Wonkette
Here’s our own Liz Glover at some Republican event, doing her thing, when SUDDENLY Dick Cheney smelled the blood of someone under 60 years old and wobbled over and killed her and ate her brain/heart just after the police took this tragic photo. Get well soon, Liz! Who is that in the middle, Lynne Cheney with a hair extension? Madonna? Let’s go with Britney Spears. This is a picture of Liz Glover, Britney Spears and Dick Cheney, the end.
Clearly it’s the Britney Spears impersonator, out to score some tix off of Cheney. His price: just her soul (plus assorted bodily organs).
We’ll need more keylight on Cheney’s head in order to see the printed circuit board.
Liz Glover is one of the few girls who make me want to stop being gay.
I hope Liz brought that crazy microphone eating dog with her.
Please explain why Cheney censored the video and only this grainy photo made it out alive.
In fact, if Rick Warren just ran the tape of her “dog swallowing the microphone at the Republican Convention” at his sexual preference reassignment seminars, it would probably be more effective than the speaking in tongues and laying on of hands.
If Liz doesn’t get at least quadruple pay for this at least put up a Pay Pal button where we can send her something to console her and end those nightmares.
Poor Liz.
*sniff*
I’m gonna miss her!
~
Ohhh no no no, I was going to start a plan to woo Liz and make her the mother of my children, but I don’t trust Cheney not to devise a scheme to implant his evil soul spawn into the ovaries of a young creature and wait for conception (I imagine that he first tried his daughter but she likes the ladies).
Poor Liz. She managed to avoid this sick fiend for eight years and then falls victim to him with just 9 days left.
I, for one, will continue to think of Liz in her living state, instead of dwelling on her now being one of the undead.
Actually, for Halloween, I had this disposable camera that put spectral ghost prints on your pictures. The Ghost look almost exactly like Cheney and Britney.
That’s not Liz Glover, it’s Samantha Brown from the Travel Channel. Liz is safe and sound at her undisclosed location. Poor Samantha, however, will be working on a program about Cuba.
Her poor pleading face will haunt me until I too die, a dry husk of impotent regret.
Sooooo, Liz shows up after a long absence just a Wonkette staff starts to receive Pig of the Day awards. This is very suspicious timing. Trying edge SKS out for the coveted prize, Liz? Hmmmmm?
Swedish lessons from an authentic passable Swedish girl!
Is that the albino chick from Powder?
After months without Liz in Wonkette we see her, brave, beautiful but doomed, about to engage in the final battle with the darkest of dark lords. I hope she has been training with the monks of the Shaolin Temple to learn the secret of destroying evil in human shape.
Goodbye Photog Liz
Though I never knew you at all
You had the grace to hold yourself
While those around you snarked
They snarked from the innertubes
And Dick Cheney ate up your brain
They sent your remains to Gitmo
And they made you into feed
And it seems to me we saw your life
Thru a purple green Barbi Cam
Never knowing who to cling to
When Paultards ran in
And I would have liked to have known you
But I’m just a Wonk commenter
Your Barbi Cam was legend long before
Your interviews ever did
grevillea: I laughed for a full five minutes on reading this….
On the plus side the years of devouring the souls of innocent infants has give Dick that healthy, ethereal glow.
With only ten days left, Our Liz makes the ultimate sacrifice so that other young interns can be spared. We will burn vigil candles to the FSM in her memory.
Liz is currently redecorating the inside of cheney’s man-sized safe with her screams.
Somebody check the Naval Observatory Lawn!
In lieu of flowers, donations can be made to TruckNutz, the ultimate truck accessory, at 4400 Myrtle Ave, Port Orange, FL 32129.
*shiver*
the horror!
Damn, I was hoping for Blackula Dick Cheney, not regular Dick Cheney.
Poor Liz. She looked terrified! She had that same look we Americans had for the last 8 years. *sigh*
Dang, Liz, we hardly knew ye.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
So does Dick Cheney actually walk or does he just appear our of vapors in the air?
Honestly, he looks,
lovable.
If Liz blinks her eyes once every two minutes now, give her her space.
Liz, did VP Cheney tell you that he’d make you wish you’d never been born??
/gallo’d
Chain, chain, chain, chain, chain, chain
Chain, chain, chain, Cheney’s foods
Eight long years I thought Liz was a man
But I found out She’s just a link in the pan
He got her where he want her
She ain’t nothing but his food
He eated her spleen oh he drank her bloods
Chain, chain, chain, Cheney’s foods
Every brain its flesh he must fry
He bites the weak child, he’ll bite the wild
He’ll boil her muscle, her fat and her bones
Reduce you to a thick minestrone
He’ll doctor her with sauce so cheesy
He’ll munch her stuffin’ and swallow her thong
She’s added to the chain, chain, chain
Chain, chain, chain, chain,
Chain, Cheney’s foods
In the mornings the Cheney’s gonna breakfast
And when he does, yeah, He’s gonna eat all he can eat, yes
Chain, chain, chain, chain, chain, chain
Chain, chain, chain, Cheney’s foods
She shouldn’t have entered the room without a blaster.
