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PORNOGRAPHY

The Official President Barack Obama Portrait!

Wait a minute, this is a BLACK GUY.So it looks like Obama is serious about this, and intends to become the president next week. Here’s the official Presidential Portrait of your favorite new Commander in Chief, wearing one of those phoney-baloney American Flag pins. This picture was reportedly taken by Pete Souza yesterday. Presumptuous. Click for the giant version, and then masturbate to it, for America.

So we can burn the Bush portrait now?


11:01 PM on Wed January 14 2009
By Ken Layne
10829 Views

  1. President Beeblebrox says at 11:03 pm, January 14th, 2009

    Where’s teh unicorn?

  2. ifthethunderdontgetya" says at 11:04 pm, January 14th, 2009

    Cry bitter tears, wingnuts.
    ~

  3. Mr Blifil says at 11:05 pm, January 14th, 2009

    Hmm…shaved the horns down a bit I see…

  4. How big can I blow this up? Seriously.

  5. badmuthagoose says at 11:07 pm, January 14th, 2009

    OMG we elected THIS DUDE? I thought I was voting for Will Ferrell! Shit!!!!!

    Ok all jokes aside, this is a fairly uncool looking picture for a guy who almost never looks uncool. What’s up photographer? And Background-Setter-Upper? I think Hopey looks better with a red or burgundy tie.

  6. obfuscator says at 11:09 pm, January 14th, 2009

    Wow… his ears ARE pretty big.

  7. I don’t think this is going to transfer to velvet well.

  8. I’m hetero male, and either this portrait is making me feel funny in my weener, or that urinary tract infection is acting up again.

  9. j6n: Google for Rasterbator. Sersleh.

  10. obfuscator: He has a nice tan, though.

  11. grevillea says at 11:14 pm, January 14th, 2009

    It’s a fake. That flag has 57 stars and the flag pin was obviously added in Photoshop. Why won’t NobaMA release his real portrait? Hennghh?

  12. Mr Blifil says at 11:20 pm, January 14th, 2009

    I get the American flag back there, but what’s with the other foreign jobbie striving for pride of place? Have we been led down the primrose path only to find that at the so-called Inauguration he will declare himself to be King Kwami of the Independent Pretorian Alliance of Africanus Maximus?

  13. Texan Bulldoggette says at 11:21 pm, January 14th, 2009

    Barry should have pulled out his electric shaver & gotten rid of his 5 o’ clock ’stache shadow. Oops, gotta go watch my favorite brown boyfriend Fareed Zakaria on TDS.

  14. Monsieur Grumpe says at 11:22 pm, January 14th, 2009
  15. Monsieur Grumpe says at 11:23 pm, January 14th, 2009
  16. SkimLatteModerate says at 11:24 pm, January 14th, 2009

    Ears.

  17. This picture makes me wonder… how long will it be until we see our next white male President? I doubt if we’re going to get any in the next few cycles… probably not until the mid-century mark. Here’s how I see it going:

    2009-2016: Barry Hussein Obama
    2017-2024: Bobby Piyush Jindal
    2025-2032: Chelsea Clinton
    2033-2040: Miley Cyrus
    2041-2048: Malia Obama
    2049-2056: Trig!

  18. Mr Blifil: that’s the Great Seal of the United States, which is, obviously, a Masonic symbol. Gotta have one in every Presidential portrait, it’s the law.

  19. President Beeblebrox says at 11:30 pm, January 14th, 2009

    jagorev: Starbursts.

  20. gliberal says at 11:31 pm, January 14th, 2009

    Lighting by Ray Charles.

  21. Monsieur Grumpe: Honestly, how long have you been waiting to post that?

  22. gliberal: Wardrobe by Gov. Paterson?

  23. jagorev:

    You forgot the Co-Consulship of the Bush Twins

  24. wickedlittledoll says at 11:33 pm, January 14th, 2009

    Before inauguration day. Before he begins his evil gay agenda…
    http://democralypsenow.blogspot.com/2009/01/homosexuals-may-soon-be-able-to-die-for.html

  25. Woodwards Friend says at 11:35 pm, January 14th, 2009

    I think they should just hang a picture of one of Montel Williams’s Obama coins.

  26. mylesfromnowhere says at 11:35 pm, January 14th, 2009

    damn, just wasted 1/2 hour trying to find the 6 things different in the two pictures.

  27. jagorev: I was thinking the color plotter @ work, but this looks even better.

  28. Monsieur Grumpe says at 11:38 pm, January 14th, 2009

    jagorev:
    2057-3309 Zogg the Hungry from Nembulax.
    He will run on the not so soon to be infamous “Breeders Will Be Rewarded” campaign.

  29. knoxtheharpy says at 11:39 pm, January 14th, 2009

    That’s a really nice silk tie.

