MAUDLIN SPECTACLES  10:44 am January 16, 2009

Bush Staffers Exit Sadly

by Sara K. Smith

Many of them were eaten.Barack Obama’s transition team has been preparing for months to take over the government, but George Bush’s people aren’t quite ready to let go. They haz a sad, because they worked in this place for this guy for like eight years, and now they have to go back to their regular babysitting gigs or grad school or whatever. Perhaps, like many of us, they’ll just live on unemployment as long as it keeps them in diapers and Cheetos.

The point is, these tragic lamers feel a great attachment to … their jobs? Their boss? Their jobs, probably, since they paid money.

White House Communications Director Kevin Sullivan said that, over the last 10 days, he’s tried to jam as many tours for friends and family in as he possibly could.

“People are excited about their futures and looking ahead, but it is very bittersweet,” he said. “I’m not” — he pauses for a moment. “I don’t really want to leave.”

Ugh, JUST GO YOU PEOPLE. Home Depot is hiring.

It’s over: Bush staffers make exits [Politico]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 102 comments }

thefrontpage January 16, 2009 at 10:47 am

So long, farewell, auf weidersehn, goodbye!

Goooodddddbyyyyeeeee!

Will the last one out please turn off the waterboards?

MARCdMan January 16, 2009 at 10:49 am

I might have a few openings here, emptying trash cans in the park system on cold days like today.

Terry January 16, 2009 at 10:49 am

Home Depot? Naw, these are trust fund babies. Daddy will provide, as happened with Dubya.

elburrito January 16, 2009 at 10:50 am

Actually, thanks to the Bush administration’s disasterous fiscal policy, Home Depot is NOT hiring. Ha ha!

mbprice January 16, 2009 at 10:50 am

I think you mean Home Despot. That’s where these folks will end up.

rambone January 16, 2009 at 10:51 am

How can I say goodbye if you won’t go away?

Suddenly, red neck law school career offices’ job just became much tougher.

4tehlulz January 16, 2009 at 10:54 am

“I don’t really want to leave.”

Without a pardon.

Tommy Says Ira G is a Tool January 16, 2009 at 10:54 am

Smitty the Yalie will have to become shortshortshorts’ poolboy and then spill the beans in Vanity Fair in a year or two.

queeraselvis v 2.0 January 16, 2009 at 10:55 am

Sullivan’s just pissed because he still had two more chapters left to write for his Harlequin-esque lesbo romance romp entitled “Laura and Condi: Once You Go Black…”

El Pinche January 16, 2009 at 10:56 am

Suddenly in 1Q2009, there’s a spike in student registration for Regents University.

groove January 16, 2009 at 10:57 am

So when they decide it would be better to leave off the last eight years in the worst administration in history, as it is a career killer, what kind of explanations do you think they might use?

Coma? Methamphetamine addiction?

Serolf Divad January 16, 2009 at 10:57 am

Don’t let the doors hit you on your collective asses on the way out.

TGY January 16, 2009 at 11:01 am

[re=220738]thefrontpage[/re]: Hm, more like,

“Will the last person to leave please turn on the lights?”

Camera. Action. Pop the popcorn, boil the hobobeans, and we’re set.

As I vaguely recall, exiting Clinton staffers removed the ‘W’ from lots of keyboards. What key will the Bush staffers remove, I wonder? Maybe it’s all apocryphal.

Special Agent Jack Mehoff January 16, 2009 at 11:02 am

“I don’t really want to leave [because I love waterboarding people].”

blader January 16, 2009 at 11:02 am

I mean, just what the fuck can you do with a Regent U law degree now that they’ll be closing all the concentration camps?

memzilla January 16, 2009 at 11:02 am

Doesn’t US Airways have some openings for flotation devices?

magic titty January 16, 2009 at 11:03 am

Don’t leave your Barbara Mandrell mixtapes laying around either.

finallyhappy January 16, 2009 at 11:07 am

I have seen at least three signs on supermarket doors(Superfresh and maybe Safeway) in Montgomery County for meatcutters. Trader Joes has a part time crew job- overnight shift- at $8- $10 an hour in Bethesda. Of course, these jobs acually require some skill.

freakishlystrong January 16, 2009 at 11:07 am

Life outside the bubble will be shocking for these losers, in the immortal word of SKS Schdenfreude!

