Pleasant Young Gay In Anguish Over Dinners At White House

Some guy who was college buddies with Barbara Bush (the young one) went to the White House for dinner a couple times during George W. Bush's first term, and now he feels icky about it because of the war, and because he is gay. Is this just a completely banal retelling of a fairly boring bunch of stories, or is it the most fascinating thing ever...OR BOTH?

Here are some nifty things we learn from our intrepid essayist, C. Brian Smith:

• He had half a "marijuana cigarette" (that's "joint" in ghetto parlance, yes?) in his pack of Camel Lights the first time he went to the White House.

• Barney the dog farts a lot.

• Laura Bush is "impossibly delightful."

• The President insisted on giving this guy the dumbest nickname you can ever hope to give a Smith (trust your editor on this one!), which is "Smitty."

• The President drinks a lot of "non-beer."

• This guy Brian eventually felt bad that he had dinner, like a civilized person, with his college friend's dad because his college friend's dad turned out to be a warmongering creep.

Dude lighten up,there is nothing wrong with a couple free dinners, especially when you're 22! It's not like you chaired his re-election campaign or led his stupid war into a ditch. YOU ATE CHICKEN POT PIE WITH THE MAN, YOU DO NOT GO TO HELL FOR THAT.

 My Dinners with Dubya [Vanity Fair]