Wonkette
Your Wonkette prides itself on staying current with the latest entrants into the cancerous wasteland of Political Blogging, as it is our duty to inform America about where it should spend its non-Wonkette online time, instead of at the Huffington Post. This week, we have thoroughly studied the new “megablog” from Matt Drudge’s personal slave, Andrew Breitbart. Breitbart described his latest project, Big Hollywood, in a Moonie Times column this week as such: “Big Hollywood is not a ‘celebrity’ gabfest or a gossip outpost - it is a continuous politics and culture posting board for those who think something has gone drastically wrong and that Hollywood should return to its patriotic roots.” To answer your immediate question, yes, Kathryn Jean Lopez is a contributor.
More from Breitbart:
Until conservatives, libertarians and Republicans - who will be the lion’s share of Big Hollywood’s contributors - recognize that (pop) culture is the big prize and that politics is secondary, there will be no victory in this important battle.
Hollywood is no longer an American industry. And it took a prolonged war in which the studios and most of the stars didn’t show up to fight for America to draw attention to this hard truth.
We can feel American conservatism getting cooler by the second, can’t you? Once Andrew Breitbart, some douchebags on loan from National Review and various conservative Hollywood actors (a.k.a. “waiters in Los Angeles”) steal Hollywood back from the liberal gays and make it a famous War Town again, America’s teens will realize that it’s cool & hip to argue loudly against marginal tax rates rising from 35% to 39% for the wealthiest Americans. Most of today’s Hollywood “stars” will be publicly executed, and eaten. Joe the Plumber will be elected President of Hollywood by the oil companies. In sum, the film industry will have values.
So, what’s the top story this morning?
Oh you bet your ass he did, Junior!
I imagine this question will be heard in homes across America in years to come. And why not? We’ve been told by Hollywood that members of our military are rapists, cold blooded killers, and more. They are taking part in an illegal war, bombing villages and torturing innocents. I mean, why would they make movies about such things if they weren’t true?
I’m constantly amazed by the attitudes of some in our industry toward the military. Personally, the fact that I’m a former Marine is often met with incredulity. Apparently, I’m “pretty cool for a Marine” and I “seem so normal”. My favorite is the look on someone’s face when they ask, “Why would you join the Marines?” while they visually inspect for some previously undetected mental defect.
Hmm, we’ve never heard of any Hollywood movie about American soldiers raping people “in the War,” at least not off the top of our heads… and it probably wouldn’t occur to little children to ask this question, since they don’t yet know that penises and vaginas are designed to “interact” and shouldn’t see such terrible rape violence movies anyway. So… where is this coming from, Mr. Head? Is there… something the former Marine writer of this article would like to confess? From the war? Little… little rapin’ action?
The other Big Hollywood post we’d like to analyze is called “One Pissed-Off Dude,” authored by Gary Graham, a self-described “Hollywood actor.” It is the most marvelous thing ever written, a delight to read, and a manifesto for our Children.
Graham hits his stride with the stand-alone sentence, “You see, I’m one pissed-off dude.” Ah, so he was the “One Pissed-Off Dude” referenced in the title! Now we will verily read more paragraphs, to determine the causation of Graham’s condition!
I’m told I’ll hurt my career if I continually spout off about Liberalism — which I see as a growing cancer in our society. Worldwide, I’ve seen Liberalism metastasize into virulent incarnations of Socialism, and, left unchecked, even into its malignant cousin, Communism. Only the arrogant or the somnambulist would think such a thing could never happen here. It’s a matter of increment. Once a group organizes into a coalition, it’s a short step to claiming the right to the property of another group. All that is necessary is for an individual’s right to personal property to become a secondary concern.
“At least the highwayman has the decency to wear a mask.” – Author unknown.
So I’m told I should shut up. I make my living in the Hollywood community, and Hollywood is by and large run by Liberals. I’m told I need to stay quiet when the Left has their way over issues that affect my daily life. I’m told I need to learn how to get along with the Left, learn how to compromise. I need to be more open-minded. I need to be more tolerant.
I say F T S. Ask your 9-yr-old if you have trouble deciphering that. (No, wait, don’t.)
Well our 9-year-old kept asking us if we raped people in the war, so we locked him in the radon-filled basement with some fish heads. Also, Gary, if you want to stay in the closet, quit dropping so many lines about all the pressure you face to stay quiet.
