You Can Get Free Stuff Like Books At Libraries

 
  • Oh hooray people are going to their public libraries again, finally! But only because they need a warm place to look for a job. [Wall Street Journal]
  • Well huzzah, Barack Obama might use the last of the original bailout funds to help struggling homeowners — which, historians will recall, was how this whole financial mess began. [ABC News]
  • Lots of people make the same tax mistake Tim Geithner made … or so says the ultraliberal apologist paper of record. [New York Times]
  • Nobody cares about Osama bin Laden’s latest doom-cave communiqué. [Reuters]
  • The Democrats’ sexy new stimulus package is sure to revive our flaccid American economy. [Washington Post]
  • All the gays are going to have big gay parties to celebrate the inauguration of America’s first gay President. [Fox News]
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About the author

Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

View all articles by Sara K. Smith

Hola wonkerados.

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39 comments

  1. Terry

    With all the communiques that come out of that frickin cave, you’d think someone could find it. I’m sure there are some Rangers and such who’d like to go for a visit. Personally, I think he’s someplace decadent like the French Riviera, drinking liquor and hanging out with women of low repute. They probably use the faux stone wall in the discoteque as a backdrop to film the messages from the “cave”. Dude has a flute of Cristal just off screen.

  2. freakishlystrong

    “All the gays are going to have big gay parties to celebrate the inauguration of America’s first gay President.”

    Teh Wonkette party made the Fox “News”!

  3. 4tehlulz

    The stimulus package is $1 trillion of Viagra?

    Well, if it worked in Afghanistan, it’ll work here.

  4. wheelie

    And to think bin Laden was once so popular all over. Goes to show anyone’s showbiz career can hit the doldrums if you don’t keep your act fresh and relevant.

  5. Servo

    [re=219345]Terry[/re]:
    I always suspected he was in Manhattan. If the camera panned left, we’d probably see McDonald’s wrappers and Ludacris CDs.

  6. 2druk2phluq

    The Cave is the number one late night club in Waziristan. Osama has a VIP room there, and sometimes they allow a woman inside to show off the tip of her big toe. Shocking! It’s easy for bin Laden to create and spruce up his Jihad remixes from there, since they have a dynamite four track mixing board and a fancy western Betamax camera. Similarly to Lucy, teh dawter of teh devul, Mohammed DJ’s there. The Cave is the finest blend of Mooji poverty and Pakistani progressive Islamofascism.

    Incidentally, our economy may get a stiffy, but that’s just a prelude to the further reaming of the taxpayers. What we’re looking for here is more lubricant and less of the sandpaper condoms.

  7. Cape Clod

    The people who claimed that the internet would make libraries obsolete have now lost their jobs and had their internet connections canceled and are going to the libraries to go online to find a new job so they can renew their internet connections at home so they can complain online about how libraries are useless because of the internet.

  8. superfecta

    Yeah, but here in Philly we’re keeping it real by trying to shut down the public libraries (even though many of the city’s public schools don’t have their own such facilities). This is why I’m glad my library degree does not require me to work in a public library – well, that and the hobo issue.

  9. sanantonerose

    [re=219347]cal[/re]: Whaddya mean, “new?” Public libraries have always been hobo shelters. That’s why I became an academic librarian. At least our hobos are relatively clean and have money from their student loans to pay for printouts.

    And hey, where else but in a library can you find a hot chick reading a biography of Horace Mann while simultaneously flipping through a volume on the history of shipping?

  10. Giant Robot

    This message is for Joe the Plumber: Joe, WTF man, Royturs has a 100 point headline that says Osama bin Laden’s not a threat! Get the fuck over to Pakifganistan and take some pictures with your cell phone. Hurry the fuck up man – GO!

  11. Canmon (the Inadequate)

    Great. More loans to people who can’t pay them back. During the campaign he called that “predatory lending”, now it’s called “stimulus”.

  12. Naked Bunny with a Whip

    Oh hooray people are going to their public libraries again, finally!

    Damn! Competition!

    But only because they need a warm place to look for a job.

    Oh…okay. I’m only there trolling the children’s-book section for new “friends”.

  13. Mr Blifil

    James T. Harris, a Christian conservative radio host who famously told John McCain to “go after” Barack Obama at a rally in Wisconsin, said he thinks the inauguration will provide a chance for conservatives to showcase their tolerance.

