DAILY BRIEFING  8:55 am January 8, 2009

Here Is Your Grisly And Depressing A.M. News Update

by Sara K. Smith

  • President-elect Obama will deliver a scary speech this morning warning that the recession will drag on for pretty much ever unless Congress passes a stimulus package now now now. [Reuters]
  • Some Chicagoans are very mad at Illinois Secretary of State Jesse White for being so racist against his fellow black man that he won’t certify Roland Burris’ appointment by Rod “Taint” Blagojevich. [Chicago Sun-Times]
  • A U.N. relief convoy in Gaza was bombarded by Israel during the three-hour cease-fire yesterday. [Al Jazeera English]
  • The Red Cross said they were barred by Israel from entering Gaza for several days, and reported finding a couple of emaciated (but alive) kids in a house full of corpses. [Washington Post]
  • He failed at his wars, and he didn’t reform Social Security, so President Bush will leave office touting the marvelous success of No Child Left Behind. [Wall Street Journal]
  • Oakland is in an uproar following the New Year’s Day police shooting of a young unarmed black man. [MSNBC]
 
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{ 30 comments }

Bruno January 8, 2009 at 8:58 am

That’s a pretty depressing start to the day. Was JoedaPlumber in the convoy? That could deliver some me some relief

Darehead January 8, 2009 at 9:02 am

All children in Gaza are left behind. Say something, Barry!

Cape Clod January 8, 2009 at 9:08 am

I thought No Child Left Behind was about making sure all the kids get raptured up to heavan.

Monsieur Grumpe January 8, 2009 at 9:09 am

Relax. All this shit that Bush is leaving Barry is just a clever plot to keep us safe. All the world’s terrorists will look at USA’s current condition and say “Dudes, why bother?”

Tommy Says Soooo January 8, 2009 at 9:09 am

I haz a sad for Oakland. Shooting the only unarmed black man in America. The poor guy could have learned how to pack heat from Hopey, after all Conflatulence convinced me he only won by pistol-whipping America.

Servo January 8, 2009 at 9:12 am

I wonder how many repo’d cars have W ’04 bumper stickers on them.

queeraselvis v 2.0 January 8, 2009 at 9:12 am

[re=212730]Cape Clod[/re]: No no. It’s NAMBLA’s newest slogan.

freakishlystrong January 8, 2009 at 9:18 am

The only program that fratboy has had dazzling success at is no MONEY left behind…

Colander January 8, 2009 at 9:21 am

Does the Gaza Strip have a blog? Cuz I feel bad, I wanna vote for them.

WoundedVeteran January 8, 2009 at 9:21 am

Me, well I would like George W. to start a Sunday teevee program featuring himself. He can share the good news he has wrought and share his being saved experience and the eight years he toiled in the Whitehouse. Think of the people he could have as guest speakers and those in his nationwide amen network. He could regularly save folk like Ted Haggard and fallen federal judges and congressmen and such. His program could be an opportunity for those who are burdened alternative sexual lifestyles to out themselves in a warm loving environment. Course the best part would be the theme, The World, The Way I See It With No Room For You. He could give jet pilot lessons too.

Canmon (the Inadequate) January 8, 2009 at 9:36 am

By destroying the economy, W. may have solved America’s obesity problem.

NotAnEvilLobbyist January 8, 2009 at 9:38 am

So that new feature on the New York times called Extra picked up this morning news round up and linked to it under the Oakland violence story. Now the PUMAs can’t say we don’t have influence with the MSM!

pondscum January 8, 2009 at 9:47 am

Can someone please explain to me how not seating Burris is racists? From everything I’ve heard and read the threat to not seat Blago’s nominee started BEFORE THERE WAS A NOMINEE. Were they psycic and somehow KNEW it would be a black man? I’m so confused…

Mr Blifil January 8, 2009 at 9:51 am

What kid doesn’t dream of spending a few days completely unsupervised in a house full of the corpses of their caregivers? Need I remind you that Home Alone was the most popular movie in this country for quite a while and even spawned a sequel.

Mr Blifil January 8, 2009 at 9:57 am

[re=212727]Bruno[/re]: Joe the Plumber will be starting slow. His first several “articles” will probably deal with his period of adjustment to being surrounded by Jews. For instance, he’ll want to relate how he reacts to having to suppress his normal tendency, when encountering a Jew, to apply his Steel Toe Boot to the head of said Jew.

All of this is just prelude, however, to getting an audition to play Rahm Emanuel in the third installment of Nailin’ Palin.

HedonismBot January 8, 2009 at 9:57 am

I know it is our BFF and everything for some reason, but Israel (the country, not any individual Israeli) is a great big douchenozzle.
Do you think they will allow a relief convoy to provide relief to the relief convoy they bombed on its way to provide the relief that wasn’t allowed to get there?

