Wonkette
Barack Obama’s transition team has been preparing for months to take over the government, but George Bush’s people aren’t quite ready to let go. They haz a sad, because they worked in this place for this guy for like eight years, and now they have to go back to their regular babysitting gigs or grad school or whatever. Perhaps, like many of us, they’ll just live on unemployment as long as it keeps them in diapers and Cheetos.
The point is, these tragic lamers feel a great attachment to … their jobs? Their boss? Their jobs, probably, since they paid money.
White House Communications Director Kevin Sullivan said that, over the last 10 days, he’s tried to jam as many tours for friends and family in as he possibly could.
“People are excited about their futures and looking ahead, but it is very bittersweet,” he said. “I’m not” — he pauses for a moment. “I don’t really want to leave.”
Ugh, JUST GO YOU PEOPLE. Home Depot is hiring.
It’s over: Bush staffers make exits [Politico]
So long, farewell, auf weidersehn, goodbye!
Goooodddddbyyyyeeeee!
Will the last one out please turn off the waterboards?
I might have a few openings here, emptying trash cans in the park system on cold days like today.
Home Depot? Naw, these are trust fund babies. Daddy will provide, as happened with Dubya.
Actually, thanks to the Bush administration’s disasterous fiscal policy, Home Depot is NOT hiring. Ha ha!
I think you mean Home Despot. That’s where these folks will end up.
How can I say goodbye if you won’t go away?
Suddenly, red neck law school career offices’ job just became much tougher.
“I don’t really want to leave.”
Without a pardon.
Smitty the Yalie will have to become shortshortshorts’ poolboy and then spill the beans in Vanity Fair in a year or two.
Sullivan’s just pissed because he still had two more chapters left to write for his Harlequin-esque lesbo romance romp entitled “Laura and Condi: Once You Go Black…”
Suddenly in 1Q2009, there’s a spike in student registration for Regents University.
So when they decide it would be better to leave off the last eight years in the worst administration in history, as it is a career killer, what kind of explanations do you think they might use?
Coma? Methamphetamine addiction?
Don’t let the doors hit you on your collective asses on the way out.
thefrontpage: Hm, more like,
“Will the last person to leave please turn on the lights?”
Camera. Action. Pop the popcorn, boil the hobobeans, and we’re set.
As I vaguely recall, exiting Clinton staffers removed the ‘W’ from lots of keyboards. What key will the Bush staffers remove, I wonder? Maybe it’s all apocryphal.
“I don’t really want to leave [because I love waterboarding people].”
I mean, just what the fuck can you do with a Regent U law degree now that they’ll be closing all the concentration camps?
Doesn’t US Airways have some openings for flotation devices?
Don’t leave your Barbara Mandrell mixtapes laying around either.
I have seen at least three signs on supermarket doors(Superfresh and maybe Safeway) in Montgomery County for meatcutters. Trader Joes has a part time crew job- overnight shift- at $8- $10 an hour in Bethesda. Of course, these jobs acually require some skill.
Life outside the bubble will be shocking for these losers, in the immortal word of SKS Schdenfreude!
Anybody know a good exorcist?
Special Agent Jack Mehoff:
I don’t really want to leave because who will hire me after I did all this for Dubya?
“They’ll turn in their BlackBerrys, laptops, building passes and gym keys.”
With all the emailz deleted, also…
I hope one last copycat gets to chuck a shoe at dubya. Or a cream pie. Or an empty wisky bottle.
Circuit City is hiring! Oh, wait. never mind.
Interviewer:
Yale. Very impressive. However, there’s eight years missing from your resume. What were doing during those years?
Interviewee:
Well um. I was err. Hengg hengg. Say! That’s a nice tie you got there. Is that from the Rush Limbaugh collection?
Interviewer:
No. It was made by a certified fair trade company.
Interviewee:
Gulp.
Interviewer:
Next!
golliwog:
No, just ignore him. That will drive him crazy. Show him he’s complete inconsequetial.
If only. Had Bush taken time to make pussy eating a more regular part of his daily routine, we wouldn’t be in the mess we are in.
“People are excited about their futures…”
Name one person.
TGY: As I recall, they later admitted those missing W keys were one of their fun little “exaggerations.” Kind of like that whole Iraqi weapon thing — remember that? How we laughed.
Well, if you don’t turn and be a witness for the feds, there is a chance you can get three hots and a cot for a time while you sort out your options and prison pimp.
magic titty:
Win!
Tra: Haha. They set the tone for the next 8 years. Lies and spin.
“I don’t really want to leave [without bombing at least one more country].”
Don’t worry little staffers. The fundamentals of the economy are strong. And besides, Jesus will always look after you. All you gotta do is pray.
Your bullshit philosphy sounds pretty asinine, doesn’t it?
Tra: They admitted nothing. It took a Congressional investigation to formally determine that the “missing W key” story was steaming horseshit in a soup tureen.
