Wonkette
This is Ken Blackwell, the man who STOLE THE 2004 ELECTION FOR GEORGE W. BUSH IN OHIO & AMERICA and is now running for RNC chairman. He just wants to let you know that he’s not gay but if he did have the gay “compulsion” he could fight it, and not have sex with dudes, because he’s a tuff guy like that. Not that he’s ever felt the gay disease before, but if he had felt it, you know… the point here is that Ken Blackwell’s a gay!
The Hill comes in clutch:
“You can choose to restrain that compulsion,” Blackwell told radio host Michelangelo Signorile, a gay and lesbian advocate, this summer during the Republican National Convention. “And so I think in fact you don’t have to give in to the compulsion to be homosexual.”
“I’ve never had to make the choice because I’ve never had the urge to be other than a heterosexual,” Blackwell added, “but if in fact I had the urge to be something else I could have in fact suppressed that urge.”
Guess what Ken Blackwell’s doing right now? Um like 19 dudes.
Blackwell: Gay ‘Compulsion’ Can be ‘Restrained’ [The Hill via TPM Election Central]
Why do I have a feeling Blackwell had to wrestle with those demon urges many times.
Um, if it’s true, can we trade him for a future draft pick? Or even for a couple of used jockstraps?
Is it wrong for he to pray that he be caught in a bathroom coming on to a cop who’s disguised as a 13 year old boy?
FunkyPalmettoBug: Wrestle them Spartan style, covered in scented oil.
Well, he’s a black Republican, he’s used to living a lie.
He drinks teh herbal tea no doubt. What is up with the republicans and their obsession with buttsecks
We need a game of Wonkette bingo…here’s how it works:
Jim gives us a list of a bunch of prominent Republican figures.
We fill out our bingo cards as we see fit (i.e those of you with Craig and Foley on the FREE row would have schooled us all), then just wait for bathroom blowjobs and illegal online kids seks and X off the names as they fall.
This could be great fun.
barrysislamicrepublic: Absolutely–bingo. Great idea.
Why yes Ken, the gay urge is all the more fun when restraints are involved! HOW DID YOU KNOW?!?!?!
I have the urge to punch him in the mouth and if I ever see him I doubt I’ll resist said urge.
Ken Blackwell’s NOT Gay Checklist
1) Don’t talk about penis
2) Don’t think about penis
3) Don’t stare at penis
4) Also
chascates: Ken Blackwell will not stand for your hate crime violence, but he will stand for his own hate crime rhetoric.
barrysislamicrepublic: Absolutely–bingo. Great idea.
Holy shit. The asshat who was humiliated by Chris M when said Kevin James, the guy claimed Barry was like Neville Chamberlain, but couldn’t say why, just said on Daily Show that, in retrospect, he should have done a wiki on Chamberlain.
Dear god, a quick modification on my prayer: Put this guy in that same bathroom with Blackwell with that same cop.
Look at that purty mouth. It’s a shame to think he my never go to prison and it will be wasted.
DustBowlBlues: That was the greatest Daily Show segment that I have seen is a long time. It is like he did not even realizes the degree to which Chris Matthews made him look like a moran.
johnbpt: He always let the demons pin him while he was face down, ass up-but only if the demons smelled like sandlewood.
Yeah, sure Ken. You’re totally straight. Next thing you’ll be telling me that Kanye West is straight. Pluh-eese.
Anyone remember the failed “Day Without A Gay” event that occured last year but didn’t work because no one was Mexican enough to do it? Yeah, me neither.
Just remember, that no one rocks the cock more than Ken Blackwell…except Dick Cheney and George W. Bush.
chascates: “I have the urge to punch him in the mouth and if I ever see him I doubt I’ll resist said urge.”
Let me get the first punch. My lesbian daughter was the victim of a hate crime last summer.
If the Minn. police dept had any balls, they would’ve done a giant sting operation in all the men’s rooms during the Repubtard convention. It’d take a paddy wagon to haul them all to the pokey.
See, you guys? The GOP is a big tent! The RNC chair race has a black fucktard to go along with Chip Salter, the white fucktard!
That’s racial transcendence.
Keram2: When Ken Blackwell releases his “R&B” Album, his jig will be up.
…well in his defense, most Republicans don’t consider themselves gay unless they swallow!
once again, Jim, when you do alt-text, you do it well.
I guess that “in fact” is the new “also.”
AngryBlakGuy: …or if the boy is under the age 16!
AngryBlakGuy: Or until they get caught, then under go “spritual rehabilitation” to cure them of they homosexuality!
Off Topic: Is this the drinking thread tonight? Because I need a drinking thread. You are all dead to me.
barrysislamicrepublic: The Republican Party sold out their principles when they started using Auto-Tune.