If you think Liz and Cheney make a strange pair, get a load of THIS:
http://img.ffffound.com/static-data/assets/6/be3d456bf5aeb751bf53a24878fc92965be0cf27_m.jpg
LIZ, i love you. that is why i did not capitalize your name, as i don’t with anyone else worth a shit to me. flee! flee, my love. oh, and fuck that whoreanus. xoxo
Liz is still my metric for “amazing”. *sigh*
Cheney looks skinnier than usual, kinda like my lizard after he hasn’t eaten in a week or so…my gawd, it’s his feeding time! She really is in danger!!!1! Run, hottie, run! Leave the repug. woman to her fate (as food or pleasure toy)!
facehead: Chewbacca can’t be blamed for what he had to do to get money in the early part of his career. That shot must be from his movie with Princess “Lay-ah”
Cheney has to be the last Cylon.
Alas poor Liz I knew you well not! A babe of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy!
But! In this hastily taken pic details emerge as to the process DickDarth utilizes to sponge his prey: i.e. some kind of neck-choking device which eviscerates the soul from his victims.
Fie! Fie! Take heed all those who do not note this most foul, strange, and unnatural deed!
facehead: Chewbacca and Marilyn, together at last!
P.S. The Easter Bunny!
Ahem.
The Easter Bunny!
~
The expression on poor Liz’s face. Her sixth sense has informed her of her deadly fate; her spinal cord electrified by fear; the frozen moment is stretched with terror. Don’t…turn…around.
This is a lie.
The Vice-President has not eaten her until she has apologized on Fox.
Looking closer at the photo, isn’t the middle person Amy Carter from 1978, when her father sold her to the Ayatollah Khomeini to cement the deal of releasing the hostages when he left office in exchange for having a Muslim be president in thirty years?
Oh Noooez!
How does she do it? Liz has photos with more people she hates than yer av’reg first lady.
More pics of Liz!
Without the undead, please.
HAHAHHAA THESE PEOPLE DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH well…..
Oh and this is retarded.
If Dick Cheney is 7′5″, then, according to this super crystal clear picture, Liz is 8′5″ tall. I’m scared yet my loins tingle in delight.
yes but what does riverdaughtermotherincestuouscousin think of all this?
Maybe it’s because she was mean. And she wonders why! And she wonders why! She is so mean! And she wonders why!
I thought Dick Cheney just appeared by hologram. I vote for Amy Carter as the one in the middle. Why is she in cahoots with Dick Cheney? Is it some Trilateral Commission thingie?
Surely the woman in the middle is Meghan McCain.
Minus the blubber & ginormous boobs. Must be starving her poor self after daddy lost the election.
hobospacejungle: Let me clear up all this speculation about the “person” in the middle.
Like most lizard people, Richard Cheney digests externally. The agent in the middle is a pseudobody designed to attract and ensare humans (e.g. Liz Glover), once ensnared the prey is then covered with a thick gelatinous goo of enzymes and acids, illegal in most states, which serve to lubricate the breeding process, whereby said lizard person feverishly lays his eggs in the host creature … omg it is all so disgusting I’ll just stop here.
I’m sure Xena saved both Liz and Gabrielle at the last minute… she always does.
hobospacejungle: I haven’t thought about Meghan in a while, thank god. Or maybe not, it would have been nice to hear her talk on her ‘bloggette’ about preparing for the inaugeration like the junior prom. Instead she:
“Obviously, the weeks following the election have been an emotional rollercoaster…Many of you have asked what the future of the blog is and yes, there is a future. I just needed a bit of time to disconnect before starting up again. ”
Aww, the poor thing. She’s chosen unemployment as a career option during the next great depression.
Bruno: Meghan can always hook up with Riverchucky and enter the sordid world of competitive eating. They’d send that skinny Japanese guy into retirement faster than you can carve a backwards B on your cheek.
How could anyone think that an experienced Wonketteer would venture unprepared into such a situation?
What the photo doesn’t show is the large silver crucifix Liz was hiding under her jacket, just in case.
The Dark Lord was last seen heading quickly for the door- The Secret Service detail on duty outside the building reported nothing out of the ordinary; however one agent mentioned in passing that he’d gotten a glimpse of what he thought could have been a bat…
Our courageous representative escaped unscathed. Rest easy, all.
The one in the middle is Trucknutz Palin
Liz, we hardly knew ye, nom nom nom.
Show us on the doll where he touched you Liz….
Oh my!
Blingeed!
http://blingee.com/blingee/view/80925601-Oh-No-Liz-
Geez. First you send her to get eaten by the CNN dog, and now this! Why don’t you just deploy her to Gaza while you’re at it?
Finally, actual photos for the war crimes tribunal. Thank you Liz. Adieu.
You usually can’t say something nice about Darth, but apparently he IS all about the “glove love”.