WadISay January 16, 2009 at 11:08 am

Anybody know a good exorcist?

Terry January 16, 2009 at 11:08 am

[re=220765]Special Agent Jack Mehoff[/re]:

I don’t really want to leave because who will hire me after I did all this for Dubya?

freakishlystrong January 16, 2009 at 11:09 am

“They’ll turn in their BlackBerrys, laptops, building passes and gym keys.”
With all the emailz deleted, also…

golliwog January 16, 2009 at 11:10 am

I hope one last copycat gets to chuck a shoe at dubya. Or a cream pie. Or an empty wisky bottle.

Tra January 16, 2009 at 11:11 am

Circuit City is hiring! Oh, wait. never mind.

Monsieur Grumpe January 16, 2009 at 11:11 am

Interviewer:
Yale. Very impressive. However, there’s eight years missing from your resume. What were doing during those years?

Interviewee:
Well um. I was err. Hengg hengg. Say! That’s a nice tie you got there. Is that from the Rush Limbaugh collection?

Interviewer:
No. It was made by a certified fair trade company.

Interviewee:
Gulp.

Interviewer:
Next!

Terry January 16, 2009 at 11:11 am

[re=220778]golliwog[/re]:

No, just ignore him. That will drive him crazy. Show him he’s complete inconsequetial.

Mr Blifil January 16, 2009 at 11:12 am

If only. Had Bush taken time to make pussy eating a more regular part of his daily routine, we wouldn’t be in the mess we are in.

Colander January 16, 2009 at 11:13 am

“People are excited about their futures…”

Name one person.

Tra January 16, 2009 at 11:13 am

[re=220763]TGY[/re]: As I recall, they later admitted those missing W keys were one of their fun little “exaggerations.” Kind of like that whole Iraqi weapon thing — remember that? How we laughed.

Tommy Says Ira G is a Tool January 16, 2009 at 11:14 am

Well, if you don’t turn and be a witness for the feds, there is a chance you can get three hots and a cot for a time while you sort out your options and prison pimp.

Servo January 16, 2009 at 11:16 am

[re=220768]magic titty[/re]:
Win!

TGY January 16, 2009 at 11:17 am

[re=220786]Tra[/re]: Haha. They set the tone for the next 8 years. Lies and spin.

Special Agent Jack Mehoff January 16, 2009 at 11:18 am

“I don’t really want to leave [without bombing at least one more country].”

PrairiePossum January 16, 2009 at 11:19 am

Don’t worry little staffers. The fundamentals of the economy are strong. And besides, Jesus will always look after you. All you gotta do is pray.

Your bullshit philosphy sounds pretty asinine, doesn’t it?

Mr Blifil January 16, 2009 at 11:19 am

[re=220786]Tra[/re]: They admitted nothing. It took a Congressional investigation to formally determine that the “missing W key” story was steaming horseshit in a soup tureen.

Miller January 16, 2009 at 11:20 am

I’m just glad we’re not getting any of the shenanigans that marred the Clinton/Bush transition, you know with defaced keyboards and offices left in shambles. Instead we’re getting the keyboards left unmolested, it’s just the country that’s all fucked up and littered with paper. At least the keyboards will have O’s, though. We at least have that.

http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/

cal January 16, 2009 at 11:23 am

Man, the career placement officer at Regent U must be pissed! What the h-e-double-hockey-stick are they going to do with all those losers now?

space stout January 16, 2009 at 11:26 am

if all the former staffers enlist there will be enough troops for another surge, yes?

Tommy Says Ira G is a Tool January 16, 2009 at 11:27 am

I’m COLD. Eff you, wonktards. When is Hopey going to fix the COLD?

Also.

whosaysso January 16, 2009 at 11:28 am

Ve vere just folloving orderz! Don’t blame us, its time for nonpartisanship isn’t it?

4tehlulz January 16, 2009 at 11:28 am

Why would it not surprise me if, come Tuesday afternoon, all the WH keyboards are missing the letter “O”?

DoctorCulturae January 16, 2009 at 11:29 am

Where does a neo-con go now for all dat dere think’n n’stuff? Why, to a comp’ny dats got reel nice outfits n’stuff!

http://gspence1173.files.wordpress.com/2008/06/walmart-empl.jpg

El Pinche January 16, 2009 at 11:31 am

speaking of cock-sucking Bush loyalists, FCC chairman Kevin Martin resigns. Rejoice!
He’s going to be replaced with Obama loyalist Julius Genachowksi. Haha.

