INAUGURATION HELL PARTIES  4:00 pm January 12, 2009

LNS To Celebrate 86th Anniversary Of Calvin Coolidge’s Inauguration IN STYLE

by Jim Newell

Exclusive social networking site to the Confederacy, Late Night Shots, is participating in this sexy Georgetown Ball OBVS. Maybe Buffett will show up and bring the tunage! And dude we bet our bro Trenholm crushes at least six indie slutz by midnight. Also.

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 109 comments }

Terry January 12, 2009 at 4:05 pm

Wow, LNS’er getting all hopey? Any excuse for them for a party, I guess.

Dildo Baggins January 12, 2009 at 4:05 pm

Man, I am really stuck trying to decide which of the guys looks like the biggest douchebag. Originally I thought “Steve,” but I am gravitating more towards “Winston” now (being named after a dead p.m./cigarette brand certainly helps). “Reed” looks like he can puke the most, though.

ManchuCandidate January 12, 2009 at 4:08 pm

* Not included in the event are panicked midnight runs to CVS for Plan B when Tuesday Night becomes than just Underskirt finger banging.

Tawmn January 12, 2009 at 4:08 pm

These guys are what the term “cold cock” was invented for.

The Neoskeptic January 12, 2009 at 4:08 pm

i look forward to fingerbanging all of them

PrairiePossum January 12, 2009 at 4:08 pm

I’ve never seen so many white folks happy about a black guy moving into the neighborhood.

freakishlystrong January 12, 2009 at 4:09 pm

[re=216541]Dildo Baggins[/re]: And you have to kinda wonder, how big a cock sucker is “Fletcher” anyway?

Doglessliberal January 12, 2009 at 4:09 pm

[re=216541]Dildo Baggins[/re]: I think Trenholm gets major points just for the name. Grant clearly wants to be on a soap opera (or in a gay porno).

Mr Blifil January 12, 2009 at 4:10 pm

$75/person? I was under the assumption this is what a pack of gum will be selling for on Inauguration Day.

LittlePig January 12, 2009 at 4:11 pm

Winston and Grant look like they are from the ‘wide-stance’ chapter of LNS.

Mr Blifil January 12, 2009 at 4:11 pm

Something tells me “Das” is going to be left with his dick in his hand…

ManchuCandidate January 12, 2009 at 4:11 pm

[re=216549]PrairiePossum[/re]:
Heh.

nrkeyqueer@gmail.com January 12, 2009 at 4:12 pm

OMFG! Brooke looks like shes about to fold her head back, ram her ovipositer down your throat and lay her eggs in your chest cavity.

And I think I fucked Trenholm in an alley once.

MathewBrooks January 12, 2009 at 4:12 pm

man these asshats dont even bother with a token…

Canuckledragger January 12, 2009 at 4:12 pm

Keep an eye on Feltcher that night. I hear he’s a perv of some kind.

shanemacgowan January 12, 2009 at 4:12 pm

Each of the Hosts pictured on the invitation looks like they enjoy having sex with men.

Doglessliberal January 12, 2009 at 4:13 pm

[re=216549]PrairiePossum[/re]: as a home-owner/resident, you mean. They are always happy to find a good live-in (in the dank basement) gardener.

nrkeyqueer@gmail.com January 12, 2009 at 4:13 pm

Jeff is a color that does not exist in nature.

Doglessliberal January 12, 2009 at 4:14 pm

[re=216559]LittlePig[/re]: 100% absolutely, yes.

justlen January 12, 2009 at 4:15 pm

Pat looks like he uses manchowder for hair gel.

Doglessliberal January 12, 2009 at 4:15 pm

[re=216569]nrkeyqueer@gmail.com[/re]: spray tan

NoYou' January 12, 2009 at 4:18 pm

[re=216549]PrairiePossum[/re]: ZING!