My friends say that that effort, aside from being fruitless, will cost me work. It will cost me my career. And I say Wait-a-minute, Bucko. Those folks who founded this country were willing to risk not only their careers, but their property, their families, their very lives…the least I can do in standing up for our precious freedoms is risk a silly television career. Not to compare myself with the brilliant thinkers who declared themselves independent of England and framed our Constitution…but those were some pretty pissed off dudes too.
Fuckin’ A man, fuckin’ Benjamin Franklin and shit, bashin’ heads and takin’ names.
But wait, it’s a ‘religion of peace’, we’re told. Wow, not the last time I looked. If Islam is a religion of peace, where are all the peace-loving Muslim leaders decrying the radicals’ murderous actions? The beheadings, the suicide bombings, the IED’s, the blowing up innocents on buses? Where are the peaceful Islamists’ protests against Hamas, Hezbollah, Al Queda, et al? You are a frog in a pot, Lefty – being boiled slowly, apparently too slowly for you to notice. Too much Climate Change on your mind to notice that the barbarians are at the gate. When the Nazis stormed into Jewish homes in 1939 I’m sure there were more than a few head-in-the sand myopic residents screaming about the troopers tracking mud on the carpet. If only they had had the ACLU to save the day… Human rights and clean carpets surely would have abound.
Just complete earnest insanity for many paragraphs, consistently rich… it’s an article for the ages. He even threatens to beat the shit out of you at the end!
So Big Hollywood should offer us some post material in 2009, the end.
“Mommy, Did Daddy Rape People In The War?” [Big Hollywood]
One Pissed-Off Dude [Big Hollywood]
New Blogs on the Block [NYT/Opinionator]
Wow, that’s a really long post. Is there a Cliff’s notes version available for those of us who are more, ahem, Palinesque in our reading abilities?
“former Marine” ???? isnt that an oxymoron?
rambone: I promise you, there is treasure in the block quotes.
Will all of the Hollywood conservatives be blogging there? All 15?
“Oh you bet your ass he did, Junior!”
Fucking hilarious.
SOO…. If (pop) Culture is more important than politics, we need to rethink this whole “guberment” thing and make it more like a big-fucking blockbuster movie, because life is way more interesting in movies.
CHECK THIS OUT, DOODS:
Giant Space Rats write the laws while THOSE AWFUL KILLER BIRDS interpret them. The executive will be Tom Cruise, who probably believes in the first two.
Just an idea. CHEK OUWT MIE BLAWG.
Uh… that’s “mouth-breathing fart sack Katherine Jean Lopez” to you.
…why are they so pissed? They have Wilford Brimely, Fred Thompson and Alec Baldwin!
I was in Iraq for a month. While I was there, I talked to some soldiers who told me that there was an underpass not far from the Green Zone where an Iraqi whore hung out all the time and serviced American soldiers. They said she had a tattoo on her arm that said “fuck me.” In English. Not sure if it’s true or not, but either way, this is definitive evidence that our American military soldiers require prior written consent before engaging in consensual sex with consenting locals. That’s not rape, man.
“we’ve never heard of any Hollywood movie about American soldiers raping people”. I think Michael J. Fox (pre-Parkinson) was in Casualties of War where that might have been a theme in that movie. Although I can’t remember because it was in the 80s & I had inhaled too much Aqua Net (& booze) to be lucid.
Vanity Smurf: er, Kathryn.. whatever, dumb bitch’s parents couldn’t even spell her name right.
I’d be upset too if I was a closeted “bucko” whose efforts left me “fruit”-less. He ACHES…
AngryBlakGuy: You got the wrong Baldwin bro; Alec is the semi-sane one. I think it’s Billy (?) or one of the other brothers that’s off his rocker.
You don ‘t have to read it word for word.
Just skim a little bit and it will soon wash over you in its delusional goodness.
Change Hollywood? Let the suckers think that. These guys are geniuses at milking the outraged ignorami. After I lose my job later this year, I might just jump on the wingnut bandwagon and cash in.
I’m the biggest liberal dickhead of all time and I have to spend my time around redneck Fair Tax-obsessed suburban Atlanta “Christian Businessman” types all fucking day long. So eat a dick, Gary Graham.
…WoW! They walk among us!
According to imdb.com, these are the highlights of Gary Graham’s life:
“Was one of the final choices for the role of “Captain Sisko” on “StarTrek: Deep Space Nine” (1993) and the role of “Captain Janeway” on “Star Trek: Voyager” (1995).