So where does he stand on the issue of gay divorce?
MisterLoki: Is there a nightly drinking thread? Nobody told me, shit. Anyway, I’m half way into a bottle of red, so cheers darling!
It’s not gay if you pretend it’s a vagina.
Ten bucks sez he’s on all fours choking on a ball gag and taking it like a good little boy from Rev. Rick Warren on the day of the inaugural. In a men’s room. With a candlestick.
I love his denials: I’m not gay. But if I were, I wouldn’t be gay. Or at least I wouldn’t act gay. OK fine, I’d be enjoying some buttsecks but you wouldn’t catch me so it wouldn’t count. I have a wide stance. Tap tap.
I wonder if he’s ever tried resisting being black?
Who does this closet queen think he is? Toothy Tile? What-fuckin-ever, man.
lovekills: Slainte Mhath! There should be a nightly drinking thread, amirite? What are we if we forget our beliefs?
MisterLoki: This is Wonkette. I think they are all drinking threads.
MisterLoki: no shit doll. What indeed.
lovekills: Can I play? I am off Tuesday because of blizzardly weather. Imma get my drank on, too.
chascates: As often as I do, certainly.
OK. Everyone drink. I will drink twice, just in case. GO!
Say, Ken, is that a Big Tent you’re pitching, or are you just happy to see me?
lovekills: They aren’t drinking threads until you get caught with a minor. Then you can have all the alcohol problem you want.
Mojopo: Of course, the more the merrier (as they say). We get no blizzarly weather in the SoCal, but I don’t work, so what the fuck. Just have to get the other household members off and then….start drinking again. I. guess.
Do Repub closet cases think they are really fooling people with the lapel pins? First off Mary, what’s with the starching regimen on that fucking shirt? Second, there’s a word for dudes who wear flashy little trinkets on their clothing to attract notice: “Prissy.”
In terms of coded personal effects, the Republican flag lapel pin should be considered the equivalent of a Red Bandana worn out of the left rear pocket, plus a nose ring, plus a tattoo of a pink triangle across the top of the glans. I mean we get it already. Just go about your business, it’s really not all that dramatic how you like to get your noodle wet.
I’m going to put this Mr. Blackwell on my worst-dressed list. His lapel pin clashes with the pin stripes and it’s giving me ideological vertigo. Knock it off!
If it was cheating on an election, Ken Blackwell could fail to resist it.
Of course, that’s for Wolverines!, etc.
So totally manly, and such as.
~
lovekills: OK. We will leave Las Vegas tonight, together. I’ll be Nicholas Cage and you be Elizabeth Shue. “We could get prime rib. They got it on sale for $2.99. I love that dress.”
barrysislamicrepublic: that is soooo funny. I just had a 17yr old call my cell, sweet. Sorry to say he was looking for my daughter. I hate my life.
Ken is also apparently naive to the Jack Bauer type torture techniques that the gays impose to force you to join their ranks. You think you can resist until Bauer is in the stall next to you at the airport. He’s coercive I’ll say.
lovekills: It is extra blizzardly in South Texas today. So I am drinking for two.
Sort of like his compulsion to speak in coherent sentences. Seems to be suppressing that pretty well. I feel his pain. I personally struggle with my po’ white trash background and the urge to go all Britney Spears at the most inopportune moments.
Mojopo: Hahaha. That movie gave me the creeps, srsly. What is that jingling in your suitcase?
barrysislamicrepublic: Dude, Bill O’Reilly told me the gays have pink pistols and will make me a lesbian. “But I’m a dude!” I’ll complain. “Well then, we’ve got a lot of work to do, now don’t we?” they’ll respond, brandishing a long, slender pink pistol.
MisterLoki: Mojopo: OffTheRecord: I Do My Part, gotta couple of G ‘n’ T’s* under my belt, thinking about another.
Cheers.
[*In our house a G 'n' T comes in an Imperial pint glass (20 U.S. oz.) There will always be an England, what-what.]
Keram2: Bill also once confused a “luffa” with a “falafel” according to a famous transcript, so he probably meant black dildo, but I can still see why you’re scared.
Does anyone have Ken’s number? We can prank call him on Skype and tell him his subscription to Blue Boy is nearly expired.
Mojopo: Right. Like he would believe that. I have it on authority that he re-ups 6 months in advance and became so infuriated when the “Republican of Blue Boy” was delivered late, that he had the postal carrier fired.
Lascauxcaveman: Pints of Gin, FTW! And it Rhymes!!!
So fucking gay? Also.
