Your Wonkette associate editor was buying his weekly “groceries” (frozen gravy-flavored bacon sticks and chocolate) at the Safeway on 14th & D sts. SE when suddenly his fellow customers screamed, “OMG IT’S OBAMA.” Then: “I want my picture taken with Obama.” Lastly: “Oh he’s just wax Obama.” Just kidding, your associate editor was the only person to do this. This is the famous Wax Demon, and it will be terrorizing other Safeways in the District tonight, according to the terrorist in charge. This is what feminism looks like!
Political Wire
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Authors
Rebecca Schoenkopf (424)
Kirsten Boyd Johnson (927)
Sulagna Misra (4)
Kris E. Benson (11)
Liz Colville (170)
John Schoenkopf (7)
Jim Newell (5640)
Josh Fruhlinger (646)
Erik Jay (27)
Blair Burke (181)
{ 85 comments }
I wouldn’t mind waxing Obama.
I bet the wax is illegitimate.
Newell, why don’t you shop at the hairy titties at potomac ave? Too elitist for ya?
Wax on, wax off.
He’s laughing at the fat chicks in the frozen food aisle frantically grabbing cheesecakes at the sight of him.
And when they turn up the heat will Obama just melt into a puddle?
Looks like he’s begging for change.
[re=217993]loganmo[/re]: Simple answer: self-checkout. I LIVE for self-checkout. Especially during rush hour. Harris’ Titters does not have that so fuck them, don’t make me wait.
This is the Secret Service’s plan for creating Obama decoys for the inauguration. Sneaky bastards! Also.
[re=217993]loganmo[/re]: And yes, elitism also… I do not care for HT’s “fresh produce” and other herbal-tea shit.
What — they couldn’t find Kenyan-themed mylar balloons?
I call shenanigans until I see that things Official Certificate of Live Waxation.
He standing in front of a lot of balloons and a lot of coke. Is Obama huffing Nitrous now, too?
[re=217998]Jim Newell[/re]: I hate self-checkout. I’m not gonna collect the food and have them do nothing for it. I don’t count dropping the eggs as a fair exchange either.
Ah, Safeway in the hood! Maybe the least Soviet of all the District’s Safeways. I thought the self-checkout was for shoppers allergic to the other humans. That’s how I use it; more fun even than EZ-Pass.
OMG Unsafeway! If you’re really feeling brave, try the one on Bladensburg & H. I call it “East Berlin.”
Everybody knows the real one is made out of titanium.
Can Sarah K. Smith “wax” my “demon”?
Sorry, I got nothin’.
WTF? Drudge says that Obama broke bread with lightning rod columnist William Kristol?
Is it not true that prophesy says that the only way to contain Obama is to surround him with his own graven image? Take that, Rapture!
[re=218010]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: I bet the wax is from Indonesia.
[re=217998]Jim Newell[/re]:
that’s crazy that they don’t have it..the new one up in adam’s morgan has it….i will say the one time i went to your safeway i thought the produce wasn’t too bad, at least relative for how terrible i was told that the store was. By produce I mean the crack being sold outside the potomac ave metro.
Is that figure anatomically correct? Because I know some people that would love to get a hold of that hard, waxy piece, if you know what I’m sayin’. Yeah, you know you do….
What a confluence!
This is but the first of a massive Clone Army about to be unleashed on a helpless public, crushing us under the robotic boot of liberal fascism!
Is he hiring?
[re=218051]Colander[/re]: WIN.
At the Weblog awards, apparently Wonkette, Rumproast and Synthesis can take a victory lap. We will provide cig breaks at the quarter mile marks. WTF happened to F**k You Penguin in the BEST PET BLOG category that they got bested in the finals? I suspect foul play.
[re=217998]Jim Newell[/re]: What kind of a socialist are you? Do you not know that your precious self checkouts take jobs from actual people – it is even worse than outsourcing.
…Im upset at the fact that Jim Newell can still afford to shop in a actual super market! My idea of grocery shopping is wrestling with the raccoons behind T.G.I. Fridays for chicken bones. Fukkin hobo elitist!
…and by the way did anyone else hear that Dick Cheney is suppose to be writing a book?!
wait! “frozen gravy-flavored bacon sticks and chocolate”: is this frozen gravy-flavored bacon sticks WITH chocolate or frozen gravy-flavored bacon sticks with a CHOCOLATE CHASER?
this is obsessing me.
[re=218060]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Luxury! I survive on the dead raccoons that die of starvation. Quit lording it over me.
[re=218058]Dreamer[/re]: yeah, that is why I drive from Maryland to Jersey to buy gas because there is no self service gas pumping there- and don’t try it, either!
The irony is the bottom of the statue says “Made in Kenya” HahahaaaHHAHAHAhhahahah ooh my its killing me inside.
