Wonkette
- BONO’S SOLILOQUY: Bono’s first NYT column. First. Kill the limeys. Now we’re in my house, Dublin. MURDER. Miles Davis. I knew Frank Sinatra, modernista, Palm Spring. Painting colors Vinegar. The year changes another year — calendars. If. Also. Also. Shhh. I knew Frank Sinatra and his heart was going like mad and yes I said yes I will Yes. (9/11 reagan beer cunt.) [NYT]
“A call to believability.
A voice that says, “Don’t lie to me now.”
That says, “Baby, if there’s someone else, tell me now.”
Fabulous, not fabulist. Honesty to hang your hat on.”
_____________________________
Fuckin’ Shakespeare couldn’t mince words like that, because he was actually a good writer.
Poor Bonor.
Now I know why I never made it as a rock star; too many names in my name. From now on call me Stye or maybe Ohoh.
Wow. Its like a smashup of Courtney Love and Peggy Noonington, disguised as bard poetry! Well done, Mr. Hewson. You are RELEVANT TO YOUNG PEOPLE AGAIN.
hmmm. Needs more cowbell.
Bono is a tax cheat.
If he had something important to say, he’d have put it in a song. This feels like those little novels they make for popular video games. What’s the point?
Except for the book series they had for Doom, which was really pretty great until the last book, where it turns out all the aliens are really undead cabbages or whatever and Magilla Gorilla.. ugh. Whatever. Don’t read the last book.
“To what end? Duality, complexity. I was lucky to duet with a man who understood duality, who had the talent to hear two opposing ideas in a single song, and the wisdom to know which side to reveal at which moment.”
Translation:
He sings with teh closet gheys.
MOAR DED TREEZ PLZ
One of my favorites from the comments:
Summary: I am famous. I met another famous person. Read my incoherent thoughts on said other famous person. I am famous.
— johannesderwald, Deep North
I think Bono needs to dust off his gossamer writer’s wings and fly to the moon of his choice.
Does this mean we’re going to start comparing Bono and William Kristol’s columns now? ’cause I’m still voting for Kristol’s stuff as the greater crime against the written word.
Irish writers with obscure, difficult prose styles:
1. James Joyce
2. W B Yeats
3. Bono
Irish writers who don’t suck:
(1) and (2)
Looks like Bono took a crash course in punctuation.
Bono and Peggy need a mashup.
U2 sucks forever. And this prancing shithead even mentioning Miles Davis’ name gives me the creeps (if he did indeed mention it - I refuse to read the article).
Good man yourself, Bono, you’re a great fella for the blather! Keep them Americans guessin’ what yer on about and charge them $$$$$ for it. By the time they catch on to your ruse, you’ll be laughing in yer Netherlands tax haven. Sláinte!
Always suspected Bono was a Molly.
It is so weird to think that I still prefer the 1984 Bono with the tri-colored piled high mullet and the knee high queer boots to the dude that passes as “Bono” today. Maybe it’s just the fact that “Boy” and “October” are still pretty fun to listen to and everything since 1992 or so is trash.
“I put my arms around him yes and drew him down to me so he could feel my breasts all perfume yes and his heart was going like mad and yes I said yes I will Yes.” - Bill Keller
And I thought Bono was just a singer — but apparently he’s also a virtuoso on the Irish Twaddle.
SayItWithWookies: Oh yes, he’s one of our finest bullshit artists. That’s Grade A Irish Gibberish right there, and he’s been honing that particular craft for decades. Unfortunately for him, nobody buys his writin’ merchandise over here, but the yankee papers lap that shit up. More power to him if he can get away with it!
JadedDIssonance: Given that the Frank and Bonor duet was cut without either man being in the same room at the same time, I call bullshit.
magic titty: Word, as one would presume from your lovely avatar. Less U2 and more Tutu.
In the NYT page there’s a link to Bono reading this trash…I think hearing his smarmy BS brings across just how much we should hate him….the first part especially with its pseudo literary stylings and self important tone…but hey its the NYTimes….he’s made it!!!….All I can think of is Ipod commercials….
That column had all the makings of a classic U2 hit.
Convoluted, selfserving and I changed radio stations before it was over.
What a retard.
Cheap Joyce reference. Probly used the Google. You get a demerit, Wonkette.
