METRO SECTION  3:15 pm January 16, 2009

All The Hookers Are Now Free, For Obama’s Communist Amerika!

by Juli Weiner

  • Local street hobos are very pessimistic about the Inauguration. Hope! [DC Examiner]
  • Good news about your Maryland bars!: those in DC will stay open until 5 AM, and those in Annapolis will stay open until 3 AM. [WTOP]
  • Obama might not be in favor of giving DC a seat in the House, despite selfishly going out to DC restaurants with his wife. [Washington Post]
  • Parts of NW DC have been marked a “prostitution free zone”, where presumably all whores can be rented (& no late fees!) free of charge. [DCist]
  • Obama stopped by to hang out with his friends at the Washington Post, a visit that was sarcastically and undermine-ingly covered by the hilariously sad New York Times. [Fishbowl DC]

Hola wonkerados.

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rambone January 16, 2009 at 3:17 pm

Parts of NW DC have been marked a “prostitution free zone”

Perhaps they can mark all of DC as a “drive by shooting free zone.” That should fix things right up.

Serolf Divad January 16, 2009 at 3:20 pm

Prostitution Free zone sounds nice at first, until you actually try it and find that it’s paid for with annoying banner ads and you’ve got to agree to three trial magazine subscriptions, change your Phone to Verizon and sign up for 1 year of Comcast HD just to get a free BJ.

magic titty January 16, 2009 at 3:20 pm

The commenters on Fishbowl DC are dickbags.

Anyway, where’s Newell? Downloading porn for the party later?

TGY January 16, 2009 at 3:21 pm

“prostitution free zone”,

That means congressmen can’t go into certain parts of the city?

space stout January 16, 2009 at 3:26 pm

will offending prostitutes be towed to Brentwood?

Lord Licorice January 16, 2009 at 3:26 pm

“Drew Sanders, who usually stands outside of Georgia Brown’s Restaurant near the White House, said that in 13 years of panhandling, he’s yet to see a pattern with big crowds, or who gives and who doesn’t.”

Wow, 13 years! Fuck this college shit, I didn’t know one could make a career of being a hobo in such a cold climate.

Dildo Baggins January 16, 2009 at 3:30 pm

Wow, I always thought NW DC was the hub of prostitution, with all those lobbyists and whatnot.

Tommy Says Ira G is a Tool January 16, 2009 at 3:31 pm

A win to anyone passing out a “Free Hookers and Beer” handbill to the crowds with George Will’s address on it.

El Pinche January 16, 2009 at 3:32 pm

Denying prostitutes the right to perform their service is sexist.

DoctorCulturae January 16, 2009 at 3:34 pm

So let’s see, to recap: the Ed. honchos at the NYT endorsed Hilbot and was fairly late in the game to go with Team Hope, and then they are surprised and haz sad becuz he opts to speak to WP more. Puh-leeze.

DustBowlBlues January 16, 2009 at 3:41 pm

The prostitute free zone made me laugh in one of those ways persnickety Sara finds tedious,

As George Bush might complain about it, “The CD officials have denied prostitutes the right practice their love on men.”

Foor me once, don’t fool me. Our children are learning. I’m the decided. There are people who will to any length to hurt the US and so will we.

What we ever do without this fool to make fun of?

Celebrate our asses off, that’s what!!!

Terry January 16, 2009 at 3:44 pm

Good grief, did you read the comments section on that Fishbowl DC post? Those commenters make the PUMA’s seem calm and well reasoned.

johnnypantalones January 16, 2009 at 3:48 pm

[re=221100]Terry[/re]: Yeah, is it always like that? What a bunch of douchenozzles.

finallyhappy January 16, 2009 at 3:49 pm

Across the street from Georgia Brown’s(near McPherson Square- not so close to the White house) – Martha’s Table gives out food every night so the panhandling probably gets you the beer.

Terry January 16, 2009 at 3:54 pm


Frankly, a douche nozzle is more useful that any of those commenters.

johnnypantalones January 16, 2009 at 4:00 pm

[re=221121]Terry[/re]: Agreed.

I always hate being blindsided by people like that, I’ve managed to keep my Hope bubble functional for the last three months with little damage, and then I run into that kind of bullshit and I’m like “oh fuck there are still a bunch of these assholes out there, aren’t there? Fuuuuuuuuckkkk.”

President Beeblebrox January 16, 2009 at 4:14 pm

It’s funny how the MPD thinks that posting scary red & black signs on telephone poles will magically make NW a hooker-free zone. I guess that means hookers are legal the rest of the time?

Besides, they can’t stop horny Hope fans from visiting Craigslist for erotic services… um, or whatever Craigslist calls that category after the settlement with the state attorneys general. And they’ll never stop closeted married Republican guys from cruising for hot m4m action on CL.

Hey, is this Barry and Michelle? “Young, Professional AA Couple looking to kickoff inauguration weekend with a blast.” They’re 420 friendly. (semi-NSFW)

Min January 16, 2009 at 4:21 pm

I took PEOTUS once. I had a vision of a 50-foot gay Muslin made out of wax terrorizing Bill Kristol. It was both horrifying and amusing.

lawrenceofthedesert January 16, 2009 at 4:22 pm

[re=221058]Lord Licorice[/re]: There was a wonderful New Yorker piece many years ago about a pandhandler who worked Wall St. He took stock tips offered first as a joke, then as a superstition, by brokers and put his money into the market during one of the greatest extended bull markets. Late in life, his chauffeur would drive him from Long Island, where he lived in a mansion, down to beg on Wall St. (he felt he would be an ingrate if he didn’t continue his usual begging). I think he was worth about $10 million back then, which was a genuine fortune in Sixties bucks. A sociologist’s survey of NYC panhandlers in the 1950′s found that they made an average of $18,000 a year, comparable to a starting salary at a law firm in those days. I’m so glad I went to Northwestern so I can make a reporter’s salary instead of the $150,000 a year that UPS long-haul truckers pull down… otoh, I’d go bonkers driving a rig.

President Beeblebrox January 16, 2009 at 4:26 pm

Thank God, at least some DeeCee hookers are offering Inauguration Specials.

Lionel Hutz Esq. January 16, 2009 at 5:57 pm

You guys call yourself tech-savvy, and you haven’t tried NetWhores? Within two business days of ordering, the hooker shows up at your home, you use her when and as you like, and then return her after you done with no late-fees or other charges. Then, within another two days, another whore is sent out to your place from your wish list.

It really is the only way to go.

WadISay January 16, 2009 at 5:59 pm

Presumably, there will be some signage to denote the Prostitute-free Zone. I’m picturing that bimbo whose seated shilouette you see on mudflaps, with a diagonal slash through it.

Bruno January 16, 2009 at 6:00 pm


And this is why we are supposed to “like” unions? Fuck ‘em. Especially the UAW when the Big 3 finally go under – and good luck finding green jobs that pay more than someone who knows how to use a screwdriver is worth.

Jukesgrrl January 16, 2009 at 10:35 pm

[re=221066]Dildo Baggins[/re]: The lobbyists all live in McLean and they take their prostitutes to those really ugly hotels in Crystal City because it’s on the way home from K St.

mylesfromnowhere January 17, 2009 at 12:57 am

[re=221271]Bruno[/re]: thats what I say: fuck them unions and their high fucking paying jobs with benefits and overtime and healthcare and doubletime and breaks and all that shit. Let the bastards get a real job like me, minimum wage where a good ass american can pay for insurance and don’t mind working unpaid overtime and the bosses 19year old dipshit son is my supervisor even though I’ve been here 10 years and and and ….fuck, somebody kill me, please……

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