PerhapsSo January 12, 2009 at 4:21 pm

[re=216541]Dildo Baggins[/re]: Bill is trying too hard with the facial hair. He has my vote.

queeraselvis v 2.0 January 12, 2009 at 4:21 pm

[re=216553]Doglessliberal[/re]: And Pat is his gay porn co-star, obvs.

CorkPopper January 12, 2009 at 4:22 pm

Krista and Tara look like they are campaigning for whore diamonds.

Deepthroat January 12, 2009 at 4:23 pm

is it an official rule that if your name is Pat, you must be an androgynous muppet? Also, i randomly found this little gem from memory lane. I’s famus!

http://vierdsen.wordpress.com/2008/07/21/sen-kevin-bryant-gets-the-wonkette-treatment/

Deepthroat January 12, 2009 at 4:25 pm

Dildo Baggins: Don’t let the angelic backlighting fool you. The answer is Fletcher. Fletcher is the biggest douche.

shortsshortsshorts January 12, 2009 at 4:25 pm

Where’s Trig?

Trace January 12, 2009 at 4:28 pm

Let’s see here. Fletcher, Trenholm, Reed.. Ok, good, good. Everything seems to be in order.

Grant, Brooke, Da… DAS!?

SECURITY!

Come here a minute January 12, 2009 at 4:28 pm

Today Das can be one proud brown man.

S.Luggo January 12, 2009 at 4:29 pm

I see that Bill grew a soul patch for the occasion. He’s hip with the new guy in town. Yowser.

Deepthroat January 12, 2009 at 4:29 pm

Shorts: his turn to babysit Tripp

Gopherit January 12, 2009 at 4:30 pm

[re=216602]Trace[/re]: you forgot Winston.

Trenholm. LOL.

SeminoleInDior January 12, 2009 at 4:30 pm

Trenholm, Fletcher, and Winston? Sounds so nouveau riche!

JadedDIssonance January 12, 2009 at 4:31 pm

[re=216546]ManchuCandidate[/re]: uncanny, that.

Das is actually white, he just had some work done to piss off his old man.

IceCreamEmpress January 12, 2009 at 4:31 pm

You know, if you’re trying to be snooty, it helps to spell “hors d’oeuvres” correctly. I’m just saying that Lovey Howell (Mrs. Thurston Howell III) wouldn’t have made that kind of mistake.

Also, Das is like the Bobby Jindal of this little WASPs’ nest. I bet they invite that one Indian girl from the Law Review to be his date, just so he doesn’t pollute any Presbyterian poon.

Vewol Mevemont January 12, 2009 at 4:31 pm

Sorry for being a dick, but the unattractiveness of the LNS girls always astounds me. Aren’t socialite goldiggers supposed to be hot? WTF?

Jerri January 12, 2009 at 4:31 pm

Trenholm and Fletcher? Really? What horrible, horrible names.

Trenholm?? Was “Baron von Douchebag” already taken?

lampadadog January 12, 2009 at 4:32 pm

Any idea why the Parkinson’s Disease Society sponsors the event? I know that at one time alcohol consumption was thought to decrease odds of developing Parkinson’s, but I think that research has been supplanted by studies showing that drinking offers no such protection.

nrkeyqueer January 12, 2009 at 4:32 pm

Krista: Slutty McSlutSlut
Keith: Knob-Gobbler
Sam: Uglystick
Trenholm: Party Bottom!
Tara: Firecrotch
Winston: 4ChanFapper
Bill: Goatrapist
Steve: Secret Joo/Muslin

Reed: Eat a bag of poison dicks.
Grant: Treasure Island Media Exclusive Talent.
Sarah: Meth kills.
Fletcher: Feltcher
Das: Token(?)!
Brooke: DSL
Jeff: DoucheTard St.Fuckstick
Pat: Srsly…thats jizz in his hair.

Hart88 January 12, 2009 at 4:32 pm

Eight more days for these insufferable little pricks. Eight more days until we can throw garbage at them without fear of reprisal from Uncle Dick.