Initially attended the University of California as a pre-med major, but soon switched his major to acting because he was having trouble maintaining a 4.0 grade point average.”
So he lost out on a job to a woman and a black guy, and he’s not too bright. Isn’t that the definition of a conservative?
AngryBlakGuy: Stephen…STEPHEN BALDWIN…one of the bad actor Baldwins
Texan Bulldoggette: …oh ok, one of the lesser Baldwins?!
Pissed Off Dude is just pissed he didn’t get in any Capital One commercials. What’s in your wallet? Fuck all, junior.
Nom nom nom.
AngryBlakGuy: not to mention Chuck Norris.
Texan Bulldoggette: wasn’t he supposed to leave the country because Obama won?
shanemacgowan: You’ve made me wet me britches! Bravo!
HERE ARE THE REVIEWS FROM SOME OF THE FANTASTIC, ENLIGHTENED COMMENTERS:
D.M. - January 6th, 2009 at 2:31 pm
ABSOLUTELY OUTSTANDING! You must have read my mind, only you wrote it much more eloquently! Keep up the great work!
KRN - January 6th, 2009 at 2:44 pm
Awesome! Finally someone in Hollyweird get it.
voodoo - January 6th, 2009 at 3:33 pm
I am going to go rent a couple of your movies.
Jimmy C - January 6th, 2009 at 3:42 pm
Mr. Graham, I’ve been a fan of your acting ever since seeing you on the Alien Nation TV show. I had no idea I would be such a fan of your politics or your writing.
Who knew the spirit of Ronald Reagan was still alive in Hollywood?
(HAHAHAHAHAHA REAGAN WILL NEVER DIE YOU IDIOT)
Ron Mwangaguhunga - January 6th, 2009 at 4:01 pm
Mr.Graham needs no facts. Facts are GUFF. All Mr. Graham needs is pure, unadulterated pissed-offedness with a chaser of “tough guy.” That’s pretty fucking funny.
Ellie - January 6th, 2009 at 6:25 pm
This was the best thing that’s come out of Hollywood in a decade.
You just became something better than an actor.
You became a Patriot.
Sign us up.
GIMME SUM O WUT DER HAVIN.
I feel like my brain has been raped after looking at this shit.
Texan Bulldoggette: It’s the younger one with no acting skills, Stephen. Just saw him on cable the other night in The Usual Suspects — playing a guy that couldn’t act, superbly.
MathewBrooks: “former Marine” ???? isnt that an oxymoron?”
Maybe he was discharged for rapin’ pissed off 9 year olds.
shanemacgowan: IMDB also says that he played a Vulcan ambassador in some Star Trek series. By Sarah Palin logic this guy therefore has serious foreign policy chops and it’s just wrong to make fun of him.
Nom Nom Nom. Also.
MadMangosteen: and that Davi guy with the bad skin.
Hollywood’s got plenty of conservatives. They just happen to be talentless hacks who spend their days making stupid action movies and promoting exercise equipment. “Taking over” Hollywood isn’t going to make these guys better actor, or their films any less stupid.
mookworthjwilson: How can you tell the difference?
“somnambulist” wins the Excellence in Online Thesaurus Deployment prize for the pissed off dude
AngryBlakGuy: “Hollywood liberals gave me DIABEEETUS!”
You know, I was going to make the obvious “when did Gary Graham have a career to ruin?” joke, but then I looked him in the IMDB.
Gary Graham’s middled name is Rand.
Cursed at birth! Clearly, the poor bastard never had a chance at sanity.
resisting. urge. to. troll. I am spread too thin! I am only ONE MAN!!!!
Botswana Meat Commission FC:
Come to Decatur and I’ll treat you to an antidote at the Brickstore Pub
That was hilarious, Jim. Conservatives have such a hate-fuck relationship with Hollywood. They want it for themselves, but decry it’s lack of “values”. Conservatives want to control pop culture? The problem with that is that Conservatives don’t really care much for “culture”. They yearn for homogeneity and money. And all this talk of Hollywood’s patriotic roots? What the fuck is he talking about? California in general is a place where people with adventure, creativity, and gumption came to make a quick buck. Hollywood attracts artistic types, and those types usually happen to be liberal. What Republican kid aspires to be a starving artist? Those fuckers go to business school and then hoard their money in Swiss banks.
Gary Graham or Gary Gilmore?
Man, is it me or are the righties up to thier armpits in crazy(er)?
I’m so glad ! I’m dying for more shitty Zucker films like American Carol!