(ok, there are better snarks along the same lines, but f’it)
I think I saw that statue at Ben’s Chili Bowel the other night.
[re=218063]wheelie[/re]: …hmmmmmm, do you have any good raccoon recipes?
That is a blatant waste of valuable floorspace. They should at least pin a Slim Jim display on his lapel.
http://www.afic.northcom.mil/
Regarding Barry’s illegal and frightening engagement to Joe Biden (I got my invitation in today’s mail!!) WHY haven’t Wonkette reported on the identity of this week’s pre-dawn playtime inauguration rehearsal “President” G. Bush?
Army Sgt. Bruce COBBLEDICK !!!!
teh gayz are taking over
meh
[re=218064]finallyhappy[/re]: completely different and don’t try to confuse me.
[re=218070]AngryBlakGuy[/re]:
I think you can find some in here ….
Was he smokin’ mentholated Kool’s? As Wax’bama, that would be the truely courageous, risk taking behavior I want in a president.
Newell is right. Self checkout rules! I know I’m putting cashiers out of work, but if CVS were totally robotized, it would be a much, much better world.
AOL political machine common taters:
Barry is scanning the shoppers, so that it will be easier to lock them up in the Halliburton camps later when G.W. Bush and the Queen of England take over and enact their cocaine distributorship/monarchy.
~
[re=218089]smellyal8r[/re]: All the cashiers probably stay on the payroll helping old people figure out how to use the touchscreens. What hellish 40 hour weeks those must be.
(And they are also stuck helping Robobot get her reuseable grocery bags around the motion sensor without it going apeshit thinking I stole something. I think the ghetto Giant in Hyattsville has hired someone on full time to watch me.)
Just a pic of it and not one with it?
Tsk.
Thank Jebus he’s protecting our nation’s vital supply of helium. Etc.
You people like self checkout? Will you be saying that when there’s nobody left to serve you and when you pay your bill it says “Error 49, CANNOT PROCESS. MUST KILL MAN NOW.”
What the hell are the immigrants going to do if they are replaced by machines? HUH? THEY WILL ALL BECOME BLOGGERS I TELLS YOU, also.
[re=218104]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Shorts, I’m beginning to worry about you. You okay, buddy? Also.
It’s a Wax man (not Henry, though)
that lifeless figure would be an improvement over that one guy’s impression on snl, the folks over there should really look into that…
[re=218107]V572625694[/re]: Jim Newell apparently likes self checkout at stores. THIS IS A TRAGEDY. Also.
so, what time does the drunk blogging begin?
[re=218117]BadKitty[/re]: I’m about 3 drinks away, but I’ll be back with the big guns. Liquid fucking courage man. That’s the ticket.
I’ll drink to that.
Huffington Post reports Barry had dinner with George Will, David Brooks, Bill Kirstol, and Charles Krauthammer. And apparently they’re all still alive.
[re=218132]chascates[/re]: What they failed to report was that when the check came, George, David, Bill and Charles all, coincidentally, had to use the bathroom at the same time. Go figure.
Hmm…I would have put you smart ass Ivy elitists down as Piggly Wiggly shoppers…
[re=218122]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: I started on the way home on the train. I avoided this place for a day or two after my last drunken performance, which, if I may say, you encouraged. Way to enable.
Orrin Hatch’s carapace of Ivan Dixon.
[re=218133]Heywood Floyd[/re]: The President elect must have the patience of Job. I wouldn’t be able to decide who to stab first in that crowd.
From tonight’s Larry King Live:
Asked by King if he liked Obama, Bush replied, “I do. I do like him. You’d like him, too.”
But Laura Bush said she took some of Obama’s critiques of her husband personally.
“Were you angry at it?” King asked.
“Yes, sort of. George didn’t really even know about it because he didn’t really watch it that much,” Laura Bush said, laughing.
God damn it, will we be able to make it to next Tuesday without more of this shit? I’m buying a 1.75L for Thursday night.
[re=218061]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Will there be an audio CD from Gitmo with Cheney’s book? Otherwise I will wait for the FrontLine TV documentary, “Mistakes Were Made” (subtitled, “Scream When You Hear the Name ‘Jesus’”.)
[re=218139]chascates[/re]: I think the best and most humane way to use a knife on that group would be to conduct precision surgery on that mesmerizing turkey-neck that George Will sports with the pride of a peacock. Yes, Will is a man of such contradictions that he could sport a turkey neck in the vain of a peacock.
That said, I’d leave Krauthammer free from attack, but only because he seems high-strung enough to have a major and very public nervous breakdown that involves him running through the street in nothing but diapers and and a “bippy” that he defies the police to take from him. I”l leave what happens next to you imagination as waht I have in mind might cost me my commenting privileges here.
[re=218132]chascates[/re]: The odd-couple gathering led to speculation that Rush Limbaugh, who said that he was in D.C. for a “secret meeting,” was also in attendance.
