Wonkette
Holy jesus, will this press conference never end? Who knew that George Bush even knew so many words in English? Well, let’s continue as our outgoing President explains how nothing was his fault, except for the banner thing on the aircraft carrier.
9:50 AM — What about the “bubble”? “He will feel the effects the minute he walks into the Oval Office,” Bush says, because he planted a helium leak right by the door.
9:51 AM — George Bush doesn’t feel sorry for himself, that he caused the entire global economy to collapse and failed to prevent a massive terrorist attack.
9:54 AM — Protectionist is bad! Whatever, Thomas Friedman. Trade helps the third world!
9:55 AM — It’s April Ryan! Oh good, circling back to Katrina. Sure, you fudged the photo op. But what about helping out the city of New Orleans? Bush: a three-point list of garbage. “More people need to get into their houses.” God, he has no idea what’s going on there, does he. “Don’t tell me the federal response was slow when there were 30,000 people pulled off roofs right after the storm moved through.” OK then nevermind, the response was impeccable. Just ask all those people, who had to stand on their motherfucking ROOFS for DAYS.
9:58 AM — Also, yay black people.
9:58 AM — Look, it’s Politico’s Mike Allen! He wants to know how much of a workaholic George W. Bush is. Prediction: He will be back to running 10 miles a day within a week of leaving office, because otherwise he will go back to drinking. He is really taking his time with his responses. It’s like he is trying to erase the memory of every incredibly short, combative press conference — all half-dozen of them — he has had in his presidency.
10:01 AM — AWWW he plans on making coffee for his wife.
10:01 AM — Can Barack Obama be a uniter, not a divider? Answer: Ha, probably not. “The rhetoric got out of control.” Why? “I don’t know, ask those people.” He hopes the tone is respectful. He wishes everyone the best, and then runs off the stage.
10:07 AM — HA HA HA this Fox anchor says, “Some people have written in saying they want the DVD of this press conference, and wondering where this guy has been for the past eight years.” We are weeping with laughter/disgust.
10:07 AM — Also, what a prick to ignore Helen Thomas like that.
Oh, I am so glad he said the office is not lonely. He says they had fun!
“We had fun!”
FUN
It may be down the memory hole, but at the time, the White House tried to blame the Navy for the Mission Accomplished banner. No Excuse Left Behind!
Can we please never hear this retard speak again, please?
“Helicopter drivers”?
Bramlet Abercrombie: It was “joyous.” And even while he was reading about dead soldiers, they could be “lighthearted!”
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, he just called himself a Type A personality. He’d be hilarious if he hadn’t fucked up the country so bad for the better part of a decade.
We’ll take it from here, Lt. Bush. Dismissed.
MameDennis: They don’t go very high off the ground, unlike helicopter pilots.
Hear that? It’s the sound of perpetual failure coming to an end.
“You can’t escape the Presidency unless your mountain biking really hard” awesome, awesome, awesome. George I will love you in my hate soul forever.
Somewhere Fred Barnes and Charles Krauthammer are luxuriating in a slow, languid kiss.
DONG DONG, THE DUNCE IS GONE!
Can we send him to Gitmo now to think about what he’s done?
Ugh that was horrible but THANK GOD IT’S OVER
Naked Bunny with a Whip: Yes, G.W. Bush will be the new mideast war correspondent for pjtv.com. It looks like Joe will be dead withing 18 hours.
Naked Bunny with a Whip: He’ll make big $$$ on the (incoherent) lecture circuit after this. Buggers.
I watched When the Levees Broke this weekend, and well, yea, fucking impeccable response by the feds. He, Brownie, and Chertoff: BIGGEST. DOUCHEBAGS. EVER.
Sassette: Am laughin’ and might die! Ack!..need air…AhAHahahaaAHAHahHAhaa*cough*
How long before he’s doing Mountain Dew commercials?
And please, dear god, let cialis make him an offer.
Naked Bunny with a Whip: oh sorry, I didn’t see the ‘never’ in your post. I thought you were going to miss George in a “funnier than the Onion if only real people weren’t getting killed” kind of way…
Monsieur Grumpe: I thought it was the sound of one hand not clapping.
Is Bush gonna write a book? To be a best-seller, I hope it includes lots of pictures of his daughters, and sarah pallin, and even Laura (nude). Also some brain-teasers and crossword puzzles. Maybe some movie-reviews and a sports section.
TGY: He’ll need every dime after he gives birth to Dick Cheney’s black baby, also.
Larry Fine: Alas, crosswords might be hopeless unless none of the words had more than four letters.
Larry Fine: And fan fiction. Lots of Laura x Condi fanfics.
Larry Fine: Bush: I Did It My Way. Will they come out with a Huked on Fonix Edition for him to read?
Bush said he is in favor of a “two state” solution for the Mideast….Israel and Israel Jr.
Tommy Says Ira G is a Tool: I always thought the two states of the Mideast were ‘insane’ and ‘completely fucked’.
Sassette: More like a Type O personality ROFL (get it? I… I sort of get it. Nevermind)
Anyway, I refuse to watch Bush speak if someone isn’t throwing something at him. The whole thing is just too ungle and sad, otherwise.