Sounds like Briebart’s head was collaterally damaged in Da Nang.
Hahahha! Pissed off dude was the star of Robot Jox and Alien Nation the series!!!http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0334048/
I’d be pissed off, too.
The Church of Realism: if that’s a hit on Alec, without snark, well then you can go suck a bag of dicks…Jack freaking Donaghy…that’s all I gots to say…
Gopherit:
Actually, I think it’s more the stain of having Enterprise on his resume.
“Hollywood should return to its patriotic roots.”
Patriotic roots? Do these roots only go as far back as McCarthy’s term? Yes, there’s nothing that conservatives love more than a government telling a private industry how to handle its own affairs.
“I imagine this question will be heard in homes across America in years to come. And why not?”
Um… maybe because we have MPAA ratings and V-chips and such (that Bill Clinton signed into law) so that you can ensure that your spawn don’t watch movies that involve rape?
Oh, wait, maybe they heard about this stuff not from Hollywood, but from the fucking news, where actual people are raping and torturing and killing, because it’s a war. Heaven forbid little Timmy grow up into a registered voter believing that war is anything other than parades and handing out candy bars!
of course graham has the requisite conservative divorce…
That was ridiculously funny, Jim. If I ever become gay, you can have my gay butt babies.
…Ive been trying to resist this particular rant, but this thread just dragged it out of me(thanks a lot Jim)!
“HELLO MCFLY!!!!” free markets don’t work!
Do you wanna see a “Free Market” with no regulation, no taxes and no government? TRY SOMALIA!!! People talk a lot of shyt about socialism, but they don’t have any problem with:
-FAA making sure planes are maintained
-NHTSA making sure cars don’t explode in crashes
-FDA making sure you aren’t feeding your kids pure melamine
-DOT making sure people are qualified to drive
-DCF making sure kids aren’t getting raped by their step father
-CPSC making sure your electronics don’t electrocute you when you turn them on
-Police making sure you are safe
-Fire Dept making sure your ass isn’t toast
And I can go on and on with the alphabet soup! I honestly wish that people could opt-out of taxes and receive absolutely NO SOCIAL SERVICE! I would love watching them try and put a 3 alarm house fire with their water hose and bucket.
What’s with the carpet metaphor, dude. Um… did you read that when you were done with it, cause it didn’t really make that much sense.
Didn’t Gary Graham go to prison for having pictures of little boys on his computer?
What? That was Glitter? Oh, Gary Glitter…
Yeah, when someone mentions Nazis bursting into people’s homes to drag them to death camps, somehow it’s not the Democratic Party that springs to mind.
MathewBrooks:
Once a Marine, always a Marine.
The last guy to get away with saying, “Wait a minute, Bucko!” was Burt Lancaster in some 1948 film noir.
Does anybody else get the feeling that if you walked through the door of pissed-off-dude’s hollywood apartment, everything would suddenly switch to black and white, and you’d suddenly crave a smoke?
shortsshortsshorts: ABSOLUTELY OUTSTANDING! You must have read my mind, only you wrote it much more eloquently! Keep up the great work!
and
Mr.Graham needs no facts. Facts are GUFF. All Mr. Graham needs is pure, unadulterated pissed-offedness with a chaser of “tough guy.”
All I can say is wow
Lucas Burch: Give him time.
NoWireHangers:
Heh.
I have a screenwriter friend and he tells me that Hollywood isn’t the librul mecca they think it is. It’s pretty apolitical for the most part.
Hollywood Rules on Politics
Rule 1) Must make $$$$
Rule 2) See Rule 1)
Not_So_Much: He’s in a log of Sci-Fi original pictures, too.
Naked Bunny with a Whip: …oh c’mon, you are telling me you cant imagine Harry Reid in Jack boots and SS garb?!?!?!
AngryBlakGuy: Don’t forget Chuck Norris, Bo Derek, Kid Rock, and Jessica Simpson.
So I’m told I should shut up.
Geeze, Gary, I’d tell you to shut up as well. If only to encourage you to try something new once in a while.
Why is it that conservatives are always complaining about actors expressing their political beliefs when their patron saint (Ronald Reagan) was an actor?
Gahrry Honey, I working on a remake project for Birth of a Nation. Let’s do lunch soon.
Gopherit: How many credits does ‘Pissed off dude’ have for those shitty ‘Left Behind’ movies?
AngryBlakGuy: And there’s the whole bank/foreclosure/shit-loans issue we’re having right now. Yeah, free market is totally good for the people.
