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AMERICA'S FLOURISHING BARTER SYSTEM

Help These Nice Gals Go To An MTV Ball, America!

… GO ON?

1. We are willing to pay $500 for 2 ball tickets ( I know its low– but hey we are poor college students)

2. 2 tickets to the NBA All Star Rookie Challenge (hot ticket— sold out!)

3. Mardi Gras Package (you have to get to New Orleans on your own)– this includes a place to stay, tickets to all the parades and possibly an authentic Mardi Gras Ball and 2 days of unlimited free beer on the parade rout at the parades).

4. One night with a top of the line Britney impersonator (either a one-on-one show or a kid-friendly show for your kids birthday party)

5. One night of free baby-sitting

6. Swedish lessons from an authentic girl from Sweden.

#6? #6!

7. Tour of the CNN studios in Washington DC (you will probably see wolf blitzer)

Okay, so basically this is all we can think of right now to offer you wonderful people with ball tickets. Please email us other suggestions and we can work on it.

… #4 = #7?

TRADE: YOUR BALL TICKETS– FOR MY– [Craigslist]


4:20 PM on Fri January 9 2009
By Jim Newell
14261 Views

  1. actor212 says at 4:24 pm, January 9th, 2009

    Are the chicks hawt?

  2. Woodwards Friend says at 4:25 pm, January 9th, 2009

    I’d like more details about this “one-on-one show” show with the Britney impersonator?

  3. chascates says at 4:25 pm, January 9th, 2009

    If I can’t get to New Orleans would you show me your tits now?

  4. FreshCliches says at 4:25 pm, January 9th, 2009

    It’s about time we had a LNS-themed post; I’ve missed ‘em.

  5. Iggy Plop says at 4:26 pm, January 9th, 2009

    Is it any wonder the porn industry needs a bailout?

  6. Advocatus_Diaboli says at 4:27 pm, January 9th, 2009

    Make it a Swedish massage by Wolf Blitzer dressed as Britney Spears and you’ve got a deal.

  7. whore4hope says at 4:27 pm, January 9th, 2009

    This is obviously fake. There is no way to do a Britney impersonation that is kid-friendly. Same goes for Wolf Blitzer and “Swedish lessons.”

  8. FreshCliches says at 4:27 pm, January 9th, 2009

    Woodwards Friend: Sadly, the Britney impersonator is the “ass-gut” guy on the EMT gurney.

  9. These girls have obviously haven’t spent much time in DC

  10. loudmouthredhead says at 4:29 pm, January 9th, 2009

    This is just too easy…it’s…unfair.
    Which one is the Swede and which one is the Brit impersonator? Me-yow!

  11. Car Ramrod says at 4:32 pm, January 9th, 2009

    actor212: I’ve seen them. They’re fairly hot. If you can get past the faint ‘B’ scar on the side of the one’s face…

  12. Doglessliberal says at 4:34 pm, January 9th, 2009

    Someone might want to tell them there IS no MTV ball:

    http://voices.washingtonpost.com/reliable-source/

  13. Dave J. says at 4:35 pm, January 9th, 2009

    7. Tour of the CNN studios in Washington DC (you will probably see wolf blitzer)

    fap fap fap fap fap fap fap

  14. Diefenbaked says at 4:35 pm, January 9th, 2009

    Car Ramrod: The “B” stands for Beegle, right?

  15. Texan Bulldoggette says at 4:35 pm, January 9th, 2009

    ‘One night of free babysitting’ might get them a trip to the local 7-11.

  16. RobPetrified says at 4:36 pm, January 9th, 2009

    If they can’t arrange buttseks with Larry Craig I’m keeping my tickets.
    OK, maybe buttseks with the Britney impersonator could be good for ONE ticket.

  17. AWOcoholic says at 4:37 pm, January 9th, 2009

    I was waiting for the daily PUMA bait.

  18. ManchuCandidate says at 4:37 pm, January 9th, 2009

    Damn, I was hoping for option #8.

  19. JadedDIssonance says at 4:38 pm, January 9th, 2009

    Yes, but will they give up their Cheesecake Recipe?

  20. heroinmule says at 4:38 pm, January 9th, 2009

    Wow, those priests are getting really good these days. If this doesn’t lure a young, wide-eyed frat boy, what will?

  21. twingonaut says at 4:39 pm, January 9th, 2009

    Free babysitting = Mardi Gras Package? Mardi Gras must have a very substandard package. It should get some stimulus.

  22. Monsieur Grumpe says at 4:39 pm, January 9th, 2009

    They kind of remind me of the chicks in a Zappa song. Let me see, how shall I put this?

    http://www.lyricstime.com/frank-zappa-do-you-like-my-new-car-lyrics.html

  23. I have tickets to a pair of ballz

  24. magic titty says at 4:40 pm, January 9th, 2009

    What was that about ball tickets to someone’s Mardi Gras package?

