… GO ON?
1. We are willing to pay $500 for 2 ball tickets ( I know its low– but hey we are poor college students)
2. 2 tickets to the NBA All Star Rookie Challenge (hot ticket— sold out!)
3. Mardi Gras Package (you have to get to New Orleans on your own)– this includes a place to stay, tickets to all the parades and possibly an authentic Mardi Gras Ball and 2 days of unlimited free beer on the parade rout at the parades).
4. One night with a top of the line Britney impersonator (either a one-on-one show or a kid-friendly show for your kids birthday party)
5. One night of free baby-sitting
6. Swedish lessons from an authentic girl from Sweden.
#6? #6!
7. Tour of the CNN studios in Washington DC (you will probably see wolf blitzer)
Okay, so basically this is all we can think of right now to offer you wonderful people with ball tickets. Please email us other suggestions and we can work on it.
… #4 = #7?
TRADE: YOUR BALL TICKETS– FOR MY– [Craigslist]
{ 71 comments }
Are the chicks hawt?
I’d like more details about this “one-on-one show” show with the Britney impersonator?
If I can’t get to New Orleans would you show me your tits now?
It’s about time we had a LNS-themed post; I’ve missed ‘em.
Is it any wonder the porn industry needs a bailout?
Make it a Swedish massage by Wolf Blitzer dressed as Britney Spears and you’ve got a deal.
This is obviously fake. There is no way to do a Britney impersonation that is kid-friendly. Same goes for Wolf Blitzer and “Swedish lessons.”
[re=214943]Woodwards Friend[/re]: Sadly, the Britney impersonator is the “ass-gut” guy on the EMT gurney.
These girls have obviously haven’t spent much time in DC
This is just too easy…it’s…unfair.
Which one is the Swede and which one is the Brit impersonator? Me-yow!
[re=214940]actor212[/re]: I’ve seen them. They’re fairly hot. If you can get past the faint ‘B’ scar on the side of the one’s face…
Someone might want to tell them there IS no MTV ball:
http://voices.washingtonpost.com/reliable-source/
7. Tour of the CNN studios in Washington DC (you will probably see wolf blitzer)
fap fap fap fap fap fap fap
[re=214960]Car Ramrod[/re]: The “B” stands for Beegle, right?
‘One night of free babysitting’ might get them a trip to the local 7-11.
If they can’t arrange buttseks with Larry Craig I’m keeping my tickets.
OK, maybe buttseks with the Britney impersonator could be good for ONE ticket.
I was waiting for the daily PUMA bait.
Damn, I was hoping for option #8.
Yes, but will they give up their Cheesecake Recipe?
Wow, those priests are getting really good these days. If this doesn’t lure a young, wide-eyed frat boy, what will?
Free babysitting = Mardi Gras Package? Mardi Gras must have a very substandard package. It should get some stimulus.
They kind of remind me of the chicks in a Zappa song. Let me see, how shall I put this?
http://www.lyricstime.com/frank-zappa-do-you-like-my-new-car-lyrics.html
I have tickets to a pair of ballz
What was that about ball tickets to someone’s Mardi Gras package?
“Sadly, the Britney impersonator is the “ass-gut” guy on the EMT gurney.”
Sadly?! I’d say a meeting with that “guy” would be one of the most valuable things those chicas could advertise. Private photo shoot anyone?
Don’t they know inaugural balls are hideously boring? I read it in the Washington Post. All you do is wait in line with a million other assholes to buy a $6 mini-cheese-sandwich and another $6 for a Miller Lite in a plastic cup, then you wait in line to go to the bathroom. And then you wait in line to get your coat and find they lost it, so you freeze your ass waiting in line for a cab or trudging unglamorously to the Metro.
These girls have access to Blitzer but they can’t get tickets to an inaugural ball? Hello girls, Blitzer needs blow jobs just like everyone else!
I have tickets to a pair of balls. They are held for charity.
[re=214960]Car Ramrod[/re]: Being they’re from NOLA, I would also check for an adams apple before getting too far into the transaction.
As if they need to point out that Wolf Blitzer is ALWAYS in the CNN studio.
Newell:
Your star has totally diminished with me. This is one bit of Wonk-swag any self respecting, semi-literate sociopath would have kept to him/herself. We need to talk.
bitchincamaro
Hey, isn’t this starting out sort of like the plot to Debbie Does Dallas?
I got a pair of TruckNutz they can haz.
WTF. You don’t need tickets to go to Mardi Gras parades, they’re free. Scheming bitches!
Mardi Gras Package (you have to get to New Orleans on your own)– this includes a place to stay, tickets to all the parades and possibly an authentic Mardi Gras Ball and 2 days of unlimited free beer on the parade rout at the parades).
