Wonkette
When Sarah Palin was nominated for vice president, nobody knew anything about her except that she was the gal those dorkwads at Wonkette were always leering over. Curious citizens investigated exactly three sources for information on all things Palin: this august publication, some Alaska blog, and the Anchorage Daily News.
Millions of readers came to love the ADN for its straight-faced and always respectful coverage of America’s dumbest governor. And how does she repay them? By sending them some idiot email accusing them of “pursu[ing] and/or print[ing]” “false reports.” So the ADN editor kindly ran her full email with full responses to her retarded questions, which no person who can actually read would have asked in the first place.
Example:
Q. Did you really print a story last week suggesting I had any connection with Sherry Johnston’s activities in the past six months or so and you won’t correct the story?
[A quotation of a story about Johnston follows.]
A: I do not see in this passage a suggestion that you were connected to Sherry Johnston’s activities. It does say that the only time Sherry Johnston would have been under Secret Service protection was “whenever she was in contact with Palin.” I don’t think that suggests that you were involved in her activities, although I suppose it’s possible that someone might misread “it” in that sentence as referring to drug dealing even though it obviously refers to Secret Service protection.
[...] I would also remind you that we called the governor’s office for comment about the Johnston arrest. Your spokesman declined to make any comment on the matter. He could have clarified your relationship and/or interactions with Ms. Johnston, but elected not to. (Curiously, he asserted that it was not a state matter, although the troopers are a clearly state agency, under the direction of the governor’s office, dealing with a quasi-member of the governor’s extended family.)
Sarah Palin should have her Internet privileges suspended.
Full text of the Palin-ADN email exchange [Anchorage Daily News]
She is starting the slow painful spiral of political death. She will end up at some wingnut think tank and I bet with her own show on Fox News.
ITZ CUZ YOU LIBS HATE SARAH AND GOD WILL MAKE HER PRESNET AND I HATE THE UN AND HOLLYWOD SUX AND OBAMA IS DA ANITCHRIST AND LIBS HAT MERICA
Hahahaha Sarah Palin writes 90% of all AOL Political Machine comments. Ken Layne writes the other 10%.
Oh the lingering stupid.
FAIL, FAIL, and FAIL!
I respect the ADN as much as the next occasional reader not from Alaska, but the proper way to deal with this email from Gov. Palin would be as follows:
Q. Did you really print a story last week suggesting I had any connection with Sherry Johnston’s activities in the past six months or so and you won’t correct the story?
A. No.
Palin should have her respiration privileges suspended.
She reads that newspaper, along with everything else.
hobospacejungle: WIN! If only.
New ADN headline:
Palin - Still Retarded.
If she would just shut up people would gladly forget about her & not write anything about her. But, she is a crazy narcissist like Blago who can’t just let anything go.
“Did you really print a story last week ….[?]”
Reading is fundamental, Palin.
Palin/The guy who draws Mallard Filmore 2012!
hobospacejungle: After reading and rereading her question, the better answer would be, “Huh?”
So Sarah politely gives the A.D.N. a chance to come clean about its ( its referring to the A.D.N.’s!) blatant mis-characterization of the governor’s relationship to her grand-baby granny in which the A.D.N. was clearly implying that Governor Palin had explicitly used her S.S. detail to shield said grand-baby granny’s meth operation from the A.S.T.s. Clear as could be right? But what do those mendacious journilistapaths at the A.D.N. go and do but try to stand the whole thing on its (its referring to the whole oxy/meth granny thing!) head. Poor Sarah has to run for Prez next time just to get away from these bastards.
The biggest mistake the ADN made was to encourage Palin to “go on.” STFU would have been so much more appropriate.
The smug-smiling ADN editor is my new hero.
The correct response to the question would have been “What are you wearing?”
Can we maybe put her on some sort of live puppycam-esque feed so we can all watch her nurse her brood, lick herself and shit on the floor? That’d be great.
Her breezy journalistic style is enough to get her credentialed for a trip to Gaza City. Please? She would be a beautiful rocket-magnet. Also.
liquiddaddy: By implication, she reads Wonkette, and so:
Sarah,
Please stop trying to read.
Sincerely,
The Internet.
