Wonkette
Back before the Republican party expelled all of its passable writers, conservatives liked Kathleen Parker. Now she has come over to the Dark Side and been expelled from the National Review, forever, so she wanders the wilderness in rags and swaddling cloths, lamenting the loss of her soul and shaking her chains like Jacob Marley. Today she has a little column in the liberal Washington Post about how Barack Obama is going to force the nation, at gunpoint, into being very earnest. It is fairly amusing.
Snark is cheap and bad for you. But then, so are hot dogs. I still want one now and then.
[...] Meanwhile, the Obamas plan to spend Monday volunteering in their new community. What about you? Not sure where to go? No worries. At USAService.org, the Renew America Together Web site, you can type in your ZIP code and find (or host) an event nearby.
Eager to be a Good American, I typed in my code and found a plethora of opportunities — from Social Action Boot Camp to litter cleanup, to keeping vigil at the Chinese Embassy “to protest the killing, rape, torture, and displacement of civilians in the Darfur region of Sudan.” Fun!
David Denby will now add Kathleen Parker to his list of people he curses silently whenever he’s on the john.
Importance of Being Earnest [Washington Post]
“Snark is cheap and bad for you”
Huh. So am I.
I will personally put in for a public service waiver for her if she sews up Jonah Goldberg’s hymen.
I thought irony was already killed forever by the terrorisms and September 11th.
I am glad that it did not die then, but will be sad to see it go, now.
Wow, Kaths admits that she “still wants one now and then.” I bet!
No way, she’s totally right. The best way to properly remember an assassinated civil rights hero is NOT doing community service - I say jello shots and a paintball fight!
For some reason I tried to watch “Real World: Brooklyn” last night and went into some kind of Earnestness Overdose that could only be cured by surfing the web German porn.
God, the Millenials are awful. They should be booked on a one-way flight to the Hudson River.
As long as there are conservative Republican homophobes who get caught soliciting hunky young policeman in nasty public toilets, there will be snark.
So I’m not worried.
I plan on hitting all the MLK Day Sales!
There’s something Freudian about her desire for “hot dogs.” Possibly because their rightful name is “frankfurter” due to some kind of tenuous connection to some kind of mild sausage whose provenance may or may not be linked with the German city of Frankfurt, thereby proving Kathleen Parker is A NAZI.
Either that or she is signalling to her readers that she needs someone to slip her a sausage. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar and other times a hot dog is code for a warm, erect penis.
“I typed in my code and found a plethora of opportunities — from Social Action Boot Camp…”
Social Action Boot Camp?! Oh shit, the re-education camps have finally come to America!
Hopey’s clearly already ended snark with his earnestness. At least if we judge by the humor level of that column. Fucking awful. If that’s the funniest they can get, then no wonder the neo-cons just got their asses handed to them.
Min: Thank you.
I like Obama and all, but damnit it is my Constitutional right, neigh my DUTY to make fun of him whenever possible.
And we still have Biden. That man is a goldmine!
Wonkette: the Hot Dogs of the Internet.
Botswana Meat Commission FC: If those kids only knew what they’d have to do just to be able to afford to live in Red Hook, which doesn’t even have subway service, but does have an IKEA and in the summer has a ferry to Manhattan. You can also get great Key Lime pie in one of those warehouse spaces. It’s’ all the guy makes.
Fine. With respect to these earnest times, I will admit the titty is not magic. It is just a clever illusion.
So the lost little righties are going to spend their days complaining about how Obama is too earnest? That’ll be a change from having to go through acrobatic contortions trying to prove that Dubya actually cares about something, or has some brilliant strategy that’s working. Cry your bitter tears, Kathleen — I’ll use them to rosin up this teeny tiny little bow…
When the Post starts mentioning words like “SNARK,” you can be assured that there will never be anything funny written, ever again.
you cannot be serious: By which I assume you mean you will be participating in all the looting.
Someone has shoe-is-on-the-other-foot-itis.
Add to Parker’s column Noonan’s getting all verklempt over at the WSJ and you’d think the conservative intellectuals have drunk the Kool-aid and jumped in the tank.
Next thing they’ll want is for us to hold hands with the PUMAS while singing We Are the World.
I never wanted to be Ernest.
Frank would be O.K.
If I ask really nice I can get Mrs. Theo to Bob.
Sometimes when I’m getting hammered I feel like a Brad.
Nom.Nom.Nom.Also.
R.I.P. Funny
February 2006- January 2009.
you will be missed.
Also.
Two words: Circuit City.
MLK + Bankruptcy means deals baby. Now, how big of a TV CAN one put in a cardboard box?
Jacob Marley
Bob Marley.
Oh noes! How will Wonkette survive! Actually, there’s always Joe Biden.
Volunteering and caring? Oh man, what a bunch of libral bullcrap. Not on this conservative’s watch, mister. Take all that shit about caring about your community and world back to Russia, comrade NoBama.
Afghan Vet:
a TV big enough that you can throw it away and live in the box when you lose your job.
