking what their sn is.
Looks like a bomb shelter. Somehow I think that’s appropriate.
donner_froh: Hyattsville- nice! Is all the liquor sold out in DC?
sad looking party.
nobody’s hair is on fire.
everybody’s fully clothed.
no bowls of coke.
looking at that picture makes me miss the 70’s more than ever.
No snark, something’s been bugging me for awhile and since Weekend Wonkette seems to be mostly about a bunch of Wonketteers imbibing alcohol, on a weekend, I reckon this might be as good a time as any to bring it up.
During the election I, and many of like-minded opinion, I’m sure, held our tongues because it’s an opinion which has been successfully labeled as nuts, but…9/11 was an inside job, people. To me, the greatest evidence is WTC 7, particularly the Larry Silverstein confession re WTC 7, but there’s plenty more.
No snark off.
I bet the Reverend Sun Yung Moon doesn’t run out of alcohol at HIS office parties.
Really, what we want to know, is was there any BUTTSECKS?!
gurukalehuru: You’re so right. All this (fake) drinking and drug taking over the weekends hide us from the real issues. We need a real 9/11 commission, starting now. Lots of gov’t files need to be released and death squads need to be sent out (after appropriate prosecutions of course). Do you have evidence you can share?
The judge has made it very clear that I’m not to send any more pictures of balls, no mater how Inaugural they might be.
Ban Hammer!
From YouTube: 9/11 Debunked: WTC 7’s Collapse Explained
why do I live in the midwest
Should make it a semi annual thing to include keg stand contests
Now I don’t feel so jealous for not making the party
You drove to Maryland for liquor? Everyone knows the liquor taxes in DC are lower than MD.
Look for a liquor store on most of the roads out into MD just inside the DC line, catering to Marylanders being the tax. On in hoity toity Bethesda/Friendship Heights, but anywhere from Georgia Avenue down around to Oxon Hill.
That picture makes it look a bit like the party was held in an airplane, with everyone’s carry-ons stored upper right. And no one wearing a seatbelt, much less seated. Superhero Captain Sully would not be amused.
How long after this photo was taken did the vents start pumping out tear gas?
Terry: Yeah, but DC liquor stores close earlier. I think some places in MD sell wine and beer til midnight.
Bruno: Duh, everyone knows 9/11 was a mafia lot-clearing fire.
How could Jim possibly be performing mandatory abortions in that lighting?!
Well, I guess when you’re using a coat hanger you just close yer eyez ‘n’ dig.
Styrofoam Boots: I think once you perform so many—you can do them with your eyes closed. Or use pills.
Fuck all the other nonsense.
Who hooked up, and how good/bad was it?
Looks like a scene from Caddyshack, “the dance of the dead.”
“The last time I seen a mouth like that it had a hook in it.”
“Hey honey, you alone?”
donner_froh: Actually, it sounds like Jim missed Liz’s innuendo when she suggested they go ‘find some more alcohol’. Better luck next time Jim.
The best space you could find was some DC high school locker room? I hope you checked the lockers before you left. Buttsecks in a space that narrow could have caused some strandings.
upsidedownpaddle: Rent is cheap and the people are nice. Savor the midwest.
gurukalehuru: I. Know. 9/11 was obviously the work of The Sons of the Patriots, with the help of the Illuminati, The Church of Scientology, and Barack Obama’s secret muslim birth certificate.
I am now going into part of downtown DC. I understand many famous celebrities are here- I will not see one of them but I will lie and claim I had “a first date” with George Clooney
If that ceiling doesn’t say “asbestos lives here”, I don’t know what does.
A party in a vacant bowling alley?
Canuckledragger: I hooked up with myself and it was terrible. yuk.
Pictures of my balls? Now you ruined the announcement of my Inauguration Calendar.