If Helen Thomas is so fucking tiny, why didn’t you throw her at him?
People, this is serious. We didn’t shoe George, even though it was imminently doable. We’ll likely not have another chance except when he intermittently emerges from his new lair to feed on the unsuspecting people of Dallas.That only happens at night, meaning it’s a lot harder to hit him, especially if he changes into a bat and tries to fly away (remember the Alabama National Guard couldn’t find him for years in his lycanthropic form.)
It’s over, done, he gets to fly off to Dallas and raze his army of mutant vampiric sex slaves while we get to gather up the bodies and bulldoze graves. I blame you “our Wonkette”. You were there, you had footwear, Helen Thomas is a realistic weapon at that rang and yet you did nothing but stare into his hypnotic “beyond the grave” gaze.
Oh the humanity…
I thought George Bush didn’t like Black people. I’m so confused.
MameDennis:
Pilot’s often refer to themselves as “drivers”, particularly when carrying people or freight. If you think about it, airliners are really large, airborne busses or trucks. Piloting is something that’s done in a tactical fighter/interceptor or an aerobatic aircraft. No whiny passengers to make puke or cargo to break.
Go away ferret face…go find a hole, burrow into it and begone.
saggyboobedhag: Kanye was talking about notable racist George H.W. Bush. Common mistake.
OT: But is JtP actually a performance artist?
http://rawstory.com/news/2008/Joe_Plumber_says_journalists_should_be_0111.html
I say we create one large Mideastern state. We’ll name it Irate. And all the fundies can go there to bomb/shell/stone/Molotov cocktail themselves into oblivion. It’s God’s will!
TJBeck: Thanks TJ. What a terrible mistake to have made. 43 loves people of all ethnic backgrounds, I’m sure.
““Don’t tell me the federal response was slow when there were 30,000 people pulled off roofs right after the storm moved through.” OK then nevermind, the response was impeccable. Just ask all those people, who had to stand on their motherfucking ROOFS for DAYS.”
That rescue was done by the Coasties (who have managed to keep themselves independent even though they’re under Homeland Security now), state/Fed/local folks from wildlife and other agencies with boats who went out there on their own without Homeland Security help, and the frickin “Cajun Navy” who were just everyday people with boats who helped.
When Bush goes to the afterlife, I hope he’s condemned to standing neck deep in foul water, with winds blowing, and hearing the sounds of helicopters that never seem to come to rescue him.
Gopherit: Y’all bunch of uppity so and so’s are reporting things when you probably only know half the story! The solution? Make sure nobody knows any of the story!
Joe doesn’t think so I don’t have to. Also.
dijetlo: I’m pretty sure SKS is watching this on the TV, so her shoes would only damage the screen.
Gopherit: Good gravy, that’s a whole lot of stupid wrapped up in such a small story.
Somebody should ask him about releasing Liz Glover’s remains to her family…poor thing.
My dream: And like Faustus he is lead behind stage by a chorus of gibbering and giggling demons down to the gaping mouth of Hell where he will spend all eternity at a press conference where if he lies or ducks a question he will be beaten with a bag of burning coals.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, he just called himself a Type A personality.
And then he said his blood type was “psychotic”. I THINK I SEE THE PROBLEM HERE.
MarieDeGournay: TruckNutz salesman to the ball-less cannibals of Far Southern Patagonia.
…think i might need to change my screen name to “helicopter driver”…it just. makes. so. much. sense.
Oops, missed it. Funny, it wasn’t mentioned this morning on NPR (during the time I listened when I was actually conscious–woo, woo Lunesta. How many decades for it to go generic? An expensive night’s sleep).
I get the feeling that the wonkeratti aren’t the only people ready for this lame-ass joke of a president to be gone. Heck, Hopama is already being attacked as if he’d taken office. And his family is still homeless.
Doesn’t seem fair.
MarieDeGournay: If the WH press corps is any indicator, the demons will all be bunnies carrying feather dusters and squeaking “Now do you think you made any mistakes?”.
After an hour of this, Sarah Palin still seems retarded, only not quite as retarded.
Just glanced over some comments. Sounds like the press conf wasn’t much but the wonkeratti’s comments would have been a hoot to follow.
What? No one threw anything? How about a covert op of Texans (they’re all crazy, anyway) taking Karl Rove out and tar and feathering him? His securityi probably isn’t as good as W’s.
Horrible thought–what if someone took shot at him and YOU had to be the SS agent who decided in a split second whether you really wanted to take a bullet for a lame-ass lame-duck president.
Street Organizer:
Helo driver.
“he will spend all eternity at a press conference where if he lies or ducks a question he will be forced to eat a bag of dicks.
There. Fixed that for you.
TGY: You forget that our dear Georgie has a penchant for making up complex imaginary words like ‘misunderestimate’.
17 Down: 15 letter word defining my political legacy: Incompetancracy
W was disappointed that there were no WMD in Iraq, much like R. Kelly was disappointed that she wasn’t 18.
