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Ha, so he’s impeached now. Bad move, state legislature of Illinois! Last time people tried to take away Blago’s powers because of obvious corruption, he made a national mockery of them! Blago will become King of Illinois and head of the Royal Cavalry, in a week. Let’s see how he plays the race card this time. (Thank you for the live feed, liberal MSNBC!)
3:00 — We are at home like losers and have teevee access, which means all CNN, all the time, just to watch Rick Sanchez’s Twitter stream.
3:00 — Rick Sanchez has a 20-minute opening montage, and will not show Rod Blagojevich at all.
3:02 — Eh, he’s late. He’s never late! Blago! Oh there he is, running in the damn snow again, on the day of his impeachment.
3:02 — Operative “Rob M.” informs us of the important political discussion taking place on Digg right now, about Blago. Prepare to learn things!
3:05 — Sanchez Twitter: “curious1966: y does Blago hold his news conference the same time as your show?Is he trying to cut into your TV time LOL.Seems that way!”
3:07 — Just kinda waiting here. Apparently Harry Reid will speak in the next couple of hours. We will not liveblog that.
3:08 — A writer for the Chicago Sun-Times — who is wearing a sweater and not a suit! — has used the metaphors “pickle jar” and “hot potato” in his brief analysis of Burris’ legal paperwork situation. The Midwest is so cute.
3:09 — “The seat cannot be untainted.” Scrub!
3:12 — We are still waiting to see “Mommy, Did Rick Sanchez Rape People In The War?” appear on the Twitter feed, from Jonah Goldberg.
3:13 — Ha ha, Rick just asked someone how long it will take the taint to “smell” and ruin the Democrats. What if that happened.
3:14 — Another minute or so. We want to read a post on the Big Hollywood but we won’t be able to finish it.
3:16 — Holy shit, not even joking, a row of black/crippled people just came on stage. Oh. Man.
3:20 — WHERE ARE YOU BLAGO? There is going to be one hell of a photo-op here. Blago is probably putting on a kilt or whatever weird people would do right now.
3:23 — HERE HE IS!!!
3:24 — He immediately greets the old black man and the crippled guy in a wheelchair, then he speaks.
3:24 — He says he’s not surprised, since the legislature has been trying to impeach him since 2007. Not as if there was any recent incident to spur them on.
3:25 — He’s literally trying to prove that he’s being impeached because the legislature never liked him. Well, that’s probably part of it. But!
3:26 — You know who just used the Golden Rule to defend himself against the legislature? Rod Blagojevich.
3:27 — Ahh, these black/crippled friends onstage with him are “examples” of people who are suffering because the legislature won’t pass health care legislation. Amazing. Amazing!
3:28 — HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA… he just described how Illinois passed legislation to make prescriptions cheaper, and he literally said: “The legislature is impeaching me for that.”
3:30 — One time a lady was going to die from breast cancer, but Rod Blagojevich fixed her.
3:30 — Again, he says that he’s being impeached because the legislature wanted all of the black people standing next to him to die, immediately, of the black disease.
3:31 — So-and-so is now able to “lead a long and happy life. Is that an impeachable defense?” *clap* *clap*
3:31 — What a shockingly awful human being.
3:32 — The legislature is now throwing people out of their houses, too.
3:32 — “I want to quote another British poet.” This is getting unsnarkable.
3:33 — Some Tennyson action. The Twitterers are losing their shit.
3:34 — He leaves. Wow. We need to cry for a little bit, the end.
Let me guess: he’s going to expose his taint.
I think this is all some kinda publicity stunt, designed to get Blago a starring role in his own teevee series when he gets out of prison. He reminds me of a young, oddly coiffed, Peter Falk or Robert Blake. Now that both of these fine actors are passe, there’s a niche for Blago and his tough-guy demeanor. Pleeze, Hollywood, give this guy a break.
You know… I’ve never seen Blago and Rock Sanchez in the same place. I bet they’re the same person. That’s how Chicagoite Don lemon got the cherry gig of filling in on Sanchez’ days off.
Aurelio: Blago teevee series? The Untouchable? Followed by a sequel: The Fugitive.
poor harry reid, i guess he’s used to being lame by now though.
dr. phil … laughing at your expense, you know how that works … put you on speakerphone … supposed to get a two minute warning … did you hear that fitzgerald …
please clean up that mic, these people are hilarious dicks
The seat cannot be untainted.
