Wonkette
- A senior Pentagon official did not refer Mohammed al-Qahtani’s case for trial because he had been tortured. This is really too bad, because he sounds like a real nasty son of a bitch who should have been prosecuted, but oh well, TORTURE. [Washington Post]
- More former Guantanamo detainees are returning to the battlefield because Barack Obama didn’t give them decent, well-paying green-collar jobs. [Voice of America]
- The crazy death-faking financial manager guy was found by authorities as he tried to commit suicide, which he also failed at. [CNN]
- Israel admits that endlessly bombing the shit out of Gaza may not put Hamas out of business. [Washington Post]
- Barack Obama is having some trouble getting Democratic senators to support his economic stimulus proposals and his request to release the remaining half of the original bailout funds. [Bloomberg]
- Would you like some salmonella with your peanut butter? It’s free! [AP]
DAILY BRIEFING
Lizard people are immune to salmonella and Coleman lost the MN Senate race…coincidence?
Wake me when Joe the Plumber is KIA…
Giant Robot: Will you accept MIA? A JTP kidnapping is fine too.
4tehlulz: Yeah it’s all good. Maybe he’ll slit his own wrists and drive himself to the hospital where some UN medics will harvest his organs and dump his empty shell in the Mediterranean…
The United States Department of Defense says the number of former Guantanamo Bay detainees returning to terrorist activities is on the rise.
Now hear this. This is the US Dept of Defense’s way of saying, to the history books, that these guys were terrorists in the first place. BIG WRONG. They were released because there was no evidence they were terrorists. But after being in Guantanamo, they became terrorists. George Bush, Donald Rumsfeld and the rest of the neocons….they made these men into terrorists.
Marcus,
I could have prompted your exit a lot cheaper and with much less hassle.
As for Sara’s question on how to save our nation’s peanut butters…cheez. No one even knows how to save our nation from the jam we’re in, let alone the peanut butter!
Feed salmonella tainted peanut butter to Guantanamo detained Finance Managers and Democratic Senators.
The End
Darehead:
True, and “returning to terrorist activities” could mean a lot of things. As the article said, engaging in “propaganda battles” is also counted as returning to terrorist activities. Propaganda battles could mean anything - like, telling bad things about America to your neighbors, which would of course be completely normal if they were tortured, fairly or not.
Darehead:
…or as Bill Maher stated:
“If you thought Martha Stewart was a bitch before going to jail…”
The question persists…if a bunch of doggies get ill from the peanut butters will an equally large group of strangely satisfied men step up and inform us of how teh salmonella spread?
“Schrenker, who had been missing since Sunday, did not suffer life-threatening injuries and was being guarded at the hospital, Beeman said.”
Non-life-threatening…I’m waiting for the punch line…”and if I didn’t know how to swim, I might have drowned”. What a taint. also.
and I’m sending my peanut butter to JoeTP
Don’t non-Nobama Dempublicans realize that no one really cares what they think. And we just want bailout and stimulus moneys to shoot out Our Saviors fingertips, like sparkles from Captain Io’s be-gloved hands? FREE MONEY, PLEASE.
But after being in Guantanamo, they became terrorists.
Especially since any retard sketching a halfwitted, vaguely threatening plan on his drool rag is now considered a terrorist.
Re: torture. Those damn “we broke every national and international law in questioning the suspect” technicalities! Martin Riggs’ mullet in the first two Lethal Weapon weeps in shame!
Peanut butters are for peanut Bitters. Let them get poisoned!
And here all along I thought I was King Nut.
Real Americans eat foreign-made Nutella, anyway.
Don’t you hate it when “you can’t bring people to Justice” because you don’t even remember what Lady Justice looks like, or where to find her? Then you let the (maybe formerly US-dissatisfied) prisoners, and they decide to check out Lady Luck at the Al-Qaeda(TM) Russian Roulette table to win back their dignity chips.
People who are locked up for years without any due process of law, kept isolated and incommunicado, and possibly tortured by being forced to eat tainted peanut butter come out of the experience pissed off and ready to retaliate against their jailers? I find that hard to believe.
Is there a crime that this “financial manager” can be charged with for letting his plane crash any ol’ place, in addition to whatever his original crime was/crimes were? It could’ve crashed into a freaking day care center, taking out dozens of kids and whatnot. Douche. He looks like one, too.
Who put the peanut butter in my salmonella?
“A fugitive pilot taken into custody at a Florida campground with deep cuts on his wrists was incoherent and bleeding so profusely he likely would not have survived another hour…”
Wait, Schrenker slit his wrists, then parachuted safely from the plane? What a jackass.
Deaths?! There are three deaths attributed to tainted peanut butter?! That’s going too far. I demand the immediate restoration of my childhood innocence.