  25. Jukesgrrl says at 4:41 pm, January 9th, 2009

    “Sadly, the Britney impersonator is the “ass-gut” guy on the EMT gurney.”

    Sadly?! I’d say a meeting with that “guy” would be one of the most valuable things those chicas could advertise. Private photo shoot anyone?

  26. Uncle Al says at 4:43 pm, January 9th, 2009

    Don’t they know inaugural balls are hideously boring? I read it in the Washington Post. All you do is wait in line with a million other assholes to buy a $6 mini-cheese-sandwich and another $6 for a Miller Lite in a plastic cup, then you wait in line to go to the bathroom. And then you wait in line to get your coat and find they lost it, so you freeze your ass waiting in line for a cab or trudging unglamorously to the Metro.

  27. Sassette says at 4:43 pm, January 9th, 2009

    These girls have access to Blitzer but they can’t get tickets to an inaugural ball? Hello girls, Blitzer needs blow jobs just like everyone else!

  28. I have tickets to a pair of balls. They are held for charity.

  29. WadISay says at 4:44 pm, January 9th, 2009

    Car Ramrod: Being they’re from NOLA, I would also check for an adams apple before getting too far into the transaction.

  30. heroinmule says at 4:46 pm, January 9th, 2009

    As if they need to point out that Wolf Blitzer is ALWAYS in the CNN studio.

  31. bitchincamaro says at 4:46 pm, January 9th, 2009

    Newell:

    Your star has totally diminished with me. This is one bit of Wonk-swag any self respecting, semi-literate sociopath would have kept to him/herself. We need to talk.

    bitchincamaro

  32. Dildo Baggins says at 4:49 pm, January 9th, 2009

    Hey, isn’t this starting out sort of like the plot to Debbie Does Dallas?

  33. ValleyDoll says at 4:53 pm, January 9th, 2009

    I got a pair of TruckNutz they can haz.

  34. Gallowglass says at 4:53 pm, January 9th, 2009

    WTF. You don’t need tickets to go to Mardi Gras parades, they’re free. Scheming bitches!

  35. queeraselvis v 2.0 says at 4:54 pm, January 9th, 2009

    Mardi Gras Package (you have to get to New Orleans on your own)– this includes a place to stay, tickets to all the parades and possibly an authentic Mardi Gras Ball and 2 days of unlimited free beer on the parade rout at the parades).

    Ugh, where to begin. First off, you don’t need tix to go to the parades, Barbie. They’re free (unless, of course, you flash your tits at a cop in the French Quarter, in which case you WILL get a ticket to the NOLA jail). Second, “unlimited free beer”? Please, you can get that just by cupping your hands in the gutter along Bourbon Street. Third, “parade rout”? Is that when a fight breaks out over a pair of beads? WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?

  36. mookworthjwilson says at 4:55 pm, January 9th, 2009

    Woodwards Friend: Yes…I would enjoy video of the difference between the one on one show and the “kid friendly” show. I would hope the one on one show involves taint…the good kind of taint…

  37. Advocatus_Diaboli: that’s what my wife gave me for my birthday last year and it was a HUGE disappointment.

  38. burton judson says at 4:57 pm, January 9th, 2009

    American heterosexuality is turning into a low-class and embarrassing thing.

  39. S.Luggo says at 4:58 pm, January 9th, 2009

    “Swedish lessons from an authentic girl from Sweden.”
    Well, damn, an authentic girl for once! So tired of those trannies at the Confluence. They can break your heart.

  40. p-Sludge says at 4:58 pm, January 9th, 2009

    Newell, you pig!

  41. Sharif DelMonte says at 4:58 pm, January 9th, 2009

    When did “Ball tickets” replace “Tickets to the Gun Show”?

    Also: “6. Swedish lessons from an authentic girl from Sweden”?? Isn’t “authentic” one of those secret tranny code words in Erotic Services?

    Come to think of it, maybe these young women are better off pretending to be shemales. Isn’t that the new bi for dudes?

  42. shortsshortsshorts says at 4:59 pm, January 9th, 2009

    TITS ER GTFO. YOU HEAR ME, YOU FUCKING PUMAs?????

  43. Roll Fish says at 5:00 pm, January 9th, 2009

    Woodwards Friend: well it’s not kid-friendly so I assume it will be filled with drugs, booze, exposed crotches, and hair clippers.

  44. S.Luggo says at 5:01 pm, January 9th, 2009
  45. TastyCakes says at 5:03 pm, January 9th, 2009

    Will someone please help these girls into some ballz?

