Wonkette
One of the more exciting things we did not tell you yesterday, because Ken was too busy Googling for gifs of John McCain’s three heads licking each other, is that Roland Burris finally TRIUMPHED over the racist Senate establishment and will be seated as “the junior senator from Illinois,” which is to say, “the poor man’s Barack Obama.”
Burris’s brief but successful campaign was a colorful circus of race-baiting, publicity stunts, and general knavery that embarrassed everyone. But! The one thing is was not was illegal, so in the end everybody who had so firmly been against bowing to the Blagojevich Taint had to relent.
Alas, all of Roland Burris’s new Senate colleagues think he is a pathetic clown who stooped to an appointment that no decent Democrat would accept, and he is just a junior senator anyway so it’s not like he’ll be in line for any tasty committee chairmanships or anything. Basically he is now the most powerless senator in America, and the most reviled.
Senate Democrats expect to seat Burris [AP]
c’mon! It’s one of this trailblazer’s many accomplishments.
Where is the Hillz hearing liveblog? Am I the only person in the world watching Kerry masturbate under his desk?
“And for my first act as Senator, I hereby pardon Governor Blagojevich of all pending prosecution.”
“Uhh Senator Burris, a Senator does not have the power to pardon a governor under federal indictment.”
“Ohh really, even if the person is from my own state? I’m pretty sure the Governor and I concluded that I could.”
“No.”
“You sure?”
“Only the President of the United States can pardon him.”
“Ohh… well, can Governor Blagojevich name me President?”
“No.”
“Hmm, well uhh… hmm uhh… and Bobby Rush can’t convince the Senators it’s racist not to make me president?”
“Probably not.”
“Ohh. Alright, send the guy to jail, whatever.”
no-talent ass clown is the technical term, i think also.
Nothing but fuckin’ crickets…
He and Lieberman can form a support group for ostracized douchebags.
How will Sen. Burris cast off the yoke of Blagojevich’s massive taint?
TastyCakes: He’s really going to have to get in there and attack the taint from both sides
OReillysVibrator: I don’t need to hear the original tape to know that what you posted here is the original transcript of the newly-minted Senator Burris learning about what his legislative powers are. Thank you for bringing us up to speed. I imagined it probably went something like that, anyway.
If Bobby Rush isn’t the next governor of Illinois, then we’re all racists.
Here’s your key to the restroom, your office is just down the hall, here’s your complimentary shoe shine kit and have a nice day.
I doubt Burris cares if he’s the most junior/most reviled Senator: He still gets to put Senator on his mausoleum and in 50 years no one besides historians and political junkies will even remember him.
I expect Burris and Joe Lieberman to become great friends and to form a caucus of two. The weasel brothers.
TastyCakes: It’s possible that he may never overcome the impossibly deep penetration of the massive taint.
Monsieur Grumpe: Hey it’s hard out there being a pimp junior Senator from Illinois…
The Cubs and Sox lose in the playoffs, Northwestern loses the Tampax Bowl, the Bulls, Hawks, Bears, and DePaul all suck. Now this. Is anything good happening in Chicago these days?
Since “Burro Lard Sin” is an anagram of “Roland Burris,” we must have two years of buttsecks *and* bestiality to look forward to.
Monsieur Grumpe: You forgot the complimentary Page and Hot Intern. Lubricated for your personal pleasure.
shanemacgowan:
Mayor Daley is still BOSS.
Finally, the mobile stone etching crew, heretofore huddled astride this asshat’s mausoleum, can add “Poor Man’s Black Obama” to the masthead.
TastyCakes: I’m not sure that’s possible. I think Burris now is Blago’s taint, personified.
Basically he is now the most powerless senator in America, and the most reviled.
Give it time. Al Franken hasn’t arrived yet.
Can’t they just seal him up in his tomb right now, ‘Cask of the Amontillado’ style? It is the Edgar Allan Poe bicentennial and it would solve a lot of problems.
senator is the new black.
What makes you think this little nut-brown, hunkered down clown is powerless - he’s more recognizable than most of the senators on the floor, especially the ones who are drunk and snoozing in their chairs…. Every time they pan the Senate in the next two years, they’ll be sure to include his little scrunched up face…and everytime some quizzical moment comes up, they’ll ask his silly opinion…. it’s going to be fun!!!
I’ll call the engravers, you start prepping the Burris mausoleum for an addition to the List of Achievement and Renowned Greatness. I’ll tell them to bring the big fucking chisel.
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
rev_matt_y: Yeah, just like Chimpy only barely got elected president (5-4), and never accomplished anything and no one will ever remember him.
Honestly, even if Burris did promise not to run again, things might change in some unforeseeable way (like, everybody’s afraid to run against him in a primary) and presto! Another fat pasha in Incumbestan!
How long before he chisels this accomplishment into his Pyramid?
Roland is a downstate black Democrat (that would be almost as rare a career as a Chicago South Side WASP Republican), so not quite as beholden to Daley as most (which is why he dared to take the offer). Of course, he combines the essential fiscal conservativism of agrarian downstate with the essential social conservatism of the Catholic-run Daley Machine, which gives us someone entirely too much like an intellectually unpretentious version of Alan Keyes in a Senate that don’t need anotherbody like that. I’m glad Roland reached the US Senate, which needs all the people of color it can find, but I also hope he’s a one-term wonder.
That bulge under the back of his suit is Blagojevich’s taint.
Is Burris gonna get out the chisel and update his shrine?
Deepthroat: That’d be a real shocker.
Deepthroat: HEY!!! That’s my new state senator!!! You’d better keep an eye behind you, ’cause I’m gonna administer a REAL shocker!!!
Two in the pink and one in the stink, Deepthroat!
YEAH! Roland Burris is now my fourth-favorite Senator, after Diaperman Vitter, Joementum and Crazy Eyes Webb. But honestly, I expect Burris to bring the crazy like it’s already been broughtened and to perhaps leap ahead of one or all of these guys. 111th CONGRESS, BRING ON THE LOLZ!
Actually the Blackhawks don’t suck. Oh and here’s another good thing to come out of Chicago
http://democralypsenow.blogspot.com/2009/01/obamas-then-and-now.html
bago: God bless Ed Helms. A true American hero.