I’m just glad we’re not getting any of the shenanigans that marred the Clinton/Bush transition, you know with defaced keyboards and offices left in shambles. Instead we’re getting the keyboards left unmolested, it’s just the country that’s all fucked up and littered with paper. At least the keyboards will have O’s, though. We at least have that.
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
Man, the career placement officer at Regent U must be pissed! What the h-e-double-hockey-stick are they going to do with all those losers now?
if all the former staffers enlist there will be enough troops for another surge, yes?
I’m COLD. Eff you, wonktards. When is Hopey going to fix the COLD?
Also.
Ve vere just folloving orderz! Don’t blame us, its time for nonpartisanship isn’t it?
Why would it not surprise me if, come Tuesday afternoon, all the WH keyboards are missing the letter “O”?
Where does a neo-con go now for all dat dere think’n n’stuff? Why, to a comp’ny dats got reel nice outfits n’stuff!
http://gspence1173.files.wordpress.com/2008/06/walmart-empl.jpg
speaking of cock-sucking Bush loyalists, FCC chairman Kevin Martin resigns. Rejoice!
He’s going to be replaced with Obama loyalist Julius Genachowksi. Haha.
I had the same feeling when I had to let go of my first car, a shit box 70 Audi sedan. I didn’t drive well back then and drank a lot and knew nothing about proper maintenance, so by the time I sent it off to the scrap yard it was full of fresh dents and had pieces of it hanging on for dear life. It’s kinda similar to the way these pathetic douche bags feel.
“People are excited about their futures and looking ahead, but it is very bittersweet,”
That’s the taste of the shit I have encouraged you to eat so many times over the last several years.
Is Condi going back to teaching? Those Stanford undergrads must be thrilled to have her back.
Terry: Inconsequential? Oh, would that were so my friend. There will be consequences. Already are.
I’ve got a wingtip that would love to leave a dent in this dingbat’s forehead; if only to serve as a warning for others to come.
Oliver Cromwell was so good with words:
“It is high time for Me to put an End to your Sitting in this Place, which you have dishonoured by your Contempt of all Virtue, and defiled by your Practice of every Vice;
Ye are a factious Crew and Enemies of all good Government; Ye are a Pack of mercenary Wretches and would, like Esau, Sell your Country for a Mess of Pottage; and like Judas, betray your God for a few Pieces of Money; Is there a single Virtue now remaining amongst you?
Is there one Vice that you do not possess? Ye have no more Religion than my horse! Gold is your God: Which of you have not bartered your Conscience for Bribes?
Is there a Man amongst you that has the least care for the Good of the Commonwealth?
Ye sordid prostitutes! Have you not defiled this Sacred Place, and turned the Lord’s Temple into a Den of Thieves by your immoral Principles and wicked Practices? Ye are grown intolerably odious to the whole Nation.
Your Country therefore calls upon me to cleanse the Augean Stable, by putting a final Period to your Iniquitous Proceedings in this House, and which by God’s Help, and the strength He has given Me, I now come to do.
I command ye, therefore, upon the Peril of your Lives, to depart immediately out of this Place;
Go! Get out! Make haste, ye Venal Slaves, begone!”
4tehlulz: Ah yes, petty hijinks! I can hardly wait for Preznit Hopemaster to react with his slow-burn, pursed lips, grimace. As in “Did these guys get stuck in 5th grade?”
I guess the winners in the entire unqualified Bush staffer class are the graduates of the bogus Regent University – they get to stay at the DOJ.
Mustang: I want to see this slow chewing occurring in a congressional hearing with bright lights, cameras, and John Conyers weilding a cattle prod.
Dreamer: But we get to enjoy watching them get assigned their first gay discrimination case…
rambone: Hm, what counts as a redneck lawschool? Regent U.? Liberty University? Ave Maria School of Law (aka Domino’s Pizza Law School)?
finallyhappy: I would happily work at TJ’s if they would give me a discount on their Sublime Ice Cream Sandwiches.
Regents Law is accredited by the ABA - http://www.regent.edu/about_us/overview/accreditation.cfm
DoctorCulturae: That be-buttoned Wal*Mart employee looks uncomfortably like Lou “Y’know, Hitler was a great leader too” Holtz.
So sad, the Age of Texas is coming to close.
Thanks America! On our way out we’re grab everything not nailed down!
Including the O keys.
El Pinche: Surely he’s looking to escape blame for the impending digital TV crossover.
I think it’d be a waste to let experienced personnel walk.
After 8 years (EIGHT YEARS!) of intel through prayer, it would be useful to assign these fine public servants to gather information in the world’s trouble spots (e.g., Gaza, Congo, etc.). Also, we’ll let the world know who they are by fitting them with handsome blue jackets emblazoned with “Barack’s United States Heavenly International Envoy.” Or maybe just use the acronym.
They can’t expect any assistance from the evil Government in their time of unemployment, that would be COMMUNIST. They should do the patriotic thing and pull themselves up by their bootstraps. That’s what W would want.
freakishlystrong: Surely there are some Jeebus jobs around in these scary times.
