Voting ended, reviews of CHEATING have been run, and the winners have been certified: Wonkette is your Best Libtard Netroots Blog of the century! Hooray! Thank you to all readers for your daily votes; Warring is never an easy effort and many people literally died in this latest crusade. Congratulations to our fellow members of the Axis Powers, too, for dominating their categories: Rumproast, ~ synthesis ~, Comics Curmudgeon and Driftglass. Also, be sure to add such collateral damage victims as Grace the Spot, Jon Swift and Blue Gal to your RSS subscriptions AT ONCE. This, friends, is what feminism looks like. [Weblog Awards]
SUCKERS 5:20 pm January 15, 2009
Wonkette Officially Wins Best Libtard Blog!
Hola wonkerados.
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{ 109 comments }
Huzzah!
Oh the PUMAs are going to be flaming mad! Payback may come in a form too horrible to imagine…
NOW SHOW US UR BEWBS!
Boo on the Skienze Category though. Next time.
Holy fuck that’s one fat Raccoon! I read that obesity is contagious, but I never though it spread to the wildlife.
The least you can do is lay a wreath of remembrance at that first
ConstipationConfluence (Do you see the injuries I suffered at that epic post? My commenting skills have forever been tainted by the urge to type bad puns. never forget) post for those commenters who never made it out. Never Forget.also.
SUCK IT PUMAS. oh, wait, was that sexist?
HAHAHAHA All Wonkette endorsed blogs wiped the floor with those other asshats. ~synthesis~ is your new uppity woman-negro blog.
Ur webz r belong to us!
Today I saw a plane crush from the office window, and everybody survived. Now this. Jesus must be fucking thinking on us.
Gah, hah, hah, ha, ha. Pumas lost everything… Wait a second, did I just waste weeks of my life fighting Pumas?
[re=220085]The Real JR Revisted[/re]: I think thats what Billy Club had in mind.
I will miss having my comments blocked on The Confluence.
[re=220101]Vewol Mevemont[/re]: Fighting Pumas is never a waste of time. They won’t stop until we’re all a bunch of whiny, bitchy losers, also.
I bet they’re going to lose their banner ad for Monistat 365!
I noticed Sully also won his category (beat out the tin-foil types at DailyKos). Does this mean Ken/Jim & Sully will be having a joint victory celebration party?
I’ve checked out Effluence, Uppity Warhog, and CougarPAC and all three are going on as though the webbies never existed. I guess that whole bit about being able to prove we were cheating never came off.
In other news, Jim and Ken have something else to be proud of; in the eyes of the PUMAs, they’re the equivalent of someone who sold his fourteen year old daughter into marriage.
Please post photo of fancy badge awarded.
Ok. Where’s the money? I can’t live off of smug satisfaction.
Congrats Wonkette! And solace to the PUMAs — don’t worry bitters, all this failure now will prepare you for…more failure later.
Please also post link to Rumproast, ~ synthesis ~, Comics Curmudgeon and Driftglass under the other listed sites (on the lower left-hand side) or I’ll fucking forget they exist and never visit them.
Jim, Ken, and Sara–we can has payments in WHORE DIAMONDZ?
[re=220123]Dildo Baggins[/re]: Second. Moved to the floor…
wait…
whats that on the floor?
yummy whore diamonds !!!
Oh, the shemanity.
[re=220097]dearest[/re]: We need pix. Of Jesus.
Jim. Lay off the Blingees. They’re taking over your mind. If you get any better with them, I’ll have no choice but to suspect you’re the subtle version of Janet Jackson’s tits. We don’t need that.
THE WAR IS OVER!!! Now I’m going to go sing the winners song:
From the halls of Confluenza,
To the shores of Digby;
We will fight our country’s PUMAs
In the air, on land, and sea;
First to fight for Hopey and freedom
And to keep our houses clean;
We are proud to claim the title
Of Wonkette trolling machine!
Our fags are unfurled to every sleaze
From the dawn to setting sun;
We have fought in every blog and MySpace
Where we could take a gun;
In the snow of far-off Confluence
And in the PUMApac scenes;
You will find us always on the job
The Wonkette trolling machine.
Here’s a beer to you and to our Corps
Which we are proud to perv;
In many a strife we’ve fought for life
And have never lost our nerve;
If the Kos and Murphy
Ever look on Heaven’s scenes;
They will find the streets are guarded
By the Wonkette trolling machine.
PUMA IMPOTENCE!
VP–or is it VC?–Day. We’ll all remember where we were when we heard the news. Teh Wonkettes get resume fodder and possibly new gigs at The Corner, the vanquished Pumas get some sort of Marshall Plan, and the commenters can talk about how they fought on St. Crispin’s Day.
