FREEDOM OF CHOICE  9:49 am January 16, 2009

Free Abortion Donuts On Demand!

by Sara K. Smith

Gross!Krispy Kreme wants to help you celebrate Barack Obama’s inauguration by giving you a donut! Obviously this is a metaphor for abortion. Read their shocking press release after the jump.

Observe how they use that terrible code word “choice,” which in addition to meaning “being able to decide between one thing or another,” means “mandatory forced abortions for every citizen over the age of five”:

Krispy Kreme Doughnuts, Inc. (NYSE: KKD) is honoring American’s [sic] sense of pride and freedom of choice on Inauguration Day, by offering a free doughnut of choice to every customer on this historic day, Jan. 20. By doing so, participating Krispy Kreme stores nationwide are making an oath to tasty goodies — just another reminder of how oh-so-sweet ‘free’ can be.

Krispy Kreme offered “one doughnut of choice per customer,” which is to say, one abortion.

This would not stand with the American Life League, which quickly released a statement on this very pressing issue:

The next time you stare down a conveyor belt of slow-moving, hot, sugary glazed donuts at your local Krispy Kreme you just might be supporting President-elect Barack Obama’s radical support for abortion on demand – including his sweeping promise to sign the Freedom of Choice Act as soon as he steps in the Oval Office, Jan. 20.

[...] A misconstrued concept of “choice” has killed over 50 million preborn children since Jan. 22, 1973. Does Krispy Kreme really want their free doughnuts to celebrate this “freedom.””

A commenter on Riptide 2.0, the Miami New Times Blog, sums it up pretty well: “if they were abortion donuts, i don’t think i’d want one. i assume they’d be taking them out of the oven way too early.”


Krispy Kreme Celebrates the Freedom of Choice on Inauguration Day
[Krispy Kreme Doughnuts, Inc.]
Pro-Life Group up in Arms over Krispy Kreme’s Abortion Doughnuts [Riptide 2.0]

 
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{ 103 comments }

cal January 16, 2009 at 9:56 am

“Preborn” is one of those made-up words, like “predead.”

loganmo January 16, 2009 at 9:56 am

“A commenter on Riptide 2.0, the Miami New Times Blog, sums it up pretty well: “if they were abortion donuts, i don’t think i’d want one. i assume they’d be taking them out of the oven way too early.”

Fucking dipshit libtard, donuts are fried, not baked.

ManchuCandidate January 16, 2009 at 9:56 am

If it pisses of the Fetus Forever folks then I have a strong desire to eat a Jelly, er, Fetus Filled Doughnut.

SKS, nice poster. I’m surprised you would use an obscure (I may be one of tens of people that actually seen that movie) Canada City indie film poster. Damn Googles.

space stout January 16, 2009 at 9:57 am

mmmm, jelly doughnuts… hey wait- that’s not jelly, that’s a fetus! mmmm, fetus doughnuts…

Tommy Says Ira G is a Tool January 16, 2009 at 9:58 am

I’ll pass on the Placenta Filled Creme Donut, fanks.

Mr Blifil January 16, 2009 at 9:58 am

In fairness to Krispy Kreme, they only offer those doughnuts for a few days every month, usually but not always closely associated with the cycles of the moon.

El Pinche January 16, 2009 at 9:59 am

sir, may i have a dozen abortion donuts, 3rd trimester raspberry would be nice. thank you!
that one’s for you confluence!

loganmo January 16, 2009 at 10:01 am

Donut hole or uterine fibroid? You be the judge.

Serolf Divad January 16, 2009 at 10:02 am

Dunkin Donuts should capitalize on this and make a donut with a hidden plastic embryo inside.

golliwog January 16, 2009 at 10:04 am

The KK in town closed 2 years ago. Planned Parenthood would be proud.

Sara K. Smith January 16, 2009 at 10:05 am

[re=220674]ManchuCandidate[/re]: I just googled “blood donuts” and voila! That movie sounds horrible.