Of course, they’ll be replaced by (only slightly) less insufferable little pricks from the Obama administration, but still…

IceCreamEmpress January 12, 2009 at 4:32 pm

And who else thinks that Bill and Steve are doing it? WIDE STANCE, y’all.

Pat Pending January 12, 2009 at 4:33 pm

Was ist Das?

4tehlulz January 12, 2009 at 4:34 pm

I need more information; how many whore diamonds do each of these fine hunks of white meat have?

CorkPopper January 12, 2009 at 4:35 pm

[re=216620]IceCreamEmpress[/re]: Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

4tehlulz January 12, 2009 at 4:36 pm

Sam and Brooke are trannies.

lampadadog January 12, 2009 at 4:36 pm

[re=216612]IceCreamEmpress[/re]: I’m afraid you’re mistaken. They are not advertising hors d’oeuvres, but complimentary passed whored overs. I assume that implies a free early floor show involving Sarah and Tara, who will be abandoned later in the night for the superior face and charms of some imported indie girls.

ManchuCandidate January 12, 2009 at 4:36 pm

[re=216623]Pat Pending[/re]:
Der Boot?

The Cold Sea January 12, 2009 at 4:37 pm

Fletcher and Reed are just dreamy.

Everyone’s going Dem, you know. Everyone who’s anyone, that is.

Monsieur Grumpe January 12, 2009 at 4:37 pm

AND ALL BEERS?
Translation: Bud, Bud Lite, Miller, Miller Lite and Zima.

CrunchyKnee January 12, 2009 at 4:37 pm

Das Token?

JadedDIssonance January 12, 2009 at 4:38 pm

[re=216612]IceCreamEmpress[/re]: “pollute any Presbyterian poon.”
Nice Alliterative work there!

[re=216610]SeminoleInDior[/re]: Sounds like what Palin would name her kids if she understood words longer than 1 syllable.

Lionel Hutz Esq. January 12, 2009 at 4:39 pm

Since this is LNS sponsored, what is the over/under for number of black people/number of people in black face to attend?

shortsshortsshorts January 12, 2009 at 4:41 pm

Glory holes in every stall.

lazyb January 12, 2009 at 4:41 pm

I think Kristen and Tara are doing some sort of slutty glamor shot head-pose thingy, like they’re posing for an ad for an escort service. Trashy, trashy.

WalnutsIsMyCo-Pilot January 12, 2009 at 4:42 pm

Open bar and buttseks for all… HOORAY! Hey man, can I bum (pun intended) $75 off ya?

chascates January 12, 2009 at 4:44 pm

Don’t these Late Night Snots shindigs always end up as vomit fests? And how many will show up in black face rather than black tie?

The Cold Sea January 12, 2009 at 4:44 pm

You get enough jello shots going and all these bitches would be girls gone wild. Fletcher, Winston, Reed, all of them.

Nerdalicious January 12, 2009 at 4:45 pm

And I thought THIS is what the Obama Cabinet would look like. Instead we get a bunch of white haired dudes who know what they are talkin’ about. Yeah!

Jeff? Tanning Beds kill. My friend fried her cornea to smithereens. Just sayin’

S.Luggo January 12, 2009 at 4:46 pm

[re=216643]lazyb[/re]: Then what’s Brooke? An advertisement for nitrous oxide?

BTW: Notice how her head is on stick. Pat too. I think this means that they’re the “Will and Grace” of LNS.

Tommmcatt January 12, 2009 at 4:46 pm

Not being from D.C., I will refrain from comment except to say that in Los Angeles we have the decency to keep our minor douchebags out of sight in little gulags called “low- level-studio management jobs”, where they work 14 hours a day and you don’t have to look at them unless somebody accidently puts them on a list an Oscar party or something.

The major douchebags, of course, run everything and you have to look at them all the time, but at least they don’t tell fag jokes and vomit on your girlfriend.