Cape Clod January 16, 2009 at 11:32 am

I had the same feeling when I had to let go of my first car, a shit box 70 Audi sedan. I didn’t drive well back then and drank a lot and knew nothing about proper maintenance, so by the time I sent it off to the scrap yard it was full of fresh dents and had pieces of it hanging on for dear life. It’s kinda similar to the way these pathetic douche bags feel.

Mustang January 16, 2009 at 11:32 am

“People are excited about their futures and looking ahead, but it is very bittersweet,”

That’s the taste of the shit I have encouraged you to eat so many times over the last several years.

Joey Ratz January 16, 2009 at 11:33 am

Is Condi going back to teaching? Those Stanford undergrads must be thrilled to have her back.

Lascauxcaveman January 16, 2009 at 11:33 am

[re=220783]Terry[/re]: Inconsequential? Oh, would that were so my friend. There will be consequences. Already are.

I’ve got a wingtip that would love to leave a dent in this dingbat’s forehead; if only to serve as a warning for others to come.

WadISay January 16, 2009 at 11:35 am

Oliver Cromwell was so good with words:

“It is high time for Me to put an End to your Sitting in this Place, which you have dishonoured by your Contempt of all Virtue, and defiled by your Practice of every Vice;

Ye are a factious Crew and Enemies of all good Government; Ye are a Pack of mercenary Wretches and would, like Esau, Sell your Country for a Mess of Pottage; and like Judas, betray your God for a few Pieces of Money; Is there a single Virtue now remaining amongst you?

Is there one Vice that you do not possess? Ye have no more Religion than my horse! Gold is your God: Which of you have not bartered your Conscience for Bribes?

Is there a Man amongst you that has the least care for the Good of the Commonwealth?

Ye sordid prostitutes! Have you not defiled this Sacred Place, and turned the Lord’s Temple into a Den of Thieves by your immoral Principles and wicked Practices? Ye are grown intolerably odious to the whole Nation.

Your Country therefore calls upon me to cleanse the Augean Stable, by putting a final Period to your Iniquitous Proceedings in this House, and which by God’s Help, and the strength He has given Me, I now come to do.

I command ye, therefore, upon the Peril of your Lives, to depart immediately out of this Place;

Go! Get out! Make haste, ye Venal Slaves, begone!”

DoctorCulturae January 16, 2009 at 11:35 am

[re=220804]4tehlulz[/re]: Ah yes, petty hijinks! I can hardly wait for Preznit Hopemaster to react with his slow-burn, pursed lips, grimace. As in “Did these guys get stuck in 5th grade?”

Dreamer January 16, 2009 at 11:35 am

I guess the winners in the entire unqualified Bush staffer class are the graduates of the bogus Regent University – they get to stay at the DOJ.

DoctorCulturae January 16, 2009 at 11:40 am

[re=220808]Mustang[/re]: I want to see this slow chewing occurring in a congressional hearing with bright lights, cameras, and John Conyers weilding a cattle prod.

ph7 January 16, 2009 at 11:41 am

[re=220814]Dreamer[/re]: But we get to enjoy watching them get assigned their first gay discrimination case…

President Beeblebrox January 16, 2009 at 11:41 am

[re=220749]rambone[/re]: Hm, what counts as a redneck lawschool? Regent U.? Liberty University? Ave Maria School of Law (aka Domino’s Pizza Law School)?

PerhapsSo January 16, 2009 at 11:43 am

[re=220773]finallyhappy[/re]: I would happily work at TJ’s if they would give me a discount on their Sublime Ice Cream Sandwiches.

HMS Nerd January 16, 2009 at 11:44 am

Regents Law is accredited by the ABA – http://www.regent.edu/about_us/overview/accreditation.cfm

President Beeblebrox January 16, 2009 at 11:44 am

[re=220805]DoctorCulturae[/re]: That be-buttoned Wal*Mart employee looks uncomfortably like Lou “Y’know, Hitler was a great leader too” Holtz.

Otto Reimer January 16, 2009 at 11:45 am

So sad, the Age of Texas is coming to close.

Thanks America! On our way out we’re grab everything not nailed down!

Including the O keys.