El Pinche January 16, 2009 at 10:06 am

I don’t recommend googling abortion terminology while eating sunny-side up egg and toasty-woasty.

Vewol Mevemont January 16, 2009 at 10:06 am

With Dunkin Donuts’ Rachel Ray sporting terrorist scarfs and Krispy Kreme giving away abortion donuts, where is a winger to find a good donut? Sigh, if only 7-11 weren’t run by the browns and McDonalds run by the gays, but alas, hard working whites have no nowhere to turn.

Terry January 16, 2009 at 10:06 am

[re=220682]Serolf Divad[/re]:

Just like a Mardi Gras cake!

Origami January 16, 2009 at 10:10 am

“Abortion on demand” is bad? Would they prefer forced abortions?

Monsieur Grumpe January 16, 2009 at 10:11 am

Some people are not happy unless they’re unhappy about something. It’s a circular self flogging brain fuck without the satisfaction of an orgasm. What kind of life is that? Get hobby losers. I hear scrap booking is fun.

facehead January 16, 2009 at 10:16 am

Words can not express how much I don’t want a donut right now.

Brings to mind this clip from Colbert:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zEyIPCyy1So

queeraselvis v 2.0 January 16, 2009 at 10:17 am

[re=220693]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Shhhh. The PUMAs will hear you.

freakishlystrong January 16, 2009 at 10:18 am

Roe v Crispy Creme..

TGY January 16, 2009 at 10:24 am

A.L.L. can take a flying leap through a rotating doughnut.

I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO January 16, 2009 at 10:26 am

Damn it, I get here and all the good fetus jokes have already been taken.

*sigh*

WadISay January 16, 2009 at 10:27 am

Donuts begin at the moment the grease and the flour are mixed.

MathewBrooks January 16, 2009 at 10:30 am

Lisa: Do you have any fruit?

Homer: This donut has purple inside. Purple is a fruit.

MathewBrooks January 16, 2009 at 10:31 am

Could someone please deconstruct the name Krispy Kreme? What about them is Krispy?

Kinbote January 16, 2009 at 10:32 am

Krispy Kreme Sacrifice! For every 10 abortions, a free box of donuts!

I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO January 16, 2009 at 10:32 am

WadISay: Right, can you eat a donut when the grease and flour have been mixed? I don’t think so! There’s a very scientific moment when donuts begin; when they come out the friar! Before that, they’re just dough!

YOU CANT EAT JUST DOUGH! DOUGH IS NOT A DONUT!!!!!

snideinplainsight January 16, 2009 at 10:33 am

Alright, I totally thought this entire item was entirely made up, I totally did. I’m still shaking my head. Snidery has no power in the face of such overwhelming farce -

snideinplainsight January 16, 2009 at 10:33 am

[re=220712]MathewBrooks[/re]: And what about them is Kreme?

El Pinche January 16, 2009 at 10:35 am

The pro-lifers are gonna shit when they hear about KK’s Stem-Cell Donut Holes ™

pondscum January 16, 2009 at 10:35 am

[re=220682]Serolf Divad[/re]: King Cake!

I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO January 16, 2009 at 10:38 am

El Pinche:Double WIN!

Tommy Says Ira G is a Tool January 16, 2009 at 10:38 am

WTF?! Now I’m going to go on Malkin Watch because the ping-pong balls will be popping during her aneurysm.

Damn Sexy January 16, 2009 at 10:38 am

I’m surprised the Family Research Council hasn’t issued a press release criticizing Krispy Kreme for promoting homosexual lifestyles. Everyone know that “pride” is a code word for gas and lesbians.

Sean O January 16, 2009 at 10:39 am

These pro-life retards do realize that KK was founded to support the KKK, right? Has the KKK even fallen in the tank for hopey?

space stout January 16, 2009 at 10:40 am

and teh gey haters gonna really be hatin’ on KK’s “Old Style Sourdough Cock Ring Donuts”.

Iggy Plop January 16, 2009 at 10:40 am

“Freedom of choice is what you’ve got / Freedom from choice is what you want” – second Devo reference in a week for me. Must be reliving high school or something.

elburrito January 16, 2009 at 10:40 am

Quick, I need a morning after donut!