Sorry Liz and friend — this is what you get for saying his name thirteen times in front of the bathroom mirror.
Scandalabra: Liz Glover makes we willing to become gay briefly so that she could make me want to stop being gay.
OR SO I THOUGHT. I am very disappointed in you, Liz Glover. Everyone else is afraid for you, saying run away from lizardman, blah blah. There was Cheney, an arm length away. Obviously, in hindsight, there was a moral imperative to reach over and stick a bic pen in one of his eyes before being tasered to death or something worse by the secret service. You can see all the ethical impllications of the situation in your expression. You chose wrong, Liz Glover!
I really don’t care what Wonketteeers have to say…I am waiting for truthseeker77’s analysis, because, face it, he is a truthseeker.
Dick Cheney smelled the blood of someone under 60 years old and wobbled over…
Somehow I envision Dick floating over, a la Baron von Harkonnen.
Who knew that Liz Glover was the one the Ancients warned us about?
~
This is the blog where the stupid women hang out.
Talking Points Memo is a better blog than this and so is The Confluence.
Wonketeers suck.
Stupid Wonkette: You’re fairly calm for a PUMA, did that estrogen patch thingie work? Though it might be better if placed over yer mouth.
Is it just me, or is Dick Cheney starting to look a little like the first Dr. Who?
Oh, and Stupid Wonkette–a couple thoughts:
You’re not long for this sock, I suspect, but thanks for playin’. We’ll be ignoring you into obscurity.
Enjoy your bitterz.
I am not a PUMA you drek.
Try again
Stupid Wonkette: Boy, thanks for pointing that out.
Then again, you have been hanging out here a lot, are you reading any posts but your own?
ooo xxx
–Lionel
Stupid Wonkette: No, you have a little while to “try again” for the weblog awards. But let me give you a prediction straight from Nate Silver…..you’re a “looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooser!” Wonkette wins! We just Hopey’d yer ass.
hobospacejungle: Do not knock Sonya Thomas, Hobo. Also, she’s Korean-American, not Japanese. Kobayashi, the top international competitor on the men’s side of IFOCE, is Japanese, though, & you prolly interpolated him & Ms Thomas.
who give a fuck about the blog awards? What a bunch of retards you are.
The kewl kids contest, we won, we won. No one takes this place a serious blog.
Stupid Wonkette: Awesome, where is this ‘Kool Kids’ contest? We’ll need something to occupy ourselves once these awards are done. I can’t let my team of Ukrainian hackers sit idol.
Stupid Wonkette: Of course no one takes this place a serious blog. This is the home of Trucknutz and Walnutz, a collection of morans, maroons and ne’er do wells who revere a certain toilet stall at MSP as a national shrine, a bastion of buttsecks and backwards B’s, a site which declared war on Paultards and embraced The War on Christmas with a disturbing level of enthusiasm.
We make dismissive gestures in your general direction, silly PUMA (oh, yes, you are)
Please don’t associate Stupid Wonkette with legitimate PUMA’s, he is a sock puppet from the confluence and I don’t appreciate the way he acts on here even though you people probably deserve it.
Oh yeah, happy sunday.
wow, them are some ugly ass white folk.
Stupid Wonkette: OH NOES!!!11! We have tried so for respectability!! What about Liz Glover’s hard hitting interview with a dog? Surely that lent us an earnest air that none can deny? The only thing anyone on this blog takes seriously is making fun of humorless gits like you. But your posts have taken some of the fun out of even that by being SO FUCKING BORING. Even Murphy is more entertaining than you. So take pride in this: The knowledge that someone as staggeringly dull as you exists has taken a tiny amount of joy from my life. Luckily, I can recapture that joy with whiskey, and will do so now.
MisterLoki: *hic* Cheers!
~
MurphyPUMA: Thank for reminding me to vote another three times.
Bruno: No, I think it really is “kewl”. As in Kitties Everywhere Weird Ladies.
Stupid Wonkette: Whattaya doing here? You’re missing the Confluence meeting regarding their collective memoir: “It’s Not Fair: Reflections on how the other kids got more attention, more desserts, fewer punishments and more whipped cream on their lattes”.
MurphyPUMA: I don’t think I’m alone when I say that it’s very difficult to tell the difference.
He actually isn’t a PUMA, as such. He is a pathetic clown that hangs out on The Confluence in the hopes of getting some feminine attention by being one of the only males on the site. Presumably, none of the 12 year old girls in AOL chat rooms were interested. He posts over here in in a delusional belief that one of the women on Confluence will swoon over his heroic attempts to defend their honor. He should be pitied, but I wouldn’t let him babysit, if you get my drift.
ifthethunderdontgetya”: Sláinte Mhath!
Whats wrong with clowns?
I am not from anywhere.
I have fun making you angry.
Stupid women make me laugh, so many on wonkette to choose from
trailer trash blogging is what this place is.