JadedDIssonance January 12, 2009 at 4:49 pm

I’m surprised they didn’t spell out what black-tie means on the invite page…I mean, Passed Hor D’oeurves?

heroinmule January 12, 2009 at 4:50 pm

I want to poop in all their mouths.

Trace January 12, 2009 at 4:51 pm

[re=216618]nrkeyqueer[/re]: “4chanfapper”

Is that.. I mean.. is it really so wrong? I mean, I don’t, but a friend of mine, you know.

[re=216627]4tehlulz[/re]: So’m I AND I’m a gigantic monster douchebag. Why aren’t I invited to this super awesome party that I totally want to go to, no joke, because I totally wouldn’t rather watch Survivorman and fap to 4chan that night, seriously?

lazyb January 12, 2009 at 4:52 pm

[re=216652]S.Luggo[/re]: Brooke is a terrifying, enormous-mouthed creature but she hasn’t perfected the Heidi Montag head tilt as her friends in the top row have. Poor Sarah just looks drunk.

Bruno January 12, 2009 at 4:53 pm

“Reed”, that is a clever use of your name, or shall I say Levi. How much xxxtra for the meth that night?

heroinmule January 12, 2009 at 4:54 pm

How much to poop in Krista’s mouth?

Nerdalicious January 12, 2009 at 4:56 pm

This bunch looks like “The Apprentice”. As in, I worship you Mr. Trump.

The winner is………..
Grant.
The only one without a Meth crazy smile, & is serious about being Mr. Trump’s asswipe for a year, building a megalopolis golf resort on Mars.

lazyb January 12, 2009 at 4:57 pm

[re=216663]heroinmule[/re]: I know! I’m trying to decide which would be more fun—flinging poo at each of them, or really really hurting one douche of my choosing.

lazyb January 12, 2009 at 4:59 pm

[re=216672]heroinmule[/re]: I’m pretty sure if you bought her some drinks she’d let you do it for free. I think Wonkette should take up a collection for you should you perform such a noble service. Perhaps a plaque.

Nerdalicious January 12, 2009 at 5:01 pm

Grant building a megalopolis golf resort on Mars for Mr. Trump. Congratulations Grant!

http://blog.modernmechanix.com/mags/qf/c/PopularScience/5-1959/space_suit_factory/lrg_space_suit_factory_1.jpg

4tehlulz January 12, 2009 at 5:02 pm

[re=216664]Trace[/re]: POST TITS IN /B/ OR GT…

Damn.

Trace January 12, 2009 at 5:15 pm

[re=216698]4tehlulz[/re]: Everyone who has tits and has been to /b/ has posted them in /b/ at some point or another.

I.. assume.

Lascauxcaveman January 12, 2009 at 5:17 pm

[re=216560]Mr Blifil[/re]: [re=216623]Pat Pending[/re]: [re=216560]Mr Blifil[/re]: “Das” is their token. Token Paki that is. He totally in because he’s a good friend of Prince Harry, doncha know.

IceCreamEmpress January 12, 2009 at 5:32 pm

Das is Pakitastic! (Or Hinduriffic, whichever.)

He was voted “Boy Most Likely to Become Dinesh D’Souza” at his military school, where his nickname was “Wog”.

memzilla January 12, 2009 at 5:32 pm

I love the “ticket prices may increase at amy time based on demand.” WTF, LNS-tards? That’s not change I can believe in!

Also, why no BMW sponsorship? “Trenholm” was a Kriegsmarine pocket battleship, nicht wahr?

Maus January 12, 2009 at 5:35 pm

Wonkette should give the PUMAs the telephone number of LNS and LNS the telephone number of the PUMAs.

It’d be great, the pre-drunk guys can tell the crones about their dad’s dealership and the PUMAs can learn (afterschool special-like) about actual sexual harrassment and possibly after a few drinks and oh so many years where their genitals are.