(I loved that movie, btw… Canadian Vampires!)

agitpropster January 16, 2009 at 10:41 am

This would be an opportune time for all Cyalis-snorting Wonkette to review this year’s lovely and tasteful 2009 Krispy Kreme Calendar!

Q: What do Miss March and a Vespa have in common?
A: They are both fun to ride but you don’t want your friends catching you at it.

Mr Blifil January 16, 2009 at 10:41 am

Whatever you do, stay away from the “glazed.” Also.

Barrett808 January 16, 2009 at 10:41 am

Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others. [audience cheers]

shortsshortsshorts January 16, 2009 at 10:43 am

WE ARE FREE TO BE THE FATTEST SLOBS WE CAN BE, AMERICA. Celebrate diversity and reunite with your fat, dumb bodies. Also.

sarahconnor January 16, 2009 at 10:46 am

Well I don’t know about the rest of you but whenever I see those hot glistening donuts on the conveyor belt with their inviting holes, I immediately think “abortion on demand”… and Camille Paglia, also.

I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO January 16, 2009 at 10:48 am

Sean O: Oh man, won’t you be shocked to learn that Three out of four White Supremacist leaders agree: Barack Obama was a better choice than John McCain. Strangely enough, it was the black supremacist that didn’t love our hopey.

agitpropster:I clicked that link on accident, and now hate you with ever fiber of my being.

Robobot January 16, 2009 at 10:50 am

If donuts are abortions, just imagine what donut holes must be.

thefrontpage January 16, 2009 at 10:50 am

Planned Parenthood is also giving out free condoms this weekend, all throughout the region, and The Treasury Department is apparently giving out some free money to anyone with a bank ID.

Also, PETA is giving out free lamd and beef hotdogs and venison jerky sticks on the Mall all weekend! Go figure! Maybe they’re adopting some “change,” too!

thefrontpage January 16, 2009 at 10:50 am

Correcting typo:

Planned Parenthood is also giving out free condoms this weekend, all throughout the region, and The Treasury Department is apparently giving out some free money to anyone with a bank ID.

Also, PETA is giving out free lamb and beef hotdogs and venison jerky sticks on the Mall all weekend! Go figure! Maybe they’re adopting some “change,” too!

magic titty January 16, 2009 at 10:51 am

We get the wingnuts we deserve. Wait, why do we deserve these wingnuts?

[re=220730]elburrito[/re]: Win.

finallyhappy January 16, 2009 at 10:52 am

And where are the free donuts in DC- oh, no- we have to pay like $3 to get one from the Fractured Prune.

Tommy Says Ira G is a Tool January 16, 2009 at 10:52 am

[re=220732]Mr Blifil[/re]: +1. Plus KK has the perfect slogan for cash-strapped Merkins looking for a mini-indulgence, a respite if you will….”Splooge on a tasty treat when others cain’t find enough to eat.” Nom nom nom.

NoWireHangers January 16, 2009 at 10:54 am

Maybe if newborn babies were covered in sweet sweet sugary glaze instead of gross mucous and blood, more people would want one fresh from the oven?

finallyhappy January 16, 2009 at 10:56 am

http://www.krispykreme.co.uk/krispy/email/free-americano/?utm_source=homepage

Look at the magical espresso you could have gotten in England this past week. Look at the foam- it is a miracle!!!!

azw88 January 16, 2009 at 11:04 am

I haz a sad…… No free donuts/abortions here in Tucson… Krispy Kreme packed up and left town 3 years ago…..

Won’t some privileged wonketteer out there share the love and send us poor, deprived Southern Arizona Wonketteers some KKs??

groove January 16, 2009 at 11:04 am

So every time I’ve used the word “choice,” I have really been saying “abortion?” Okay, looking back, a lot of stuff is making sense now…

Arthur B. Ablabab January 16, 2009 at 11:07 am

[re=220672]cal[/re]: as Carlin said, “There are only two states in which an oven can possibly exist: HEATED or UNHEATED.”

that said, some of my best friends are preborn children.

cal January 16, 2009 at 11:11 am

[re=220725]Damn Sexy[/re]: gas and lesbians? Believe me, those two don’t mix.