All the saggy boobed hairy hags of the world are crying. (Not that that is anything new).
Also
For the first time in my life I am proud to be an American
I wonder what it must feel like to keep getting your ass handed to you over and over like that. First the primaries, than the general election, now this. You start to get the impression that if you pitted a PUMA against a blind quadriplegic with an IQ of sixty in a persistent vegitative state in a best of five tic-tac-toe match, the smart money would not be on the PUMA.
That’s gotta be a very shitty feeling indeed.
Just imagine all the PUMA binge-eating that is going on right now!
[re=220162]cal[/re]: New Hamphshire, Florida and Michigan are experiencing a severe cheesecake and ice cream drought.
2009 is the BEST YEAR EVA
I love you all. Like, “Minnesota airport restroom” love.
Darragh Murphy finally came unglued on her blog.
Cal: And this would be distinguishable from their day to day binges how?
[re=220101]Vewol Mevemont[/re]: “Gah, hah, hah, ha, ha. Pumas lost everything… Wait a second, did I just waste weeks of my life fighting Pumas?”
No, you wasted an hour or so. They’ve wasted their entire lives.
Also, I’m QQing over Pharyngula and actual science sites losing out over climate change denialists. I guess at least it wasn’t something outright creationist or anti-vaccinationist, but I haven’t really read the crappy site to verify.
[re=220173]justlen[/re]: “Darragh Murphy finally came unglued on her blog.”
“finally?” Wasn’t she one of those trash that called Barack an “inadequate black male”?
[re=220173]justlen[/re]: Where’s the post you’re talking about? I can’t find it.
[re=220112]I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO[/re]: Gee, conducting a blog war against a PUMA site is as bad as trading your daughter for money and beer. Who would have guessed?
Can you hear the distant rumble? That’s the Suffragettes rolling in their graves.
I chuckle quietly, yet satisfyingly at the PUMAs and other libtards, TPM, etc…bitches.
[re=220184]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: Second one down, below the whorish begging for money.
[re=220179]Maus[/re]: Re anti-science site winning Best Science category, I’m right there with ya. But it was close, and next year I expect the mighty Wonkette Army to deliver victory in this category as well.
[re=220184]Kev-O-Tron[/re]:
http://pumapac.org/2009/01/15/slut-cunt-bitch-pussy-sweetie/
[re=220181]Maus[/re]: I know it seems impossible, but Murphy has gone completely bonkers… or at least more so than usual:
http://pumapac.org/2009/01/15/slut-cunt-bitch-pussy-sweetie/
Jean Hotman, Marquis de Villers-St-Paul: I thought that noise was the sound of the nightly PUMA prowl to the OCB.
Justlen: Oh, you meant that post? I’m so disappointed. I wanted tears, big, fat, angry, bitter tears… I didn’t vote every day from five different computers for some melodramatic analogy between sexism and racism.
i am swelling with pride. gay pride. also.
Congrats to all the Axis Powers!! This one felt good:)!
shafeen
[re=220195]Keram2[/re]: Good Lord. Wow. One could write a doctorate on her neuroses using that single post as an indication of the seething, misdirected, inner turmoil that taints her worldview. One could. If one were so inclined.
PS: Taint. Hahahaha.
PPS: Also.
I did a write in ballot for “Lizard King”.
Oh god, I just made the mistake of looking at the PUMA site….
They call themselves “the most effective group of political activists in a generation”!
And one of their stated goals is “strengthening anti-femicide laws and drawing attention to the crisis of woman-lynching in the United States”.
Can this be for real? Or is it a Fox news parody?
And now, the super serious winner of the super serious weblog award for Best Liberal Blog, voted on by a bunch of serious people, Wonkette! Here’s the Wonkette Voltron to deliver the acceptance speech.
Wonkette Voltron: “Buttsecs. Bag of dicks. Big sale on truck nutz. Refucklican losers! Chilling… Now where’s our check?”
There you have it. Kleenex available for weeping wingers.
Oh, goodie. They got my check.
[re=220213]cal[/re]: Most effective at losing and constantly portraying themselves as helpless victims? Yeah, probably.
It’s quite amazing — the Confluence site has Friday open threads dedicated to griping about how life is unfair. I kid you not. They’re called gripe threads or some such nonsense. It takes conscious effort to be that pathetic.
[re=220151]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: You got out of your sick bed to do that?! Extra points.
[re=220213]cal[/re]: win.
I even voted for Clinton but those people are really fucking anoying.
Why is Sarah Palin holding a fat racoon? — as though that question needed to be answered.
