maudlin spectacles

Bush Staffers Exit Sadly

Many of them were eaten.Barack Obama’s transition team has been preparing for months to take over the government, but George Bush’s people aren’t quite ready to let go. They haz a sad, because they worked in this place for this guy for like eight years, and now they have to go back to their regular babysitting gigs or grad school or whatever. Perhaps, like many of us, they’ll just live on unemployment as long as it keeps them in diapers and Cheetos.

The point is, these tragic lamers feel a great attachment to … their jobs? Their boss? Their jobs, probably, since they paid money.

White House Communications Director Kevin Sullivan said that, over the last 10 days, he’s tried to jam as many tours for friends and family in as he possibly could.

“People are excited about their futures and looking ahead, but it is very bittersweet,” he said. “I’m not” — he pauses for a moment. “I don’t really want to leave.”

Ugh, JUST GO YOU PEOPLE. Home Depot is hiring.

It’s over: Bush staffers make exits [Politico]

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Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

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  • thefrontpage

    So long, farewell, auf weidersehn, goodbye!

    Goooodddddbyyyyeeeee!

    Will the last one out please turn off the waterboards?

  • MARCdMan

    I might have a few openings here, emptying trash cans in the park system on cold days like today.

  • Terry

    Home Depot? Naw, these are trust fund babies. Daddy will provide, as happened with Dubya.

  • elburrito

    Actually, thanks to the Bush administration’s disasterous fiscal policy, Home Depot is NOT hiring. Ha ha!

  • mbprice

    I think you mean Home Despot. That’s where these folks will end up.

  • rambone

    How can I say goodbye if you won’t go away?

    Suddenly, red neck law school career offices’ job just became much tougher.

  • 4tehlulz

    “I don’t really want to leave.”

    Without a pardon.

  • Tommy Says Ira G is a Tool

    Smitty the Yalie will have to become shortshortshorts’ poolboy and then spill the beans in Vanity Fair in a year or two.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    Sullivan’s just pissed because he still had two more chapters left to write for his Harlequin-esque lesbo romance romp entitled “Laura and Condi: Once You Go Black…”

  • El Pinche

    Suddenly in 1Q2009, there’s a spike in student registration for Regents University.

  • groove

    So when they decide it would be better to leave off the last eight years in the worst administration in history, as it is a career killer, what kind of explanations do you think they might use?

    Coma? Methamphetamine addiction?

  • Serolf Divad

    Don’t let the doors hit you on your collective asses on the way out.

  • TGY

    [re=220738]thefrontpage[/re]: Hm, more like,

    “Will the last person to leave please turn on the lights?”

    Camera. Action. Pop the popcorn, boil the hobobeans, and we’re set.

    As I vaguely recall, exiting Clinton staffers removed the ‘W’ from lots of keyboards. What key will the Bush staffers remove, I wonder? Maybe it’s all apocryphal.

  • Special Agent Jack Mehoff

    “I don’t really want to leave [because I love waterboarding people].”

  • blader

    I mean, just what the fuck can you do with a Regent U law degree now that they’ll be closing all the concentration camps?

  • memzilla

    Doesn’t US Airways have some openings for flotation devices?

  • magic titty

    Don’t leave your Barbara Mandrell mixtapes laying around either.

  • finallyhappy

    I have seen at least three signs on supermarket doors(Superfresh and maybe Safeway) in Montgomery County for meatcutters. Trader Joes has a part time crew job- overnight shift- at $8- $10 an hour in Bethesda. Of course, these jobs acually require some skill.

  • freakishlystrong

    Life outside the bubble will be shocking for these losers, in the immortal word of SKS Schdenfreude!

  • WadISay

    Anybody know a good exorcist?

  • Terry

    [re=220765]Special Agent Jack Mehoff[/re]:

    I don’t really want to leave because who will hire me after I did all this for Dubya?

  • freakishlystrong

    “They’ll turn in their BlackBerrys, laptops, building passes and gym keys.”
    With all the emailz deleted, also…

  • golliwog

    I hope one last copycat gets to chuck a shoe at dubya. Or a cream pie. Or an empty wisky bottle.

  • Tra

    Circuit City is hiring! Oh, wait. never mind.

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    Interviewer:
    Yale. Very impressive. However, there’s eight years missing from your resume. What were doing during those years?

    Interviewee:
    Well um. I was err. Hengg hengg. Say! That’s a nice tie you got there. Is that from the Rush Limbaugh collection?

    Interviewer:
    No. It was made by a certified fair trade company.

    Interviewee:
    Gulp.

    Interviewer:
    Next!