Ugh, where to begin. First off, you don’t need tix to go to the parades, Barbie. They’re free (unless, of course, you flash your tits at a cop in the French Quarter, in which case you WILL get a ticket to the NOLA jail). Second, “unlimited free beer”? Please, you can get that just by cupping your hands in the gutter along Bourbon Street. Third, “parade rout”? Is that when a fight breaks out over a pair of beads? WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?
[re=214943]Woodwards Friend[/re]: Yes…I would enjoy video of the difference between the one on one show and the “kid friendly” show. I would hope the one on one show involves taint…the good kind of taint…
[re=214951]Advocatus_Diaboli[/re]: that’s what my wife gave me for my birthday last year and it was a HUGE disappointment.
American heterosexuality is turning into a low-class and embarrassing thing.
“Swedish lessons from an authentic girl from Sweden.”
Well, damn, an authentic girl for once! So tired of those trannies at the Confluence. They can break your heart.
Newell, you pig!
When did “Ball tickets” replace “Tickets to the Gun Show”?
Also: “6. Swedish lessons from an authentic girl from Sweden”?? Isn’t “authentic” one of those secret tranny code words in Erotic Services?
Come to think of it, maybe these young women are better off pretending to be shemales. Isn’t that the new bi for dudes?
TITS ER GTFO. YOU HEAR ME, YOU FUCKING PUMAs?????
[re=214943]Woodwards Friend[/re]: well it’s not kid-friendly so I assume it will be filled with drugs, booze, exposed crotches, and hair clippers.
[re=215009]Sharif DelMonte[/re]: Jinx.
Will someone please help these girls into some ballz?
These girls just don’t want it bad enough.
Hey Jim, you have any tickets?
[re=215013]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: who are you talking to shorts?
[re=214981]Jukesgrrl[/re]: Some know nothing about the loinal pleasures of the softness and tenderness of a warm assgut.
Darn, girls, I just traded my tickets to the MTV Ball for a can of hobo beans. A 32-ounce can!
To those girls: I can offer you a tour of all of D.C.’s parking garages where spies and government informants leaked information to the press. Only a few people a year get this tour, which ends in a fancy suite at the Mayflower where some other information was leaked.
You have to take the tour in bikinis and stay at the Mayflower overnight naked.
[re=214986]Sassette[/re]: I’m sure Wolf Blitzer could use a little butt sects.
I taut my testicles to be Swedish
I would be happy to give both of these ladies an “inaugural ball”.
silly dirty obama girls, tricks are for skids.
What they don’t tell you.
1. $500 (in Chuck E. Cheese tokens)
2. 2 tickets to the (2008) NBA All Star Rookie Challenge
3. Mardi Gras Package includes a place to stay (in any abandoned house in the 9th Ward), and possibly an authentic Mardi Gras Ball and 2 days of unlimited free beer on the parade rout at the parades, (but only if you have nice tits and are willing to show them to any guy who asks).
4. a top of the line Britney impersonator (totally a dude)
5. One night of free baby-sitting (by Helga the 65 year old wet nurse from Dusseldorf)
6. Swedish lessons by an authentic Swedish girl (i.e. a PUMA working at Ikea).
7. Tour of the CNN studios in Washington DC (This one is for real but you will not see Wolf Blitzer – not until after he’s done with you anyway.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6iB34tVsbBw&feature=related
[re=214940]actor212[/re]: There’s two of them, does it matter?
I have some balls they can go to.
Would this be illegal pre-18 Britney, disgustingly fat and greasy Britney, or the newly hot again, but still trailer trash Britney? Believe me, it makes a huge difference.
[re=214964]Dave J.[/re]: Well played, sir!
[re=214954]Hart88[/re]:
Hart, you have my eternal respect for your contribution to the PUMA War. The posting of the Big Orange PUMA should ge tyou a place in the Wonkette Hall of Fame.
But … that post sounded like it came from Palin!
And, of course I have a typo in my post when I criticize someone else’s. Fuckin’ Karma.
[re=215013]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: MOAR!
[re=215249]FreshCliches[/re]: SAGE SAGE SAGE
For me the negotiations don’t even begin until I get a double-layer neoprene wetsuit guarantee. Anything less would be a waste of my time.
How come no offerz for the gayz? (unless the girlz really have surprises…)
I am sure the Britney impersonator is that ugly dude from America’s got Talent show.
Fuckinredneck will gladly trade his MTV Ball tix for two poorly written English 10A essays — GO!
[re=215060]TeddyS[/re]: I’ll trade you a bag of carrots for those hobo beans.
[re=215209]Citizen Kang[/re]: Bald Britney! Bald Britney! This is just Joe the Plumber trying to mix with high society before he dies in Gaza!
[re=214943]Woodwards Friend[/re]: Yes, I like that she points out there is ALSO a kid-friendly option. BECAUSE THE OTHER ONE IS WAY SEXY BRITNEY.
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