  30. Monsieur Grumpe says at 11:40 pm, January 14th, 2009

    j6n:
    Too long.

  31. mylesfromnowhere says at 11:43 pm, January 14th, 2009

    at 10000x you can see the words on the flag pin: made in china

  32. CollegeStudent says at 11:54 pm, January 14th, 2009

    jagorev: And the new guy from American Idol
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hpnPX5pUvg0

  33. chascates says at 11:55 pm, January 14th, 2009

    I guess he had to wear the flag pin to prove his bonafides but he should have pinned a cross next to it for good measure. One with the dead Jewish guy hanging on for best effect.

  34. Barack Like Me, Bitches says at 12:01 am, January 15th, 2009

    What’s wrong with you peoples!!?11?!

    This has been up for just under an hour and nobody, I mean NOBODY has run it thru the Blingee Machine?

    Obama Girl most certainly disapproves and there won’t be any Truck Nutz for any of you lot.

    Hope you’re happy with yourselves.

  35. sarcasticusername says at 12:05 am, January 15th, 2009

    why is he wearing the same tie that every teenage boy wears for his senior portrait? did michelle forget to lay out his clothes before he left for work in the morning?
    bad outfit aside, it’s a little awkward to feel like your president is undressing you with his eyes… this portrait will sooo lower workplace productivity in federal buildings.

  36. mdotsota says at 12:06 am, January 15th, 2009

    jagorev: You sure that isn’t the official flag of the Republic of Muslin? Why won’t NOBAMA HUSSEIN tell us the truth, for once

  37. Pat Pending says at 12:06 am, January 15th, 2009

    jagorev: I am SO planning to be dead before the Trig years…

  38. sanantonerose says at 12:16 am, January 15th, 2009

    Yawn. Needs blingee.

  39. NotthatLC says at 12:19 am, January 15th, 2009

    Sigh. The one thing I can’t stand about Barry is that he’s made me such a cliche. And a besotted one, at that. Hi, Hopey!

  40. 2druk2phluq says at 12:39 am, January 15th, 2009

    Barack Like Me, Bitches: Obama girl… mmm, warm donut! She belongs to the new Prez, for he is the Kwisatz Haderach.

  41. It’s off center and I hate it.

  42. gurukalehuru says at 12:51 am, January 15th, 2009

    I am an American living abroad, and now I actually look forward to my next embassy visit.

  43. 2druk2phluq says at 12:55 am, January 15th, 2009

    I just realized my post this afternoon about a shrunken Larry Kudlow dildo flopped because I called him Ludlow. Ah, fuck it. He’s still a dildo, and I still prefer not to know his name.

  44. Ohhh. This picture just makes me say “Ohhh.” He’s litte too old to be my baby boy - but if I were his mama, I would just say, “Ohhh. I’m so proud of you, baby.”

  45. shortsshortsshorts says at 1:31 am, January 15th, 2009

    bArrIe eS Secksie. Eie Posted eit alll over mie blawg.

  46. JimNewell says at 1:48 am, January 15th, 2009

    jagorev: WRONG

    2009-2016: Hussein
    2020-2024: Hu Jintao
    2024-forever: Trig the Conquerer.

  47. JimNewell says at 1:48 am, January 15th, 2009

    oh and 2016-2020 is Lanny Davis

  48. TheeFauxhemian says at 2:12 am, January 15th, 2009

    Remember this photo well, fellow ‘murrikans. For it is the last time you will see your sexy president elect before he goes white haired and prematurely ages to the point of looking like a muslin David Brinkley.

  49. Jean Hotman, Marquis de Villers-St-Paul says at 2:19 am, January 15th, 2009

    sanantonerose: True. Where’s the Official Blingee of the President of the United States of America? Why there’s no Blingee.gov site?

  50. TheeFauxhemian says at 2:54 am, January 15th, 2009

  51. This is your president before job-related stress. Remember it.

  52. TheeFauxhemian: Brilliant! Love the kitty and the tiara, and the cigarette! Love love love.

  53. TheeFauxhemian says at 3:23 am, January 15th, 2009

    Mojopo:

    Thank ya’ kindly.

    Isn’t the Kitty’s enthusiasm for socialism and post-term abortions infectious?

  54. TheeFauxhemian: Completely infectious. Worse than any antibiotic-resistant infection I know of.

  55. TheeFauxhemian says at 3:36 am, January 15th, 2009

    Mojopo:

    Adorable Kittens: 1
    Ebola: 0

  56. hutzlionelesq@gmail.com says at 4:03 am, January 15th, 2009

    This is obviously not a real photo. You can’t see his hallo at all, and their is no wisp of smoke from his cigarette.

  57. hutzlionelesq@gmail.com says at 4:05 am, January 15th, 2009

    At least they took the photo from an angle that you can’t see that he is uncircumcised.