Get used to it, sybaritic losers. This is what your mass cell in a CIA-run Polish security prison will look like, minus the high ceiling, the X and the cheap alcohol. Names have been taken, homes shall be searched for copies of The Nation. PUMA trannys will be your interrogators. The American Enterprise Institute never sleeps, no matter some Basketball Jones supposedly in power.
— Countess de Rothschild (aka Richard Perle)
I missed throwing up under the disco ball? Oh the horror…
Oh well, I’m pretty sure I don’t have my white belt and platform shoes anymore.
Oh dear. I’m a chick and don’t have any balls to take a photo of! Can I just show you my bewbs?
Uh, I hate to disappoint anyone, but that photo is actually from the Muleshoe (Texas) Chamber of Commerce’s Winter Mixer, circa 1987.
I can’t tell from the photo, but did you have it marked so that everyone knew which direction Mecca was when you prayed?
donner_froh: The last time I took a girl to Hyattsville, Maryland looking for a keg, she couldn’t walk for a week. Hi-oh!
Styrofoam Boots: Duh, that is out in the back ally.
Our long national nightmare is really nearly over:
http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/vice_presidential_handlers
Counting My Toes: Wrong. No image is seen of participants’ sexytime with objecting Long Horns. Thus, can’t be a Texas to-do. Further proof. there are no Mexkins serving the Anglos trays of greasy, bean tacos and Bolivian Dancing Powder, tambien.
Lionel Hutz Esq.: “The last time I took a girl to Hyattsville, Maryland looking for a keg, she couldn’t walk for a week.” Ya gotta pay closer attention to our esteemed editor. He said that Liz “drove”, having an extrta chromosome, as ABG pointed out. Ask him how (whether) he is walking.
Are those heating ducts running along the ceiling? Is this in some kind of basement? It looks a little like the set for Saw 2. Or maybe Saw 1. I can’t remember which.
villageatrois: I spent the night in jail in Hyattsville once. It wasn’t bad. They gave use baloney sandwiches with lots of mustard at 5:00 a.m.
Lionel Hutz Esq.: From the initial scene in “Jurassic Park”, one knows that getting Cheney into a metal crate will involve the lose of a certain number of Central Americans. But, what must be done, must done. At least they could never vote in the primaries.
Meanwhile me, last night. 8:30 pm : 1/4 bottle of whiskey and diet coke. Trolled Confluence as MarkPennLovesFatties. 9:45 pm: Finished whiskey straight up. Hooked up with some PUMA named SeagullWhisperer, cybered on IRC (I knew her online photo was from 1986 and now she looks like Chris Farley in drag, but WTF). 11:30 pm: fingerbanged myself, passed out.
Keram2: La Li Lu Le Lo!
Anyways, if I am reading this correctly, Wonkette wants pictures of my balls. Am I missing anything?
Hey Ken, Sara, Elizabeth, Juli,
Hope your party was a great success. We wanted to come to the thing, but it was way to frickin cold, and DC is hard to get to where you want. But we’re here…
Our hotel is AWESOME! You can see a pic at the link gohopey.blogspot.com.
Ms. McGee & dilhavarti… we’ll be here all the week.
Come here a minute: Not very convincing. Lots of text on black screen. Scary music.
The actual shots they showed of building 7 collapsing support my theory rather than yours. The building fell straight down, there was NO 8 second delay between left and right (as the text said) Yes, there were fire (s), but you can only see flames in one corner of the building, so I really don’t think that’s the cause. Also, there is the Larry Silverstein confession: “As for building 7, we had already BadKitty: decided to pull it.” Sure, he tried to weasel out of it the next day by saying a bunch of stuff that made no sense, but he still said it, and it was clear what he meant.
@bad kitty Yes, please.
YAY - party on, Wonkette! Oh, I’m tickled pink for you all. Wish I was there.
I have blogged about Obama’s train ride on the Hogwarts Express.
http://mojopo.blogspot.com/2009/01/obama-on-hogwarts-express.html
HR Puffenstuff was there, along with Oprah, Dumbledore, and Frodo. Come on baby, do the locomotion with me!
damn, here i am stuck in california. down to stems and seeds again.