G. Friday January 16, 2009 at 11:47 am

[re=220806]El Pinche[/re]: Surely he’s looking to escape blame for the impending digital TV crossover.

AliBabaInBA January 16, 2009 at 11:51 am

I think it’d be a waste to let experienced personnel walk.
After 8 years (EIGHT YEARS!) of intel through prayer, it would be useful to assign these fine public servants to gather information in the world’s trouble spots (e.g., Gaza, Congo, etc.). Also, we’ll let the world know who they are by fitting them with handsome blue jackets emblazoned with “Barack’s United States Heavenly International Envoy.” Or maybe just use the acronym.

NoWireHangers January 16, 2009 at 11:53 am

They can’t expect any assistance from the evil Government in their time of unemployment, that would be COMMUNIST. They should do the patriotic thing and pull themselves up by their bootstraps. That’s what W would want.

Scottie January 16, 2009 at 11:54 am

[re=220774]freakishlystrong[/re]: Surely there are some Jeebus jobs around in these scary times.

Anonymous Office Zombie January 16, 2009 at 11:54 am

No doubt all of them will immediately join the military in the spirit of sacrifice and duty, because they are all Real Americans.

Gorillionaire January 16, 2009 at 11:55 am

They could all enlist in the military.
HA HA HA HA HA…

pondscum January 16, 2009 at 11:55 am

[re=220801]space stout[/re]: They have to wait for Hopey to stop don’t ask don’t tell…

Terry January 16, 2009 at 11:57 am

[re=220812]WadISay[/re]:

Good text, but old Oliver did have his ups and downs. Ask the Irish for a start.

Scottie January 16, 2009 at 11:58 am

Here’s your hat; what’s your hurry?

Monsieur Grumpe January 16, 2009 at 12:00 pm

[re=220812]WadISay[/re]:
That should be put to music and sung to the gravy sucking weasels as they leave their buildings for the last time.

heroinmule January 16, 2009 at 12:05 pm

Many of them might find that a law degree from Regent University has, if it’s even possible, declined in value over the past 8 years.

BadKitty January 16, 2009 at 12:05 pm

“Ah don’ wanna talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food-trough wiper! Ah fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!”

Tra January 16, 2009 at 12:06 pm

[re=220820]PerhapsSo[/re]: I agree. They don’t deserve Trader Joe’s. They do, however, richly deserve Wal-Mart. And since it’ll soon be the only store left in existence, perhaps there is such a thing as karma.

Scottie January 16, 2009 at 12:11 pm

[re=220812]WadISay[/re]: Brilliant! Thank you!

Scottie January 16, 2009 at 12:13 pm

[re=220845]Tra[/re]: I wonder if they’ll vote “yes” on the union card check?

Terry January 16, 2009 at 12:13 pm

OMG, this is awesome. From Karl Rove’s twitter via Salon.com:

Send a farewell letter to President Bush—Email gwbfarewell@gmail.com [no attachments] and I’ll give him your note on January 20.

Folks, send George your farewell wishes through Karl Rove.

BadKitty January 16, 2009 at 12:13 pm

They don’t learn, do they? Let’s saddle up, folks!!

“Karl Rove is already putting his new Twitter account to use, asking his 4,000-plus followers to send outgoing President George W. Bush a nice note saying toodle-loo:

Send a farewell letter to President Bush–Email gwbfarewell@gmail.com [no attachments] and I’ll give him your note on January 20.”

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/01/16/rove-solicits-thank-you-n_n_158482.html

BadKitty January 16, 2009 at 12:16 pm

[re=220858]Terry[/re]: Damn. Always too late

Min January 16, 2009 at 12:16 pm

That picture can’t be right. A Republican? Eating pussy?

[re=220802]Tommy Says Ira G is a Tool[/re]: I hear ya. Even though my teeth are chattering like castenets on speed.

WadISay January 16, 2009 at 12:20 pm

[re=220839]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Splendid idea, tho many will be leaving via the sewage system.

pondscum January 16, 2009 at 12:21 pm

[re=220865]Min[/re]: Blues Traveler “Warmer Days” just came on the Pandora…Good thing ear buds fit under the earmuffs.
bbbbrrrrrrrrrr

shortsshortsshorts January 16, 2009 at 12:22 pm

[re=220755]Tommy Says Ira G is a Tool[/re]: Pool PEOPLE. SECKSIST. The PUMAs will find you.