No doubt all of them will immediately join the military in the spirit of sacrifice and duty, because they are all Real Americans.
They could all enlist in the military.
HA HA HA HA HA…
space stout: They have to wait for Hopey to stop don’t ask don’t tell…
WadISay:
Good text, but old Oliver did have his ups and downs. Ask the Irish for a start.
Here’s your hat; what’s your hurry?
WadISay:
That should be put to music and sung to the gravy sucking weasels as they leave their buildings for the last time.
Many of them might find that a law degree from Regent University has, if it’s even possible, declined in value over the past 8 years.
“Ah don’ wanna talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food-trough wiper! Ah fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!”
PerhapsSo: I agree. They don’t deserve Trader Joe’s. They do, however, richly deserve Wal-Mart. And since it’ll soon be the only store left in existence, perhaps there is such a thing as karma.
WadISay: Brilliant! Thank you!
Tra: I wonder if they’ll vote “yes” on the union card check?
OMG, this is awesome. From Karl Rove’s twitter via Salon.com:
Send a farewell letter to President Bush—Email gwbfarewell@gmail.com [no attachments] and I’ll give him your note on January 20.
Folks, send George your farewell wishes through Karl Rove.
They don’t learn, do they? Let’s saddle up, folks!!
“Karl Rove is already putting his new Twitter account to use, asking his 4,000-plus followers to send outgoing President George W. Bush a nice note saying toodle-loo:
Send a farewell letter to President Bush–Email gwbfarewell@gmail.com [no attachments] and I’ll give him your note on January 20.”
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/01/16/rove-solicits-thank-you-n_n_158482.html
Terry: Damn. Always too late
That picture can’t be right. A Republican? Eating pussy?
Tommy Says Ira G is a Tool: I hear ya. Even though my teeth are chattering like castenets on speed.
Monsieur Grumpe: Splendid idea, tho many will be leaving via the sewage system.
Min: Blues Traveler “Warmer Days” just came on the Pandora…Good thing ear buds fit under the earmuffs.
bbbbrrrrrrrrrr
Tommy Says Ira G is a Tool: Pool PEOPLE. SECKSIST. The PUMAs will find you.
WadISay: I just want to read that over and over all day. And tap dance! Maybe we can get Keith Olberman to sing it!
Terry: That’s such a trap! They just want your e-mail address for post-presidential spying so W. can run around and beat up everyone who was mean about him on the internet Jay and Silent Bob style.
Just replace the keyboards already. No telling what that dry crusty substance between the keys is.
President Beeblebrox: I’ve always preferred the chewy texture of Pappa John’s legal pedagogy.
Maybe they can all get jobs at the new post-Presidential Sex Dungeon and Waffle Factory in Dallas, sweeping the Bush’s floors and making his fishing lures.
Gorillionaire: HAHAHAHAHA Love it! Score!
The measure of the stupidity of these dipshits is that after working for an administration that spent 8 years looting the country’s treasury, they didn’t put enough aside that they wouldn’t need a fucking job when the party ended.
Vercingatorix: Won’t matter anyway. Obama will be turning the WH to an all-Mac environment. I’m sure they’ll be shipping the old workstations to some purportedly green-friendly “recycling” facility or some such implausible shit.
EVerybody gets sad now and then. Now go.
The qualified ones can apply for jobs with the new adminstration.I’m sure she’ll be considered…HAHAHAHHA!
True to their conservative right principles, they are all moving to Alaska to suck up those oil checks and organize for Sarah Palin. Maybe not.
UNZIPPEDFLY:
Qualified? heh.
Can’t wait to see the looks on their faces when they realize Cheney lied to them about the ability to eat live kittens being a surefire key to future job security as carney-geeks.
W wears a watch? So he can tell time? That’s so cute. Good for him.
Terry: Done & done, viah Google Chrome’s Incognito mode with an extra yahoo email address I had lying around. They’ll never find me now!
Wait, what?
magic titty:
Hours later, I’m still laughing about the Barbara Mandrell mixtapes comment. Perfect.
Yeah, it’s like you used to be able to put White House Communications Director on your resume, but now what, Kevin….?
W-out!!!
http://democralypsenow.blogspot.com/2009/01/th-th-th-th-th-th-th-th-th-thats-all.html
President Beeblebrox: I didn’t know those were accredited institutions?
It must be tragic to go home and be the MOST unpopular person in town:
“Uh, hi Chip…where you been the last eight years”
“Ummm….away, ya’know, doin’ stuff and now I’m home”
“You didn’t work at the White House, did you?”
“Gawd. Don’t tell anyone. They think I’ve been a piano player in a whorehouse”
Does this mean there will be more of those cheap Blackberries available? You know, the kind with rich people’s addresses already keyed in?
If they’re smart they will list the last 8 years on their resume as Circuit City. Now that’s it’s gone, no one can check and they won’t have to admit to their role in fucking up America.
4tehlulz: And I’m sure that every Bush employee who can will take at least one of the “Whites Only” signs as a treasured memento to hang in their home bar.