A free society can’t exist with one or the other. It needs to find balance between the two.
cant imagine Harry Reid in Jack boots and SS garb?
I admit that the passage did bring Harry Reid to mind. He was the rug getting the boot-mud on it.
Jim Newell: Indeed! I just finished reading the post, sounding out the big words just like I learned on Sesame Street (are you listening Ms. Palin?) and it was comedic gold.
I wonder how many more posts it’ll take for that site to evolve into its inevitable gay anal debauchery theme.
I doubt it’s is vie-ws that are keeping him out of the business. But on the off-chance Mr. Graham does happen to be in the “Hollywood” bidness, I IMDB’d his ass. If he’s an actor, there’s only one choice–1990’s Robot Jox.
Though I like to think of myself as a bit of a cineaste, I somehow missed that one. Anyone?
threeb: I KNEW there was a reason I wanted to have angry sex with J.S.!
I’ve found that most respectible muslim imams and scholars don’t scream jihad and therefore have no media audience.
The perfect analogy here is why would anyone listen to Rick Warren if he weren’t completely bat shit.
Yup, being an outspoken conservative sure was hard on Marlon Brando’s career. And Sylvester Stallone.
AngryBlakGuy:
The Somalia pirates are doing well I hear. Can’t say much about their benefits package.
Hollywood Rules on Politics
Rule 1) Must make $$$$
Exactly. Hollywood churns out what is does because that’s what people will pay money to see. the irony of conservatives bitching about the results of such a relatively unregulated market is irony at its finest.
“that Hollywood should return to its patriotic roots.”
Read “Hollywood Babylon,” a lot, Angry Dude?
Yes, yes honey, daddy DID rape people in the War…with his Juicy Redneck Dick!
EEEww. What a douchefest. Why isn’t that fuckface in the army, anyway? Actor. Please Miss Honey.
blader:
Oh I know the Brick Store well. And Twain’s and the Thinking Man.
The problem is that I work in shitty-ass Gwinnett. It’s a whole ‘nother world.
The only film which the bitter “former” marine could possibly be talking about is redacted, which was based on true events thus completely destroying his premise that Hollywood makes bad things up instead of using events that “actually happened. Gravy.”
But apparently, if you’d listen to the commenters there, now that BHO/”the One” is preznit, movies will be patriotic again, though fake librul patriotic…
Monsieur Grumpe: …yeah they are, makes me wanna hop in a dingy and start holding up shipping lanes!
K-Lo : Putting the Big in Big Hollywood since 2009.
In all seriousness, this kind of willfull ignorance just blows my fucking mind. “If Islam is a religion of peace, where are all the peace-loving Muslim leaders decrying the radicals’ murderous actions?”
Um, FUCKING EVERYWHERE?!? No, maybe it isn’t being extensively covered by Fox or CNN because generally they only film the crazy street protesters shouting Death to America, but if you actually read some in-depth coverage, maybe take a glimpse at BBC now and again, you’d see plenty of evidence that the majority of Islamic people are not happy with the jihad mentality. They may not love us, but they recognize that terror is NOT an answer.
That is some first-rate satire. I was wondering what those SCTV guys have been up to.
In this bottomless quagmire of stupidity, this one is still my favourite:
why would they make movies about such things if they weren’t true?
Indeed, Mr. Head, Hollywood only make movies about true tings, exclusively. Just look at the recent blockbuster Transformers, which teaches our kids that not only do enormous robots from outer space walk among us disguised as construction equipment and cars, but also that all scientific discoveries of the last 60 or so years have been harvested from one such giant robot imprisoned under the Hoover Dam. The only reason they made this movie because this is obviously true.
ABSOLUTELY OUTSTANDING! You must have read my mind, only you wrote it much more eloquently! Keep up the great work!
Though this one was great, too; if there was one thing that really jumped out from that pissed-off dude, it was his eloquence. Wow.
AngryBlakGuy: Actual Nazis, or are we talking about one of those Nazi-themed brothels?
Serolf Divad: Don’t forget Hallmark Channel movies.
CivicHoliday: And Christianity is such a religion of peace that Christians all over America are calling for a halt to violence in the Middle East.
shortsshortsshorts: Mr.Graham needs no facts. Facts are GUFF.
Spoken like a true conservative.
