Wonkette
Well, this one just smacks of implausibility — what “tall and handsome 6′3″ and work out daily” kind of guy do you know who would have to go on Craigslist looking for a party date? — but whatever, we’ll bite. He does not care if you are an 89-year-old skeletal space monster, as long as you look vaguely humanoid and want to go to an inaugural ball with this guy. He will buy you a dress, too! Oh but here is the HOOK: He’s got tickets to the Texas State Society’s Black Tie & Boots Inaugural Ball, which of course nobody wants to go to. Texas is dead to the rest of the nation. [DC Craigslist]
Does this mean that all the DC escorts/hookers/crack hos are busy?
Well, he’s been Grad degreed, so that’s always a plus.
Does he has a big cock?
Mmmmmm, sexy gun runner dude.
(caucasion preferred, sorry)
Racist Douchebag looking for a date to the Southern Inaugural Ball.
…“Texas State Society’s Black Tie & Boots Inaugural Ball”? Why doesn’t he just take his sister, at least he knows she will put out!
Does he supply the KY?
magic titty: …I seriously doubt it! That whole “Everything is bigger in Texas” is nothing more than a way to compensate for their SHORTcomings.
I just need a “body” of the female variety to attend an inaugural ball with me”
Hmmm, I think I have the perfect date: Meet Ms. Fleshlight
http://www.mymalesexuality.com/products/images/FleshlightSR.jpg
he’s in chinatown- why doesn’t he just hit up the Hooter’s on 7th street?
$500 for a dress? Well, I do look good in red but I ain’t shaving my legs.
Axis of Fun member?
He only needs a chica because his boyfriend refused to do drag this year.
“I am NOT picky”. Oh christ. This guy doesn’t look too deeply into the psychology of desire, does he?
ManchuCandidate: Depends. Is Elliot Spitzer in town?
Human Female Inaugural Date
Some people are soooo picky.
If he does find somebody willing to go to that hoe down, his date can pretty much wear anything. Judging by the dresses for this listed at dressregistry.com, the bar’s been set very low.
…is anyone looking for a clean and articulate(and generally inebriated) black man? I’m a very cheap date and I put out on the first date(dependent on your attractiveness/species as well as my level of intoxication).
Oh SWEET. Us Californian people SURE LUV TEXAS. I’ll be the prettiest man-girl at the ball. Take me?
He-toad seeking she-toad with IQ lower than a pencil sharpener. Must do anal on a first date. No freaks, fats, or non-whites. Serious replies only.
I guess that since the D.C Madam ‘offed’ herself, (Yeah, right!), it’s gotten harder to arrange for a single evening escort.
AngryBlakGuy:
Only if he uses the stirrups.
[gestures emphatically towards crotch]
“Yo baby, here’s MY inaugural ball. Wanna come?”
Sara, while you’re covering this loser who obviously looks like Rush Limbaugh – if he is advertising on Creg’s list for a date – you are missing Hillary Clinton’s confirmation hearing. Tweedy is having an orgasmic reaction on air at the thought of drama between Kerry and Clinton.
Does the name Jeffrey Dahmer mean anything to you? On what planet could this guy not get a date? Does he smell like poop? He’s gotta be some kind of ax wielding pervert. Watch out! Danger!
The Texas State Society hasn’t been that courtly since Kleberg of the King Ranch ran that big top show. If you press your ear to the wooden paneling of the ballroom, you can here the messages of our Texas forefathers speaking unspeakable truths to the present brood of Texans filling the hall.
I did this once, being a proper Freethinker of the Guadalupe Valley, and all I heard was LBJ screaming, “Lady Bird! Get me another god damn drink!”
And btw Wonkette, you can hate on Texas all you want, but if you really piss us off, we will give Bush, after Bush, after Bush. Don’t make us get the Hispanic Bush out, we got him.
And if you really, really, really piss us off, we are also not above another March of the Paultards.
Maybe Bill will lend you his?
[URL=http://blingee.com/blingee/view/81078840-Evil-People][IMG]http://image.blingee.com/images15/content/output/000/000/000/4d5/348956667_1016865.gif[/IMG][/URL]
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Is anyone watching John Kerry being a douche in the Hillary (THEY STOLE IT FROM HER) Clinton secretary designate confirmation hearing? It’s SPECIAL. AND EXCITING. Also.
Everyone:
Do not pay more than $50 for any–any–”inaugural” ball. If you pay more than that, you will be miserable and you will be ripped-off.
Most “inaugural” “balls”–yes, we put both words in quotations, for good reason–offer this: long lines; crappy acoustics; bad or little food (the often literally runs out early in the evening, which is just stupid); cash bars, even after you’ve paid $200 or up to $1,000 to walk through the front door, which is stupid; bad, over-rated bands and singers, including some “national” acts; snobby, snooty, stuck-up poseur assholes (not everyone, of course, but many of them); confusion, mismanagement and bad organization; no coat rooms or unstaffed coat rooms, which is stupid; open bars that run out of beer and wine and liquor, which is stupid; no real celebrities or high-ranking government officials; boring people; horrible DJs; and rooms that are either too cold or too hot, which is stupid.
By the way, a bunch of us have experienced all of the above at “official” “inaugural” “balls” in D.C. stretching back for more than 30 years now.
They are literally rip-offs, you will literally be miserable, and you will want your money back.