I’m awaiting Fred Barnes’ Palin Top 10 list.
Reading this caca makes me want to go down in the basement and cook up some meth. Or blow myself up, whichever comes first.
Sarah was just protecting Bristol’s mama-in-law grizzly. Oxy lovin’ sow?
It just won’t die! It’s obviously not enough to use a wooden stake, I guess we’ll have to try an icicle or maybe a Hughes Tool drillbit.
It’s a sad sign of English’s failure to keep track with our changing society that the ADN had to resort to the circumlocution “quasi-member of the governor’s extended family” to describe Palin’s daughter’s babbydaddy/fiance-but-not-really-because-she-won’t-actually-become-VP’s mother. As gay marriage continues to destroy the traditional family unit, we’re obviously going to need a short and snappy word to describe this familial relationship. Might I suggest “meth-maw”?
“And, oh, I could go on . . .
Governor, I would encourage you to go on.”
As do we, Governor. Please go on. It gives us so much pleasure.
My hopes went up at the start of her sentence, “You’re stripping me of even a shred,” but then were dashed. WTF is a “shred of faith”?
Speaking of faking a disappearance…
Palin obviously di not learn anything about email security after her Yahoo account got hacked:
It is just going to be sooooo much fun when she runs in 2012!!
The only thing worse than watching a junkie throw her dealer under the bus is watching a women throw her daughter’s soon to be mother-in-law under the bus.
Sorry, not “worse,” “more fun.”
“Sarah Palin should have her Internet privileges suspended. ”
along with here breeding privileges… and microphone/tv camera privileges…
…ironically the more she tries to prove her “competence”, the more respect I have for the McCain campaigns ability to keep her from opening her mouth during the campaign.
Please, say it aint so: did you really allow a story to run in your paper today claiming Levi Johnston is a high school drop out? Did I read that right?
Is he in school now? No.
Did he graduate? No.
= dropout.
I wonder if Foxnews has not spawned a whole new branch of modern American rhetoric, that Palin now practices, which we might refer to as the “Accusatory Question”. Unlike the Socratic method, the intent of this method’s questions is not so much to draw facts and analysis from the respondent as to establish a proposition as fact in the observers mind.
To that end, Pat Dougherty’s response was Epic Fail. He answered the questions directly.
Dougherty and the editorial staff of ADN should at least try to take the time to keep up with the mores of modern American discourse. The acceptable responses to the Accusatory Question would have been either “Reported in our paper in what respect, Sara?” or “Go fuck yourself, Sara.”
azw88: To late for that. THE DISEASE HAS ALREADY SPREAD.
Dave J.: In Alaska that qualifies you to be mayor.
It’s like he was talking to a foot-stomping nine-year-old: “No sweetie, calm down, I did not say your hair looked funny. I said I was amused that you thought I said your hair looked funny, which isn’t the same th…”
“I HATE YOU!”
Tie Levi to a tree and let me deal with the north slope cold like a man.
Okay, we now assume Caribou Barbie reads the Wonkette, so here’s an easy question for her:
Sarah,
Did you really say all those things that the television cameras recorded you saying even when you said them? We thought you were just being cute. I mean, Putin raising his head in Alaskan air space and all. Priceless.
If so, you should hurriedly (that means fast) retreat (go back) to the tried-and-true (proven) Republican (your political party) technique (way) of constructing (making) a sentence…noun, verb, 9/11.
Sarah in 2012!!
“Governor, I would encourage you to go on.” = “Here, Governor… have some more rope.”
Awesome epic fail. She is the only one suggesting that she had any connection with the baby’s daddy’s momma’s oxy dealing. And she wonders how this rumors get started; she puts them out there herself by her own silly mishandling of the media.
As the Poet Laureate of the Motor City would say to all you haterz, she “got the fire down below!”
Also, sarcasm aside. Nom nom nipply nom.
“Q. Did you really print a story last week suggesting I had any connection with Sherry Johnston’s activities in the past six months or so and you won’t correct the story?”
Way to presume Sherry’s guilt prior to trial, Sarah Plain. Five or six community colleges, one journalism degree [!?!?!], yet still no clue.
“No clue in what respect, Charlie?”