SpikeyDog: Is that really a disco ball in the far distance? I feel I’ve over analyzed this photo, similar to the amound of analysis some have put into WTC photos (in the good way)
dougbob: I feel your pain
S.Luggo: I haven’t seen ’sybaritic’ in a sentence in, like, forever.
Bah. Kids, these days.
Just who is that saucy brunette in the lower left of the pic who KNOWS, as we all do, that the guy she’s talking to DID NOT GET LAID. Also.
hrhkingfriday:
That’s true. We tax you, but you CAN conveniently buy it from us. woo hoo!
I worked as a clerk in a liquor store at Central Avenue and the Beltway one summer. Taught me about people and I got to call 911 about 4 different times. The PG cops, if you are vague as to what might be happening, send EVERYTHING, bless ‘em.
@Tommy Says Soooo:
That’s me, the other Liz G.! I was talking to my boyfriend, who definitely got laid.
Terry: To quote Junior Soprano from season one, PG cops “come heavy”. I once had no less than 10 guns pulled on me by county cops for being on my high school football field after hours.
the intrepid girl reporter: My mistake. I thought you were rolling your eyes at inept conversational tries. That or imagining Newell naked.
First, no video, then no stills, except for this obvsly PS’d one? IF IT WASN’T ON THE TEEVEE OR ON PAGE SIX, DID IT REALLY HAPPEN???!1111!!
Talk me down.
gurukalehuru: Seriously?
Dude, I’ve got a crazy uncle who used to be a hippy doper and now is a born again doper…he always wants to talk about the endtimes after fucking thanksgiving dinner when he’s a little high and has a belly full of red wine.
Do you really want to be that guy?
Aurelio: “villageatrois: I spent the night in jail in Hyattsville once. It wasn’t bad. They gave use baloney sandwiches with lots of mustard at 5:00 a.m.”
I don’t know, the whole “jailhouse used baloney sandwich” thing sounds kinda gross to me, no matter how much mustard you put on it. YMMV.
The Spy Museum post was “disappeared.” How appropriate.
Scandalabra, all of our couture-related posts have gone down with the Spy Museum thread! Anyway, Michelle has to pick an American designer…….I bet she’ll go with Narciso Rodriguez for day (Inauguration), but evening wear is not really his forte…….so what are her choices? She could pick something from Ralph Lauren - simple, tasteful, but he might be a little too faux-patrician for her tastes. Maybe Zac Posen, Isaac Mizrahi has some very nice silhouettes. Also, Badgley Mischka would be nice. I think she can wear any color - I just hope she doesn’t go with the glut of gray/silver that showed up in many of the Spring 2009 runway shows.
Keram2: Thanks, I thought I hallucinated the whole thing….
This is what you all looked like on Friday night:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_G3kPPpHkGo&feature=related
You are so beautiful…. to meeeeee.
shortsshortsshorts: Which one of those do think will win the Vezina Trophy? My vote is for Miss Shakey Hair.
Sad I missed it! Too busy camping in the freezing cold.
Can’t wait to hear where the “mystery liquor” came from, perhaps someone stealth fermented something in a urinal while Liz was out?
80+ comments and no one noticed this gem:
Thanks to everyone who came!
AhhhhahahahahAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
Honestly, I’m surprised fellow commenters! For shame!
CthuNHu: Sorry. That ws a typo. I meant, “youse.”
Terry: I had a job. Once.
This looks like it was in a submarine.
“…drove to HYATTSVILLE, MARYLAND to locate more alcohol…”
Sigh. 4+ years, and it’s like you don’t even know us… Had you planned ahead by backing up a semi truck full of cheap whiskey and generic vodka to the door, you never would have had to leave the party and miss the hawt action at the Larry Craig Memorial Glory Hole in the men’s room.