Go to the smaller, art-oriented balls in the city–and don’t pay more than 50 bucks if you can. Those are the parties to hit.
shortsshortsshorts: No liveblog? What has happened to our trusty Wonkette?
Mustang:
Even worse…a trip to the Big Jeebus Mall.
thefrontpage: This also sounds like your review of the prom.
Deepthroat: Fleshlight, best date i ever had. No fancy dinners at red lobster and especially no stupid restraining orders.
Yes to sentence fragments.
Reminds me, must get Mrs Randomsausage to don the ten-gallon and get on with the cow-girl. Yeeee-hawwwwww
thefrontpage: Otto Reimer: Sounds like my high school reunion.
thefrontpage: So you are saying that big balls rarely swing as much as promised whereas smaller balls can be more fun to hold and enjoy?
Servo: Is that where he’s gonna buy his “date” the perfect outfit he’s been fantasizing about slashing someone into smithereens in?
Needz beard?
Seriously what’s up with the pugnacious tone at the beginning of the ad? Why not just be direct and threaten to bitch slap the next person who disappoints him in any way? An “I AM NOT A PSYCHO” t-shirt in his profile pic might have helped I guess.
Lascauxcaveman: It never gets old.
“Have mine” says Bill
http://image.blingee.com/images15/content/output/000/000/000/4d5/348956667_1016865.gif
Owns a house in DC and Dewey Beach and we are supposed to believe he is straight?
The Reverse Cowgirl has something to do with Eddie Murphy, what with him being a Muslin African, also. Sarcasm aside.
AngryBlakGuy:
Species dependent….
since when?
It seems he doesn’t want a date, but more of a humanoid female with which he can trap and skin to wear as some transgendered flesh suit with which he can use to try to seduce the fancy lads at the ball. If that’s what you’re into, then by all means respond.
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
Translation:
Wanted: A blonde-haired, blue-eyed country girl of strong Christian values, a Texas ten-gallon twat for procreation, and a fan of PBR.
AngryBlakGuy is my dream girl.
He says he’s “athletic…about everything.” What do you suppose that means?
Deepthroat: But how will it look in a ball gown?
Humanoid female forms also come in the blow-up variety. No fuss, no muss, and she’ll put out on the first date. He should look into it.
Is he counting his mid-morning wank in the office john as a “daily workout” ?????
He works for Bernie Madoff. This is some kind of ponzi scheme, I just know it.
Craig’s list is published by Satan, himself.
I thought Lyndon B. Johnson was dead!?!
I can never see that phrase without thinking of a delicious bowel of Sum Yung Guy. It’s a messy dish. Use a bib.
Well I would say yes, but only because I already have the boots to go with whatever dress Mr. Blue Eyes can cough up the dough for.
thefrontpage: i’m pretty sure you are guaranteed Lee Greenwood singing “proud to be an americun” at the Texas ball…
wheelie: but whose got the biggest balls of them all?
Wonkette: As a proud Yeller Dawg Democrat who was a neighbor and friend of the late Miz Molly Ivins, I’m gettin’ a bit irritated by all of us Texoids getting tarred by the same “Bush,” if you will pardon the expression. Y’all forget - The Dim Son isn’t even a real Texan - he was born a goddamned Yankee, and no Potemkin Village stage set hog farm in Crawford or folksy faux-Odessa drawl is going to change that. That news conference over the weekend was truly beyond the pale. His unapologetic legacy of lies, deceit, failure and criminal activity is a national disgrace and a humiliating fucking embarrassment to our State that will linger long after he gets out of prison.
Being dissed by elitist, snarky Georgetown geekerati is one thing - but y’all Californicators need to shut your pie-holes. If you despise Texas so much, why are you selling your shacks in Marin and Tarzana, moving here and buying cheap teardowns in droves? Having fouled your own smoggy, overpriced nests - you now wanna come down here and foul ours. If I wanted to live in San Jose, I would fucking move to San Jose. Instead, San Jose is moving here. I-35 has turned into the 405.
If you just had to move East, what was wrong with Barstow? Or Phoenix? Or Albuquerque?
sanantonerose: Are they made for Walkin?
Christopher Walkin I mean.
Mustang: I’m with Mustang. That guy is serious Hotnesssss, so he must give off a terrible stink of Axe (Body Killer) when you go to pick up your Dress Benjies.
agitpropster: WIN. Down in the S.A., we play a little parking lot game called “count the California license plates.” Last time I won with 23 at North Star Mall. The mall with the oversized Bob Wade boots out front.
bago: Depends on your Weapon of Choice.
Please, please, someone go meet this dude while in drag. He’s a Texan defense contractor….he’ll NEVER KNOW.
agitpropster: On behalf of Californians, let me just say that we wouldn’t move there unless forced by our newfound hobo status… And have you actually ever been to Barstow, Phoenix or Albuquerque? Why don’t you just ask us to move to Satan’s Taint, UT?
S.Luggo: http://www.michaeltotten.com/archives/images/giuliani_in_drag.jpg
Not good.
assistant/atlas: Satan’s Taint? I hear they have good skiing there.
hey, i sympathize, bro’. i too am a 6″3″ daily-workout-defense-contractor-guy, and i just can’t seem to find that special little lady to wear one of these dresses I’ve got lying around.
(SKS — if you’ve been reduced to browsing the craigslist personals, I could probably squeeze you in between working out and signing that new napalm contract over at Norbert Grumman. just sayin’).