ManchuCandidate January 16, 2009 at 11:14 am

[re=220686]Sara K. Smith[/re]:
It was weird, but entertaining in a polite way, eh.

Mara47 January 16, 2009 at 11:20 am

I’m running right out to Safeway (or Bloom/Food Cat/Giant — whichever one carries Krispy Kreme) to buy myself a WHOLE BOX of abortion-filled sugar donuts (just like coated in Alaska snow), just to thank Krispy Kreme for acknowledging the freedom of choice that is allowing all Amurrikins to abort George W. Bush on Tuesday, and to give KK a shot at a profitable FY09 first quarter, also.

Dientes January 16, 2009 at 11:26 am

Does this mean we will get access to drive-through abortions during Barry’s administration?

Damn Sexy January 16, 2009 at 11:39 am

[re=220782]cal[/re]: Should have been “gays and lesbians,” which don’t mix either.

Trace January 16, 2009 at 11:47 am

[re=220707]I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO[/re]: There’s still a few fetus jokes in the back, but they have this weird stuff sprinkled on them that might be some kind of peanut or even coconut.

Anyway, I think choice is a bunch of liberal shit, too. It wouldn’t be a problem if people would just choose to do the things that match up with my beliefs, but those ungrateful fuckers always choose the wrong thing.

President Beeblebrox January 16, 2009 at 11:51 am

“We challenge Krispy Kreme doughnuts to reaffirm their commitment to true freedom – to the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness – and to separate themselves and their doughnuts from our great American shame.”

Analogy FAIL.

Geez, I’d be happy to take KK up on this offer if their financial mismanagement hadn’t resulted in the closing of every KK store within 200 miles of here. Where were the donut bailout funds? KK was too big to fail!

[re=220752]Tommy Says Ira G is a Tool[/re]: Cash-strapped pubic wigs?

Lascauxcaveman January 16, 2009 at 11:58 am

[re=220674]ManchuCandidate[/re]: [re=220686]Sara K. Smith[/re]: I think I saw part of Blood & Donuts, on the late-night movie aired on City-TV out of Vancouver, BC (A suburb of Canada City, eh?)

It was pretty good, but not near as much snarky fun as Ginger Snaps, which is probably my all time fave Canadian Teenage Werewolf movie.

Cape Clod January 16, 2009 at 12:02 pm

In a perfect world, this would be Krispy Kreme’s response:

“We are sorry that our offer of a free donut has offended you. Would you care for a bag of dicks instead?”

thejames@thejamesrocket.com January 16, 2009 at 12:04 pm

I’m surprised KK hasn’t tagged along with this theme:
Donuts & BACON! Can’t forget the bacon.

lawrenceofthedesert January 16, 2009 at 12:07 pm

After I grinned, I got totally hung up on whether one can describe the signing of one bill as “sweeping.” I think of the word in its most common usage, “wide ranging and comprehensive,” but it also can mean “complete, overwhelming, decisive,” according to the Word dictionary (my Apple widget dictionary didn’t even recognize it as an adjective — get well soon, Steve Jobs!). I guess I’ll have to live with it.

Counting My Toes January 16, 2009 at 12:09 pm

Well fetus is pretty darned good on a Greek salad.

Lascauxcaveman January 16, 2009 at 12:10 pm

[re=220825]Trace[/re]: Gahhhh! Keep that damn coconut stuff off my fetus, please! Yeccch.

Min January 16, 2009 at 12:11 pm

I think I’ll skip the cream-filled ones.

Sassette January 16, 2009 at 12:14 pm

Know what this means?

MORE DONUTS FOR US.

