cartoon violence

Cartoon Violence Is Some Kind Of Cartoon Dominatrix-For-Hire Now, Apparently?

Cartoon ViolenceBy the Comics Curmudgeon
Being a political cartoonist has got to be kind of rough. They’re all getting fired as newspapers downsize, and those that still manage to have a job drawing cartoons, for money, inevitably make political points that alienate at least half of their readers. So you’d think that they might find it enraging that some asshole on the Internet has a whole weekly venue just to make fun of their work, despite the fact that said asshole has no artistic talent himself whatsoever? And yet sometimes these sad souls actually send us their own cartoons, in hope of us mocking them! After the jump, it’s a very special Cartoon Violence, starring the vilest cartoon you can possibly imagine.

OK, so every once in a while, the Wonkette tips line gets an email from nationally syndicated cartoonist Jeff Danziger, which generally consists of just an attached image file with no accompanying text. I generally end up not using these, because I can’t fit them into whatever half-assed theme I come up with for the week at the last minute, so with his latest submission Mr. Danziger has apparently decided to up the ante. Since he sent it to me, I suppose nobody can object if I reproduce it here full-size:

WHY GOD WHY

So, uh, yeah, that’s pretty much a naked Dick Cheney, his flabby ass cheeks on full display, preparing to drop a semen-filled condom bearing the slightly befuddled face of George W. Bush into the toilet. (Question: Is the Bush-condom “ribbed” for “her pleasure”?) Now, Mr. Danziger might think that this sort of thing is “hip” and “cool,” but I have to ask: What about the children? See, my wife is a professional sex educator, which means she goes to schools and talks to the youth of today about sex diseases and baby-making and whatnot, and she always emphasizes that you should never flush condoms down the toilet, because you’ll block up the plumbing and then your parents will have to call the plumbers and they’ll find the condoms and you’ll have some ‘splaining to do.

Anyway, I have not been able to find this cartoon anywhere on the Internet, not even on Danziger’s own site. This makes sense, because obviously no reputable newspaper would print it. It is repugnant and offensive, and we at Wonkette are proud to present it here. And let’s wrap up the last Cartoon Violence column of the Bush-Cheney era with a few parting shots at the second half of that dynamic duo!

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(Remember, as always, clicking the comic makes it bigger.)

Dick Cheney is an angry, somewhat confused old man who tries to shoot and torture everyone around him. “Yeah, we know that,” you say, “But what about the cartoon?” Oh, ha ha, you’re very droll. See, the cartoon posits that he will continue to do this after he retires, in an old folk’s home! It’s funny when it happens to comical old people, you see.

Dick Cheney is a glowering hunchback who uses ancient, crumbling, ink-stained parchment when he needs to wipe poop off of his butthole. He also wears his suit jacket while taking a dump. Who does that? For some reason that gives me the creeps more than anything else in this cartoon.

Dick Cheney is blatantly infringing on the Grinch™, a licensed piece of intellectual property wholly owned by Dr. Seuss Enterprises LP. Unfortunately, if anyone complains, he’ll have them tortured and killed.

SPECIAL INAUGURATION DAY MESSAGE FROM YOUR COMICS CURMUDGEON! Because Ken and Sara live in balmier climes far from the cesspool of our nation’s capital, and Jim will be cowering in his DC apartment with his XBox and his malt liquor like a pathetic coward, I will be the only member of Team Wonkette actually out on the streets of Washington for the inauguration of Our Barry! I will attempt to “report” on the scene on the ground, which reporting will mostly consist of photos and short, badly misspelled notes sent from my elitist iPhone, assuming that cell phones even work down there Tuesday, and some thing I’ll write that evening when I return to Baltimore, assuming I am not trampled to death. I will also attempt to interview people, assuming I can figure out how to do voice-recording thingies with my phone. So, Wonkette readers, keep an eye out for me! I will be the guy wearing a blue coat, and probably a hat.

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About the author

Josh was born and raised in Buffalo, New York, leaving him with a love of chicken wings and a tendency to say “pop”. He taught ancient Greek and Roman history to undergraduates before fleeing from academia in terror; worked for a failed San Francisco dot-com that neglected to supply him with stock options or an Aeron chair; lived in Berlin, where he mostly ate Indian and Ethiopian food; finished in third place on his sole Jeopardy! appearance (the correct answer was “Golda Meir”); and was named 2007 Blogger of the Year by The Week, for obvious reasons. Josh is the creator/editor of COMICS CURMUDGEON (which you should read) and does geeky editing and writing about geeky things such as "the Java programming industry for JavaWorld." He lives in Baltimore with his wife Amber and his cat Hoagie.

View all articles by Josh Fruhlinger

Hola wonkerados.

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50 comments

  1. Trace

    I’m not even going to comment on those comics because then I’ll have to remember that nake– ah, shit. There it is.

    But anyway, while not as glamorous as malt liquor and Xbox, I plan to spend my inauguration day with my Wii and a Dr. Pepper, because I’m a delicate, rosey fag. Or whatever that says about me. I don’t know.