Can’t work up a hate buzz for Bono. He’s devoted considerable time, energy, money and prestige to convince the world’s greedmongers to forgive 3rd world debt and to convince Bush hacks to quit acting like avaricious animules. And he’s mounted a pretty good fight against the injustice of AIDS med distribution in Africa. And he’s used his visibility to keep beating on the world’s deaf ears on climate change. When he could be tanning on St. Kitts. So his prose is a little rough and self-conscious on his first outing, and he’s a got a wee case of the cockies, as rock stars will do (it’s union rules, by the way). He’s still one of the good guys in my little red book.
robanybody: Unfortunately, all that time, energy, money and prestige aren’t doing 3rd world nations a bit of good. Inherently included in all debt forgiveness programs are positions that instantly green-light any forgiven country for more debt as well as rules that force the countries to privatise their utilities and give control of their natural resources over to bank-backed corporations.
I call Wasilla Snowcone!
He doesn’t deserve to write like that and get away with it.
robanybody: And somehow he avoided saying a negative word about invading Iraq. He’s a total fraud. And a tax evader, to boot, as has already been pointed out.
Okay. I hate him, too.
Fuckin Bono.
Somebody didn’t use his Grammar Check.
Huh. Thought Bono was dead. Liked that Sonny and Cher thing he was involved in. Wasn’t so keen on him as a Congressman.
No, fuck you all. Except for the awful “Joshua Tree” and “Rattle and Hum,” U2 have mostly lived up to expectations. And if anyone thought any of you assholes were worth listening to, you’d have a column in the Times or a record deal instead of a peanut gallery in the Wonkette comments.
robanybody: Nah. To egt serious: let us hate the game, not the player.
Either Paul Hewson is stuck in a 1970s Play of the Week codological vision of Irishness, or, more likely, he is playing to a gallery of Americans who are stuck in a 1970s Play of the Week codological vision of Irishness.
He has done little harm and plenty of good in this world, but his writing here sucks up to a stereotype that should be dead and buried with O’Leary in the grave, etc etc.
wheelie: Err . . . learn to speel, moran.
shit. NYT is doing anything to pull in the money. next they’ll bring in beyonce to run an advice column. or maybe joe the plumber. i hear he’s joe the journalist now.
Chet Kincaid: A column in the Times like Bill Kristol or a record deal like Joe the Plumber?
shnazzer: Semi-jinx!
Chet Kincaid:
William Kristol has a column in the New York Times. I rest my case.
I declare a moratorium on allusions to Ulysses. Unless someone is going to read more than just the first or last page. In which case I’ll probably have no idea it’s an allusion to Ulysses, so carry on then, fine.
Iggy Plop: Ah, memories. I took a class on “Ulysses” at the U of Chicago. Our prof was this excitable gigantic dude with a black beard, appropriately named Stephen. (The prof, not the beard.) He taught that class out of sheer love of “Ulysses” - the rest of the time, he was a pathologo-anatomist or something in the University Hospital.
V572625694: Jim’s mashup of most of these was rather awesome.
You could even see Beckett in there if you squinted at the short sentences.
Too bad about the innate suckitude of Bono.
Did I bug ya? I didn’t mean to bug you.
nytimes has his name as BONO caps, i think you’re supposed to yell it when you say it aloud
Hooray For Anything: Yeah Bono, you bugged me, you washed-up, self-righteous, self-aggrandizing publicity whore. Yes, I think you can safely say that you bugged me.
Fruit Machine: I woulda sworn that NYT style would be “Mr. Hewson.” Or maybe even the fanciful “Our Mr. Hewson.”
And when will Our Mr. Sumner be getting *his* bloated column? (”Rainforest, duclimer, Brecht, Versailles,…”)
I was wondering when Gordie would get his shiv.
Iggy Plop: “The resurrection and the life. Once you are dead you are dead. That last day idea. Knocking them all up out of their graves. Come forth, Lazurus! And he came fifth and lost the job.” Rumor has it that’s the bottom line for you, me, even Sting and Bono, iBooks and all. Definitely true for Sen. Claiborne Pell, though jogging in that tweed jacket will live on.
Hey, can we get a PUMA over here? Trig? Want a biscuit, Trig?
I enjoyed this column more than Elevation and hope the Patriots will start using it when they score a touchdown.
Every time this limp twig opens his mouth he comes off as shallow and self-aggrandizing. Toss off, wanker.