Thank you, wingnuts. (Words I never thought I’d hear myself say…)

Dashboard_Buddha January 16, 2009 at 12:40 pm

I like my fetuses creme filled, thank you very much.

mookworthjwilson January 16, 2009 at 12:41 pm

I prefer Hertz Donuts myself…

mush January 16, 2009 at 12:42 pm

ITS PEOPLE!!!!!!!!! KRISPY KREMES ARE PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

azw88 January 16, 2009 at 12:42 pm

[re=220828]President Beeblebrox[/re]: You in Tucson or ABQ??

[re=220842]thejames@thejamesrocket.com[/re]: Thanks for song… it will be stuck in my head all f-ing day….

WIDTAP January 16, 2009 at 12:44 pm

Someone at KK needs to get on the wires with something like “We don’t make policy or political statements. We make delicious donuts and any excuses we can to give you an opportunity to enjoy them. Any assumption to the contrary is like our donuts… just full of holes”

BrownPenance January 16, 2009 at 12:46 pm

@lawrenceofthedesert: I also found it quite strange to describe a “promise” as sweeping. They should have described the bill that way to maintain their negative tone toward the PEOTUS, otherwise it presents almost a victorious mood.

The bill does have a wide scope; it seems that his promise was rather specific.

OED presents only this figurative usage, but one would expect it to:

” 4. fig. Having a wide scope; extensive, comprehensive, all-inclusive; wholesale, indiscriminate. “

facehead January 16, 2009 at 12:49 pm

[re=220886]mookworthjwilson[/re]: with a hot slice of frumunda cheese.

Fivetree January 16, 2009 at 1:10 pm

Personally, I am looking forward to my partial birth donut. That way I can suck out the almost developed brain of the donut before it has a chance to cognate, become a fully realized donut and take over my life and wreck the car and live off my meager earnings untill it’s 40 years old. Do you people even KNOW what college tuition costs for donuts these days?

idrankthekoolaid January 16, 2009 at 1:24 pm

[re=220685]golliwog[/re]: All the KKs in Houston closed down after the idiot franchisee tried to go out on his own. Looks like I’ll be making a road trip to San Antonio!

bumfug January 16, 2009 at 1:36 pm

I really thought that whole press release was a parody – apparently not. Jesus, if KK’s choice of words pisses them off that much they should just forget donuts and go eat a bowl of fuck.

Fivetree January 16, 2009 at 1:37 pm

And besides those donuts are just loaded with tranny fats. One would think that the Friends of the Fetus would make an exception in the case of donuts – which are, in fact, so totally GAY!!!!!!

twingonaut January 16, 2009 at 1:42 pm

Does this mean Pepsi was the choice of a new generation they were trying to kill off mankind?

Suds McKenzie January 16, 2009 at 1:47 pm

ummm … abortion donut … grrrllll

PsycGirl January 16, 2009 at 1:50 pm

We Southerners know that when “you stare down a conveyor belt of slow-moving, hot, sugary glazed donuts at your local Krispy Kreme”, they are fresh out of the deep fryer and almost too hot to eat, and at their ambrosial peak, announced by the lighting of the Hot Donut sign, causing cars to cross several lanes of traffic to get into the parking lot.
Two hours later, they’re just donuts.

Fivetree January 16, 2009 at 1:51 pm

And what about Annette Funnicello – the original “choosy mother”? She was just an abortion-loving baby killer all along. And why did Walt Disney hate America so much?

DoktorZoom January 16, 2009 at 2:40 pm

I’m delighted to see that the Freepers are angrily boycotting Krispy Kreme and Pepsi (with its new Obama logo). I’m even more amused that they think they will have a significant impact.

chascates January 16, 2009 at 2:43 pm

The auto dealers should be handing out salmon and champagne if they know what’s good for them.

President Beeblebrox January 16, 2009 at 3:02 pm

[re=220889]azw88[/re]: Philly area, actually. Perhaps I exaggerated, but every KK I know of is dead & gone, including the 5 in my area. My favorite KK store, the one that had a big glass-encased donut machine you could watch, is now an AT&T store. FAIL.