Also.
>>I bet with her own show on Fox News.
GOVS GONE WILD
TGY: WIN
I’m actually shocked that she doesn’t write in the third person like a children’s book.
YOU CAN HAVE THE INTERWEBS BACK WHEN YOU PRY THEM FROM MY COLD DEAD HANDS, ALSO!!
-SP
hobospacejungle: Actually I think the proper response would have begun in a way very familiar to Wonketteers…
http://img.wonkette.com/assets/resources/2008/01/letters-thumb.jpg
I’m liking the idea of letting Sarah be Sarah more and more every day.
Off thread but that guy who crashed his plane in Florida escaped on a motorcycle that he had previously stashed in a storage unit. That’s fucking awesome. I like me a good story of wily bandits outwitting dipshitty southern cops every now and then…
azw88: and her L.A. privileges.
“a quasi-member of the governor’s extended family”?? By now that’s basically got to be the entire population of Alaska, and probably some of Russia (if she can see it, she’s probably related to it).
StephanieInCA: heck yeah! Pitbulls are known not just for their lipstick, but for overbreeding!
Giant Robot: That guy > DB Cooper
It’s a totally awesome story, except that he sounds like one of those ultra-douche mortgage guys who pretty much fucked everyone over during the past five years. But the hiding-a-motorcycle-and-bailing-out-of-his-own-plane thing is pretty cool.
Reading. It’s a valuable f*cking thing. You don’t just give that away for nothing.
Who knew the ADN would engage in this sort of ‘class warfare’? I bet Caroline Kennedy never gets asked whether or not her daughter’s baby daddy is a high school drop out.
Secessionist Sarah must have a lot of free time on her hands, now that she’s unable to continue with her Socialist Agenda of stealing free market oil profits and distributing them to the lazy Alaskans.
This bit from HuffPo says that the only thing Meaghan “Mams” McCain won’t comment on is Caribou Barbie:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/01/13/meghan-mccain-palin-one-t_n_157440.html
Pull the claws back, kitty!
It’s kind of like watching someone driving in snow for the first time.
Tommy Says Ira G is a Tool: Oops, Layne woke up from his bender and already posted it.
Josh Fruhlinger: *WIN*
Does this mean Bristol’s baby grandma is quasi-moto?
Sarah; the internet called. They want their email back. ASAP. Out.
Her tortuously worded question makes my teeth hurt. Doesn’t she have a semi-literate person on her staff to write these emails? Any word on whether these came from the haxxored yahoo account she illegally uses for state business?
V572625694: Shred of Faith: small strip of cloth similar to the prayer cloths often sold on certain religious programs; similar to the towel she wore in that St.Paul (the city, not the gospel)hotel room meeting with McGrumpy’s staff.
Dave J.: I wish he was a respectable shine runner like the Dukes… but if he makes it to Alaska I wish him luck, he gave us a good new cycle…
Hello Wonketteers, we’ve got to vote in the “Best Science Blog” category so that a climate denier - the Watt’s Up With That - is an voted in as the best science blog. We cannot let a blog endorsed by the wingnut talk radio kings and queens win. Vote for Pharyngula (PZ Myers)- it is the only one close enough to defeat this anti-science blog.
Voting closes at 5pm ET today.
I’d been assuming that Gov. Palin just wasn’t good at conversational speech, and that she’d be perfectly coherent if she had time to sit down and organize her thoughts on paper. But it seems like the problem is that the poor woman actually thinks incoherently.
I guess the real tragedy is that she’s stuck in Alaska. Here in New York, politicians have people called “press secretaries” who could take a garbled mess like that and turn it into something that made sense. (”Dear Editors: Last week, you falsely stated that I was involved with Sherry Johnson’s drug-dealing activities. I expect an immediate retraction.”)
Top-of-the-line “press secretaries” can also provide reading-comprehension services. (”Dear Editors: Last week, you did not falsely state that I was involved with Sherry Johnson’s drug-dealing activities. Keep up the good work!”)
Dreamer:
Texas children have to retake Kindergarten!? That posting alone is worth my vote.