  • Terry

    [re=220778]golliwog[/re]:

    No, just ignore him. That will drive him crazy. Show him he’s complete inconsequetial.

  • Mr Blifil

    If only. Had Bush taken time to make pussy eating a more regular part of his daily routine, we wouldn’t be in the mess we are in.

  • Colander

    “People are excited about their futures…”

    Name one person.

  • Tra

    [re=220763]TGY[/re]: As I recall, they later admitted those missing W keys were one of their fun little “exaggerations.” Kind of like that whole Iraqi weapon thing — remember that? How we laughed.

  • Tommy Says Ira G is a Tool

    Well, if you don’t turn and be a witness for the feds, there is a chance you can get three hots and a cot for a time while you sort out your options and prison pimp.

  • Servo

    [re=220768]magic titty[/re]:
    Win!

  • TGY

    [re=220786]Tra[/re]: Haha. They set the tone for the next 8 years. Lies and spin.

  • Special Agent Jack Mehoff

    “I don’t really want to leave [without bombing at least one more country].”

  • PrairiePossum

    Don’t worry little staffers. The fundamentals of the economy are strong. And besides, Jesus will always look after you. All you gotta do is pray.

    Your bullshit philosphy sounds pretty asinine, doesn’t it?

  • Mr Blifil

    [re=220786]Tra[/re]: They admitted nothing. It took a Congressional investigation to formally determine that the “missing W key” story was steaming horseshit in a soup tureen.

  • Miller

    I’m just glad we’re not getting any of the shenanigans that marred the Clinton/Bush transition, you know with defaced keyboards and offices left in shambles. Instead we’re getting the keyboards left unmolested, it’s just the country that’s all fucked up and littered with paper. At least the keyboards will have O’s, though. We at least have that.

    http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/

  • cal

    Man, the career placement officer at Regent U must be pissed! What the h-e-double-hockey-stick are they going to do with all those losers now?

  • space stout

    if all the former staffers enlist there will be enough troops for another surge, yes?

  • Tommy Says Ira G is a Tool

    I’m COLD. Eff you, wonktards. When is Hopey going to fix the COLD?

    Also.

  • whosaysso

    Ve vere just folloving orderz! Don’t blame us, its time for nonpartisanship isn’t it?

  • 4tehlulz

    Why would it not surprise me if, come Tuesday afternoon, all the WH keyboards are missing the letter “O”?

  • DoctorCulturae

    Where does a neo-con go now for all dat dere think’n n’stuff? Why, to a comp’ny dats got reel nice outfits n’stuff!

    http://gspence1173.files.wordpress.com/2008/06/walmart-empl.jpg

  • El Pinche

    speaking of cock-sucking Bush loyalists, FCC chairman Kevin Martin resigns. Rejoice!
    He’s going to be replaced with Obama loyalist Julius Genachowksi. Haha.

  • Cape Clod

    I had the same feeling when I had to let go of my first car, a shit box 70 Audi sedan. I didn’t drive well back then and drank a lot and knew nothing about proper maintenance, so by the time I sent it off to the scrap yard it was full of fresh dents and had pieces of it hanging on for dear life. It’s kinda similar to the way these pathetic douche bags feel.

  • Mustang

    “People are excited about their futures and looking ahead, but it is very bittersweet,”

    That’s the taste of the shit I have encouraged you to eat so many times over the last several years.

  • Joey Ratz

    Is Condi going back to teaching? Those Stanford undergrads must be thrilled to have her back.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    [re=220783]Terry[/re]: Inconsequential? Oh, would that were so my friend. There will be consequences. Already are.

    I’ve got a wingtip that would love to leave a dent in this dingbat’s forehead; if only to serve as a warning for others to come.

  • WadISay

    Oliver Cromwell was so good with words:

    “It is high time for Me to put an End to your Sitting in this Place, which you have dishonoured by your Contempt of all Virtue, and defiled by your Practice of every Vice;

    Ye are a factious Crew and Enemies of all good Government; Ye are a Pack of mercenary Wretches and would, like Esau, Sell your Country for a Mess of Pottage; and like Judas, betray your God for a few Pieces of Money; Is there a single Virtue now remaining amongst you?

    Is there one Vice that you do not possess? Ye have no more Religion than my horse! Gold is your God: Which of you have not bartered your Conscience for Bribes?

    Is there a Man amongst you that has the least care for the Good of the Commonwealth?

    Ye sordid prostitutes! Have you not defiled this Sacred Place, and turned the Lord’s Temple into a Den of Thieves by your immoral Principles and wicked Practices? Ye are grown intolerably odious to the whole Nation.