Maus January 12, 2009 at 5:37 pm

Bill looks like the phrase “almost-raped” stuffed haphazardly into corporeal form.

Lascauxcaveman January 12, 2009 at 5:39 pm

Waitasec… I think I remember Kev-o-tron mention that he’s sorta young and bisexual, and I know for sure he’s said he’s goin’ to DC for some innauguratin.’

I think us Wonketeers should donate to get him a ticket to this thing and offer a bounty of $50/per for how many of the pictured above he can get photographed with his junk in their mouth.

Whatdaya say, Kev? it could pay for your trip. I kick in a tenner.

thefrontpage January 12, 2009 at 5:43 pm

First dibs on Krista, guys! I called it! I’m guessing, oh, about midnight.

Then it’s everyone else’s turn!

I might come back about 3 a.m. to see how things are going!!!

Dildo Baggins January 12, 2009 at 5:48 pm

[re=216752]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: That’s an idea. But come to think of it, I’d like to go too. I’ll drive my Mercedes and scream at the valet parking guy when he brings it back with a scratch that was already there. Then I’ll make him sign a piece of paper saying he damaged it, then I’ll throw up on him, before getting in the car and running over a pedestrian.

thefrontpage January 12, 2009 at 5:55 pm

At 4 a.m. all the LNS members will turn into liberal hippie Democrats who wear tie-dyed shirts, sandals and old jeans, and they will all change their names to Sunflower, Moon, Blue, Meadow, Raine (with an “e”), and River, and they will all go to work for Greenpeace, Common Cause, Ralph Nader, and the newly-liberal Energy Department, where they will work on wind farming, ethanol production, soy milk energy devices, organic vegetable energy projects, and hundreds of recycling projects.

So it shall be written, so it shall be done.

President Beeblebrox January 12, 2009 at 6:35 pm

[re=216661]JadedDIssonance[/re]: That’s right. Either you get what the other inauguration parties passed over, or you get what the guests, um, passed.

President Beeblebrox January 12, 2009 at 6:36 pm

[re=216779]thefrontpage[/re]: As opposed to Rainn (with an N).

Dildo Baggins January 12, 2009 at 6:53 pm

Whore diamonds for everyone!!!!

Lascauxcaveman January 12, 2009 at 6:54 pm

[re=216779]thefrontpage[/re]: Christ, you make them sound almost as annoying as they are now.

windupbird January 12, 2009 at 7:43 pm

Hors d’ouevres

I don’t know……..Steve looks a little too smug. Trenholm, Winston and Fletcher are butler names=bad sex.

freeradical January 12, 2009 at 7:53 pm

[re=216639]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: Well, I need the facts before I can make that bet. Do LNSers count Das as a “magic negro”, or just some poly-ethnic towel head?

AnnieGetYourFun January 12, 2009 at 7:53 pm

[re=216594]Deepthroat[/re]: Huh, and Pat is the only one, out of all of them, that I’d do. Then again, always had a thing for kd lang.

Lionel Hutz Esq. January 12, 2009 at 8:08 pm

FLETCHER: I’m Fletcher,
president of Late Night Shots.

Meet my friends, Krista…

WONKETEER: We already met.

FLETCHER: …and Trenholm.
Trenholm: How are you?

WOKNETEER: How are you?

FLETCHER: Over there is Winston,
captain of the swim team.

That’s Brooke,
editor of the Daily LNSian.

And…

Jeff.

Reed.

Das, Mohammet, Lonny–

WONKETTER: We already met.

FLETCHER: Super!

Then you’ll have lots to talk about.

OffTheRecord January 12, 2009 at 8:12 pm

I will expect a full report on all the Tuesday night take downs that occur as a result of this little douchefest.

Hagar77 January 12, 2009 at 8:19 pm

[re=216541]Dildo Baggins[/re]: My money’s ALWAYS on the guy of color who joins groups like this, so Das, fo sho.

mylesfromnowhere January 12, 2009 at 9:40 pm

[re=216633]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: All beers….they asked Sarah what beers she drank.