I believe that’s an immutable law of the universe. Or Newtonian physics and whatnot.
“The seat cannot be untainted.” Did he REALLY say that? Picklejar and Hot Potato inded…
Does anyone remember that Hair God of Corruption Past — James Traficant? I see a faint resemblance.
Blago will become King of Illinois and head of the Royal Cavalry, in a week.
I think Blago’s going to have to settle for King of the Bristol RenFaire when this is all said and done.
There’s a group of Blago supporters? I guess it’s like those crazy women who fall in love with serial killers. Milorad is going to be getting MAD trim after his trial.
dear oh dear who is that young and attractive brunette by the door checking her blackberry and being the prettiest/coolest girl in all of chicagoland… Blago really is my hero.
Goddamnit he already made it over the Mexican border.
predictions on what the retards in the background- wheelchair, etc, are for?
Will Ron Burris be popping out of a cake? RIght now he’s gotta be thinking “winner!”
Dear Blago…
Did anyone hear the rather unflattering conversation about Rachael Ray between the reporters while they waited? Ha!
who’s baby is in the background?
Oh, and I agree with Steven Colbert: He IS the Lego hair model!
Fuck yeah, Jesus time!
look at that merkin.
When is he gonna accuse Hopey of buying crack and blowing him in a limo?
So much prodding.
He’s pushed and prodded the TAINT
Over/under on Blago pulling a Budd Dwyer?
its all a long overdue vendetta against him with babies
If my political career was about to go down in flames, I’d make sure last my press conference was going out live on national tv, then drop the C-bomb. You know, for the kids.
So, that’s my bet for what’s about to happen.
“I’ve been poking and prodding the legislature for YEARS”
Yeah, stick your thumb in the eye of the system enough, and it will bite you back, Blago.
“3:07 — Just kinda waiting here. Apparently Harry Reid will speak in the next couple of hours. We will not liveblog that.”
Of course, it’d just be a lot of lip-smacking noises, huffing, and gargle sputters.
Oh shit, he just brought up Rahm.
Boo, Illinois House. Why do you foil this man at every turn? For the last FIVE AND A HALF YEARS.
Yeah, you are totally getting impeached for giving women cervical and breast exams. Is there a sex scandal we aren’t aware of in all this?
He needs to scrub that taint…..off.
Blago is King of all Breasts.
“I provided a mammogram for that woman, PERSONALLY”
This may be the most entertaining press conference in all of history.
blago sends man-o-grams to women in Pink Park? this is beautiful.
One time, at Pink Camp….
and he eats kid liver.
shortsshortsshorts: By entertaining do you mean alcoholism-inducing?
This press conference is so amazingly funny. I can’t put it in words. This is beyond snark.
Huh. I didn’t know the Illinois legislature was impeaching him for signing on to Good Legislation. Damn them anyways!
More Pushing and Prodding! Breasts! Cervix!
“I mean, really…are reaching around the House and giving mammograms impeachable offenses?”
I did / was going to do x,y,z… then I got high…
Blago said ‘breasts’ twice, three times, 4, 5, 6, 7, - fire Blago, no more “breasts”?!?
I’m going to try this defense:
ME: They’re trying to arrest me for feeding puppies.
THEM: No, you killed a guy.
ME: No. (Then I’ll show crippled puppies)
Two Words: Budd Dwyer.
Blago is about to become the number one case study for psych counseling programs.
OH NO…NOT ALFRED LORD TENNYSON…
“The House would like you to believe I have a taint. I assure you, I do not.”
Such a poetic soul.
*sigh*
you don’t talk that fast without the assistance of meth!
you know, goin’ after blago, that just makes the grizzly bear in me come out. you know…come after me, but not blago. he doesn’t deserve this.
Come on Blago, yell FUCK and throw the podium! You know you’re dying to!
As W. would say … He is misunderestimating our ability to untaint the seat.
Read the fucking poem!
I saw this coming … the golden rule … pap smears … Rahm Emmanuel … maybe we should try something different and go to Canada … the House is impeaching me … I met a woman … we have the breast … only one of its kind in America … I wouldn’t take no for an answer … his life was in peril … his loving brother … he was no longer eighteen … I took actions … creative ways … continue to fight … criminal … end of the day … hired me to fight … families thrown out of their homes … I feel like doing it again … I’m inspired by it … sacrificed a working mom … made weak by time and by fate
I might have missed a word here or there
DOG AND PONY!!1!