  58. Sabre_Justice says at 4:11 am, January 15th, 2009

    Eh, he looks kinda dorky in this one.

    That photographer should be shot.

  59. hutzlionelesq@gmail.com says at 4:12 am, January 15th, 2009

    Mr Blifil: I thought you could only see the horns by the light of a full moon.

    jagorev: Jim Newell: Wrong. Prophesy says that when Miley Cyrus loses her virginity, the Apocalypse begins.

  60. BobLoblawLawBlog says at 5:29 am, January 15th, 2009

    Texan Bulldoggette: I was just thinking he looked a bit unshaven. Or maybe that’s what he’s going for…cause he’s all sexay like that.

  61. BobLoblawLawBlog says at 5:31 am, January 15th, 2009

    pepe: Does “co-consulship” word have anything to do with championship rib eating? Cause those two look like they could suck a bone dry in record time. If you know what I mean. *wink*

  62. So is this the photo I should hang above my door, Stalin style?

  63. Come here a minute says at 7:07 am, January 15th, 2009

    Wire to all U.S. embassies:

    You may now burn all your Bush portraits, after throwing shoes at them.

  64. shanemacgowan says at 7:10 am, January 15th, 2009

    jagorev: Remember, Trig is part Native Alaskan. He has been dealing with prejudice his entire life.

    http://www.adn.com/news/alaska/newsreader/story/531155.html

  65. Serolf Divad says at 7:13 am, January 15th, 2009

    According to Gizmodo this is the first official presidential portrait taken with a digital camera… probably to facilitate Photoshopping-out the “666″ birthmark next to Hopey’s left temple.

  66. Bruno:
    We definitely need an Obama Communist mural.

  67. BobLoblawLawBlog says at 7:29 am, January 15th, 2009

    This sucks. Dammit, Wonkette, I’m trying to waste time at work in my usual fashion (appearing to be working, but really writing bullshit about buttsecks), and there’s just nothing snarkworthy. Where’s Palin? Can’t we liveblog her throwdown with Huckabee or something? I think we could title it “The Hillbilly Rasslin’ Match That Makes Jeebus Cry.”

  68. Yes we can!

  69. finallyhappy says at 8:16 am, January 15th, 2009

    Now when I come out of Silver Spring Metro, I won’t have to avert my eyes from the portraits of the Evil Ones at NOAA. I didn’t have to look but my eyes were always drawn to them-and I would hear voices saying “waterboarding is good, the Constitution is for wimps, Your soul is ours”. The first day President Hopey’s picture goes up-I am going to applaud at the NOAA entrance- really!

  70. finallyhappy says at 8:17 am, January 15th, 2009

    2druk2phluq: I heard Obama girl is going to be part of the group reading historical documents at the Newseum on Sunday-what the hell is that about???(Obama girl- not the reading)

  71. regisgoat says at 8:20 am, January 15th, 2009

    Good morning, and welcome to the last Thursday George W. Bush will be president of the US.

  72. Come here a minute:

    Wooo hoooo! The old photos are coming down in the lobbies! Sayonara, Dubya and Belezabub! Don’t let the screen door hit you on the way out!

  73. It’s like, how much more black could it be? And the answer is none. None more black.

  74. ladymacbeth says at 9:04 am, January 15th, 2009

    regisgoat: well that made my day.

  75. BadKitty says at 9:04 am, January 15th, 2009

    regisgoat: You just made me smile for the first time this morning.

  76. sanantonerose says at 9:16 am, January 15th, 2009

    Ohhh! My new Democratic blue butt plug came in today! Just in time for the inauguration. Yay!

  77. XOMuffintop says at 9:27 am, January 15th, 2009

    This is not a picture of our new half-breed muzlin overloard. Where is William Ayers and Osama with coat hangers forcing abortions on high school girls and forcing Christians to deny their god?

    THIS IS NOT WHAT I VOTED FOR!!!1!!

  78. Jobbotch says at 9:28 am, January 15th, 2009

    Meh. The tie’s too wide.

  79. An American in Toronto says at 9:31 am, January 15th, 2009

    gurukalehuru: Oh, me too! Hit the road cheerless death mask portrait of Dick Cheney! (shiver)

  80. SwamTheRiver says at 9:44 am, January 15th, 2009

    The tie was carefully designed to appease the Evangelicals who wanted Pat Robertson for Prez.

    Do they make wallpaper with this pic?

  81. SwamTheRiver says at 9:45 am, January 15th, 2009

    The tie is NOT from the Rush Limbaugh collection, as you will not find a single stripe on his ties.

  82. I skimmed the comments and looks like nobody else noticed this:

    The flag is a red herring.

    If you notice, he’s sending out a secret message to all of us. He’s leaning, ever so slightly, to his left.