    Your Country therefore calls upon me to cleanse the Augean Stable, by putting a final Period to your Iniquitous Proceedings in this House, and which by God’s Help, and the strength He has given Me, I now come to do.

    I command ye, therefore, upon the Peril of your Lives, to depart immediately out of this Place;

    Go! Get out! Make haste, ye Venal Slaves, begone!”

  • DoctorCulturae

    [re=220804]4tehlulz[/re]: Ah yes, petty hijinks! I can hardly wait for Preznit Hopemaster to react with his slow-burn, pursed lips, grimace. As in “Did these guys get stuck in 5th grade?”

  • Dreamer

    I guess the winners in the entire unqualified Bush staffer class are the graduates of the bogus Regent University – they get to stay at the DOJ.

  • DoctorCulturae

    [re=220808]Mustang[/re]: I want to see this slow chewing occurring in a congressional hearing with bright lights, cameras, and John Conyers weilding a cattle prod.

  • ph7

    [re=220814]Dreamer[/re]: But we get to enjoy watching them get assigned their first gay discrimination case…

  • President Beeblebrox

    [re=220749]rambone[/re]: Hm, what counts as a redneck lawschool? Regent U.? Liberty University? Ave Maria School of Law (aka Domino’s Pizza Law School)?

  • PerhapsSo

    [re=220773]finallyhappy[/re]: I would happily work at TJ’s if they would give me a discount on their Sublime Ice Cream Sandwiches.

  • HMS Nerd

    Regents Law is accredited by the ABA – http://www.regent.edu/about_us/overview/accreditation.cfm

  • President Beeblebrox

    [re=220805]DoctorCulturae[/re]: That be-buttoned Wal*Mart employee looks uncomfortably like Lou “Y’know, Hitler was a great leader too” Holtz.

  • Otto Reimer

    So sad, the Age of Texas is coming to close.

    Thanks America! On our way out we’re grab everything not nailed down!

    Including the O keys.

  • G. Friday

    [re=220806]El Pinche[/re]: Surely he’s looking to escape blame for the impending digital TV crossover.

  • AliBabaInBA

    I think it’d be a waste to let experienced personnel walk.
    After 8 years (EIGHT YEARS!) of intel through prayer, it would be useful to assign these fine public servants to gather information in the world’s trouble spots (e.g., Gaza, Congo, etc.). Also, we’ll let the world know who they are by fitting them with handsome blue jackets emblazoned with “Barack’s United States Heavenly International Envoy.” Or maybe just use the acronym.

  • NoWireHangers

    They can’t expect any assistance from the evil Government in their time of unemployment, that would be COMMUNIST. They should do the patriotic thing and pull themselves up by their bootstraps. That’s what W would want.

  • Scottie

    [re=220774]freakishlystrong[/re]: Surely there are some Jeebus jobs around in these scary times.

  • Anonymous Office Zombie

    No doubt all of them will immediately join the military in the spirit of sacrifice and duty, because they are all Real Americans.

  • Gorillionaire

    They could all enlist in the military.
    HA HA HA HA HA…

  • pondscum

    [re=220801]space stout[/re]: They have to wait for Hopey to stop don’t ask don’t tell…

  • Terry

    [re=220812]WadISay[/re]:

    Good text, but old Oliver did have his ups and downs. Ask the Irish for a start.

  • Scottie

    Here’s your hat; what’s your hurry?

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    [re=220812]WadISay[/re]:
    That should be put to music and sung to the gravy sucking weasels as they leave their buildings for the last time.

  • heroinmule

    Many of them might find that a law degree from Regent University has, if it’s even possible, declined in value over the past 8 years.

  • BadKitty

    “Ah don’ wanna talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food-trough wiper! Ah fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!”

  • Tra

    [re=220820]PerhapsSo[/re]: I agree. They don’t deserve Trader Joe’s. They do, however, richly deserve Wal-Mart. And since it’ll soon be the only store left in existence, perhaps there is such a thing as karma.

  • Scottie

    [re=220812]WadISay[/re]: Brilliant! Thank you!

  • Scottie

    [re=220845]Tra[/re]: I wonder if they’ll vote “yes” on the union card check?

  • Terry

    OMG, this is awesome. From Karl Rove’s twitter via Salon.com:

    Send a farewell letter to President Bush—Email gwbfarewell@gmail.com [no attachments] and I’ll give him your note on January 20.

    Folks, send George your farewell wishes through Karl Rove.

  • BadKitty

    They don’t learn, do they? Let’s saddle up, folks!!