DOG AND PONY!!1
DOG AND PONY!!!
DOG AND PONY!!!!!
Come on people! All this tells me is that he’s being controlled by the HAIR. That HAIR is fucking evil.
Robobot: Everyday is an excuse for that, but this may drive some to therapy.
Blago is trying to make the crown of thorns a fashion statement. This is so priceless. Maybe he’s hiding it under that SMOOOOTH mop top.
Did he just quote something by some Brit named Taintyson?
Sweet Jeebus, he’s dropping names, whipping out a poet, and even his parents aren’t safe!
Are we sure that one mausoleum was for Burris? “Trailblazer” indeed!
american mutt: HAHAHAHA WIN!!
It’s like the end of DEAD ZONE where the candidate holds up a baby as a human shield.
sevenrepeat: Also!
When he says “pap smear” it just sounds so dirty.
Gosh, I thought it was a good show. Maybe they could let it run a full 30 minutes, though. It was just gettin’ good. Is that Ray Leota playing the governor-guy? Was that Morgan Freeman in the chair? Fuck, he’s in everything. Name one thing Morgan Freeman has not been in. Anyway, it’s a good show. I hope MSNBC does more mockumentary-series like this one.
He’s all about the Cervixes and Breasts and Livers.
My Governor is responsible for all those “CHEEP MEDZ FRUM CANADA!!!1! ENLARGE UR PENISEZ!!1!” emails I keep getting.
“I tried to sell a Senate seat for a briefcase full of cash…is that an impeachable offense?”
Sussemilch: Sermon on the Mount, Imitation of Christ, Nixon’s Farewell Speech, Custer’s Last Words (”What Ind…?), etc.
He should divorce the potty mouth and marry Casey Anthony. They could share a prison cell and take lying to a new level of self-delusion.
Umm…I’m actually starting to feel sorry for him about now. Does that mean I need counseling or to drink more (or less)?
That was the craziest bender of a press conference/word vomit I’ve seen in a loooong time. Bravo to his meth dealer.
Sussemilch: maybe the words “truck nutz” or “puma”
BREAKING NEWS! THIS JUST IN! MUST CREDIT WONKETTE.COM!
(API) In a stunning development, Governor Blagojevich’s hairpiece today demanded separate counsel for the upcoming impeachment trial before the Illinois Senate.
No, he’s not delusional. Not at all. Where would anyone get a crazy idea like that?
http://democralypsenow.blogspot.com/2008/12/blagos-future-jail-cell-or-padded-walls.html
Sussemilch: Brains. More brains.
How can they possibly throw him out now? I mean, he employed the pap smear defense, for chrissake!
and to think that a mere two months ago nobody outside of illinois gave two shits about blago’s press conferences; if only we’d known they were such majestic productions, obviously this man was born to be a star.
unmitigated vulgarity. i love it!
Texan Bulldoggette: That was his intention. Talking fast makes you feel like he’s nervous and awkwardly trying to do his job. Drink MORE.
Neilist: This just in! According to the AP, Blagojevich’s hairpiece was the prosecutor’s secret informant, otherwise known only as “the merkin”
Sheila Dixon, mayor of Baltimore, has just been indicted on 12 counts of corruption. Our War Bloggery is strong today!
Is it too early to start casting the Showtime movie?
loudmouthredhead: I believe the transcript referred to him/her/it as “Merkin No. 1.”
Reportedly, Merkin No. 1 has entered into a plea bargain with Fitzgerald. It apparently involves a limited stay at a low-security facility on the head of a balding ex-politican from Cicero, IL.
cervics, breasts and taints oh my!!
Holy Crap! Blago is Lil Jesus, not Obama!
Did you hear about all the sick people he has saved!
I’m join’ the Church of Blago Our Savior!
Blago will be writing poetry all over the walls of Levinworth prison in a few months & workin’ in the infirmary.
Sweet Jesus, he’s insane. And what useless pile of jizz lost to him in the Gubernatorial election? Seriously. He probably walked to that podium with a bomb strapped to his ‘nads. Or to that lady’s breast cancer. Wow.