My extended family is fairly redneck (the “real” Virginia), so I recognize the tragi-comic arc of her rise and fall. When you’re ten years old and your aunt drinks a little too much at the family reunion, ultimately talking a little too loud and showing her ass, it’s funny. When you’re in high school at a subsequent family reunion, it’s even funnier because now you’re old enough to stop watching her and start watching the reactions of everyone around her. In college, you drink with your aunt and encourage her behavior for your amusement; however, post-college it’s not as funny as it used to be, and once you have a family of your own, her antics elicit pity for your uncle and her children.
Sarah Palin is your embarassing aunt who drinks your dad’s expensive scotch mixed with Diet Rite at the family reunion.
So no one here even cares that she misspelled the word ain’t?
Sarcasm aside, where are your priorities?
this is really all under the umbrella of jobs creation, and trade, as, nothing to be afraid of.
Postings like this one from the ADN is one of the reasons that I’m going to miss newspapers when they finally die. I mean, it’s so polite that it’s snarky. If I had just sent a crazy irate email saying that i was being defamed, and got this letter in reply, I’d be convinced that they were making fun of me.
I guess those 6 ‘jounalism colleges’ she went to taught her how to have a critical mind.
While is clear she doesn’t bother to read ADN (its not Economist or USA today - which are of course in the same category), the saddest thing is she probably didn’t even write that message. I probably was triple checked by her crack team of PR professionals/high-school classmates from Wasilla
SP has the cocktail waitress conversation down well. Not to devalue cocktail waitresses- they work their tails off under dehumanizing conditions. They are usually smarter than that off the clock. Sarah Palin, I’m not so sure. She seems to have a size 7 (or whatever size her shoes are) mouth.
How did she get elected again?
Lets pray she runs against Hopey in 2012!
Canuckledragger: Of course in Sarah’s mind, all that educatin’ (I went to 6 colleges and you only went to 1!) is a benefit.
I am now offically in man-love with this editor. His response was lucid, polite and somehow managed to be sneeringly disdainful. What is this man doing in a provincial gloom-hole? He should be down here in “Real America” saving the print media.
Aloysius: Sarah Palin is your embarassing aunt who drinks your dad’s expensive scotch mixed with Diet Rite at the family reunion.
Maybe, if you are Republican. For me, that aunt would be Cindy Sheehan or Cynthia McKinney. Sarah Palin is still just the perplexing racist that lives next door.
In the amount of time it took to write that email to ADN she could have just read the articles in question (I’m of course assuming she can read). Although I do love that the context and definition of two letter words is back. “It depends on what your definition of it is”.
problemwithcaring: You’re right, delicious Diet Rite should not be polluted by expensive Scotch, a horrible poison invented by Shakespearean witches in the Dark Ages.
I see the vague (by definition) morph of an indy film on the horizon: “Prolonging Palin.”
Never leave us Sarah, you make the crazy so hot.
Chick is priceless, really. Can NOT live without me some Saras.
I once worked for the ADN, knocking off the evil forces of the then soon-to-be Veco Times. Like all Mclatchy papers, it pretty well sucks now, but in the day it rocked. And today, it rocks again.
Servo: My Pet Dope
facehead: You forgot to tell her to eat a bag of dicks.
Since she reads “anything put in front of her” why not leave a stack of Berenstien Bears books? That’ll keep her occupied, if not immobile.
ADN: “Should I infer from your question that Levi did not drop out of school and will graduate with his class? If so, we will be happy to publish our own correction of the AP story. I think you would also want to contact the AP and ask them to issue a correction as well. Their story was distributed nationally and internationally.”
Total destruction. Any normal person would be sobbing in a dark room and promsing never again to blight the public consciousness with the fact of her risible, pathetic existence after getting publicly demolished like this. But we can be sure the Gov. will again take up her crayon and futher her abuse of the English language.
problemwithcaring: I caught it, but immediately considered the source. As Canuckledragger: said so eloquently, “Five or six community colleges, one journalism degree [!?!?!], yet still no clue.”
V572625694: Faith shreds deliciously when cooked at low temps in a Crock Pot.
Nerdalicious: OH GOD!!! How awesome would a Blago v. Palin presidential election be? Really awesome. That’s how much.
Whoulda thought she’d look back on her Wonkette GILF status as the highlight of her political career?