Cape Clod January 16, 2009 at 3:03 pm

This offer must be presenting Katherine Jean Lopez with a terrible ethical dilemma.

President Beeblebrox January 16, 2009 at 3:04 pm

[re=221000]DoktorZoom[/re]: Well, they *are* – in their words – the elite thinkers of our times, so they can afford to be choosy like Annette Funicello.

Toonces January 16, 2009 at 3:10 pm

Well, I just had to put in my two cents with our friends at ALL. Their response?

“Krispy Kreme’s carefully chosen use of the words “freedom of choice” is no accident, my friend. But thanks for your input.”

twingonaut January 16, 2009 at 3:36 pm

[re=221031]Toonces[/re]: Why does ALL hate America’s freedom loving ways?!?

+2 for anyone who can combine “freedom loving” and “abortion donuts” into an appropriately inappropriate comment.

bugland January 16, 2009 at 3:40 pm

i’d planned to celebrate the Obamanation by performing an abortion on a random Alaskan teenager, but this is almost as good.

PsycGirl January 16, 2009 at 3:43 pm

So, I’m going to end the week with a dozen (hopefully fresh) KKs, not because I love them, but because it’s the right thing to do. If the freepers won’t eat them, someone has to step up to the plate to support freedom of choice.
ps 10 seconds in a microwave restores them to 75% of their original glory.

sossajes January 16, 2009 at 4:07 pm

[re=220688]Vewol Mevemont[/re]: They can still eat at Chick-fil-A! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chick-fil-A#Religious_connections

Unfortunately I can’t find any religious donut shops. Anyway, I plan on choosing my donut like an aborted Pokemon.

assistant/atlas January 16, 2009 at 6:59 pm

[re=220884]Dashboard_Buddha[/re]: I know, me too! That’s why I rape them so often.

[re=220688]Vewol Mevemont[/re]: Denny’s, maybe?

Bearbloke January 16, 2009 at 7:25 pm

[re=220682]Serolf Divad[/re]: In places where Mardi Gras is taken waaaay to seriously, your idea of a “King Cake” doughnut with the lettle plastic baby inside might be a BIG hit…

Bearbloke January 16, 2009 at 7:26 pm

[re=220688]Vewol Mevemont[/re]: Hell-oooooo Walmart snack isle!

Bearbloke January 16, 2009 at 8:45 pm

[re=220966]PsycGirl[/re]: Back in July 1997 I went to Atlanta, and found myself across the street from A KK (which I’d never heard of) at dusk. I noticed the hot donut light go on and the lazily-moving traffic on Ponce De Leon got noticeably more frantic as cars cut across 2 or more busy lanes to slide into that hot donut slot for a fix… so I got some and took ‘em back – they were delish! However, 2 hours later they were, indeed, just donuts… but they still made good, tight cock-rings…

Bruno January 17, 2009 at 4:18 am

[re=221337]Bearbloke[/re]: pixxx please!

GregG January 18, 2009 at 6:59 pm

I see from this discussion that the pro-abortion rights camp is not really just about a woman’s choice, they evidently have no compassion for the child in the womb, willing to make jokes about eating them. It’s very sad.

I know that those who are against abortion are supposed to just shut-up and accept it, but we will not be silent as long as this injustice continues, even when it seems to be backed by something as silly as a donut promotion. I can guarantee that if a hamburger chain in California did a “Celebration of Family Tradition” promotion the day Proposition 8 passed, homosexual rights advocates would be vocally reacting against the obvious connection.

ManchuCandidate January 19, 2009 at 8:49 am

[re=221696]GregG[/re]:
Like you give a shit about life itself. For you it’s all about control that you want but don’t have.

Barack Like Me January 19, 2009 at 4:35 pm

[re=220715]I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO[/re]:

Out of the friar? Now, we’re mixing religion into it?!

Now, back to my bowl of Life cereal.

medici January 20, 2009 at 4:18 pm

Gee, American Life League, I didn’t see that coming. Dumb ol’ me just couldn’t make the connection you could.

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