  46. Gopherit says at 5:09 pm, January 9th, 2009

    These girls just don’t want it bad enough.

    Hey Jim, you have any tickets?

  47. Gopherit says at 5:10 pm, January 9th, 2009

    shortsshortsshorts: who are you talking to shorts?

  48. El Pinche says at 5:15 pm, January 9th, 2009

    Jukesgrrl: Some know nothing about the loinal pleasures of the softness and tenderness of a warm assgut.

  49. Darn, girls, I just traded my tickets to the MTV Ball for a can of hobo beans. A 32-ounce can!

  50. thefrontpage says at 5:21 pm, January 9th, 2009

    To those girls: I can offer you a tour of all of D.C.’s parking garages where spies and government informants leaked information to the press. Only a few people a year get this tour, which ends in a fancy suite at the Mayflower where some other information was leaked.

    You have to take the tour in bikinis and stay at the Mayflower overnight naked.

  51. Woodwards Friend says at 5:24 pm, January 9th, 2009

    Sassette: I’m sure Wolf Blitzer could use a little butt sects.

  52. CollegeStudent says at 5:26 pm, January 9th, 2009

    I taut my testicles to be Swedish

  53. Kingbee says at 5:53 pm, January 9th, 2009

    I would be happy to give both of these ladies an “inaugural ball”.

  54. sevenrepeat says at 5:55 pm, January 9th, 2009

    silly dirty obama girls, tricks are for skids.

  55. Jamie Sommers says at 6:00 pm, January 9th, 2009

    What they don’t tell you.

    1. $500 (in Chuck E. Cheese tokens)

    2. 2 tickets to the (2008) NBA All Star Rookie Challenge

    3. Mardi Gras Package includes a place to stay (in any abandoned house in the 9th Ward), and possibly an authentic Mardi Gras Ball and 2 days of unlimited free beer on the parade rout at the parades, (but only if you have nice tits and are willing to show them to any guy who asks).

    4. a top of the line Britney impersonator (totally a dude)

    5. One night of free baby-sitting (by Helga the 65 year old wet nurse from Dusseldorf)

    6. Swedish lessons by an authentic Swedish girl (i.e. a PUMA working at Ikea).

    7. Tour of the CNN studios in Washington DC (This one is for real but you will not see Wolf Blitzer - not until after he’s done with you anyway.)

  56. shanemacgowan says at 6:12 pm, January 9th, 2009
  57. dijetlo says at 6:14 pm, January 9th, 2009

    actor212: There’s two of them, does it matter?

  58. BadMFer says at 6:30 pm, January 9th, 2009

    I have some balls they can go to.

  59. Citizen Kang says at 6:55 pm, January 9th, 2009

    Would this be illegal pre-18 Britney, disgustingly fat and greasy Britney, or the newly hot again, but still trailer trash Britney? Believe me, it makes a huge difference.

  60. Hedley Lamar says at 7:07 pm, January 9th, 2009

    Dave J.: Well played, sir!

  61. aristoggle says at 7:25 pm, January 9th, 2009

    Hart88:

    Hart, you have my eternal respect for your contribution to the PUMA War. The posting of the Big Orange PUMA should ge tyou a place in the Wonkette Hall of Fame.

    But … that post sounded like it came from Palin!

  62. aristoggle says at 7:28 pm, January 9th, 2009

    And, of course I have a typo in my post when I criticize someone else’s. Fuckin’ Karma.

  63. FreshCliches says at 7:29 pm, January 9th, 2009
  64. MisterLoki says at 7:35 pm, January 9th, 2009

    FreshCliches: SAGE SAGE SAGE

  65. Mr Blifil says at 7:36 pm, January 9th, 2009

    For me the negotiations don’t even begin until I get a double-layer neoprene wetsuit guarantee. Anything less would be a waste of my time.

  66. How come no offerz for the gayz? (unless the girlz really have surprises…)

  67. Dreamer says at 8:34 pm, January 9th, 2009

    I am sure the Britney impersonator is that ugly dude from America’s got Talent show.

  68. fuckinredneck says at 9:02 pm, January 9th, 2009

    Fuckinredneck will gladly trade his MTV Ball tix for two poorly written English 10A essays — GO!

  69. sanantonerose says at 11:42 pm, January 9th, 2009

    TeddyS: I’ll trade you a bag of carrots for those hobo beans.

  70. Citizen Kang: Bald Britney! Bald Britney! This is just Joe the Plumber trying to mix with high society before he dies in Gaza!

  71. Davidwatts says at 12:40 am, January 10th, 2009

    Woodwards Friend: Yes, I like that she points out there is ALSO a kid-friendly option. BECAUSE THE OTHER ONE IS WAY SEXY BRITNEY.

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