Did he even call on Helen? I admired her restraint in not throwing her (tiny) shoes from her primo spot down front.
Maybe she slipped one off and just kept the toe in for manners. That would be ladylike but get her “point” across.
On second thought, maybe there was a mandatory shoe check at the door.
You really get the sense that he believes that if it weren’t for that damn ‘Mission Accomplished’ banner, things really would have been different. Though I am going to miss his attempts to claim that any criticism of him is criticism of a group of heroes. Do you think Obama’s going to ever attempt to claim like criticism of Katrina response is an insult to helicopter pilots? There’s no replacing this man, this titan.
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
Bramlet Abercrombie: “We had fun!”
That’s great. I was feeling really shitty about Bush having pushed the entire world so far toward the Apocalypse that the globe, and we with it, are tottering right on the edge of everything horrible, but the fact he’s had a good time doing it makes all the difference. Hip-hip-hooray.
Somehow, I haven’t had as much fun as George. I made the horrible mistake of looking at last month’s accounting of what remains of my pathetic little portfolio after the marauding college student who claims she’s my daughter was through with it.
Please, I’m begging you people, DO NOT look at anything a brokerage firm sends you. It will kill the contact happy-buzz Bush’s press conference gave you.
Your welcome.
queeraselvis v 2.0: That’s a flash game waiting to happen.
Rather than forcing the reporters to check their shoes, the Secret Service crazy glued shoes to their feet, just as they had glued Bush’s brains to his back pockets.
Why didn’t anyone ask if he had withheld bailout funds from the Lehman Brothers because he thought they were a rock band?
Good Riddance, you beady-eyed sociopath, WE, the USA did not, for the record, have fun…
Did anyone else notice he gave up on the white trash drawl? Seriously, he even said “rawther” at one point.
TGY: She’s liveblogging a TV show?
You know that kind of makes sense, after all who would give our Wonkette a White house press pass? Initially, I assumed they got it the old fashioned way (by giving up teh buttsex to one of Karls creepy henchmen)…
Hey y’all, it’s been fun! Now they tell me I git to go visit someplace in Yurrup call the Hague! See ya there! Yee-Haw!!
Just think, if we had only listened to him a couple years ago, we’d be at war with Iran right now - for some reason or other. And we wouldn’t have to debate the future of social security anymore.
dijetlo: I’m going to go out on a limb here and predict that SKS would not ‘give up teh buttsex’ for paltry things like a presidential press pass. Just a feeling, you know?
Bah, I refuse to be happy until I see Dana Perino devoured alive by Helen Thomas. I couldn’t even make it all the way through her appearance on _The Daily Show_; they could have gotten a more interesting interview out of a slice of unbuttered toast. I’ve never hoped to see the day when anything comprehensible would come out of Junior’s mouth, but to see his press secretary covering up eight years of evil with her “Tee hee, I’m going to miss all my friends in the White House so much” shit- it makes by blood boil.
A perfect leader for a country that thinks reading and writing is “elitist”. Bye-bye fuck face.
I thought he already started drinking?
“There’s an old saying in Tennessee — I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee, probably in DC, too:
Don’t let the screen door hit you on the ass on your way out the fucking door.”
DeLand DeLakes: I’d still hit it.
heroinmule: Imbibing the blue water in the toilet bowl doesn’t count.
Sassette: Type ADD personality.
lawrenceofthedesert: “Why didn’t anyone ask if he had withheld bailout funds from the Lehman Brothers because he thought they were a rock band?”
Win!
8 more days. 8 x 24 hours, 24 hours x 60 minutes. It’s like Zeno’s paradox, this presidency is never going to end.
Snark aside, I agree with John Dean that the Bush admin should be investigated and prosecuted for war crimes or any other shit they’ve done. I know Hopey won’t, because we’re healing and shit, but real change would be to demonstrate that no person is above the law of the US, even the president and veep
Maybe they’ll wind up like Kisinger–. wanted for questioning about war crimes in four countries. Has to consult an attorney about current extradition treaties before he leaves the US.
DeLand DeLakes:
But Dana’s so pretty.
In a molded plastic, bleached Barbie blond, FOX ‘news’ sort of way.
Pretty women get away with shit that would land normal people on the sidewalk.
Or in jail.
Jon Stewart should have eaten her right there on camera.
And I don’t mean in the good way, I mean with a sharp knife and a well placed fork.
Terry: Your description of the rescue efforts in Katrina have made me realize we now have our very own Dunkirk. Huge govt fuckup, heroic individuals’ action.
TGY: I’ll go further out on a limb and guess creepy Karls henchmen wouldn’t want teh buttsex from from our delightfully insouciant SKS, historically they prefer operators of gay para military escort services.
Does this mean I have to “pilot” my car home from work, … awe come on
my favorite part was when he was talking about his ability to have lighthearted moments all the time at work, even when he was getting troop death reports from iraq. he actually said that.
OMG, he compared himself to Lincoln! Doesn’t he know Hopey trademarked Abe. A better comparison would be Grant, another drunken fuck-up.
S.Luggo: Hey! I
that remark!
resentresemble