INTERNS  10:10 am January 14, 2009

John Kerry Drafts Chelsea Clinton Into Performing Sex Favors For A Day

by Sara K. Smith

What is this “chairman’s prerogative” John Kerry is invoking here? Gross. [YouTube]

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Hola wonkerados.

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Mr Blifil January 14, 2009 at 10:13 am

Jeez, he just wants to be near her. Oh very well…inside her. Happy?

TGY January 14, 2009 at 10:15 am

I’m glad to know that Chels talents will finally be developed and expanded.

Dreamer January 14, 2009 at 10:16 am

Did he also say that her father was an intern? Now we know where Bubba learned how to treat interns.

Dientes January 14, 2009 at 10:17 am

Old Senator Horse Face is one sleazy bastard.

Toomush Infermashun January 14, 2009 at 10:22 am

How about “by the hour?”…

Gopherit January 14, 2009 at 10:26 am

That Kerry is one smooth operator. I heard he picked up Teresa Heinz in a Disco with the following line:

“Um, hello young lady. I was going to have a get-together, a party if you will, later. I was wondering if you would be so good as to attend said party. Oh yes, that party will be in my slacks. Did you know these are polyester? They are quite durable and stain-resistant.”

Darehead January 14, 2009 at 10:27 am

Swift Goat.

Servo January 14, 2009 at 10:27 am

The Aristocrats!

WadISay January 14, 2009 at 10:37 am

It is also the Chairman’s perrogative to make Mrs. Larry Craig Senate restroom attendant for a day.

HedonismBot January 14, 2009 at 10:38 am

Why is Biden so notorious for gaffes? Sen. Long-and-Hairy-and-Hard-to-Kerry seems to stick his foot in his mouth at least a couple times a year.
Ah, a Kerry presidency might have been fun. Now we’ll never know.

Spiro Agnew January 14, 2009 at 10:38 am

Chels, you’ve come a long way baby.

I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO January 14, 2009 at 10:39 am

You can’t blame the guy for trying…

Servo January 14, 2009 at 10:43 am

“Do you like windsurfing?”

Sean O January 14, 2009 at 10:46 am

Chelsea Clinton: Yet another thing McCain was wrong(ish) about.

jagorev January 14, 2009 at 10:46 am

I think Chairman’s Perogative is the same thing as prima nocte, which lets the chairman of the Foreign Relations Committee sleep with the President on Jan. 20.

Otto Reimer January 14, 2009 at 10:52 am

Chelsea should be the poster girl for the Ugly Duckling Society of America.

TommySez January 14, 2009 at 10:53 am

I’d tap that ass!

Hillary’s, too.

MARCdMan January 14, 2009 at 10:53 am

♥ Rachel Maddow.

KilgoreTrout_XL January 14, 2009 at 10:53 am

Chelsea is looking damn good there.

Mr Blifil January 14, 2009 at 10:55 am

[re=218329]HedonismBot[/re]: Biden is notorious for gaffes because he can’t help himself. In this situation he’d probably say something like “I don’t understand why my good friend Senator Kerry is under criticism for his flattery of Chelsea Clinton, I mean look at her-she’s CLEARLY fuckable…”

sarcasticusername January 14, 2009 at 10:58 am

how on earth does john kerry manage to be so darned awkward? he opens his mouth to try and make a funny, and you just know that shit pellets are going to come flying out, it’s mostly just a question of volume. he’s got a real talent for this (not even entirely sure what “this” is), it’s absolutely amazing.

Aurelio January 14, 2009 at 10:58 am

I can’t watch it. I can’t watch the hildebeest. Just when I thought the nightmare was over, she came back on my teevee again. And even on my Wonkette. Will I never be free of her? Pleeze, teevee and internet gods, block my Hillary-reception. My nerve endings will thank you.

I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO January 14, 2009 at 11:00 am

You ever wonder if Rush Limbaugh secretly hates himself for secretly masturbating to this libtardette he once likened to a dog?

I hope so. I hope they’re bitter bitter tears.

Aurelio January 14, 2009 at 11:02 am

And I can’t watch Rachel Lesbow, either. It makes me soooo…confused. (Ducks.)

Sean O January 14, 2009 at 11:02 am

[re=218346]Mr Blifil[/re]: “Please refer to the powerpoint presentation that I have made about the fuckability of Chelsea Clinton. Packets may be picked up at the back of the room.”

Godot January 14, 2009 at 11:11 am

We already knew Kerry was into that stuff, remember?

He just wanted Chelsea for his harem of boat-dwelling, Bud-Light-via-penis-straw-drinking, wild party whores. And really, who can blame him? I’ll probably be thinking of Chelsea when I’m with my boatload of drunk sluts tonight, and all of you know you will too.

TGY January 14, 2009 at 11:12 am

[re=218350]sarcasticusername[/re]: He would’ve been great as Sec of State.

El Pinche January 14, 2009 at 11:17 am

Kerry wants to drive his swiftboat up Chelsea’s NAFTA highway.