Pat Pending January 16, 2009 at 12:22 pm

[re=220812]WadISay[/re]: I just want to read that over and over all day. And tap dance! Maybe we can get Keith Olberman to sing it!

Sassette January 16, 2009 at 12:25 pm

[re=220858]Terry[/re]: That’s such a trap! They just want your e-mail address for post-presidential spying so W. can run around and beat up everyone who was mean about him on the internet Jay and Silent Bob style.

Vercingatorix January 16, 2009 at 12:36 pm

Just replace the keyboards already. No telling what that dry crusty substance between the keys is.

Dildo Baggins January 16, 2009 at 12:36 pm

[re=220819]President Beeblebrox[/re]: I’ve always preferred the chewy texture of Pappa John’s legal pedagogy.

Gallowglass January 16, 2009 at 12:41 pm

Maybe they can all get jobs at the new post-Presidential Sex Dungeon and Waffle Factory in Dallas, sweeping the Bush’s floors and making his fishing lures.

Mustang January 16, 2009 at 12:55 pm

[re=220832]Gorillionaire[/re]: HAHAHAHAHA Love it! Score!

bumfug January 16, 2009 at 1:02 pm

The measure of the stupidity of these dipshits is that after working for an administration that spent 8 years looting the country’s treasury, they didn’t put enough aside that they wouldn’t need a fucking job when the party ended.

Mr Blifil January 16, 2009 at 1:03 pm

[re=220881]Vercingatorix[/re]: Won’t matter anyway. Obama will be turning the WH to an all-Mac environment. I’m sure they’ll be shipping the old workstations to some purportedly green-friendly “recycling” facility or some such implausible shit.

robanybody January 16, 2009 at 1:18 pm

EVerybody gets sad now and then. Now go.

UNZIPPEDFLY January 16, 2009 at 1:22 pm

The qualified ones can apply for jobs with the new adminstration.I’m sure she’ll be considered…HAHAHAHHA!

TeddyS January 16, 2009 at 1:44 pm

True to their conservative right principles, they are all moving to Alaska to suck up those oil checks and organize for Sarah Palin. Maybe not.

ManchuCandidate January 16, 2009 at 2:01 pm

[re=220938]UNZIPPEDFLY[/re]:
Qualified? heh.

davesnothere January 16, 2009 at 2:53 pm

Can’t wait to see the looks on their faces when they realize Cheney lied to them about the ability to eat live kittens being a surefire key to future job security as carney-geeks.

Bruno January 16, 2009 at 3:20 pm

W wears a watch? So he can tell time? That’s so cute. Good for him.

hobospacejungle January 16, 2009 at 3:29 pm

[re=220858]Terry[/re]: Done & done, viah Google Chrome’s Incognito mode with an extra yahoo email address I had lying around. They’ll never find me now!

Wait, what?

Servo January 16, 2009 at 3:38 pm

[re=220768]magic titty[/re]:
Hours later, I’m still laughing about the Barbara Mandrell mixtapes comment. Perfect.

Toomush Infermashun January 16, 2009 at 3:51 pm

Yeah, it’s like you used to be able to put White House Communications Director on your resume, but now what, Kevin….?

wickedlittledoll January 16, 2009 at 6:02 pm
Bruno January 16, 2009 at 6:58 pm

[re=220819]President Beeblebrox[/re]: I didn’t know those were accredited institutions?

smellyal8r January 16, 2009 at 10:12 pm

It must be tragic to go home and be the MOST unpopular person in town:

“Uh, hi Chip…where you been the last eight years”

“Ummm….away, ya’know, doin’ stuff and now I’m home”

“You didn’t work at the White House, did you?”

“Gawd. Don’t tell anyone. They think I’ve been a piano player in a whorehouse”

Jukesgrrl January 17, 2009 at 12:01 am

Does this mean there will be more of those cheap Blackberries available? You know, the kind with rich people’s addresses already keyed in?

J January 17, 2009 at 3:15 am

If they’re smart they will list the last 8 years on their resume as Circuit City. Now that’s it’s gone, no one can check and they won’t have to admit to their role in fucking up America.

OzoneTom January 19, 2009 at 1:21 pm

[re=220804]4tehlulz[/re]: And I’m sure that every Bush employee who can will take at least one of the “Whites Only” signs as a treasured memento to hang in their home bar.

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