    Maybe get one of those five dollar pizzas that I can’t stop thinking about now.

    Well, I stopped thinking about them for a few seconds earlier, but only because of that naked Dick Che– DAMN IT!

  2. queeraselvis v 2.0

    Two cartoons featuring Dick and a toilet. Yea, that about sums up the past eight years for me. *applause*

  3. SayItWithWookies

    There is nothing about that Danziger cartoon that is not horrifying and repugnant. Also, it’s my new desktop background.

  4. lenorecutie

    Man in blue coat and hat. That should be easy to spot in a city with half the country squeezed in it.

    Damn you all. I have to work that day. All of you are bastards.

  5. Lascauxcaveman

    JESUS GOD! DANZIGER, THAT WAS HORRIBLY GROSS AND OFFENSIVE.

    And about the most astute metaphor you could come (cum? heh heh) up with at the end of this Bush/Cheney reign of terror.

  6. CrunchyKnee

    Thankfully we don’t have to view the bottom half of the Cheney toilet cartoon. The wide-stance would be too much to take.

  7. Tommy Says Ira G is a Tool

    The funny thing is that the closest place Cheney can go to without an extradition treaty is either Cuba or Venezuela. How’s that for irony?

  8. El Bombastico

    You owe me a new keyboard. No, not because I spit up laughing. But rather because it is coated in the blood and viscera pouring from my eye sockets after I scratched my retinas out.

  9. Obamaton

    [re=220888]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: I prefer myself on the OUTSIDE of the hypothermia unit.

    But thanks.

    Also, all that cold air is not good for the reputation.

  10. TGY

    Happy inaugurating! You go! Come back with your iPhone or on it or somesuch.

    The reputation of Wonkette, such as it is, rests upon your shoulders. Carry it with pride! Or tongs.

  11. coolcatdaddy

    Flushing the scary looking Bush-condom thing down the toilet will give Joe the Plumber something to fix.

    Assuming, of course, that he actually plumbs in between being Joe the Not Reporter in the Middle East.

  12. Terry

    “I will be the guy wearing a blue coat, and probably a hat.”

    Gloves, too, and a discreet bottle of hooch in your pocket.

  13. Sassette

    I’m disappointed that main cartoon didn’t feature Lady Liberty looking unsatisfied. I mean, if you’re going to go, you may as well go all the way, right?

  14. Green Soda

    My arshole hurts.
    So does every living human being’s on earth. (Plus many dead, many animals and many dead animals.)
    I’m sure this administration considers itself phenomenally successful, They have raped, robbed, pillaged and tortured and are getting away with it. This explains Dick’s smirk, the most repugnant sight of all.

  15. Bruno

    Josh, I’m afraid I had to go against you on the whole weblog awards thing because of my love affair with Jon Swift, but that first cartoon is the best thing I’ve every seen, evar. Please, please forgive me.

  16. Bruno

    [re=220888]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: You’re spending $800 on airfare for streaking? I was under the impression you had some obsession with socks, or pants or something.

  17. Bruno

    [re=220958]Sassette[/re]: Cum on, Lady Liberty would have nothing to do with that demon. I think its gonna be someone else (who likes somethin wickid), but who?

    My top choices would be Barb Bush (Senior), Kim Jong Il, or Ahmadinejad.

  18. Thegreatbacon

    Kudos. I pushed the “jump” button, think that no matter how vile the image was, it would still be “cartoon vile” and not at all repulsive. Then I saw the first image and was truly horrified. It’s good to know that old “gag reflex” still works. I haven’t had to use it in a while.

  19. Sassette

    [re=221013]Bruno[/re]: Well, I mean… visual symbolism and all. He fucked Liberty pretty good. And I doubt he’s above the judicious application of roofies.

  20. Toomush Infermashun

    Josh, I really think you ought not to go out without a bottle of Peach Schnapps – you could be the toast of the town…

  21. Numbat Dundee

    You’re right btw – about condoms. I once blocked our plumbing with one. Funnily enough what was most embarassing was that, when the plumber removed it, it still had traces of bush on it.

  22. assistant/atlas

    Note to self: Never, EVER read Wonkette while eating lunch again. Assuming I can eat lunch again at some point.

  23. katrina

    Danziger’s cartoon has a butt and alludes to teh seks.
    Where else would he, in good conscience, send it?!

  24. iburl

    Your Iphone is never going to work for data… the relays will never be able to keep up with that much 3G traffic. Don’t Count on it.

  25. Brendan M.

    If I hadn’t followed Mr. Fruhlinger’s recent link, I’d have missed that horrid, magnificent cartoon. The moral of that story, I guess, is don’t click the clicky-clicky if you are not fortified by either a strong stomach or a reasonable amount of alcohol. I do not have a strong stomach.

  26. Dolmance

    The only ass I’ve been remotely familiar with in the last ten years belongs to my girlfriend. And I have to say, I think it’s probably the best place I’ve ever lived.

    I just thought you should know that.

Comments are closed.