MurphyPUMA: Did you hear that, Stupid Wonkette? She called you a SOCK PUPPET! I wouldn’t stand for that if I was you. Sounds like a stupid woman who needs to be put in her place, the VERY KIND that you enjoy laughing at! What are the odds?!
Gogogo!!!
Murphy Puma is an impostor wonkette fool
Seeing Murphy and Stupid Wonkette turn on each other is sort of like how it feels when you were little and your parents fought.
Well, I mean, assuming your parents were retards.
Which mine were, cuz I’m also retarded dur hur hur. I figured one or both of them would provide me with that sick burn, so I figured I’d just save them the time and trouble.
I’m like considerate as hell.
Nothing is wrong with clowns, if you have aspirations of being a pedophile. And the fact that you think you anger anyone on here is sweet. As I said, we just find you dull. Now run home to Confluence and touch yourself while telling them how you stood up to the meanies.
Golly Gee myiq2xu, who are you calling an imposter? At least I use my real name, maybe you should do the same. Your just lucky RD put’s up with you or you wouldn’t have any friends.
Oh, wow. Stupid Wonkette is coming dangerously close to justifying its existence.
I know it’s going to be hard, but for the love of God, do NOT fuck this up.
Murphy and myiq2xu need to get a room. It’s starting to smell like swamp ass and bad vagina in here.
Isn’t there some kind of Puma fetish site we can send these crazy kids to?
gurukalehuru: Well that pretty accurately sums up why I come here.
MurphyPUMA: Now that is just outrageous! How do you know that Stupid Wonkette doesn’t have TENS of acquaintances/friends in real life, hmmmm?! Or DOZENS even! Maybe it’s because you’re actually reflecting on your own desperate quest to build an online community where you can finally have “deep” and “meaningful” discussions about the issues most important to you (i.e. cats, Old Country Buffet, and hot flash remedies).
Stupid Wonkette, you cannot let this egregious slander stand. This bitch has got to go down.
This Rumproast site is brilliant. If any of you have the patience to go through letters the Pumas have submitted to FEC, about ‘barry HUSSAIN obama’, etc etc, check this out:
http://www.fec.gov/law/policy/enforcement/2009/comments/commentsotherissues.pdf
The best part about the letters is they contain people’s real contact info, emails, full names, and in some cases mailing addresses, work contact details, etc. Just sayin…that’s a fucking valuable thing, you don’t just give that away,but they did, wink wink.
itgetter: CATFIGHT!!!11!! RAWR!!1!
So thats 2 women the Dick has eaten, does Rose Mary Woods count as three?
That must be where Mary gets it from.
Bruno: Oh, my. Thanks for the laughs. That one guy seems to email CC-ed the FEc about every two to three days. I especially enjoyed the one encouraging JEFF Bush to run.
There’s some real poetry to one of this guy’s other letters:
LOOK AT A BARE-BREASTED HUSSEIN-obama
SOAKING UNDER THE SUN IN THE BEACHES OF his SOCALLED
“STATE OF BIRTH HAWAII
AND WASTING THE GOVERNMENTAIRCRAFT OF THE AIRFORCE
WHILE THE AMERICAN PEOPLE ARECLINGING FOR THEIR LIVES
TO SURVIVE UNDER THE ICY WEATHER
AND MOST AND FOREMOST OF THEM ALL
SURVIVING UNDER THE ECONOMIC MELTDOWN!
dated 12/23/2008.
Mmmmmmmmm. Bare-breasted Obama.
Bruno: Thanks for that link. Like the school principal played so well by Meryl Streep in “Doubt”, these bitter pumas are “convinced” despite the facts, and Nothing will change that. Though it pisses me off to have to pay attention to them here (it’s a bloody car wreck on the roadside, how can you not?), it is a fact that everytime a filthy Wonkette jackal posts on Confluence, a thousand kittens throw up on Mommy’s tea cozy. And I’m O.K. with that.
fyi… we have pulled our support for both the confluence and nice deb…thanks.
At least Cheney was smart enough to go for Liz’s fresh meat as opposed to the rancid flesh of Brittney.
http://democralypsenow.blogspot.com/
While preforming my daily Wonkette Duty, I noticed that Nate Silver is a full 20,000 votes ahead of his nearest competition. CHEATING!!!!! HACKING!!1!!!! OPPRESSION!!1!1!!!!!! TYRANNY!!!!!! HAVE THE WEB JUDGES BEEN INFORMED OF THIS INJUSTICE?!!??!??!!11????//?!!??/!
Nigerian Business Executive: “Performing,” you dope.
Stupid Wonkette: Stupid women make me laugh, so many on wonkette to choose from
trailer trash blogging is what this place is.
Just a tip: your “stupid Wonkette women” argument might fly better if you wrote readable sentences that follow basic English grammar rules. I guess simple sentence structure comes second to having all of that amazing “discourse” over on PUMA sites.