    “The gayer inauguration, the better,” Harris said. “I hope that all of San Francisco turns out, and turns the inauguration into a gay pride festival. Then liberals can see how open and tolerant conservatives are.

    James T. Harris: The “T” is for “tap-tap-tap.”

  14. ManchuCandidate

    Hey, the library doesn’t give away tight pussy or loose shoes, but it is a warm place to shit.

  15. shanemacgowan

    Peter LaBarbera, president of Americans For Truth About Homosexuality, an organization that describes itself as “devoted exclusively to exposing and countering the homosexual activist agenda,” is worried less about what happens in public and more about what may go on behind closed doors.

    “I think most Americans would be put off if they knew what went on at these parties,” LaBarbera said. “Every special interest group has a ball of some sort, but this is not just any special interest group. More than half the country considers their behavior immoral.”

    I’m straight, but I think I’d like to find one of these parties.

  16. space stout

    wait- you mean the inauguration isn’t already a gay pride festival? WTF am I going to do with 3 miles of rainbow bunting?

  17. TGY

    Heck, libraries are also filled with valuable toilet paper, handily hard- or soft-bound. High rag content FTW!

  18. Colander

    Me and the gays are just hosin’ you guys. We’re all going to wait until Rick Warren takes the stage, then we shall all form into a sort of ‘gay Voltron’ unit, Glory-Holetron. Whereupon we will consome the minister (after his prayer, respectfully) then totally get strawberry-tinis, do meth, and dance like little Emmy Hirsche in Milk, like always.

  19. finallyhappy

    [re=219362]superfecta[/re]: Yes, I heard- having grown up in Philly. My neighborhood library(one of the branches planned for closing) was very important to me – and for more important work(we did not have the internet to plagerize from in those days), I went to the main Library downtown. I am sure closing libraries is a wonderful plan for a city whose education system has gone downhill. I went to public schools in Philly but that was the 50s and 60s

  20. gournay45@gmail.com

    [re=219375]Mr Blifil[/re]: If you have to announce how tolerant you are, you aren’t that tolerant. “The gayer the better?” ugh, moron.

    [re=219357]Servo[/re]: Funny, I always thought he was in the basement of the Pentagon.

  21. queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=219362]superfecta[/re]: I used to work in our main public library, and the hobos were always the most interesting people for conversations. They had more conspiracy theories than Drudge did, and were usually more accurate and knowledgeable about them too! Downside, they were kinda stinky.

  22. Min

    I’m gonna watch the parade just to see the gay and lesbian marching band. I just know the gay boys are going to be marching high step, and the lesbians are going to be marching glide step.

    ya, i r a bank geek.

  23. Colander

    [re=219402]Colander[/re]: Er, I said ‘consome’ up there. I meant consume. What does Obama plan to do about typos?

  24. frabjous snark

    I am presently sitting at a table in the library looking for a job. At the table facing me is a homeless person from the shelter next door to the library. He is busily talking to himself and doing some kind of research on the human body. True story.

  25. problemwithcaring

    I went to library and checked out Wrath of Khan last night. Ricardo Montalban and Socialism forever!!11!!

  26. Paul Tardy

    You Can Get Free Stuff Like Books At Libraries

    I am glad people are going to the library. I was always disgusted that all those unemployed english major slackers were getting paid to work at B&N, and Starbluks. I for one appeciate our public servants, as opposed to our private servants who disgust me.

    Brilliant idea: an automobile library. Instead of paying for cars the government will let anyone with a valid license borrow one for free, as long as they promise to bring it back in 2 weeks. We could do this with espresso machines too. YES WE CAN!!!!!!!!!

  27. Dean Booth

    “Libraries are the new hobo shelters.” When librarians are fired, they just keep going to work until they find another job.

  28. assistant/atlas

    [re=219378]shanemacgowan[/re]: Doesn’t it sound like Peter LaBarbera has attended a large number of these parties? For “research” I’m sure….

    [re=219402]Colander[/re]: Dude! I knew it! I knew gay people had secret superpowers beyond super-hairdressing, mega-fashion-design and that gaydar thingie…

Comments are closed.