He’s gay, the only time conservatives mention Whoreywood without condemning all teh buttsex is when they are Larry Craig “toe tappin” gay. The part I don’t understand is why he thinks that will effect his career at Long John Silvers. They don’t care if you’re gay, they don’t even care if your conservative, just drop the french fries and hit the timer you fucking drama queen.
chascates: Indeed. And they wonder why some many intellectuals are atheists and agnostics…
so many, not some many (stupid fast yet poor typing skills)
He’s in a log of Sci-Fi original pictures, too.
There’s a Freudian slip if I ever saw one. Most Sci-Fi original pictures are logs, all right, big steaming logs.
Theo_Mobius: Brilliant logic. Are you by any chance a Nobel Prize winner hanging out here? Come on, Paul, come out and tell us. We won’t hate you in the morning, promise.
As for the moderate Muslims, our state just celebrated (well, white people celebrated. Not so much the Indians) the centennial of statehood. One of the guv’s citizen boards for cultural understanding, or something, offered special copies of the Koran finished with fancy binding, embossed with the centennial seal, each personalized individually for the of legislator to each and every member of the state legislature. The Islamic community paid for the whole thing. Not a penny was charged to the state.
To a person, the Repubs refused the offered Koran to take them and my own, personal, ultra-asshole crazy representative, Rex Duncan, announced he didn’t want no book from people who killed innocent wimin’ and chilluns. (I guess he was okay on killing the guilty children). And when I say announced, I mean at a press conference. (Like that didn’t show up on terrorist-recruiting blogs internationally). Probably more people around here agreed with him than disagreed.
The moderate Muslims the wingers are always demanding stand up and have their say went back to trying to go unnoticed. I just hope the South Asian surgeon who gets to be the one who has good ol’ Rex on the operating table someday is Muslim. And may the honorable representative wake up with sugar water instead of morphine in his drip.
Boy, with a wonderful attitude like Pissed-Off Dude has, I’m just stunned he isn’t getting more work. Because everyone loves a crazy here in Ho’wood.
CivicHoliday: Like Stalin and Mao? Might want to avoid playing to their stereotypes there.
shanemacgowan: “So he lost out on a job to a woman”
GODDAMN LIBERALS WANTED A WOMAN TO PLAY A WOMAN I TOLD THEM “I CAN DO JUST A GOOD JOB AS HER” SEXIST PIGS
AngryBlakGuy: “And I can go on and on with the alphabet soup! I honestly wish that people could opt-out of taxes and receive absolutely NO SOCIAL SERVICE! I would love watching them try and put a 3 alarm house fire with their water hose and bucket.”
Libertarians are spoiled babies. They never put their money where their mouth is and move out into the boonies, I have some amount of respect for survivalists who do live as far off the grid as can be. These gamestop-working “captains of industry” WoW-playing living in an area that sucks more off of the government teat than it gives back make me sick.
If Republicans ran Hollywood there would be dire consequences - just look at Grizzly Momma’s interview yesterday for the documentary - I puked after 60 seconds. Imagine a whole 2 hours of that filth, at a movie, with greased up buttery popcorn and a 64-oz full sugar coke. The floors would be extra sticky after that.
At least Democrats would produce a Mockumentary*
In all non-snarkiness, media is one the the best exports and contributors to the economy American has. If Hollywood were Republican, we’d be asking for a commie bailout.
*Please check out my new movie in May:
“Bruno: Delicious Journeys Through America for the Purpose of Making Heterosexual Males Visibly Uncomfortable in the Presence of a Gay Foreigner in a Mesh T-Shirt”
So, they want to make Hollywood even more boringer than it is already? That’s what I’m getting.
Also, I loved Star Trek Voyager AND Deep Space 9, so thanks, you former producers of Star Trek spinoffs, for making the correct choice on both Janeway and Sisko.
It bothers me that I have better hair than Breitbart and I’m bald.
AngryBlakGuy: I loved your rant about government services. Watch them start going ape-shit about lazy public health inspectors when their no-neck kids start puking up their guts after they get food poisoning at Chucky Cheese.
When I had a had a pretty fancy-ass job at the City of Seattle, I ran a tiny court-of-limited jurisdiction with a generic guv’ment name. We got calls all the time from people looking for something, like jobs, from the guv’ment, since we were all the same. You know, why couldn’t the city hire people fto work for the feds?
After Saint Reagan was elected, I got so fed up with a woman going on and on about how nobody was ever at the federal building to take her worthless, crazy-person job application, that I finally said, “They’ve had so many budget cutbacks and layoffs that there’s anyone working up there anymore. This is the government getting off your back. It’s what you voted for.”