So where does Ken Not So Blackwell believe the “urge to be gay” somes from? This is what the gay haters can never answer.
TexasCowGirl: My parents blame it on childhood vaccinations.
AngryBlakGuy: Uh, you can expect a Republican to swallow every time. Major cum freaks.
chascates: Every day of his life.
Hah, don’t let his flag pin hide the lapel stain, we’ve heard this one before.
I FIXED the photo http://acksisofevil.org/images/blackwell.jpg
I have never felt the urge to employ, then murder an Asian shemale prostitute named Applejuice in Reno, Nevada. I have likewise never felt the urge to put the body in the trunk of my 1976 Ford Mustang and drive out of town in order to bury his/her body under an overpass, just off County Road 72. I have never felt these compulsions, but if I did am sure that I would be able to resist them. Yes, I’m sure I would never, ever, do those things.
In the photo, Blackwell is demonstrating how if he were gay, he could totally resist the urge to put his fist up Dick Cheney’s gaping asshole after Jeff Gannon finished destroying it, but he’s not gay.
He is so obviously lying. Every time he went to the restroom at the Republican Convention, there was a line out the door of middle age white guys offering $20 to blow him. When the free market speaks….
The RNC has the worst gaydar ever. You’d think they were almost trying to embarass/out themselves.
barrysislamicrepublic: “Bingo!” is the new meme.
Also!
So, he’s basically saying he only does it “on the down-low,” right?
“Hey Michelangelo, would you ask the model for “David” to put a towel on or something? I have something important to tell you.”
chascates: That’s what I was thinking. I’m sure it can be restrained. I’ve never been black, but I think if you REALLY fought it hard enough and loved Jesus enough, you could force yourself to become white.
Someone has a log cabin for rent.
Ken Blackwell’s wife used to be my mother’s boss, and my mother SWEARS that while he was up in Columbus stealing elections, Rosa was down in Cincinnati shacking up with another woman. This is probably BS, but I choose to believe it’s true because it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
To test Blackwell’s point, I used my super self-control to restrain myself from breathing. After almost a minute I was forced to take in air in a veritable orgy of ventilation–so, we’ll see how well his restraining the “gay urge” (even though he’s totes never had it!) goes…
Every single person who has ever touted his imperviousness to gay temptation is gay. It’s an admission in its own terms. That is a law of nature you can print in textbooks right next to e=mc*2.
Like many African-American men, Blackwell knows it’s not gay if you keep it on the DL.
Since he turned Black and stopped publishing the best and worst dressed lists, he’s been straight as an arrow.
Also, wearing the flag-pin repels the gay rays from outer space.
just because a guy likes to have sex with men, it doesn’t mean he’s gay. Ted Haggard and Larry Craig said so- the leader of 30,000,000 Christians and an elected US official would not lie. Although I feel like anyone who has to say they are not gay- are totally gay.
only someone from the midwest would describe an instinct as a “compulsion”. I had a “compulsion”,so i ate something. I was “compulsed” to sleep because i was tired. Bag’o dix.
It’s all fun and games until somebody slips and falls on somebody else’s cock.
You Libtards are ridikilus: Ken Blackwell demonstrates that same determination every day if someone mentions that he is black. He isn’t, of course, but if he was, he would just fight the compulsion by becoming an Aryan storm trooper.
A mentally defective individual is a “moron” not a “moran”. I see it spelled that way all over. The “a” key is nowhere near the “o” key. Plus, doesn’t the auto spell-check flag it? Oh. Wait. You’re just a moron.
FlaminYawn: OMG, why are you here? If you don’t get the reference, please fuck off. We have better things to do.
Why doesn’t Kenny the Splib
get his best bud Chip the
Chosen to agree to SPLIT
the RNC Chairmanship —-
two assholes are better than
one (the truth of which BOTH
can privately attest to).
Oh, i see. It’s all hip and ironic (www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=moran). Who knew– there’s so much bad grammar on the internet posted by you little darlings who slept through middle-school English. And now, being thoroughly frightened by Annie, i will definitely, DEFINITELY “fuck off”.
Republicans only give into the dick-loving urge when in the luxurious privacy of a shitbox with a glory hole. Engaging in toe tapping cantatas helps, of course.
FlaminYawn: Also note this Urban Dictionary example of Noob:
A noob [is someone] who posts a topic explaining to everyone how to correctly spell moron.
FlaminYawn: I’d estimate that 20% of the commenters on Wonkette MAJORED in English in college. Here’s a hint: when you see the same oded mispelling occuring again and again in a single post, chances are that you have stumbled upon a “meme”. And we’re not so much “hip” and “ironic” as we are “drunk” and “mean”. Which you clearly now know.