It is weird with these PUMA trolls. It is like they can’t let even the simplest, stupidest things go and move on with their boring lives. Oh, wait…
MurphyPUMA: Oh SNAP! Stupid Wonkette: What is your response to this gut-wrenching revocation of support for a highly important and scientific internet poll? Might I suggest ALL CAPS?
Nigerian Business Executive: Actually, they have:
“Non evidence of cheating is persuasive but you have to take into account statistical anomalies.
Sites like Cake Wrecks and Fivethrityeight are off the charts, beyond even the “major” categories. They are receiving many times the votes their entire category received in the past. The Anchoress may have endorsed Cake Wrecks but that does little to explain why it’s received 9 times the votes she has. Votes for 538 are going up at a steady rate minute by minute…..at nearly 3 o’clock in the morning EST. The same for Cake Wrecks. I don’t care how sure you are, someone is scamming your system and they have automated it. It may not be the bloggers themselves, but a dedicated fan. One thing is for sure, something is going on.”
http://weblogawards.proboards85.com/index.cgi?board=general&action=display&thread=819
So have Cake Wrecks, as you can see from the quote. Also something from best Asian Blog Category. Oh and also Fuckyoupenguin is not a pet site and is probably also cheating as well.
Those boards are great.
MisterLoki: Oh. And I thought I was being so clever. Sheesh.
You must have a cast-iron gut to have read through all that.
Nigerian Business Executive: I was actually disappointed as I thought WE were the super villains in this comical episode. Obviously Nate Silver is not satisfied with his enormous book advance and MUST HAVE A WEBLOG AWARD.
gurukalehuru: Nice recap. Don’t forget we discovered Gov. Sarah long before any Nascar fans wanted to do, vote for, or become her.
MurphyPUMA: “we have pulled our support for both the confluence and nice deb…thanks.”
Oh no, they’ll NEVER win, NOW
I think that guy in the picture looks like William S. Burroughs, fat and happy from a holiday in the Interzone. It comes to mind that Cheney and Burroughs had several traits in common, as any school child should be able to explain in detail. Any pictures of Cheney and W.S. Burroughs in the same place at the same time?
Who is that guy in the picture, really?
This got all PUMA, so I am going to go gargle, and hope I didn’t catch a yeast infection.
http://www.acandidworld.net/2009/01/10/third-times-not-quite-the-charm-for-pumas-2008-weblog-awards-update/
Third Time’s Not Quite the Charm for PUMAs: 2008 Weblog Awards Update
January 10th, 2009 · 2 Comments · Author - Ames, Politics
With two and a half days left to vote in the 2008 Weblog Awards, the question to ask is whether, despite eight nominations, the PUMA-sphere can nonetheless fail to secure a single Weblog Award. As it turns out, yes - yes they can. When voting closes on Monday, PUMAs will end the year oh for three: they lost the primaries, lost the election (after embracing Sarah Palin as a “true feminist”), and now they’ll lose out on any formal recognition for their insatiable efforts to promote mindless reactionary politics. Good riddance, PUMAs, and welcome to the dustbin of history. It’s been waiting for you for some time now.
The two PUMA blogs with the best chance to win - “UppityWoman08″ and our archnemesis “The Confluence” - now trail to “~Synthesis~” and “Wonkette,” respectively, and we here salute our benevolent overlords at “Wonkette” for engineering this coup. While Wonkette has taken its fair share of flak from Jon Swift & Grace the Spot, they’re missing the point: if the results for the winning blogs are artificially inflated by Wonkette-powered poll crashing, PUMA nominations are themselves the result of artificially inflated political chicanery. PUMA-ism owes its existence to the mass delusion that Barack Obama somehow “stole” the primaries from Hillary Clinton by doing nothing more than keeping his promise to Hillary regarding Florida & Michigan when Hillary herself broke it, and it owes its continuance to the blind, unfocused rage that led deluded Hillary voters to embrace Sarah Palin over Hillary’s express request to the contrary. PUMAs are themselves the angry mob that they decry in Wonketeers, just on a much bigger (and vastly more important) scale.
If PUMAs don’t like the Wonkette “angry mob” approach to voting, it may be because Wonkette has done to web-voting what PUMAs tried (and failed) to national politics. I’m sure the reflection is none too flattering.
grevillea: The reaction on her face is due to getting a goose from Bill Kristol. Poor Liz. One more martyr to the First Amendment.
http://www.fabulouslyjinxed.com/
“As some of you know, I loathe PUMAs. They smell of cabbage and make my eyeball twitch. I am, sadly, highly allergic to those 50 or so sad, sad creatures. During the election season, these lovely mavens of screeching rage were losing their minds because OMGHILLARYLOST!! After Obama won, they continued with the screeching and hair pulling. Now they’re in the midst of yet another battle: The Weblog Awards.
One of their own, called “The Confluence” (must use the Google, people), was in the running for “Best Liberal Blog” (the only thing “liberal” about this blog was that it had a liberal amount of OMGHILLARYLOST Syndrome and aforementioned screeching). Then Wonkette noticed that they were nominated against The Confluence. Wonkette sent out a short message to their readers that they wanted to beat a PUMA blog. Hilarity has since ensued.