This is a win for trolls everywhere. I, for, one, will now change my IP address again and attack Confluence. If anything, for nostalgia.
I’m devastated that Cute Overload beat out Fuck You Penguin for Best Pet Blog in the final stretch, but that sorrow pales in light of the glory of Wonkette’s triumph over the PUMAs, (and TPM, for that matter). If the last three months have taught us anything it’s that victory if fuckin’ sweet.
[re=220213]cal[/re]: “They call themselves “the most effective group of political activists in a generation”!”
They are! They’ve lost at every single thing they’ve put their minds to.
They simply have a different definition of “effective” than you may have expected.
I also want to see Mann Coulter and Waaaaaaaargh the Ork claw each others’ eyeballs out on WWE over which one is the bigger victim.
[re=220085]The Real JR Revisted[/re]: TITS OR GTFO
I bid you commenters farewell for a while. I’m heading to Virginia for that big muslin party with felafels and kebabs and whatnot. If you know me on Facebook you can read the link I posted. I’ll be blawggguging. You guys fucking rule!
[re=220151]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: Your cleverness makes me flush with desire.
Can someone call 911 over to that PUMA PAC ho’s house? She is probably firing up the scented candles and getting out the razor blades.
My heart bleeds for the only moderate conservative I have ever loved, Jon Swift. May we remember this day of sadness for the rest of the interwebs. He has died so that we can live.
Never Forget. Ground Zero forever.
[re=220248]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: Come back in one piece! Don’t forget to wear a catheter!
Did anyone count how many PUMAs* lost their RAWR? I need photos. $5 will be paide for every PUMA* tail brought in to the ranch office.
*PUMA is in no way affiliated with Puma GmBH, Puma Ltd, or Puma (USA) Co. and in no way infringes on the global trademark rights of Puma or the Puma animal logo.
I’m starting to see a trend with whoever the PUMAs support.
Who do they like in the Steelers/Ravens game?
[re=220248]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: I’ll look for you on the Mall. I’ll be wearing a black coat.
[re=220195]Keram2[/re]: holy moley that is just some scary shit. i think they blew a gasket over there.
btw, just fyi, all pumas may call themselves feminists, but not all feminists are pumas. just so’s ya know.
Don’t blame me! I voted for Ed Hale’s site.
A well-deserved honour for thee, sweet Wonkette! I shall drink a toast in thy honor….as soon as they start accepting food stamps for booze.
Also, in other news Nate “The Maths Pornographer” Silver is now officially America’s boyfriend with a winning supermajority of 56.1%.
Also.
I’m sure more than one person standing on an airplane wing in the freezing weather in the Hudson River this afternoon gained life saving warmth by forcing themselves to hold on long enough to see Wonkette awarded most fucking awesome blog ever known to man or beast.
Hey, the dead-end depository Pumasphere has this gem of a link! How fucking brilliant is this??!! Gotta read the ‘Resume’ section, it’s comedy gold.
http://harrietchristian.net/
http://www.websitesbyjojo.com/mt/logo_appoint.jpg
[re=220195]Keram2[/re]: I am truly offended by the term sweetie. It’s kind of like the rage that builds up inside me when I get called “honkey”.
don’t let it go to your heads. we wonktards made you; we can unmake you.
Smell the glove PUMAS!
[re=220145]bitchincamaro[/re]: It’s in NYT.com. Jesus fucking thinking.
The girls won?
did they sleep with anyone!1!!??
“This is what feminism looks like.”
But those PUMAS sure are beautiful when they’re mad!
I love you, Jim Newell. That is all.
[re=220281]teebob2000[/re]: Fucking hell. Gotta love a candidate who is incapable of spellchecking her own resume (if you want to call it that. “I am not Caroline Kennedy” is not generally seen to be a proper vita).
Harriet Christian = Grand Wizard of Wrestling sans turban.
McMahon !!!!
[re=220097]dearest[/re]: AND the next Attorney General believes waterboarding is torture, AND there’re gonna be no more Bush speeches. Life is good man, (even though I couldn’t pay my mortgage today, but WTF?)
[re=220496]Blue Gal[/re]: “This is what feminism looks like.”
I’m going to wear that shirt and drunkenly grope myself, take pictures, then send it to the PUMAs.
Congratulations Wonketteers!! Here’s to winning 2008′s trophy!!
And let this be a lesson to the IT amateurs who conducted the week-long polling: if you know Wonkette is a nominee then you need to rent of them offshore data barges from Google to handle the extraordinary traffic.
We are the champions!!1!!