Best LiveBlog ever, btw.
I am sure Ted Kennedy is spinning in his grave by now…..oh…wait…never mind.
So….whut? Huh?
drrty martini: Eric Roberts as Blagojevich!
How did this nitwit get elected again? Was his opponent Robert the Dead Baby Rapist?
Now the Lt. Gov is quoting “America the Beautiful” — the song!
What a state!!!
The MSNBC keeps wonderin’ what Blago’s next poetry recital will be. I suspect after his final impeachment on 1/29. Something from……Dante maybe? “Since Love Has Parted Company With Me” from “Exile” by Dante or “Ode To Blago’s Last (Hopefully) Farewell”
“Since Love has parted company with me— to no delight of mine, as never had I known such bliss,
but only for the fact he pitied so my heart
he could not bear its crying any more— I, out of love, will now my song begin about the sin
that inly dwells, and loudly welcomes back the vilest thing on earth—” ~Dante
you cannot be serious: Gawd, you’re right. The Official Hairstyle of crooked pols.
When he’s finally out of office, any possibility he will team up with Sarah Palin for a ‘our-fifteen-minutes-is-going-to-last-the-rest-of-your-life’ tour?
How did this nitwit get elected again? Was his opponent Robert the Dead Baby Rapist?
In 2002, his opponent in the Democratic primary was Roland “MY TAINT IS CLEAN” Burris.
And his opponent in the general was Jim “My Wife is a Borg” Ryan.
In 2006, his opponent in the general was some very nice Republican lady with a bouffant and three names, who got about two votes.
FunkyPalmettoBug: technically his opponent was george bush.
i guess that’s almost the same thing as robert the dead baby rapist.
Fivetree: When he says “pap smear” it just sounds so dirty.
To be fair, it’s impossible to say “Pap smear” without it sounding dirty.
SuperNerd: It will be T.S Eliot. Or an excerpt from “Howl”.
No wonder this guy has money troubles. With him its all Coke, all the time.
SuperNerd: “Illinois. Lasciate ogni speranza, voi ch’entrate.” That’s from the original Serbian.
Naked Bunny with a Whip:
Well Bunny you know how they call Daddy Bush “Poppy” ?
Well how about “Pappy” for Blago?
SuperNerd: or Bushy.
Shameless son of a bitch. Daddy, can we hang the lying codger?
ladymacbeth: The GOP should have run Robert the Baby Rapist in retrospect.
OK, so which was the one guy who voted NOT to impeach him? Was he there too? Was he black enough?
chascates:
Chascates: Bushy Smearnov
I’m starting a FREE BLAGO movement over on TPM. Of course, I stamped everything with “huevos del camión!!”
Shit don’t happen in politics for no reason. Yeah, Spitzer was purchasing ass, but he pissed off Cheney Co. with the mortgage things, nawmean? Like anyone in Warshington gives a shit who’s buying hookers or Senate seats. Maybe Blago was really on to something with the mammograms. I mean, mine must’ve worked, because I don’t have cancer, do I?
Violenza: Blago mammograms consist of a shoebox with a flash bulb in it and a slot for a hundred dollar bill.
S.Luggo: Well, the one he gave me was totally professional. Plus, the flash bulb was one of those energy-saving ones.
Ah, dear old Pappy McSmear!
You got a flashbulb, Violenza? Heck, he just rubbed my boobs on his taint!
FreshCliches Lucas Burch: You Bud Dwyer referrers are clearly not Illinois residents nor familiar with our political traditions.
These people would never take the coward’s way out! Prison is a badge of honorable public service. Think of it as an entire state of Marion Barrys.
slavojzizek: “When he’s finally out of office, any possibility he will team up with Sarah Palin for a ‘our-fifteen-minutes-is-going-to-last-the-rest-of-your-life’ tour?”
For serious, I guess these people are why there’s a “repeat” function on every CD player.
I was at work and so I couldn’t watch the insanity, but I just wanted to thank you for doing this, Jim. It’s almost like even your stone-cold heart felt some sorrow for the end of America.
teebob2000: Yeah, I’ve lived in both PA and IL, and you are right. IL politicians are corrupt all the way down to the Lt. Governor’s Dog Walker’s 12 year old niece.
Billy Mays could get that taint out easy