  83. rev_matt_y says at 10:28 am, January 15th, 2009

    I am still stunned by the fact that our country actually was dragged kicking and screaming into the mid-20th century and elected someone other than a rich white guy. It makes me happy for my kids that they’ll grow up in a world where it really is possible that we might be approaching the end of the traditional hegemony.

  84. Carlo Wildwood says at 10:29 am, January 15th, 2009

    hutzlionelesq@gmail.com: The apocalpyse began three years ago?

  85. robanybody says at 10:34 am, January 15th, 2009

    Whoever Photoshopped the turban away needs to put it back. You can tell it’s been doctored — the top of his head is too round.

  86. Mitchbailey says at 10:38 am, January 15th, 2009

    The last time I felt like this is when I sang The Battle Hymn of the Republic for Governor Reagan in Jr. High.

  87. Mad Farmer Manifest says at 10:58 am, January 15th, 2009

    Carlo Wildwood: Win! And yes, the apocalypse started already? Why do you think we’ve been buying hobo beans? And killing zombies? Delicious, delicious zombies.

  88. HuddledMass says at 11:09 am, January 15th, 2009

    finallyhappy: You’re at NOAA? I’m at a Sea Grant program (where, needless to say: I, for one, am ready to welcome our NOAA overlords…)

  89. You expect us to masturbate to that, Layne? It might be enough for straight women and gay men, but us straight men need something more: try the big version: http://change.gov/page/-/officialportrait.jpg

  90. Uncle Glenny says at 11:24 am, January 15th, 2009

    Mitchbailey: Ewww. I sang (with choir school) something-or-other xmas stuff for Nixon, 8th grade I think. Still got a huge (but blurry) color picture of us posed with him.

  91. DoctorCulturae says at 11:30 am, January 15th, 2009

    Lot’s o’photoshop here I’m afraid, all to present info: very carefully placed prominent pin, too much highlight on his ears (”he listens,” okay we get it), he’s already much grayer than as presented, and extraordinary detail in his forehead (”and he’s smart too”). But the direct, no bs look says “I care for you, but I can also take it to the hoop myself and dunk on yo ass. Your choice.”

    Though I don’t like the shirt and tie (Is he a member of the Rotary Club?) it is far preferable to the Repubsmut fascisti white shirt and godawful red tie. Pleeze oh pleeze let us burn all red ties…

  92. Gorillionaire says at 11:43 am, January 15th, 2009

    Ha ha Bush lost suck it wingnuts!

  93. This really calls for a Blingee competition!

  94. sezme: Does The Confluence have that link, also?

  95. Sassette says at 12:13 pm, January 15th, 2009

    sarcasticusername: I’m already familiar with that feeling, thanks to the fact that a 16×20 of this has hung in my mom’s basement for as long as I can remember:
    http://www.s9.com/images/portraits/33542_John-F-Kennedy.jpg

  96. NoWireHangers says at 12:35 pm, January 15th, 2009

    It looks like he has a handsome smattering of those freckles black people get as they age. Zexy.

  97. Sour Cream and Oinon Pringles says at 12:39 pm, January 15th, 2009

    Fap fap fap fap fap fap fap. Who wants to go get some chili dogs? Fap fap fap fap fap fap fap.

  98. he looks like such a kid. who has just done something cheeky.

  99. Dark skin - check
    Flag pin - check
    Genyooine presidential flag - check
    Wingnuts’ heads sploding - checkmate

  100. problemwithcaring says at 1:41 pm, January 15th, 2009

    One of the hardest thing about taking my near blind friend with kidney failure to the Social Security Disability Office in Pomona every other week, is staring up at that fucking grinning-like-a-jackass picture of W, while arguing with some Cal State Northridge graduate about carryover cents on copies of gas bills and such.

    Not having to see a Republitard up there for four more years brings stinging tears of angry and relief to my eyes right now and I don’t care what you snark-y motherfukkas think!

    Barry on.

  101. Queen Regine says at 2:00 pm, January 15th, 2009

    robanybody: And they also photoshopped him pale. I KNOW he is much, much darker. No turban, pale,… AND he is wearing an American Flag. This is not the man I know.

  102. They forgot to trim the loose thread on his top shirt button, details details…..poor photographer.

  103. whore4hope says at 3:58 pm, January 15th, 2009

    It will be a good day when you don’t have to see that obnoxiously smurky Cheney photo in all the Fed buildings.

  104. You know, he looks like a human being. Very un-politician of him.

  105. TexasCowGirl says at 5:29 pm, January 15th, 2009

    Oh Thank you Lord!

  106. Mitchbailey says at 6:13 am, January 16th, 2009

    Yeah, picture the Anaheim Convention Center, thousands of kids from private (Christian) shcool choirs from all over California singing Ronald Reagan’s favority hymn to him: “Mine eyes have seen the glory coming of the Lord…” I love Obama, but I hope he leaves the “Grapes of Wrath” stuff out.

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