Congratulations Jim, on your vanquishment of the rest of the feeble pack. But, why no mention of Slammin’ Nate Silver’s total annihilation of the field in the Best Political Blog category? Jealous much? I thought he was everybody’s pretend boyfriend…
If you thought the Pumas’ crazy was exemplified by the earlier post, you gotta see this one, a big fat whinefest for riverchucky being embarrassed by mean wittle Wonkette picking on her. They can’t figure out why Wonkette could be so terribly mean and spiteful. Couldn’t have anything to do with her racism and childish ideological contradictions. Certainly not.
Finally bucked up, took a Compazine, set a trashcan by the armchair, and belatedly read more than just snippets of a few (loser) Confluence posts. God is great. Such bitter, miserable little humans, thrashing around like soaked rats in their septic Hillaryhole. When I left, I felt like I’d been gangraped by a mob of spittle-chinned, pie-hording grannies. “Confluence” is a term that usually means “a merging.” Here, however, it refers to a reeking pit of postmenopausal angst, the end.
I go scrub up now. Not go back there again. Bad place. Bad.
….Am I the only one laughing at the fact that the PUMAtards referred to the editors of this site as fancy Yale-educated college boys?
[re=220582]DeLand DeLakes[/re]: You left out high-paid. I wanna see the mentioned picture(s)!
[re=220220]Vewol Mevemont[/re]: It’s cute, actually. Almost makes me nostalgic for the Jezebel cross-posting days.
And why do they think the thing we dislike about PUMAS is they’re fat? I’m fat, I’m feminist, and Jim Newell wuvs me in this here very post. OH. Wait. I didn’t vote for McCain to get my hate on.
I didn’t vote for Hillary either, but that’s because I don’t think nuclear Armageddon is a good idea. Sue me: I vote with my brain.
[re=220572]hobospacejungle[/re]: She has a point you know. What is wrong with you people? First, you make fun of Sarah Palin’s pregnant daughter who is simply trying to do the right thing and should really be praised and held up as an icon of family values unless you see something ironic in that, in which case you should respect her privacy and leave her alone! And now, you mock and invade the privacy of some poor PUMA girl just because she posted a YouTube video declaring her stupidity for all to see on the fucking internet.
Also, she’s fat. Like really, really fat. Also.
[re=220582]DeLand DeLakes[/re]: The PUMAs seem not to have read Wonkette much. They are oblivious to the female posters, on whose behalf they whine, and who consistently tear them a new one, as if the PUMAs had a functioning first one.
Likewise they are oblivious to many Wonkette males, who are “not-so-much” to their fatty female tissue parts, because they don’t see those lovely fat wobbly parts in their airport bathrooms. But then, those guys are not looking so much for fat wobbly menopausal lady bits. To be honest: who is? Maybe Melissa Etheridge wants to write another sad song about a depressed woman who lacks the courage to love her? WTF? WTF^3?
[re=220151]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: I shall demand that this be sung at the first Baltimore Orioles’ game. Perhaps between the 3rd and 4th inning. Can’t hurt. What could?
[re=220141]bitchincamaro[/re]: Score.
[re=220572]hobospacejungle[/re]: wow.
“EXTREMELY PUBLIC MOB RIDICULE.”
what else is the internet used for?
“And it worked. Jenni was humiliated and felt ridiculous.”
yessssssssssssssssssss
shaming is a useful tool to keep idiots in check in any society, if they spent their lives educating themselves instead of dressing up their animals in funny suits and torching lawncrosses perhaps they might realize this
So, Jenniforhillaryforpresidentforeverandevernomatterwhatthevoterssay cusses excessively and makes it sound sweet? What a wonderful talent, and how sad to see it wasted.
[re=220582]DeLand DeLakes[/re]: Sorry. Low expectations.
I’m impressed that the PUMAs used two “L”s to spell ‘college.’
Suck it, ya dumb sweeties.
[re=220596]foog[/re]: Subtle.
[re=220578]robanybody[/re]: “Took a Compazine.” Not good. Find another way.
Now, PUMAs.. you’re probably gonna hear a lot of people making fun of you and cracking all kinds of wise at your expense. I just want you to understand that this is not because the world is a cruel place that is out to get you.
It is simply because you are losers.
[re=220613]S.Luggo[/re]: Figured I’d need a little something. Dog ate the Lomotil.
I’m traveling in some vehicle
I’m sitting in some cafe
A defector from the blogwars
That shell shock snark away
There’s comfort in melancholy
When there’s no need to explain
It’s just as natural as the weather
In this moody sky today
In our possessive commenting
So much could not be expressed
So now I’m returning to myself
These things that riverdaughter suppressed
I see something of myself in every PUMA
Just at this moment of the world
As snow gathers like bolts of lace
Waltzing on a ballroom girl
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