Senator Bateman January 12, 2009 at 9:48 pm

[re=216541]Dildo Baggins[/re]: I’m gonna go with Trenholm….It was close between him, Bill and Grant, but Trenholm looks like the guy who would do coke in the bathroom stall and then go home and have sex with the corpse of that hooker he murdered last week.

JPN January 12, 2009 at 9:49 pm

Trenholm = Denholm + 1

Monholm, Denholm, Trenholm, Quadholm, Quintholm…

PsycGirl January 12, 2009 at 9:57 pm

[re=216613]Vewol Mevemont[/re]:
“Sorry for being a dick, but the unattractiveness of the LNS girls always astounds me. Aren’t socialite goldiggers supposed to be hot? WTF?”

Beauty to the he-toad is the she-toad.

hobospacejungle January 12, 2009 at 10:10 pm

We know the truth, Newell. Calling yourself Reed doesn’t fool anyone. Enjoy the party. Careful where you put your finger!

girlandagun January 12, 2009 at 11:40 pm

Doesn’t the 3:1 ratio of girls to guys do something negative for their promos?
Also, hasn’t anyone told any of those douches that Sam is a fucking dog?

MFAWG January 13, 2009 at 12:04 am

Krista? With a ‘K’? I mean, come on.

LisB January 13, 2009 at 12:18 am

[re=216609]Gopherit[/re]: No, next baby is going to be named Trek.

Mr Blifil January 13, 2009 at 12:28 am

So is it official? The Fingerbanger’s Ball?

schvitzatura January 13, 2009 at 6:19 am

Trenholm. Probably some Virginia tidewater planter surname-as-given-name bullshit; just another case of ancestry worship writ large.

Anyway:

Recorded as Trenholm and Trenholme, this is an English surname. It is locational from the village of Trenholme near Stokesley in North Yorkshire, which according to the Oxford Dictionary of English place names, translates as the “the flat lands (holm) where the cranes gather”, from the pre 7th century Old Norse word “trani”, meaning the crane bird.

Not to be confused with Denholm (“dweller by the holly in the valley”)…

Now, Trenholm, from the flatlands of Union Circle, where the trannys gather.

When is a Tarquin going to come out the LNS woodwork, huh? Now that’s a name I’m sure LNS could get behind:

The boy’s name Tarquin \t(a)-rquin, tar-quin\ is of Latin origin. Roman clan name: the name of two Etruscan kings of early pre-republican Rome (about fifth century BCE). The son of the last king caused the famous Rape of Lucretia, the Roman matron who killed herself rather than live in shame.

Who knew they had TNTs clear back to 456 BCE! Si hoc legere scis nimium eruditiones habes!

Schadenfried January 13, 2009 at 9:38 am

Feh, the guys look like Bromance contestants, and the women look like Rock of Love rejects, next.

Schadenfried January 13, 2009 at 9:41 am

[re=216564]MathewBrooks[/re]: I think Das is the token.

Schadenfried January 13, 2009 at 9:42 am

[re=216564]MathewBrooks[/re]: Forgot to add, I doubt that even Black Republicans would ride with cats.

Deepthroat January 13, 2009 at 10:35 am

AnnieGetYourFun: Yay! You’re back! (or maybe i’m just back from my holiday break and just not noticing that you are back from yours?)

maui waui January 13, 2009 at 11:35 am

Looks like someone forgot to fill the water in Wonketeer’s Momma’s dish.

Kev-O-Tron January 13, 2009 at 12:29 pm

Black tie? I hope DC has enough Goodwill outlets to make this happen.

JoyZeeBoy January 13, 2009 at 1:23 pm

Jeebus H. Keerist, you inside-the-bloatway types really do take this 3-ring bread and circuses shit seriously, after all.

I’m appalled.

Get jobs. Real ones.

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