Ha. It was at George Will’s house — so if Limbaugh was even there, he was dressed in livery and holding a lantern by the driveway.
[re=218145]Heywood Floyd[/re]: Since he’s in a wheel chair I’d save Krauthammer for last and roll him into the wood burning fireplace.
[re=218146]SayItWithWookies[/re]: I’m assuming El Fatso was meeting up with Roger Ailes to plan some deviltry for this next week.
[re=218074]El Bombastico[/re]: Waste of valuable floor space? Not for the Democratic Leadership Council, which knows the value of cardboard figures.
Changiness.
[re=218146]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Barry is “open” to all. I don’t get the dinner thing, or a reason for that matter. People kept e-mailing me all fucking day being like “THIS IS GOING TO HAPPEN.” Ol’ Billy loves fucking attention (like he desperately loves being fucked for attention type thing), and Barry is willing to give it to him, hard. It’s disgusting, but does anyone understand what these gay Mexicans are after? Also.
[re=218145]Heywood Floyd[/re]: Why you go so out of grammar after awhiles? Doncha no that this plac is very grammar important?
That’s no wax demon. It’s a chocolate Jesus.
And oh ya, (*cough*).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_c6HsiixFS8
You people can thank me later.
[re=217998]Jim Newell[/re]: Let it be known that Jim Newell prefers his shopping with zero human interaction instead of the usual minimal, token human interaction.
[re=218155]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: I’m pretty sure the lady on that there TV program’s struck oil. She oughta get Todd Palin to come give her some tips on drillin’.
[re=217998]Jim Newell[/re]: Harris Teeter in Arlington does. and in Pentagon City. I think the real problem is you are attempting to find nutrition in the city.
[re=218155]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: I think we’ve found a co-host for Samuel Wurtzelbacher’s morning show “Joe The Plumber: Up At The Crack”
[re=218132]chascates[/re]:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/01/13/obamas-dinner-with-conser_n_157701.html
What a bunt. Did Barry and the Conserv commentators kiss and trade among themselves their intimate labia-pierced, gold jewelry?
(If yes, NeoCon Senator Mitch “Take No Prisoners” McConnell laffs. As do I, but with no glee.)
Barry is either naïve or is willing to follow the centrist Clintonian path of out-.Republicanning the Republicans. My guess is the latter.
Changiness.
[re=218170]S.Luggo[/re]: I hope he at least offered to give the blessing before dinner. Then laid some Mulsim rap on them to fuck with their heads. And then said “I’m just shittin’ you; I’m down with Jesus. And that Jew stuff, being tribal and all.”
Kind of an ice breaker.
[re=218170]S.Luggo[/re]: Yeah, Rahm was there and locked all the doors on Goerge Will’s house. Obama layed it out Chicago-Kenya mafia-style over Mrs. Will’s shitty meatloaf n potatoes. The Fairness Doctrine is coming, my friends. It’s Ludacrisp and Little Wayne on every AM station. Kanye West OpEDs. THE WHITE VOICE OF MERIKA WILL BE SHUTDOWN BY THE MESSIAHOBAMBI!!
I’m as offended by this as anyone. Children shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near DC. The whole place should have an NC17 rating.
[re=218171]chascates[/re]: There’s nothing better than a couple ‘o good fellas coming together to talk about their plans for the holocaust, er apocalypse. Either way, it’s a great way to find out what Satan the ice-melter actually looks like, dood. What I’m trying to say is if LIGHTNING ROD KRISTOL took a horrible fall tonight, he would either get a cabinet position, or free tickets to go see David Hassolhoff in Germany er something. Either way, SHADOW GOVERNMENT. Also.
[re=218159]Jewdishoowary Square[/re]: Hey, when I try to tell the checkout clerk about my sciatica the other people in line start shooting me dagger-looks.
[re=218171]chascates[/re]: “I hope he at least offered to give the blessing before dinner.” It depends upon what the Democratic Leadership Council says is okay.
I hope that you get my point. 44 = 42.
Hello! You might remember me from last night, when we all got drunk together and played Pin The Gay on Ken Blackwell. This morning I felt like someone drove a spike through my right eye, and now I love you all forever.
I, too, have a big black replica of something but mine was made by Feeldoe. Anyways – I blogged on Ann Coulter tonight and now I feel dir-tay! It’s all over me! WHOO!
http://mojopo.blogspot.com/2009/01/to-msm-friend-need-is-liberal-indeed.html
Thanks again.
Your Pal,
Mojo
Some of you understand that “God Hates Fags.” Will Battu forsake this divine truth? More at 11.
People are going to be stealin wax Obama just like they do Ronald McDonald. For their frat house porch and shit.
Does it shoot fire out the butt like the wax figure of Joe the Plummer?
that is my safeway. I was there last night after work… I can’t believe I missed spotting the divine one.
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