Al Sharpton Is Your New Alan Colmes

After centuries of entrapment in a vaguely humanoid husk, the alien mutant Alan Colmes was finally permitted to slither out through a nostril and return to the elvin sewers from which he was fished so long ago. This left Sean Hannity in a pickle, because he still needed somebody to abuse every night on his television show.

He will now use a rotating panel of left-wing losers to talk over, and the very first one will be Al Sharpton. You know why? Because his first name begins with the same two letters as Alan Colmes' first name, so it's FATE.

 Al Sharpton Filling Liberal Seat on 'Hannity' Premiere [Broadcasting & Cable]