    “Karl Rove is already putting his new Twitter account to use, asking his 4,000-plus followers to send outgoing President George W. Bush a nice note saying toodle-loo:

    Send a farewell letter to President Bush–Email gwbfarewell@gmail.com [no attachments] and I’ll give him your note on January 20.”

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/01/16/rove-solicits-thank-you-n_n_158482.html

  • BadKitty

    [re=220858]Terry[/re]: Damn. Always too late

  • Min

    That picture can’t be right. A Republican? Eating pussy?

    [re=220802]Tommy Says Ira G is a Tool[/re]: I hear ya. Even though my teeth are chattering like castenets on speed.

  • WadISay

    [re=220839]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Splendid idea, tho many will be leaving via the sewage system.

  • pondscum

    [re=220865]Min[/re]: Blues Traveler “Warmer Days” just came on the Pandora…Good thing ear buds fit under the earmuffs.
    bbbbrrrrrrrrrr

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=220755]Tommy Says Ira G is a Tool[/re]: Pool PEOPLE. SECKSIST. The PUMAs will find you.

  • Pat Pending

    [re=220812]WadISay[/re]: I just want to read that over and over all day. And tap dance! Maybe we can get Keith Olberman to sing it!

  • Sassette

    [re=220858]Terry[/re]: That’s such a trap! They just want your e-mail address for post-presidential spying so W. can run around and beat up everyone who was mean about him on the internet Jay and Silent Bob style.

  • Vercingatorix

    Just replace the keyboards already. No telling what that dry crusty substance between the keys is.

  • Dildo Baggins

    [re=220819]President Beeblebrox[/re]: I’ve always preferred the chewy texture of Pappa John’s legal pedagogy.

  • Gallowglass

    Maybe they can all get jobs at the new post-Presidential Sex Dungeon and Waffle Factory in Dallas, sweeping the Bush’s floors and making his fishing lures.

  • Mustang

    [re=220832]Gorillionaire[/re]: HAHAHAHAHA Love it! Score!

  • bumfug

    The measure of the stupidity of these dipshits is that after working for an administration that spent 8 years looting the country’s treasury, they didn’t put enough aside that they wouldn’t need a fucking job when the party ended.

  • Mr Blifil

    [re=220881]Vercingatorix[/re]: Won’t matter anyway. Obama will be turning the WH to an all-Mac environment. I’m sure they’ll be shipping the old workstations to some purportedly green-friendly “recycling” facility or some such implausible shit.

  • robanybody

    EVerybody gets sad now and then. Now go.

  • UNZIPPEDFLY

    The qualified ones can apply for jobs with the new adminstration.I’m sure she’ll be considered…HAHAHAHHA!

  • TeddyS

    True to their conservative right principles, they are all moving to Alaska to suck up those oil checks and organize for Sarah Palin. Maybe not.

  • ManchuCandidate

    [re=220938]UNZIPPEDFLY[/re]:
    Qualified? heh.

  • davesnothere

    Can’t wait to see the looks on their faces when they realize Cheney lied to them about the ability to eat live kittens being a surefire key to future job security as carney-geeks.

  • Bruno

    W wears a watch? So he can tell time? That’s so cute. Good for him.

  • hobospacejungle

    [re=220858]Terry[/re]: Done & done, viah Google Chrome’s Incognito mode with an extra yahoo email address I had lying around. They’ll never find me now!

    Wait, what?

  • Servo

    [re=220768]magic titty[/re]:
    Hours later, I’m still laughing about the Barbara Mandrell mixtapes comment. Perfect.

  • Toomush Infermashun

    Yeah, it’s like you used to be able to put White House Communications Director on your resume, but now what, Kevin….?

  • wickedlittledoll
  • Bruno

    [re=220819]President Beeblebrox[/re]: I didn’t know those were accredited institutions?

  • smellyal8r

    It must be tragic to go home and be the MOST unpopular person in town:

    “Uh, hi Chip…where you been the last eight years”

    “Ummm….away, ya’know, doin’ stuff and now I’m home”

    “You didn’t work at the White House, did you?”

    “Gawd. Don’t tell anyone. They think I’ve been a piano player in a whorehouse”

  • Jukesgrrl

    Does this mean there will be more of those cheap Blackberries available? You know, the kind with rich people’s addresses already keyed in?

  • J

    If they’re smart they will list the last 8 years on their resume as Circuit City. Now that’s it’s gone, no one can check and they won’t have to admit to their role in fucking up America.

  • OzoneTom

    [re=220804]4tehlulz[/re]: And I’m sure that every Bush employee who can will take at least one of the “Whites Only” signs as a treasured memento to hang in their home bar.