The PUMAs have endorsed a winger blog called “Nice Deb” against one of my favorite small blogs, Rumproast. So, Wonkette endorsed Rumproast and any other blog that was up against a PUMA-endorsed blog. Considering Wonkette’s traffic, it was no wonder that all blogs they endorsed for the awards quickly took the lead. Now our dear Cabbage-eating kitties are crying foul and claiming that both Wonkette and Rumproast are using super-secret-uber-computer code to ruin the fun for them. Everyone with me now: Awwww.
Also, the comments at both Wonkette and Rumproast re: the snarling Cooters are quite hilarious for a while. Then they’re only funny if the stink of Cabbage-flavored panties makes your hair shrivel against your scalp and your toes twist into pretzel shapes. So, I don’t suggest you venture too far (unless, like me, you can’t look away at the amazing stupidity that are the PUMA collective). Oh! And vote for Rumproast, ~synthesis~ and anyone but the Flatulence — Just to keep their panties bunched up and all that jazz.”
Liz, dawling, I’m sorry to say but you’re damaged goods now. Nobody stands within three yards from Dick Cheney without getting contaminated.
Murphy: PUMA: Is there nothing that you won’t squawk about for a week then cry complete failure on? Your movement is terribly racist and disgusting to the core. You would rather destroy feminism to avenge your flimsy, selfish pride. At least you’re all transparent about it.Stupid WonkettePUMA, Paultard, both failures of a different, but still Durian-tinged flavor.
chascates: Wait… am I insulted by this? Hmmm… I think the difference between us and the PUMAs (yes, the ONE difference) is that we don’t take our internet war seriously. Meh. It’s pie-eating time. Tonight is cherry/pineapple!
chascates: “OMGHILLARYLOST Syndrome” will appear in the next edition of the DSM under the category “Womenz Problemz”, subcategory “Republican”.
http://www.psychiatryonline.com/
El Pinche: Ha!
itgetter: The only people who should be insulted are the hopeless harridans themselves. But since they have the self-awareness of George W. Bush that is not likely. They exist only in the ether and not in reality.
Captain Swing: “How could anyone think that an experienced Wonketteer would venture unprepared into such a situation?”
But, Wonketteers are so trusting.
BTW: The schmattte around Liz’s neck hides the fang marks so very well.
chascates: Excellent alliteration. Now I’m picturing PUMAs as some sort of sports team called the “Hopeless Harridans” with a mascot that looks kind of like this: http://images.buycostumes.com/mgen/merchandiser/3002.jpg
itgetter: That mascot may have too much fashion sense but otherwise excellent.
Drinkin time is here.
Wonktards, PUMAtards, wingers, paultards, whatever, lay down your weapons and DRINK.
Origami:
Basic English grammar rules? Have you not learned? PUMAs MAKE the rules. All other rules, guidelines, or principles that do not match the PUMAs ideology are treasonous.
Bruno: Thank you. While I realize that some of these letters must be fakes, I am still thankful to the Sisters at St. Catharine’s Grammar school for teaching me how to diagram a sentence. Having learned this valuable skill, I hope that I never will be mistaken for one of those “special children” who wrote those letters to the FEC.
S.Luggo: Right now it’s categorized with the delusions.
IZ AT TEH HAPPEE HOUR. READING THE BLAWGS. <—-exceptionally tipsy
El Pinche: gawd i luv sum boozin… I wil drink ur face awf.
PUMA has a radio show on.
You guys have shit
Editors or smart computer people:
can u splain why my avatar changes. I’m drunk blogging from my favorite happy hour spot. I use different computers to log on and my avatar switches up. not that its tooimportunt cuz itz not but i don’t get it….
hugzenkisses…
Kev-O-Tron: You can blame the uppity black man for that.
PsycGirl: Or narcissistic self-pity. E.g., Sarah Palin.
So, MurphyPUMA, if you really have pulled your support for The Confluence and Nice Deb how come nothing to that effect has been posted on PUMAPac, in the comments there or, in fact, anywhere but here? I mean, I know DancesWithPumas posted a comment to that effect but does that represent official pulling of your support? Are you really a sockpuppet for DWP?
Stupid Wonkette: Thanks for silencing the tingle his Deppness elicited from me during his Globe appearance. Why don’t they let him give out all the awards?
PUMA does need awards when they have radio shows and tv spots
who the fuck cares about funky wonky
Stupid Wonkette“Puma has a radio show on”
This one?
http://acksisofevil.org/audio/inner202.mp3
KPFT PUMA Fiasco or WTF was THAT?
shortsshortsshorts:
Bill Cosby?
Also, Liz Glover looks like a much much much younger Peggy Noonan
Stupid Wonkette: http://www.dummies.com/store/product/English-Grammar-For-Dummies.productCd-0764553224.html
MurphyPUMA: Because if you don’t back a loser, you can’t lose? I thought you were all about backing the losers.
