About the author

Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

View all articles by Sara K. Smith


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Mr Blifil

    Jeez, he just wants to be near her. Oh very well…inside her. Happy?

  • TGY

    I’m glad to know that Chels talents will finally be developed and expanded.

  • Dreamer

    Did he also say that her father was an intern? Now we know where Bubba learned how to treat interns.

  • Dientes

    Old Senator Horse Face is one sleazy bastard.

  • Toomush Infermashun

    How about “by the hour?”…

  • Gopherit

    That Kerry is one smooth operator. I heard he picked up Teresa Heinz in a Disco with the following line:

    “Um, hello young lady. I was going to have a get-together, a party if you will, later. I was wondering if you would be so good as to attend said party. Oh yes, that party will be in my slacks. Did you know these are polyester? They are quite durable and stain-resistant.”

  • Darehead

    Swift Goat.

  • Servo

    The Aristocrats!

  • WadISay

    It is also the Chairman’s perrogative to make Mrs. Larry Craig Senate restroom attendant for a day.

  • HedonismBot

    Why is Biden so notorious for gaffes? Sen. Long-and-Hairy-and-Hard-to-Kerry seems to stick his foot in his mouth at least a couple times a year.
    Ah, a Kerry presidency might have been fun. Now we’ll never know.

  • Spiro Agnew

    Chels, you’ve come a long way baby.


    You can’t blame the guy for trying…

  • Servo

    “Do you like windsurfing?”

  • Sean O

    Chelsea Clinton: Yet another thing McCain was wrong(ish) about.

  • jagorev

    I think Chairman’s Perogative is the same thing as prima nocte, which lets the chairman of the Foreign Relations Committee sleep with the President on Jan. 20.

  • Otto Reimer

    Chelsea should be the poster girl for the Ugly Duckling Society of America.

  • TommySez

    I’d tap that ass!

    Hillary’s, too.

  • MARCdMan

    ♥ Rachel Maddow.

  • KilgoreTrout_XL

    Chelsea is looking damn good there.

  • Mr Blifil

    [re=218329]HedonismBot[/re]: Biden is notorious for gaffes because he can’t help himself. In this situation he’d probably say something like “I don’t understand why my good friend Senator Kerry is under criticism for his flattery of Chelsea Clinton, I mean look at her-she’s CLEARLY fuckable…”

  • sarcasticusername

    how on earth does john kerry manage to be so darned awkward? he opens his mouth to try and make a funny, and you just know that shit pellets are going to come flying out, it’s mostly just a question of volume. he’s got a real talent for this (not even entirely sure what “this” is), it’s absolutely amazing.

  • Aurelio

    I can’t watch it. I can’t watch the hildebeest. Just when I thought the nightmare was over, she came back on my teevee again. And even on my Wonkette. Will I never be free of her? Pleeze, teevee and internet gods, block my Hillary-reception. My nerve endings will thank you.


    You ever wonder if Rush Limbaugh secretly hates himself for secretly masturbating to this libtardette he once likened to a dog?

    I hope so. I hope they’re bitter bitter tears.

  • Aurelio

    And I can’t watch Rachel Lesbow, either. It makes me soooo…confused. (Ducks.)

  • Sean O

    [re=218346]Mr Blifil[/re]: “Please refer to the powerpoint presentation that I have made about the fuckability of Chelsea Clinton. Packets may be picked up at the back of the room.”

  • Godot

    We already knew Kerry was into that stuff, remember?


    He just wanted Chelsea for his harem of boat-dwelling, Bud-Light-via-penis-straw-drinking, wild party whores. And really, who can blame him? I’ll probably be thinking of Chelsea when I’m with my boatload of drunk sluts tonight, and all of you know you will too.

  • TGY

    [re=218350]sarcasticusername[/re]: He would’ve been great as Sec of State.

  • El Pinche

    Kerry wants to drive his swiftboat up Chelsea’s NAFTA highway.

  • JadedDIssonance

    Maddow has some of KO’s mannerisms. I wish she would channel a little more Ellen, a little less Charlie Gibson.