After forcing everyone to be earnest and sincere, Obama will then force the entire population to wear dad jeans and belt holsters for their cell phones.
AfghanVet: 32 flat panel is the max quarter inch cardboard will take in “lean” mode. I tried hanging it but the roof collapsed, thus bringing down my dish. It took a quarter roll of duck tape and the thigh bone of one of my fellow hobos (he limped anyway) to get it all back in order so the Hobo Collective could watch the dear leader finish his National Book reading the other night. I’ll miss him reading from his opus “Life in the Bushverse”, I fear our Hopey is planning a reality based administration.
I plugged in my zip code and it told me to stay home, get drunk, and watch Judge Judy.
Snark is a moment, but snide is 4eva!!!1!
Come now…besides ol’ Joe Biden, Hillary Clinton never fails to amuse, and there’s the whole matter of Bill wandering around D.C., eating things and feeling up fat girls. We can always mock Jonah Goldberg- he’ll be with us always, spouting inanities, looking flabby. And I’ve got two words for you : Michelle Bachmann.
Plenty of material left.
I guess if snark is dead, that does leave me with a lot more time on my hands. A children’s center an a homeless shelter are both hoping to get people to paint them this weekend in my area, so I suppose I’ll just put that formerly-reserved-for-snarking time to good use covering myself head to toe in paint flecks. Thanks a lot, Obama and Kathleen. This stupid blood-donation bruise still hasn’t faded, either!
Tommmcatt: “there’s the whole matter of Bill wandering around D.C., eating things and feeling up fat girls”
Sure but my name is not Bill.
Is she actually bitching about people wanting to encourage charity work? Like… seriously?
Also:
Most Americans seem to own a wristband or two indicating solidarity with some victim group. Here’s an idea: Why not wear a wedding band that says, “I married the parent of my child”? By helping the largest victim group in the country — our marginalized kids — we might not need so many third-party do-gooders.
OH SCREW YOU LADY.
I agree that “snark” is pretty much the stupidest new word that Todays Youth use. Also.
Sassette: When I first read your opening line, I thought it said:
Is bitching about people wanting to encourage charity actually work?
Which, in some ways, is even better.
Since this lady clearly does not recognize the funny even when the funny comes and nibbles on her tushy, I think it is safe to ignore, indeed safe to mock, any statements she may make about the funny being dead.
Dont worry American, as soon as this Hope contact high fades, I think we can safely assume that Hopey will bring the funny. It’s a little known fact that Abraham Lincoln started the entire stand-up comedy industry.
Sassette: Eh, she’s actually right about that, but still no good to close the barn door after the horse has already run away.
I put that down to Conservatives-Who-Want-It-To-Be-Just-Like-It-Was-In-1950 (even though it wasn’t really like that in 1950). They just can’t help themselves.
Tommmcatt: DeeCee is the perfect place to eat things and feel up fat chicks.
The ‘Let’s Not Hug’ at the end was pretty funny, but wow, bitching that someone is encouraging people to better themselves and their community is a little strange. Oh the other hand, I argue with people who think they get to talk for every marginalized group in the world and I want to punch them too.
No one can end irony.
Mr Blifil: WIN!!!!!
This is the woman who got shunned by K-Lo for saying that Sarah Palin was a giant skin bag of fail.
Kathleen, snark is alive and well. Many of the people you were associated with are still mysteriously employed.
loislane1939: “bitching that someone is encouraging people to better themselves and their community is a little strange”
They’ve been making fun of people who better their community since this election began. Protestant predestinationism makes people assholes? Who’d have thunk it?
user-of-owls: HAHAHAHAHA, hey, it’s a paying job to Ms. Parker!
point of fact- I’d so do her
Maus: True that. Ah, the irony (which lives) of volunteering in an effort led by COMMUNITY ORGANIZERS! More f-f-f-f-f-fail.
One snark to go, please….
Sassette: Once we start forcing abortions, those kids will be marginalized right out of existence.
“Most Americans seem to own a wristband or two indicating solidarity with some victim group.”
I’m so ashamed to have ever shown solidarity with cancer survivors. When Kathleen is rotting away from some horrible pernicious cancer, I shall point and laugh and make with the snark.
magic titty: Next thing I know, you’ll be telling me Blak guy isn’t angry. I don’t think I like this hope.
Snark spelled backwards is Krans. I don’t know why I feel compelled to write that.
She spent too much time among
those dipshits on the right
who felt that their entire reason
for being was to give aid and
confort to GOPers, no matter how
they mangled the constitution,
logic, and the english language.
SOME OF US don’t particularly
care for EITHER of the on-going
criminal conspiracies know as the
…..known as the
TWO MAJOR PARTIES, and
certainly don’t believe
that MOCHA MAN, coming
out of that shithole
known as Chicago Politics
is some kind of saint.
That little presumptuous
fuck is just as FULL OF
HIMSELF as that old Carpet
Muncher he named Secretary
of State, he’s just smart
enough not to show it so
transparently.
SOME OF US will have PLENTY
to snark about over the next
4 years,