ManchuCandidate January 8, 2009 at 10:09 am

[re=212739]Canmon (the Inadequate)[/re]:
No he hasn’t, but the large number of beach ball shaped US Americans means that it will be much easier to be a cannibal when the effects of W’s economic shit-wave splashes shit everywhere.

Naked Bunny with a Whip January 8, 2009 at 10:13 am

I wish suicide was an option, but the student loan people won’t allow me to die.

Mel_David January 8, 2009 at 10:23 am

No Child Left Behind. Fucking Christ. So I guess given that he did NOTHING GOOD, Bush will rest his laurels on the one thing that he fucked up that people didn’t pay a lot of attention to, because they were too busy noticing the immediate effects (mass death, financial collapse) of his even more stupid policies to realize that kids were getting stupider with every year they spent in school, being taught strictly to pass standardized tests.

HEY LET’S CRUSH OUR STUDENTS’ ABILITY TO THINK INDEPENDENTLY THAT WILL MAKE THEM SMARTER

Bill Ayers for Sec. of Ed.

Cape Clod January 8, 2009 at 10:26 am

[re=212737]WoundedVeteran[/re]: Don’t worry. We’re going to spend the next twenty years seeing that doofus on TV insisting that his administration wasn’t a demolition derby of septic truck pumpers.

DustBowlBlues January 8, 2009 at 10:27 am

Palestinian-Israeli relations (or lack of) are one of the most curious in history. I picture it this way:

Israeli: Hi. Good-bye. You’re on our land.
Palestinian: Are you nuts? We live here.
I: No, no. Umpteen thousand years ago God gave it to us.
P: That’s crazy! We’ve been here for hundreds of years. Why should we leave for you?
I: The Holocaust.
P: WTF? We didn’t have anything to do with that. Go claim fucking Bavaria.
I: No, this land is ours. But you’ll see. It will work out fine. We’ll give you some territory and then, (crossing fingers and putting hands behind back) we won’t let any Israelis encroach on it.
P: That sucks.
I: No, no. They did it with Native Americans in the USA, and worked swell.

capt. tim January 8, 2009 at 10:28 am
dijetlo January 8, 2009 at 10:29 am

[re=212753]HedonismBot[/re]: No
[re=212759]ManchuCandidate[/re]: You’re behind the curve, I’ve already made the conversion and find my fellow Americans to be finger lickin’ good. Don’t worry about the fat, even the lardiest republican can be cooked down to lean. Use the grease to make gravy Mmmm-mm, a little soy sauce and some chopped onions.
Just a note, no matter how many times you scrub a puma, you can’t get rid of that bitter taste. Kind a of a cross between catfish and Epsom salt.

glamourdammerung January 8, 2009 at 10:52 am

[re=212752]Mr Blifil[/re]: Actually Joe’s “type” usually does not have the balls to attack minorities unless they outnumber them significantly.

Doglessliberal January 8, 2009 at 10:54 am

[re=212750]Mr Blifil[/re]: This would be a new movie: “Home Alone, Gaza: How to Create New Militant Suicide Bombers (or, How Lying Next to Your Parents’ Dead Bodies Makes You Angry)”

Mr Blifil January 8, 2009 at 11:27 am

[re=212815]Doglessliberal[/re]: That’s what I’m talkin’ bout. The beauty part is that there’s always a pool of exploitable young Culkins to draw from. Problem is their mitochondrial DNA is fucked up from all the cloning.

Min January 8, 2009 at 12:08 pm

Huh. The pro-Israeli lobby must be late with its media bribe. I guess the economy really is bad.

DustBowlBlues January 8, 2009 at 12:16 pm

I’m sure having the odd rocket launched into your backyard occasionally is probably annoying as hell, but is ethnic cleansing really an appropriate response? When the Israeli army bombed the shit out that UN school that was advertised–by the UN–as a refuge, the Israeli spokesman said yeah, there were terrorists there. The UN people said no, there weren’t, those places are inspected–by guys paid for by the US.

This thing is beginning to approach press releases during the Falklands’ War, when the Argentinians claimed to have sunk, basically, the entire British navy. ‘Cept then, there were reporters to do a fact check. Not to such in Palestine.

And how strange is it that only John Stewart has asked, hey! Home come the news coverage on this thing seems so lopsided and not even David Gregory has the balls to say, well, you see, we aren’t allowed to go cover the news in Palestine. We’re just getting Israeli’s press releases and reading them out loud. Much like the astounding work we did on the Bush WH.

Oops, total lack of snark. Dead children do that to me. I’ll leave now.

All I can say is, Thank god we have Joe the not-a-real-Plumber to cut through the filter of the MSM.

President Beeblebrox January 8, 2009 at 12:18 pm

[re=212928]DustBowlBlues[/re]: Why so serious? *maniaical Joker/Heath Ledger laugh*

hobospacejungle January 8, 2009 at 12:42 pm

[re=212775]DustBowlBlues[/re]: “Go claim fucking Bavaria.”

Win!!!

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