  • Gorillionaire

    I have a fair amount of confidence in Chelsea. In spite of her undoubtably wacky life so far, I believe that she will probably wind up being an accomplished, honorable grown up person someday. Much more so than any other presidential offspring we have around right now.
    And yes I would totally hit it.

  • Gopherit

    [re=218391]JadedDIssonance[/re]: Leave my Rachel alone! She’s just fine the ay she is…

  • Miller

    The chairman’s prerogative is like that thing from Braveheart, where the lord of the land has the right to nail the wife of his peasants on the night of the wedding, except in our superior democratic system it applies to daughters of government appointees. Read your Magna Carta people.


  • ThreeFirstNames

    You can’t say intern and Clinton in the same sentence without someone else screaming SEX

  • Deepthroat

    tee-hee! Visuals of Kerry a la Bobby Brown… imagine, if you will…


  • Sean O

    [re=218403]Miller[/re]: It’s shocking that Clinton didn’t institute prima noctis. Maybe just for cankly virgins.

  • Hound

    Who wouldn’t want to give her a semen bath? That’s all I’m saying, also.

  • DoctorCulturae

    This is no gaffe. Kerry is a dork, but no dummy. This is Senator Behavior 101, the kind that plays to the nasty inner game of the place. There is no love lost between him and Team Clintbot. My hunch is the Team iced him out and this is another “marker.” As in, just cause you’re still in doesn’t mean we lefties can’t bring you down a notch or two with the same crap that brought you down before. Or, let’s make sure everyone knows you’re playing the hoor game here.

  • ella

    [re=218391]JadedDIssonance[/re]: I wish she’d stop saying nay-ow for “now.”


    No one’s paying attention because they’re all focused on Hillz and Chels (hopefully, for the sake of your penis, more Chels than Hillz), but Chucky boy is sporting a full on pede-grin through the whole thing, like he’s thinking, “Yeah, I’d take her for an intern… ten years ago.” Creepy.

  • chascates

    And which one of these two ate the canary?

  • whiskey tango foxtrot

    No no Senator, *foreign* relations. You have to take her to Canadia first.

  • Heywood Floyd

    Check that man for pants. Chairman’s Prerogative does not apply here.

  • imarmcandy

    [re=218419]DoctorCulturae[/re]: Maybe, but as usual Kerry just comes off like a dork.

  • Purple Tide

    It’s pretty obvious Kerry has a thing for redheads: Theresa Heinz, Chelsea Clinton, Party Boat Slut #2. He’s a ginger hound!

  • HMS Nerd

    Ha! @imarmcandy, so right – anyone else saying that would have been obvs mean. In this case, it’s like Kerry popped down from planet Ketchup to try this new human custom called talking to people. He should stick to the script.

  • Aurelio

    Chuck Schumer looks as happy as a dog with two dicks.

  • Bruno

    As a successful hedge fund employee, calling her an intern is more than a bit insulting. A senator’s salary looks ‘intern-like’ compared to hers.

  • Bruno

    Chelsea vs. Meghan? Tough call, but I think it would be easier & sleazier to hit it with Mehgan.

  • lawrenceofthedesert

    Freudian (sexual) hysteria on Wonkette should be considered by Congress as a valuable source of renewable energy. Even better, much of it runs off of good ol’ US-grown corn and barley. I’d even venture that it’s a new energy class: psycho-thermal.

  • Purple Tide

    Chelsea is svelte and shapely; she’s at least a good decade or two from cankledom. Meghan, however, plumps up every six months with a random freshman 15, probably from sipping on her mother’s Busch.

  • NunnaTheSOBs

    @ Gopherit:

    … and Teresa Heinz replied to Mr. Ed
    the same way she did to America after
    he lost the ’04 election:

    “kiss my ass and buy my ketchup”.


    Bruno: Happy compromise; nail Meghan while picturing Chels.

  • greywindz

    Kerry’s priorities are way out of league… ;-( tsk tsk…