• February 9, 2012

John Kerry is a furry.Gawker commenter “likebitchisabadthing” sends us this alarming photo from one of them grabber-claw machines at a Friendly’s restaurant. See that weird cellophane-wrapped mummy in the middle, the one that says “John Kerry for President”? What is up with that, man? Is Kerry already planning a coup? See the close-up after the jump.

He will keep you on his email list forever.

{ 39 comments }

Gob January 8, 2009 at 10:53 am

I’ve spent more than $1204.75 in quarters trying to get that piece of crap out so I could burn it since 2004. I’m beginning to think that the springs in the claw are not as strong as they could be.

NoWireHangers January 8, 2009 at 10:54 am

Also in the machine: Teddy Ruxpin, Gem, and Talking Urkel.

CivicHoliday January 8, 2009 at 10:55 am

jeebus, just shows you those machines are rigged and that nobody ever wins anything. bet if you dug down even more, you’d find a cellophane-wrapped Carter bear, wearing a peace necklace and john lennon glasses.

ManchuCandidate January 8, 2009 at 10:56 am

Kerry is trying to muscle in on Ron Paul’s base of Furries, sorry, CosPlay and Beanie Baby Collectors.

Monsieur Grumpe January 8, 2009 at 10:56 am

I see Larry Craig in the upper right hand corner.

DNotApply January 8, 2009 at 10:56 am

This is depressing.

Sussemilch January 8, 2009 at 10:56 am

Looks like ‘Chemical Ali’ left his teddy bear in there too. Hmm….

DNotApply January 8, 2009 at 10:58 am

[re=212820]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: because the foot

An American in Toronto January 8, 2009 at 10:58 am

Once I get out of Army practice – it’s mine!

Tommy Says Soooo January 8, 2009 at 11:00 am

Well at least the toys available in the game are fresher than the food served at Friendly’s.

Reefpilot January 8, 2009 at 11:01 am

The real issue is not the thing in the claw vending machine, but the dude’s name who sent the “information.”

ManchuCandidate January 8, 2009 at 11:01 am

[re=212828]An American in Toronto[/re]:
I thought they were honors from “Hero” Squad.

accbll January 8, 2009 at 11:01 am

Didn’t you know Kerry is our shadow Prez; he hand picked Obama as keynote speaker in 2004. Hmm….

CivicHoliday January 8, 2009 at 11:02 am

Do mine eyes decieve me, or is there a red bear in there with a Harley for genetalia? Is that like TruckNutz v.0.12?

facehead January 8, 2009 at 11:13 am

[re=212816]NoWireHangers[/re]: And a cabbage patch senior citizen.

Miller January 8, 2009 at 11:20 am

A John Kerry for President beanie baby placed in a claw game. It’s hard to see how this man lost. Perhaps enough people did play the Kerry 2004 video game they released for the Atari. The Kerry campaign was so cutting edge.

http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/

Mr Blifil January 8, 2009 at 11:20 am

I always thought Kerry was a fucking sadist. It’s hard enough grabbing the plush toys in the pincers, but he has to wrap his shit in shiny plastic wrapping? Thank god we got Bush instead. He’d have filled that bitch with crisp twenties, magnetized for easy removal, to provide a stimulus to the local small businesses, like liquor stores.

Servo January 8, 2009 at 11:24 am

Do they give free sundaes to losers?

TGY January 8, 2009 at 11:27 am

There’s a message here somewhere about not smoking crack.

ericblair January 8, 2009 at 11:36 am

I think that headline should read “John Kerry Running for President OF Local Friendly’s.”

Mustang January 8, 2009 at 11:36 am

All the other toys are hiding their identities and mooning the John Kerry toy. Swiftboating claw-machine style.

Hamster January 8, 2009 at 11:37 am

[re=212816]NoWireHangers[/re]: Do I see ALF in there too?

ericblair January 8, 2009 at 11:42 am

Oh, and the other machine has a Harrison stuffed squirrel emblazoned with “Tippecanoe and Tyler Too,” two James Blaine “Ma, Ma, Where’s My Pa, Gone to the White House, Ha Ha Ha” dolls, and a Goldwater plush mushroom that says, “In Your Heart, You Know He’s Right.”

Hostile Michigander January 8, 2009 at 11:52 am

I saw Hillary and Obama dolls in one of them grabber-claw machines a few days before the election. I assume there was no McCain doll because it would have frightened small children.

toastandlove January 8, 2009 at 11:55 am

There is actually one of these machines in the Albertson’s by me that has a Dwight D. “I Like Ike” Eisenhower doll in it, for real.

Min January 8, 2009 at 12:20 pm

I thought that was a loaf of Wonder Bread.

NoWireHangers January 8, 2009 at 12:29 pm

[re=212931]Min[/re]: I thought John Kerry was made out of Wonder Bread and slathered in ketchup.

p-Sludge January 8, 2009 at 12:49 pm

All hail the forever-lasting John Kerry twinkie! You know he actually started out in life as banana-flavored.

shortsshortsshorts January 8, 2009 at 12:50 pm

Friendlies is now the most boring fun-place in the world. The taint of Kerry has scorned.

Bruno January 8, 2009 at 1:01 pm

This is not a furry, if you lived in a blue state, you should recognize what’s done with abortions.

Naked Bunny with a Whip January 8, 2009 at 1:02 pm

This Friendly’s restaurant is popular with furries looking to acquire sex partners, I’ll bet.

FreshCliches January 8, 2009 at 1:04 pm

Underneath the wrapper, you’ll find one of his Purple Hearts.

hobospacejungle January 8, 2009 at 1:18 pm

[re=212910]toastandlove[/re]: Picture please!

freerangemink January 8, 2009 at 1:52 pm

Funniest plush toy I ever saw in one of those was a General Halftrack (of Beetle Bailey fame) in the piss-smelling lobby of a Sunshine (grocery store) in Sioux Falls, So Dak.

Arthur B. Ablabab January 8, 2009 at 2:03 pm

My brother could uneath this behemoth with no more than $2.00. He is a veritable claw game Rain Man.

skyinator January 8, 2009 at 2:03 pm

John who? And what’s a “Friendly’s”? Are they hiring?

bitchincamaro January 8, 2009 at 2:04 pm

Why is he the only one wrapped in Anthrax protective plastic? This is far less mundane than it looks, people.

Gorillionaire January 8, 2009 at 2:09 pm

[re=212935]NoWireHangers[/re]: Ah! My favorite hobo sammich. I guess from now on we’ll just have to call that sammich “the john kerry” when we are all dining down by the railroad tracks.

mylesfromnowhere January 8, 2009 at 3:18 pm

SwiftClaws for Truth

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