I know who the bitch in the middle is, it’s Maureen Dowd! She said she was close enough to kick him in the shins a bunch of times recently but didn’t do it.
She told me PERSONALLY.
I dont click on links dumb asses.
Does anyone care what a wonker has to say?
I guess that is a NO.
Stupid Wonkette: shutup and DRINK.
whiskey tango foxtrot: Her column today was pretty good although she’s only a few steps up from being Peggy Noonan.
Stupid Wonkette: Radio. Kool. What is next? Cuneiform? Stop teasing me with your hippie technology, minx.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUqtHkn-k-4
El Pinche: You mean we can’t drink and war at the same time? Fuck. I’ve been doing it wrong.
Bruno:
HA!
One of the folks who sent an email requesting that the FEC audit Obama, donated over $7000 to Hillary Clinton’s Presidential campaign.
Off to jail with her !!
the wonkette bitches in that picture are ugly and fat.
Stupid Wonkette: That’s a mirror you’re looking at. Be careful, you could hurt yourself!
I’ve been following this ridiculous Wonkette vs PUMA battle for days now. As a long-time feminist, I must say that I’m rather surprised to hear such misogyny come out of the mouths of these PUMAs. The racism alone that they’ve demonstrated is anti-feminist, as was their insistance that I vote for someone based on their genitalia. But calling women “bitches” and “ugly” and “fat” decries all that I know of feminism. So I hereby call these racist, misogynistic women out as anti-feminists and invite them all to go suck it. Also.
BadKitty: It makes you wonder if they would have voted for Barbara Jordon. Or Ann Richards.
S.Luggo: lulz
Stupid Wonkette: “I dont click on links dumb asses.”
You click anywhere on the link for it to work. Not just the ass part.
Badkitty you would know a feminist if they put a leash on you.
You voted for a guy cause he was afro American that makes you a racist too
You called sara palin a bitch. Your no feminist either.
it makes me wonder if wonks would have voted for Mike Tyson.
this blog needs PUMA just to be xciting.
Stupid Wonkette: Your excuse?
Stupid Wonkette:
I put leashes on the feminists all the time, along with a ball gag and some chains. Will you be my gimp? The safe word is “bittercunt.” Now smell the glove and DRINK!
Stupid Wonkette: I’m reasonably sure a feminist would not put a leash on me. Unless I asked them really nicely and had been a very, very bad kitty.
OffTheRecord: For me, it depends on the liquor of choice.
If its Jäger, I don’t move much and speak with eye blinks (1 for “yes”, 2 for “no”, and 3 for “more Jäger”).
If it’s tequila, my name is Suge Knight.
Stupid Wonkette: It’s getting pretty late and tomorrow’s a school day. Believe me you don’t want to miss any English classes even if mommy and daddy let you stay up late.
Stupid Wonkette aka myiq1/100u, is supposedly a guy. I’ve seen his picture so it’s hard to tell, but supposedly he is. He hangs out with PUMAs but there’s no way he’s getting a date anywhere else.
the thing in the middle is Liz Cheney (I think)
Stupid Wonkette:
Hey cunt, what’s a “bubba?” Over at the Con (I’m kewl!), apparently, a “bubba” is the male equivalent to a PUMA. What gives?
lovekills: Too human looking to be a Cheney, no?
chascates: very possible….she also recreates at an alarming rate, so I’ve hear. also
but she uses her own evil womb
chascates how do u know because your GED class is at the same time?
El piche isn’t Bubba your dad who is also your uncle?
she is too ungle for even Cheney to want to eat her. That wonkette bitch in the pic is fugly.
Stupid Wonkette: Stupid Wonkette: Ha, ha! Very good. Now we know: you’re a ’special’ student. And it’s NOT YOUR FAULT. You just need to remember to take the medicines the nice lady gives you and not write on the walls or anything.
PS: every time you post (write words using the electronic box) you make Hillary cry. And we know you don’t really want that.
Night-night.
El Pinche: For me basically any of them equal “Hey! Lets make out!” Which is why I am a stupid young female who reads Wonkette.
Stupid Wonkette: Okay everyone, “ungle” is the word of the day tomorrow! Try to use it in a sentence at least once.
mar in denver: Don’t think he’s going to be seeing much PUMAction after this. No more waist-deep in the big muddy!
since it’s my first Wonkette post: truck nutz.
Stupid Wonkette: OK, now we know that you are actually 14. This is a site for grownups, OK? Now go along and use your newly learned bad language somewhere else where it will impress people.
We INVENTED these words. They do not affect us.
Right now PUMA is talking about real issues
wonkbutts talkin about cunt n’ dick n’drinking
snarkopolitan: Remember also: buttsects.
And welcome.
Stupid Wonkette: Hmmm…
PUMAs are bitching about something that happened that they didn’t like but which cannot be changed (ZOMG they elected the black!) and coming up with pipe dream solutions.