WAKE UP PEOPLE!!!1!
THE REPUBLICANS HAVE ALREADY TAKEN OVER HALLYWAAD!
Remember that Blockbuster: American Carol?
They’ve got Kelsey Grammer, Jon Voight, Dennis Hopper, Trace Adkins, Gary Coleman, Jillian Murray and Leslie Nielsen!!
A truly Epic Piece, and David Zucker tied it all together…with his string-penis.
It’s just a matter of time!
Oh. my. god. This blog is going to be outstanding.
Outstanding, I say.
JadedDIssonance: You forgot Kathleen Parker’s review.
‘Kathleen Parker of Washington Post Writers Group called the film “It’s radical in its assault on the left wing; it’s brave given the risk of peer ridicule and the potential for career suicide. And it’s funny — if you like that sort of thing.” ‘
Look, will there be more films with scenes of furtive, shameful, assfucking, or less, after conservatives take over Hollywood? That’s all I want to know.
Bruno: “Imagine a whole 2 hours of that filth, at a movie, with greased up buttery popcorn and a 64-oz full sugar coke. The floors would be extra sticky after that.”
http://boxofficemojo.com/movies/?id=americancarol.htm
Production Budget: $20 million
TOTAL LIFETIME GROSSES: Domestic: $7,013,191
Yessssssssssssss. I bet you those floors were slick with conservative evil (spunk).
Patriotic roots? Like when the Jews who made the projectors decided to go to the desert so they could make the content too? And thereby not have to split the door take anymore? That heroic act of patriotism?
These people seem to have a lot of anger issues.
DustBowlBlues: This attitude is the reason why I agree, 100%, with Michelle when she said it was the first time she was proud of her country. I’m sorry she had to say it was a slip-up. And I’m still not proud.
http://newsbusters.org/blogs/warner-todd-huston/2008/10/07/theaters-defrauding-ticket-sales-american-carol-film
Speaking of conservative faux victimhood, I didn’t remember hearing about this when the movie came out, but good god these fuckers are whiny liars.
That site managed to out-retard World Net Daily on it’s first day! Good job, Big Hollywood!
DustBowlBlues: “personalized individually for the of” personalized individually with the name of–
Wait a minute. Why am I being so concerned about what you people think of my writing skills? It’s not as if any of you are a dude so eloquent in his angry that he don’t need no facts.
“So I’m told I should shut up.” Gee I wonder why. Maybe it’s because you sound like an idiot.
“Only the arrogant or the somnambulist would think such a thing would never happen here.”
ONLY THE ARROGANT OR THE SOMNAMBULIST?? What is it you DO in Hollywood? Sell hotdogs? Because, it’s pretty clear you aren’t a writer.
It’s a matter of excrement. You should have the decency to wear a mask, or better yet, a bag over your head.
Jim sez:
“We can feel American conservatism getting cooler by the second, can’t you?”
And I gotta say that I think the quotes you include suggest American conservatism is getting cooler by the second! Rigor mortis can’t be far off. One Pissed-Off Dude sounds as though he is ready to sign up with the Zombie Army now. I mean, liberals to commies. pretty much all the same. This is the kind of insightful analysis you can’t get just anywhere.
DustBowlBlues: ehh, if we reviewed what we wrote before we hit submit, we’d be editors, not commenntterrs.
I haven’t tested this site’s capabilities and won’t until the wee hours of the morning, but I’m ready to attempt a FAIL, anyone else in?
I could use some J. R. Head.
[JadedDIssonance: That Ferris Bueller teacher guy who did the “expose” of the theory of evolution is so jealous of American Carol’s box office grosses.
Guppy06: Like Stalin and Mao?
No, he said “intellectuals”.
Might want to avoid playing to their stereotypes there.
He made a statement of fact. You’re the one who’s playing to stereotypes by bringing up the tired “Stalin and Mao” strawman just because someone said “atheists”.
Wow, if only someone had written an insightful novel and play about how stupid it was for Americans to think “it can’t happen here.”
OH WAIT SOMEONE DID! IT WAS NOBEL PRIZEWINNER SINCLAIR LEWIS! AND THE ‘IT’ HE WAS REFERRING TO WAS A TAKEOVER BY STUPID CHRISTIANIST FASCISTS WHO PRETENDED TO BE ALL-SHUCKSY AND FOLKSY! AND THEN THE WPA PUT ON THE PLAY!