Can a Pulitzer be awarded to the Anchorage Daily News by popular acclaim?
Gallowglass: It really is astounding… it’s like a stupendously popular Hollywood star with no agent, doing whatever stupid fucking thing they want. After being launched into space by the media, this idiot still has no trusted, savvy, confidant on Earth, no one that has the courage to say “No, no, no, that would be dumb; dumber than a bag of dicks, Governor, for you to pick a fight online, in your own vapid nonsensical language, with a silly Alaskan newspaper, over stuff you don’t even want in the news; instead, let’s read this children’s book on the Middle East… let us prepare…”
2-3 years from now, she will have finally realized this, and will slowly begin acting with some actual strategy and marketing intelligence. She will become addicted to the effect of memorizing and repeating complete, coherent Gingrichy right wing talking points, and will actually begin to develop a shell-like pseudeointellegence that is actually capable of passing the pathetic Turing tests conducted by the terrible Katies and Charlies of the Liberal Media. Inside, like GWB before her, she will remain the same dangerously incurious, egotistical, shit-for-brained automaton, but the story will be that she has earned her way, and can no longer be fenced in by liberal trickery!
The true weaponization of Sarah hasn’t even begun, and half the right ALREADY thinks they can defend her. She is their golem, and they will bring her back improved. I’ll admit, they have a lot of work to do, but if she can even learn a little, she’ll be a different candidate to our stupid country…
oh hey, that was long! sorry! TRUCKNUTZ!!!
choinski: She’ll just try to shoot them.
She is very stupid also.
Chauncey, I agree with you completely. Which is why the vast & eternal Youtube archive of Sarah Palin’s Finest Moments is so vitally important.
At this point I think Trig would be better off with Levi’s mom.
Dang! Anyone that PWNED!!1211`~211!!! should be hunted and shot from a helicopter.
Rodney Badger: That would be the End Times of the United States of America.
Also.
We’ll find that in just about a couple of years from now, this Palin person will be working as a stripper at some lonely “gentleman’s club” in East Wasilla, separated from her husband, living off meager royalties from some dumb book that’s now literally gathering dust in publishing warehouses nationwide. She’ll be smoking two packs a day and listening to metal all day and night, not that there’s anything wrong with that. She might have a lingering meth problem that upsets the neighbors in the gated community of Rolling Glen Hills.
Caitifty: Win
Ain’t there supposed to be an apostrophe in “aint”?
shortsshortsshorts: Ken just does what Tina Fey did. Transcribe Palin’s insane language then add a punch line. Honestly, the repubtards have comedy far too easy for the funnyguyz to do. At least Hopey might make them earn their daily bread, for a change.
I don’t know why you people take such issue with her confusion on this fact. After all, she reads everything. She probably just mixed up the hometown rag and the NYT. These things happen. To her.
Nerdalicious: About Palin and Blago: I just read this post and flashed on the greatest fantasy image of all time. Palin, Blago, love child. Please, can’t someone hook these two up? They would burn up the basic cable with their raging crazy Blagins at home reality tv series. And what two people would be more in love? Not with each other, stupid! but with a gimmick that would keep them in front of a camera 24/7.
Josh Fruhlinger: Shameless win! and your familial description gave me a headache. Can’t we just call them White Trash and be done with it? Alaska’s own Tobacco Road clan of inbreds. I’m still waiting for the family tree expose that proves what’s it–the slutty one–and that kid who knocked her up, self-described fuckin’ hockey dude, are cousins. I’ll settle for second, first would be more fun.
Pics of Nancy Screwing a DONKEY.
lancemannion.typepad.com/lance_mannion/2006/10/nancy_pelosis_m.html
Nerdalicious: DREAM TICKET!!! Post-partisan. The New Lunacy.
Palin’s right of course! Levi is not a high school dropout, and neither is Bristol.
Nor is the First Dude a former long-time member of a traitorous
Alaskan separatist party. Baby Tripp’s other grandmother
is not a drug dealer either. And Sarah herself is not a
pathological liar. No way!
AfghanVet: Either that or she and Ann Coulter will start to make porn together.
kingofnothing: …or at least a “t’ in front.