Wonkette is talking about buttsecks and alcohol.
I think Wonkette’s conversation is realer.
El Pinche: “Hey cunt”
No. An insult of that sort will be accepted as a vindication of shallowness of the realm of Wonkette.
Perhaps instead, the greeting:
1. Truant from the realm of intellect
2. Obidient servant of ignorance
3. One still confused by the complexity of the alphabet
Stupid Wonkette: I think with a little buttsecks and alcohol your outlook on life will change.
itgetter: Ritalin may be the only real help here but they may not have it in the more rural areas. The boy/child at least needs a new keyboard as several keys are missing. If not brain cells.
Stupid Wonkette: oh jeez. Give it up. The other troll TRUECHRISTIAN was funnier than you, for fucks sake.
Classic sock puppeteer strategy. Have an argument with yourself so as to allay all suspicion that you might be double dipping.
Except that the suspicion actually goes up exponentially, so fuck.
Mr. Blip u r so wrong i would not waste two email accts on this piece of shit blog.
chascates: Oh yes, I forgot: buttsecks. Now I can never run for president. But thank you!
I’m out of things to say, but I can’t stop posting. Anybody else have this problem?
whiskey tango foxtrot: No.
…wait
whiskey tango foxtrot: I going to have to log off to spend more time with Jim Beam for the same reason. You have to admit, the kid really is the perfect poster boy for the PUMA cause. I’m sure tomorrow the skanks at Confluence will want to bake him cookies for his valiant efforts at the Engrish language.
Stupid Wonkette: Stop seeing yourself as a victim.
S.Luggo: I think he really is a victim. His parents bought him a computer when the ‘professionals’ told them that in spite of his obvious developmental difficulties he might actually take interest in a computer and have some future other than a food service worker. Unfortunately we now know that instead of searching the web for pictures of nude teenage lesbian sluts like any normal 9-grader (normal hetero 9-grader; a normal gay 9-grader would naturally look for something else) he’s dived into the PUMA crap. He found that because his father is probably a racist drunk and his mother a frigid lady who now wonders how she ended up in this hell-hole of a life so they despise the elected president and blame him for all of their woes.
Perfectly sad and perfectly predictable.
I am a victim. Every wonketeer is a victim. Of bad blogging.
Gossip blog is not real
This is your brain
This is your brain on Wonkette
[show picture of 90 year old mans pus crusted open sore covered ass]
any questions?
itgetter: Me too, also.
Stupid Wonkette: Thank you, but now that Grandpa McCain is back on his shelf, I’ll gladly look at as little 90 year old man pus crusted open sore covered ass as possible.
S.Luggo: Hey, Stupid Myiq2xu is Keith Flint!
…
Psycho-somatic addict-insane
Come play my game
Inhale inhale. You’re the victim
…
Whats up, mate! Tell Liam to piss off!
itgetter: As in, “the fun of taunting our ungle new troll has finally worn off and I’m looking forward to the next banhammer impact.” Just practicing for tomorrow’s word of the day.
Stupid Wonkette: so how does it feel to be a libertarian who works at gamestop, but i repeat myself
captains of industry such as yourself always seem to be working retail go-nowhere jobs with nothing to do but play WoW and slob your knob over Ayn Rand
Oh jesus fucking christ, sorry dudes, I will ban the boring people. Which ones?
Wow , that thing is still here?
At least it dropped its tedious forced Valley Girl speak.
Rumor has it this is Riverdaughter’s brother, the tolerated Puma mascot pig from Confluence. I think it stays up late and drinks a bit.
BTW, the PUMAs made #22 on the infamous Buffalo Beast’s 50 most loathsome Americans list today.
Moar at rumproast: http://www.rumproast.com/index.php/site/comments/its_here_its_here_the_beasts_50_most_loathsome_people/
josereyes.theroof: “Do not knock Sonya Thomas, Hobo. Also, she’s Korean-American, not Japanese.”
I meant no offense to Sonya Thomas. I was unaware that competitive eating is divided into male & female contests. I was referring to Kobayashi, though I did not know his name, only knew he was Japanese. Either way, I’m sure Meghan, and especially the orange-clad riverchucky, can out-eat both the men and the women. I only say this because I know both are super-competitive gals, not because they also resemble heifers. That is neither here nor there, nor something by which we should judge people by.
Hey cunt.
Are you out there in the cold,
feeling bitter and so old,
are you sandy?
You let Liz out without muscle, again. :p At least give her a flash bomb disposable cube for her Barbi-cam for ninja escapes.
My avatar had “relations” with two out of the three people in this picture.
I am sure this was said in here somewhere, but the one in the middle is my old Longfellow Middle School classmate Liz Cheney!
Do not ban me. I am entertaining.
See, I will do a little dance:
/I/ -I-
That was my dance.
There is a little song about gnomes that goes with it…
…but the words are secret.
oh crap. Didn’t mean to start italics–and my dance is all fucked up now. OK, all fixed.