Now that’s “Hollywood’s patriotic roots” I can believe in.
I’m confused. What does sleep walking have to do with Liberalism causing Socialism/Communism/cancer? I love that he uses the upper case “L”, very classy.
That blog is actually pretty boring and stoopid other than the raping babies piece. And besides, they moderate commments. I tried to slip one through anyways BY TYPING IN ALL CAPS. TYPING IN CAPS IS THE TROJAN HORSE OF MODERATED CONSERVATIVE BLOGS.
By “patriotic roots” does he mean wartime movies from the ’40s? ‘Cause (”Casablanca” and “Run Silent, Run Deep” excepted) they sucked ass. See Ronald Reagan filmography for more details. Also, what is the conservative fascination with rape? It seems like every time they discuss sexual content in movies or video games, its always “rape”. Its not like they’re champions of women’s issues and rights or anything. Fuck, they didn’t have any problem with making the victims pay for the rape kits. Maybe they don’t have a problem with it happening, they just don’t want to see it on teevee.
Dr. Spaceman: More. But it’ll be ruined by the obligatory religious conversion and forgiveness in the last 10 minutes.
See Also the “Kung Fu Monkey” blog, wherein a Real Hollywood Insider makes what he promises will be his only comment about “Big Hollywood.” This guy’s GOOD.
Wolcott already hit this.
http://www.vanityfair.com/online/wolcott/2009/01/is-there-no-escaping-this.html
Maus: Heheh…one guy had the audacity to say “liberal lunatics” in the same post.
I love conservatives!
Holy Crap! Remember when people would actually be embarrassed to say this shit? I’m beginning to miss Bill Buckley. At least he had the decency to turn red in the face, puke, and have a massive stroke when a turd like this crawled out and called himself “conservative” instead of “nazi bastard son of Goebbels.” Good luck with that acting career bucko! And when people are telling you to shut up, thank them, they are acting for your own good.
JadedDIssonance: Nothing conservative or Republican ends up being funny, with the exception of maybe 1/3 of P.J. O’Rourke’s work.
DustBowlBlues: I always thought the dude from Robot Jox was Agent Smith from The Matrix and Priscilla Queen of the Desert.
Naked Bunny with a Whip: agreed.
Stalin and Mao weren’t intellectuals.
Intellectuals are who they gulaged out to the countryside to get in touch with their inner-peasant.
since the kernal of most dramatic art is ‘drama’ and conservatives are all for ‘conserving’ the status quo (if i remember my burke correctly), conservative art must by definition be confined to small animals and the shopping channel.
President Beeblebrox: Nah, you gotta give it up for Larry Miller too, the ex-boyfriend/guy-who-talks-down-jumpers in Best of Show. That guy is ass-up Republican, and funny as hell. He’s even good on Bill Maher, which as everyone knows is just supposed to be a platform for Eric Michael Dyson to talk too fast and not be as intellectual as he thinks he is.
I don’t think anyone believes his mental condition was ever “undetected”
Little… little rapin’ action?
I couldn’t help but imagine Jim Newell saying this in a Stewie voice, like so:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lRp5nCLVPtk
Now I will read all of Jim Newell’s posts with Stewie’s voice in my head.
Ron Silver isn’t a waiter. He’s the GODDAMN NIGHT MANAGER.
The circle jerk won’t be complete until John Milius posts to BH.
Then expect major fanboi starbursting to break out…
Also, not blogrolled on Drudge yet, major shocker!
This blog post just might be the most delusional thing I think a conservative has ever said in the past few months, which is saying something- that Bruce Springsteen is actually ” One-Hundred Percent Republican.” Must be Springsteen’s Steinbeck/Guthrie fixations, songs about the plight of the working class, odes to closed factories and lost jobs, and constant campaigning for Democratic Presidential candidates that convinced him. Even better? The comments which include claims that John Lennon’s “Imagine” is actually an ode to conservatism and another commenter who wonders what kind of Kuffiyah “Comrade Springsteen” will be sporting at the Super Bowl.
I can see this doing a lot of good for their cause. Unfortunately, they have liberal satirist Joe The Plumber on his close to 6 month long assignment for the Daily Show where he “infiltrates the republican party by being the biggest douchebag imaginable”.
Jeff Ganon has never really gone away.
Usually, the fall from grace is movie > TV > cable > infomercial > comicon.
Now, it’s war, rape>Log Cabin >anal rape> White House Press > Massage Therapy > Hollywood?