JadedDIssonance January 14, 2009 at 11:19 am

Maddow has some of KO’s mannerisms. I wish she would channel a little more Ellen, a little less Charlie Gibson.

Gorillionaire January 14, 2009 at 11:21 am

I have a fair amount of confidence in Chelsea. In spite of her undoubtably wacky life so far, I believe that she will probably wind up being an accomplished, honorable grown up person someday. Much more so than any other presidential offspring we have around right now.
And yes I would totally hit it.

Gopherit January 14, 2009 at 11:24 am

[re=218391]JadedDIssonance[/re]: Leave my Rachel alone! She’s just fine the ay she is…

Miller January 14, 2009 at 11:25 am

The chairman’s prerogative is like that thing from Braveheart, where the lord of the land has the right to nail the wife of his peasants on the night of the wedding, except in our superior democratic system it applies to daughters of government appointees. Read your Magna Carta people.

ThreeFirstNames January 14, 2009 at 11:31 am

You can’t say intern and Clinton in the same sentence without someone else screaming SEX

Deepthroat January 14, 2009 at 11:33 am

tee-hee! Visuals of Kerry a la Bobby Brown… imagine, if you will…

Sean O January 14, 2009 at 11:39 am

[re=218403]Miller[/re]: It’s shocking that Clinton didn’t institute prima noctis. Maybe just for cankly virgins.

Hound January 14, 2009 at 11:43 am

Who wouldn’t want to give her a semen bath? That’s all I’m saying, also.

DoctorCulturae January 14, 2009 at 11:43 am

This is no gaffe. Kerry is a dork, but no dummy. This is Senator Behavior 101, the kind that plays to the nasty inner game of the place. There is no love lost between him and Team Clintbot. My hunch is the Team iced him out and this is another “marker.” As in, just cause you’re still in doesn’t mean we lefties can’t bring you down a notch or two with the same crap that brought you down before. Or, let’s make sure everyone knows you’re playing the hoor game here.

ella January 14, 2009 at 11:46 am

[re=218391]JadedDIssonance[/re]: I wish she’d stop saying nay-ow for “now.”

I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO January 14, 2009 at 12:10 pm

No one’s paying attention because they’re all focused on Hillz and Chels (hopefully, for the sake of your penis, more Chels than Hillz), but Chucky boy is sporting a full on pede-grin through the whole thing, like he’s thinking, “Yeah, I’d take her for an intern… ten years ago.” Creepy.

chascates January 14, 2009 at 12:15 pm

And which one of these two ate the canary?

whiskey tango foxtrot January 14, 2009 at 12:35 pm

No no Senator, *foreign* relations. You have to take her to Canadia first.

Heywood Floyd January 14, 2009 at 12:39 pm

Check that man for pants. Chairman’s Prerogative does not apply here.

imarmcandy January 14, 2009 at 12:53 pm

[re=218419]DoctorCulturae[/re]: Maybe, but as usual Kerry just comes off like a dork.

Purple Tide January 14, 2009 at 1:00 pm

It’s pretty obvious Kerry has a thing for redheads: Theresa Heinz, Chelsea Clinton, Party Boat Slut #2. He’s a ginger hound!

HMS Nerd January 14, 2009 at 1:08 pm

Ha! @imarmcandy, so right – anyone else saying that would have been obvs mean. In this case, it’s like Kerry popped down from planet Ketchup to try this new human custom called talking to people. He should stick to the script.

Aurelio January 14, 2009 at 1:16 pm

Chuck Schumer looks as happy as a dog with two dicks.

Bruno January 14, 2009 at 1:25 pm

As a successful hedge fund employee, calling her an intern is more than a bit insulting. A senator’s salary looks ‘intern-like’ compared to hers.

Bruno January 14, 2009 at 1:28 pm

Chelsea vs. Meghan? Tough call, but I think it would be easier & sleazier to hit it with Mehgan.

lawrenceofthedesert January 14, 2009 at 1:36 pm

Freudian (sexual) hysteria on Wonkette should be considered by Congress as a valuable source of renewable energy. Even better, much of it runs off of good ol’ US-grown corn and barley. I’d even venture that it’s a new energy class: psycho-thermal.

Purple Tide January 14, 2009 at 1:38 pm

Chelsea is svelte and shapely; she’s at least a good decade or two from cankledom. Meghan, however, plumps up every six months with a random freshman 15, probably from sipping on her mother’s Busch.

NunnaTheSOBs January 14, 2009 at 1:40 pm

@ Gopherit:

… and Teresa Heinz replied to Mr. Ed
the same way she did to America after
he lost the ’04 election:

“kiss my ass and buy my ketchup”.

I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO January 14, 2009 at 2:44 pm

Bruno: Happy compromise; nail Meghan while picturing Chels.

greywindz January 22, 2009 at 12:24 pm

Kerry’s priorities are way out of league… ;-( tsk tsk…

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